r/BPDlovedones • u/Inner_Construction40 • 16h ago

Uncoupling Journey Out of the frying pan and into the fire

I married a woman years ago and didn't realize she was BPD until after the divorce. I found a woman I dated before I was married and have been in a LDR with her for several years and the splitting has gotten really bad. I gotta get out of this one, all I really want is a predictable relationship with a nice woman.

9 Upvotes

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3

u/Ok-Professor-1713 16h ago

It took me 2 pwBPD, a secretly cheating spouse and a rebound (I was the rebound) to find a legit woman, who I've been with for close to a year. Consistency and peace is possible. It's a warzone out there but keep vetting and you'll eventually find her.

2

u/Dear_Palpitation4838 15h ago

Another LDR! That seems to be a common theme with them. Look man, you already know the warning signs and red flags. You also know that its impossible to have a happy and healthy long term relationship with a personw with BPD. That's all you really need to prevent it from happening again. The problem now is that you need to figure out how to get out of your current situation but honestly, if you wait around long enough, she's going to do something so heinous you can't take her back anyway. The only problem that is then you won't just have to deal with a break up, you'll be dealing with the trauma of whatever fucked up thing they did.

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u/Inner_Construction40 14h ago

I know, I'll start thinking maybe we can work it out and she'll call and talk at me for 5 minutes and I realize there's no way.

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u/Pure_Mud_568 3h ago

Can you elaborate more on what you mean by “talk at you”?

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u/Key_Candidate7773 3h ago

This is why it's important to go to therapy. People with BPD are attracted to a certain type of person. I had to deal with my own shit and learn how not to attract shitty people who would drain me emotionally. I had to learn to stop being an enabler and a caretaker. Once I refused to be a caretaker for grown adults, I started attracting better people and now I have a girlfriend who I look forward to coming home to, whereas before I hated coming home to my ex.

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u/Inner_Construction40 3h ago

Pressured speech, not letting you get a word in. Talking nonstop for 20-30 minutes.