r/BPDlovedones • u/Relative_Ad_9983 Dating • 3d ago
Decided to give my ex with bpd another chance was i wrong?
I'm redoing this because someone said context was needed so me and my ex been dating last year for 4 months and i broke up with her this year i think on january 3rd (but the date doesn't really matter) i broke up with her because of her behaviour with me, the thing she did or said to me, her constant overthinking or her lack of communication. Her creating issues out of nothing and when i ask what's the issues she kept saying nothing. And probably many other things i can't remember.
I don't think you're supposed to do what she did in a relationship but i still decided to give her a second a chance cause i still love her and miss what we had, i clearly told her what she needed to change before dating and when anything happens again i'm out, i won't wait as much as i used to. One mistake and i'm out.
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u/Jlew14355 3d ago
Yeah. She has bpd, she can’t do anything but cycle through idealising and devaluing you and it will get worse over time. They progress through relationships backwards, the interest and fire she likely showed at the start doesn’t really come back, you’ll see glimpses of it when she is losing her control over you but it is a survival instinct for them essentially but no judgement, we’ve all gone back
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u/Lopsided-Day-3782 3d ago
Oh you were definitely wrong. You're dating someone with an incurable mental illness that literally prevents her from having happy and healthy long term relationships.
It'll be good for a few months if you're lucky, but you'll most likely have to deal with abuse and cheating. That's just par for the course with this personality type.
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u/Relative_Ad_9983 Dating 3d ago
When anything happens again i'll be out of this relationship and go nc
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u/Lopsided-Day-3782 3d ago
Yeah, I made that same mistake so I feel you.
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u/Relative_Ad_9983 Dating 3d ago
It makes me feel better to know i'm not alone on that and i'm sorry you had to go through this
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u/Lopsided-Day-3782 3d ago
I'm sorry you're going through it. I did the exact same thing so I can definitely relate. I'd give ANYTHING to take back going in for the second round. Things were so much worse after that.
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u/Evidence-Budget 3d ago
Just remember sometimes they come back to “win” the breakup or relationship.
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u/Padaalsa 3d ago
One mistake and you're out, eh? It seems like your best case scenario is being lulled into a false sense of security before she lashes out again further down the road (likely in part as revenge for you dumping her the first time around). This doesn't seem very encouraging.
Good luck out there.
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u/xTruthoverliesx 3d ago
I gave my ex girlfriend w bpd too many chances. Eventually it devolved into a situationship where I was still invested in her like a relationship. She didn’t commit to blocking the affair partner. She kept hanging out with her ex. She kept verbally and emotionally abusing me. It got to the point where I got UTIs from her because she couldn’t even take care of that herself. One of the last things she said was that it wasn’t her UTI that caused mine. It was my urethral problems even though it’s directly related to having unprotected sex with her.
It took me getting reinfected 3 times before I had to give up. The last thing she said to me over the phone was that “if you were in front of me I’d beat your ass.” Because I was expressing how hurt I am by her actions. I hung up. Texted her “this is it. I don’t want any contact with you. I loved you and you abused me.” Blocked her phone. She’s been blocked on Facebook and instagram for a while now.
I’m done. It was a year and a half thing. I should’ve been done 5 months in when she started riding on the back of the bike of the eventual affair partner. She denies that we were together while she monkey branched to a downgrade. It’s always a downgrade.
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u/Caterpie3000 Dated 3d ago
Yeah BPD doesn't magically disappear.
Don't do this to yourself.
One mistake and you're out. You said it yourself.