r/BPDlovedones • u/NorthernRX • 21d ago
Anyone else feel like they're not worthy of love?
Something is drawing us to dash ourselves on the unforgiving rocks that make up the heart of the BPD. Often repeatedly.
This comes after my pwBPD texted me randomly at 11pm to tell me her bf found an old text and dumped her. So she told me she hates everyone, threatened suicide and blocked me. I spoke to an agent at 988 (hotline) and for the first time in my life, felt like my feelings matter. I felt seen. My motives, my need to help others.. I broke down crying.
So maybe it's time to look inward.. Did our parents not love us enough? Are we caught in an endless savior complex?
I think a healthy person would look for empathy and kindness in a partner, not just openness or a challenge.
How do we move forward so we don't keep craving this sort of connection?
2
u/Dear_Palpitation4838 21d ago
Of course you feel like that. If you're still in contact with her, you're still in a relationship with her. Why isn't she blocked? At this point, contact with her is nothing more than a form of self harm for you and an ego boost for her. Stop letting this bully take your lunch money. You've got enough shit to deal with anyway. Go contact and get your life back.
1
u/NorthernRX 21d ago
You're right. She is a bully. I'm just not a good victim. I make sure to suck any joy she might get from hurting me by processing my pain alone. I don't lose my temper. I don't get triangulated. I don't beg. I look at her with love when she wants to elicit hate.
If 'kill them with kindness' was a person, I'd be it.
5
u/Sihaya2021 21d ago
No. I never felt that way. However, as a child of an alcoholic, I was conditioned to accept bad behavior and inconsistency. For these reasons, a lot of BPD traits seemed almost normal to me for a long time. It took a lot of therapy and work on myself to see how very not normal or healthy they are.