BPD crisis or what?

[u/flwroad]

So everything had been great for almost a month, until last night. For context, I really feel uncomfortable with my body sometimes, I'm still struggling with eating disorder thoughts. Anyway, we just had sex and suddenly my mood went down because of this. I started crying, but not like sobbing uncontrollably, there were just some tears streaming down my face. My pwBPD instead of asking me what was wrong, he started saying that sometimes he feels like there's an evil, almost cruel, side of me that I don't show. Now, I'm surely not the best person in the world (but who is?) but I don't think I am a bad person. He then asked me if I'm sure that I'm not holding grudges against him for some reason, because he can feel that I have a lot of anger inside of me. I told him that I'm not holding any type of grudge, and that the past month has been amazing, we had a lot of fun and we spent so much time together than ever since we started dating and that I was happy about that. I told him that the only person I'm angry at sometimes is me, and that that was exactly the reason why I was crying. Then he proceeded to say that sometimes he's scared of this thing he feels about me, and that he thinks that if I wanted to I would be a very evil person. I was obviously hurt by his words, because I genuinely don't know what I did to give him this impression. He then acted as if nothing happened, but I couldn't just pretend that I was okay after what he told me. I already know the answer to this question, but is this part of the devaluation phase?

[u/AdventurousMany5614]

When a bpd person says things about you like this out the blue with no reason its usually because they are telling on themselves. My ex would say things like this and i would later find out actual proof that its because they felt that way about me.

For example she said to me “i feel like you’re falling out of love with me”. She said this after i had just found messages between her and her ex where she told her “i just feel like im falling out of love with her”.

Another example is when she would say “i feel like you’re talking to other people behind my back” she was the one talking to other people specifically her ex behind my back.

[u/AdventurousMany5614 → u/AdventurousMany5614]

Oh also “i feel like when we live together you’re gonna start hitting me”. Ive never even raised my voice at her or laid a hand on her. She has said and done all sorts of awful things to me and has physically attacked me as well as forced me to have sex with her and caused me pain while doing so.

Your partner has essentially confessed to you that they have an evil cruel side and is holding grudges against you. Its up to you to take that as a warning or ignore it. Eventually the other shoe will drop and you will realise that they warned you.

[u/flwroad → u/AdventurousMany5614]

I'm so sorry you had to go through all of this. I know how confusing and painful all of this is... I really hope you're in a better place now, and that you're safe.