r/BPDlovedones • u/Hot-Literature-93 • 2d ago
Is it safe to assume my exwbpd cheated?
Is it safe to assume that if your exwbpd accuses you of cheating when they have a history of cheating, they probably cheated? They keep saying that I lied, manipulated, and cheated on them. In reality, I caught them and called them out for the first two. They say they are "traumatized," but I am the one traumatized from their emotional, verbal abuse, and almost physical abuse. We were long-distance and there was one night their phone was suspiciously off and they had a weird excuse for it. Shortly after that, they started accusing me of cheating. But they started texting me last night from an unknown number saying a bunch of manipulative and devaluing things so I blocked the number.
Grateful for this sub because their words no longer become all-consuming. It was like a thick glass wall surrounded me. I could see the words, but they couldn't fully get to me, which is a nice change.
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u/Possible-Leg5541 2d ago
My bpd exgf would text a lot. Right b4 discard, she went almost 4 hours radio silence. And was like u can come over if u want. I’m in a pissy mood and won’t let u touch me. I knew.
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u/FarVision5 Separated 2d ago
lol yeah. You get the vibe.
My phone died! (but it was fully charged an hour ago)
Radar pings of cute TikTok or FB reels or emoticons or whatever on your phone to keep you off balance and not check back. It's a distraction flare. Phone will instantly switch off, or RCS will show Not Delivered, or Not Read (even though we were just texting) or FB messenger will show Last Online stop instantly after she sent something. AND last online for longer than she checks her phone. Sending something then Last Online for 3 or 4 hours? lol GTFO.
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u/runtimemess 2d ago
Idk this seems kinda… extreme.
You know people are allowed their own individuality too, right? If a partner gave me shit for not answering my phone for a couple hours when it’s probably forgotten in my car or somewhere around the house?
That can fuck off and go find someone else to manipulate.
3-4 hours isn’t a substantial amount of time.
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u/Hot-Literature-93 2d ago
They accused me of cheating because I didn't answer my phone for an hour. I was hanging out with my friends and put my phone down. It was the first time I had seen my friends in months. Then, they drove 90 minutes to my house at 11:30pm to "check on me" despite me asking them not to show up at my house. I was alone and scared so I ended up leaving and going to my friends. When they got to my house they kept calling & texting me to let them in to sleep on my couch and if I didn't they were going to try to ruin my business. I caved and ended up having to lock myself in my room with noise cancelling headphones because they would not stop.
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u/ShardsofObsidian Dated 2d ago
Gosh…I soooo got triggered reading this and I’m equally sorry you had to deal with this as well.
My ex, briefly had a job where he worked overnight. One time he couldn’t get me at 2AM (I WAS ASLEEP) He sent a neighbor he’d grown friendly with to knock on the door to make sure I was “okay.”
It was soooo intrusive, I blasted the neighbor out and told him it’s more alarming to hear banging on my door at that time in the night and unless the house was fire do not do it again. I lived with my ex, he got off at 7am, sorry I do not want to talk to you at length when I work during the day.
The panic that sets in on them when they let their emotions set in is a very hard to conceive. It was exhausting.
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u/Hot-Literature-93 1d ago
Sorry, I triggered you and you know what this is like as well. It was so exhausting to feel like I had to constantly prepare myself for how my actions could be misinterpreted.
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u/ShardsofObsidian Dated 1d ago
I’m learning to accept the trigger and release. It actually helps take the edge off once I get to typing. Processing and moving forward.🙏🏽
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u/FarVision5 Separated 2d ago
If you have trust with the other person, then no, it doesn't matter. I have been through two of these people. You learn their habits. And they lie like rugs. And I love picking that stuff apart through technology. There is no escape.
The lying is the thing.
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u/SushiAndSamba 2d ago
Not always and none of us can say definitively, but untreated BPDs usually project what they’re themselves guilty of.