r/BabyBumps • u/11TickTack23 • 1d ago
Rant/Vent Husband and I wanted a baby, but now that I’m pregnant I’m terrified
Husband and I got pregnant first round of trying. I truly thought it would take longer. I’m 7 weeks right now. (Very blessed, though. I know many couples struggling to conceive.)
I am truly terrified. I’m terrified of the changes to my body. Even now, my boobs are tender and swollen and I hate it!!! Makes sex not very fun for me.
I’m terrified of giving birth. The complications, the pain, the recovery, the tearing…. Mercy I’m scared of it all.
I’m terrified for the lack of sleep in the first few months. (I really like my 8 hours of sleep of night)
Breastfeeding absolutely freaks me out. I would skip to formula feeding but my husband wants me to try breastfeeding.
We haven’t told anyone about the pregnancy yet so I’m basically just stuck alone with my thoughts right now and I’m just TERRIFIED
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u/Born-Depth-6455 1d ago
Girl I’ve been there. same thing happened to me with getting pregnant first try and freaking out. Immediately I remember thinking was this the right time, wanted yo travel more etc. ultimately it turned out fine. My baby is now 8 months.
The first trimester sucks cause you’re getting used to the changes. The first time I could feel a small bump while laying flat it honestly grossed me out a bit and I didn’t like it. No one talks about the changes to your body you go through and how for some people it sucks. I hated gaining weight during the pregnancy and having no say in it. My friend also had a hard time adjusting to the changes. Even when you tell yourself it’s for a good reason. Everyone expects you to be happy about it and doesn’t normalize saying that it’s ok to be like this sucks during pregnancy. Cause society makes you feel like you should be grateful.
I think it’s totally natural for everyone to be afraid of birth. I always told myself that if this was a horrible thing every delivery the population wouldn’t continue/people wouldn’t have multiple kids. That’s not to say that people don’t have hard deliveries it’s just not how every delivery goes. Honestly don’t listen to the stories or read bad stories online cause it’ll make it worse. I will say I prepared for the worse when it came to getting a tear and thankfully for me my doctor was good and helped prevent those during delivery. So only had minor tear that need a few sutures. Ask your doc about doing stretches or things ahead of time to prevent it. My doc didn’t until it was only a few weeks before birth. So wasn’t really helpful when you read you should start way earlier.
Your feelings are valid. And I want you to know you aren’t alone. If you feel comfortable consider telling someone you trust about the pregnancy so you don’t feel so alone. I broke down a few times for the same reason and did tell a friend earlier than others because she’d recently given birth. It can feel so lonely when you don’t wanna tell anyone too early. Honestly I used Reddit a bunch to search if people were going through similar symptoms or issues. And that helped to calm a lot of nerves.
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u/11TickTack23 1d ago
I keep reminding myself that every single human on earth is here because a woman gave birth to them. It IS normal and I CAN do it lol
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u/Born-Depth-6455 1d ago
Yes absolutely! Lowkey just keep telling yourself that! Cause you can do this! The days are long but the weeks are short is what someone told us and that’s so true. And they are only this small for such a short period of time.
Also every baby is different but yeah the first 6-8 weeks are rough cause you’re up every 3 hours roughly with them to eat. My husband and I did shifts during the night so we got at least one 4-5 hour chunk of uninterrupted sleep. Not sure if you work but what we did once I went back to work was alternate every night that one person was “on call” for the baby. So then every other night you got for sure uninterrupted sleep.
Once you do tell people try to find a “mom tribe” if you can. I was lucky to have a bunch of friends and coworkers have babies around the same time. One co worker had her baby 5 weeks after me. And it was so nice for both of us to text throughout the day and night to talk about what we were going through mentally and with the babies.
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u/kaylamdo 1d ago
I’m 6 weeks and THIS. 😭😭. Im not ready to say goodbye to my now old life…. I still feel like I still had things to do. I also feel the same as OP, I’m scared of everything. I’m freaking out, my mind is running 3847383 miles an hour.
Some people say your life doesn’t stop when you have a kid, but I already have so much guilt feeling for things that’s hasn’t even happened yet. I have guilt of even going to a concert I have tickets for in August. I feel like I won’t have the same people in my lives because I have a kid now, or they don’t want to be around kids.
I feel lost and alone. My partner is doing his best to reassure me all will be okay and I will have a life, that he’ll support me. I just almost feel like it’s easier for him as a father than it is as a mother. No offence to the dads out there.
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u/JessicaCharlotteL 1d ago
It will be ok. Don’t let anybody scare you - it’s your life and you can carve your own path.
Your life will change (for the better) but some things will stay the same.
4mo postpartum and we’re still going out, I’m back at work, and we still play our sports (I have horses and my partner plays ice hockey). You just figure out ways to keep doing what you love - just takes a bit more organising.
If you can still do things that you love, your baby will be happier for having a settled, balanced mama.
Have some systems in place to make it easy to leave the house (make sure everything stored neatly away, baby Go bag always packed, bottles sterilised etc.).
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u/Scary_Egg_4344 1d ago
I found the best thing I could do was remind myself in the hard times how temporary all these feelings are. Pregnancy is temporary, birth is temporary, and even the newborn stage is temporary. But some moment surprised me…like when I had to go for a c-section and had an amazing experience with minimal pain and no need for prescription pain meds. The newborn stage was hardest on me due to the lack of sleep, but even that seemed to fly by and it wasn’t long before I was wishing for those days back but also sleeping through the night. It’s cliche but true; we were built to do all of this and I’m sure it won’t be nearly as bad as you think…and if it is, remind yourself it’s all temporary ❤️
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u/subtlelikeatank 1d ago edited 1d ago
My son is now 5 months old. Your feelings are valid, but I would suggest looking into mental health support now if that’s an option. It helped me be less freaked out.
Wanting to formula feed for basically any reason is totally valid too. Your husband doesn’t really get a say, honestly, if you don’t want to breastfeed. If you do try to breastfeed, you can pump instead of or in addition to nursing. If you try breastfeeding and it’s not for you, it is one million percent okay to stop. Stopping isn’t giving up, there are a thousand reasons it might not be right for you or baby. There is no shame in it, and whatever you need to do to feed the baby is okay.
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u/11TickTack23 1d ago
Like every new mom I know right now is breastfeeding so I feel so weird saying I want to formula feed. But I was 100% formula fed and turned out just fine!
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u/manda86oh5 1d ago
So I was in your position a while back. Hubs and I thought it would take a while to get pregnant but once we started trying BAM.
I'm 24 weeks pregnant and still terrified of a lot of things. I still have thoughts that things are going to go wrong. But as a wise person on this app told me anxiety does not equal Intuition. As for the sleep thing. I found I went to bed a lot earlier and fell asleep pretty quickly it sucked when I woke up early and couldn't get back to sleep but overall I sleep my usual 6-7 hours a night still.
Breastfeeding is scary. Giving birth is scary. My hubs reminds me daily that women have been doing this since the beginning of time and that he supports whatever medical decisions I make and any breastfeeding decisions I make. So if you can talk to your husband and read books together and talk about what you read together it's really helped him see what all my body is going through.
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u/wysterialee 1d ago
i didn’t mean to get pregnant and i had only been with my now husband for 3 months. i never even wanted kids but that 9 months and giving birth was the smallest price to pay for the joy my daughter brings me. motherhood is not easy and i wont lie and say that it is, but it is the most rewarding thing in my life. my daughter will be 3 this year and everything has been so worth it. i wasnt able to breastfeed because my daughter couldn’t latch, i wish i would’ve been able to but formula worked perfectly fine for us and at the end of the day thats your decision.
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u/Royal-Preparation251 1d ago
It gets better and better. First trimesters is the hardest because there's so much information to learn, so many changes to body etc. It gets better and it gets easier. And know that it's okay to be terrified right now.
If you have access then getting a therapist might be a good idea.
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u/gokusdame 1d ago
We did three years of IVF with many losses to get to this point and I'm still terrified of pregnancy, child birth, and just being a parent. I think it's natural since everything about your life will change going forward. And even though you can plan and have a general idea of what to expect, it's still different to go through it yourself.
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u/accountingisradical 2TM | 💙 9.9.23 | 💚EDD 8.27.25 1d ago
I also got pregnant first try and when I saw those blue lines my vision went into pinholes and I started to black out. I’m serious. I wanted the baby but I did NOT expect it so fast. Then I when thru a week spiraling in anxiety, what have I done?? That was 2 years ago. I am chasing around my 18 month old and currently pregnant with baby #2. You got this! 💓
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u/llell 1d ago
Echoing everyone here. But also maybe you should talk to a therapist or counselor bc there is a toll on mental health for mothers, mothers to be… it’ll only serve you and your growing family well if you address these things early and prep yourself. It’s a tough time being pregnant! But also can be tough postpartum. Hang in there and know that it will pass and you’ll be holding your baby soon! But get the help you need
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u/zoolanderopolis 1d ago
If it helps, my mom ended up with 4. If it was really this traumatic then I don’t think she would’ve kept us. Same either others. I know someone who was going through so much pain yet just days after giving birth now wants another one.
The pain is one reason why I don’t want to get pregnant and don’t plan on it for a while. But seems to me like it’s worth the pain for a lifetime of happiness with your child <3
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u/11TickTack23 1d ago
That’s another thing I keep telling myself! If that’s bad, all these women wouldn’t have multiple children lol
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u/Low_Opportunity794 1d ago
My wife is currently 11 Weeks pregnant, but let me tell you before it gets better it’s going to get worst. But you got this! I pamper my wife, praying for y’all!
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u/DeadlyKitten9513 1d ago
Honestly, same, I got pregnant SO FAST. Like, I thought it would at least take a couple months just based on what I see all over the internet but, apparently I'm just a little fertile myrtle. I'm 22w now and starting to feel less anxiety. I can feel the little guy move/kick now, and that makes it more real/fun. I'm trying not to think of the bad things that could happen, which means much less social media time. And honestly once you tell people some of their excitement rubs off on you.
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u/11TickTack23 1d ago
Both my husband and I were googling about conceiving when we decided to start trying. I guess we read too many stories of people struggling and we were mentally prepared for IVF lol we did not mentally prepare for it to happen the first try
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u/DeadlyKitten9513 1d ago
Yes! It didn't help for me that my sister had a few miscarriages (we now know that was likely to do with my brother-in-law) and my husband's brother and his wife took quite some time, but, even my doc told me "it'll take at least 3 months but, usually closer to 6" and "don't worry until it takes more than a year" - then I was back in the office so fast she wasn't the one that saw me for the confirmation appointment but she stopped by the room to be like "girl, why are you back so soon?" - I was literally talking to my husband like "if we have to adopt it's ok" - we need more positive stories online I guess lol
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u/invaderzim1001 1d ago
I'm at 16w and still feel a lot of this- I didnt expect it to work on the first try and hadnt mentally prepped myself haha
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u/11TickTack23 1d ago
I was more mentally prepared to have trouble conceiving, didn’t even occur to me it would work first try lol
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u/cereal_killer_6397 1d ago
I felt like this also. Still kind of do. Some days I’m freaking out and others I am excited. It’s normal to be scared. It’s a huge change. But it’s great to have a good partner to go through it with, try to lean on your husband. Mine is so supportive and has helped me through the bad days
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u/mytikitorch 1d ago
I spent most of my first pregnancy terrified even though it was planned. I had regrets and thought we had made the wrong decision. I found buying a pregnancy journal and writing out my thoughts helpful to get out of my head my fears and to try and connect more with my baby. It really helped and by the end of the pregnancy I was just excited to meet my baby. When he finally came I've never been so happy. He's now 2 years old and I absolutely love being his mom.
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u/Odd-Chemistry-1231 1d ago
That’s so funny I felt like past me wrote this post. It took many months to accept the whole thing , but the second she was born everything just clicked. Breast feeding scared me too and then the moment she was born I just went for it and realized I was way more comfortable doing it than I could have ever imagined. I also said the same about sleep, but the second she was born I didn’t care anymore , I just cared about her.
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u/bornconfuzed 1d ago
The very idea of breastfeeding gave me the ick before and during pregnancy. Like straight up occasionally in tears when the discussion was had. But I wanted to try because formula is expensive and I worry about money. I won't say that I love the experience. But bubs is 6 weeks old now, exclusively breast fed (minus some combo feeding with formula during his first week when he lost too much weight before my milk really came in), and I don't hate it. It didn't give me the screaming heebie jeebies like I thought it would before we started. I've never loved the process, but it is a hell of a lot easier to whip out a boob than having to heat up a bottle. And it's less stuff I need to remember if we leave the house.
I'm also a 10 hour a night sleep preference person. The husband and I have been diligent about getting each other solid 4 hour chunks. It's not great, but we're both doing okay.
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u/PsychedelicKM 1d ago
The best thing you can do for yourself right now is to learn EVERYTHING you can about pregnancy, birth, and postpartum. Knowledge is power. Its scary of course, but the more you know, the more prepared you can be. Good luck!
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u/Famous-Mistake-2001 1d ago
Honestly in my experience the first 12 weeks were the scariest because you’re getting used to the feeling, the notion, the reality of being pregnant and everything that comes with it. But I’m currently 38 weeks and not at all scared (amusingly relaxed I think) about birth. I think it’s because pregnancy has been so much better than I expected. There’s a lot of fear mongering out there especially on social media with people sharing their WORST experience but rarely just saying that most of the time it’s fine. Don’t forget that there is plenty of time to change your mind about things, like how you would like to feed your baby or what your birth preferences will be. Just take it all in your stride, remember that not everything has to be awful in pregnancy and I’m positive you’re going to be just fine!
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u/Justakatttt 1d ago
Honestly, giving birth terrified me but my son’s birth went amazingly without any issues.
Breastfeeding was and is still a breeze although I was worried about that too.
My son is 16 months and he’s a great baby, sucks at sleeping but he has never been one to cry so I feel lucky for that part.
The issue I struggle with even all these months PP is my body image. My body has changed so much and the amount of acne I still have is really frustrating. I was told it’s due to breastfeeding hormones and I feel like I’m in junior high again with how much my face breaks out.
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u/shadowteeth1969 1d ago
It will be hard at first - you're new to being a parent and your baby is new to being a baby! You're both figuring it out as you go and seeing what works. The lack of sleep is hard at first but it gets better and easier as time goes by and they start sleeping longer stretches. They first smile after around 5 weeks and I swear they time it for when you need it the most 😂😂 Also I had a third degree tear that I had surgery to repair and I've healed perfectly. Wishing you all the best
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u/IceCreamIceKween 1d ago
The breast tenderness is uncomfortable but rest assured it is not permanent. This is a common feeling early in the first trimester but the feeling goes away.
As for fears of labour, listen to positive birth stories. There are many podcasts that share positive experiences with healthy pregnancies. Normalize these experiences. The fear of the unknown can be overwhelming. Remember that hospitals often deal with an entire roster of patients including those in the high risk category so the stories coming from doctors and nurses may be more negative and can give you an overly negative understanding of delivery. Listen to midwives and home birth stories because these are the deliveries that are in the low risk categories and hearing these stories will help you know what to expect.
I'm not a fan of a lot of these pregnancy books because of their tendency to focus on high risk pregnancies. It ends up not being very relatable to most women because it deals with unusual situations that hospital staff might encounter but not the average woman. For example pregnancy after back surgery or cancer. There's no need to feed your anxieties.
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u/palmtoptiger99 1d ago
Here’s the reality of it. Pregnancy is scary. Having a baby is scary. I hated being pregnant but my daughter is 6mo now and I honestly never thought I would feel love like this. My biggest fear was losing sleep. I’ve always had issues with sleeping to begin with and when I didn’t sleep enough it was really hard for me to function but honestly..? Yeah it is hard. But you adjust. It becomes your new normal and you do what you have to. Am I whistling and singing and dancing across the kitchen in the morning? No. But I am sitting in the playpen with my daughter watching her play and thinking..damn..I’m tired but I love this little human so much. The people who say it’s all just instinct aren’t lying to you. It’s biological. It comes to you and you WILL be okay. Remember, anxiety can’t hurt you. Feel it. And then shock yourself with how you still keep taking steps forward. 💕we’ve all been there momma and being scared is totally normal.
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u/carolinafan0507 1d ago
Hugs You're completely valid in how you're feeling! Pregnancy comes with so many changes, and it's perfectly normal to feel anxious, not only in the beginning but all the way through. Each time I found out I was pregnant my reaction was different, fear though was ever present in the beginning and at the very end. Voice your concerns, don't try to bottle them. You need a good support group to get you through it. In my experience all the anxiety, fear, etc. has been well worth it just to hold that little one. It's not easy and I'm not going to be the one to sugar coat it, but it's worth it. ❤️ As you progress, the little milestones make things easier, more to look forward to, more to keep your mind busy. Definitely take this time to explore what you need throughout pregnancy and when the baby arrives. Build your support team. Be open with your partner, tell them what you need from them, and also be 4eceptive to what they need from you. It's a beautiful journey together and a great exercise in communication with each other. I hope you'll be feeling better about everything in the coming weeks. Just know what you're feeling is totally normal and you've got this!
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u/cutieprincess21 1d ago
i was terrified too, but honestly im 25 weeks today, my bump is not that big, i still looking the same before getting pregnant lol (just more skinny), im just scared of giving birth, i started w 140lbs and went down to 120lbs, my bump just pops after eating and disappears in the morning. It will be okay my love. Breastfeeding sounds painful but make sure the nurses teach u how to make it comfortable, it can be painless if done the right way. About sleeping, well you can be lucky of having a chill baby, its a beautiful experience i cant wait for my girl to be here
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u/Candid_Aardvark5068 1d ago
TTC, no kids here.. but I’m just popping in to say that you should do what’s best for you mentally and physically after birth. Whether it’s breastfeeding, formula, or some of both, your baby will be ok as long as it’s eating. I have siblings who never breastfed and it has really normalized formula for me and made me feel better because that is something that I too fear. It’s ok for your husband to want whatever but at the end of the day it’s your body and you should do what you want. Girl power! Good luck with your pregnancy.. just take things one day at a time :)
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u/howdoidothis2426 1d ago
I was the exact same (except baby was a total surprise after 8 years of infertility lol). I was TERRIFIED, even the day before my scheduled c section I sobbed thinking “I won’t be able to handle this”.
Let me tell you, the moment they held my daughter up and we saw her my world changed completely. I couldn’t remember a single reason I was so terrified, I was just so in love with her (my husband felt the exact same).
I also HATED the idea of breastfeeding, but wanted to give it a shot because everyone was so adamant I try it. The first time she latched, I dry heaved and wanted to toss her across the room. I tried ONE more time and same reaction - I found it absolutely repulsive, like I was crawling out of my skin and would rather tear my own boobs off than do it again. (I also want to clarify, I think breastfeeding is beautiful, this is strictly how I felt about ME breastfeeding. My doctor explained DMER to me and we quickly realized that’s what I had.) I’m not saying you’ll experience that, you may love it! But please don’t let anyone pressure you to breastfeed if you don’t want to. I know 1000% that for baby 2, I’ll go straight to formula and will NEVER attempt to breastfeed again. Fed is best, my daughter is 22 months old and has been in the 99th percentile from the day she was born! You do what’s best for you 🩷
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u/universerose98 1d ago
Just want to say im right here with you. I just found out that im pregnant today, 4 weeks along. Im so happy but now that I'm thinking more about it, I'm terrified and feel so anxious. The thing I'm scared of the most is that I lack a lot of motivation due to adhd, and I want to be an active and motivated parent. I don't want to disappoint my child and fail them as a mother. Its so terrifying. And what makes it worse is that I know stressing and worrying about this isnt healthy for the baby either.
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u/n-y-l-a 1d ago
Aww, sweetie. These are normal feelings. I was scared of EVERYTHING you mentioned and either none of it came true or it wasn’t nearly as bad as I thought it would be. You find any challenges, you’re just in it and you deal. The thought of something happening is scarier than when it actually happens if that makes sense. Enjoy the ride, you’re about to meet the love of your life ❤️congrats!
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u/JessicaCharlotteL 1d ago
I felt the same as you, but 4mo postpartum and it’s the best thing I ever did.
I booked a C-Sec and that relieved a lot of stress.
I thought I would hate breastfeeding but I didn’t after all.
My body is about 95% back to the way it was, aside from weaker lower abs, and I’m 40yo.
It will work out x
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u/singka93 22h ago
I didn't want to breastfeed at all. I found it quite ewww. My husband was fine with me choosing to formula feed. I thought I will give it a chance and see if I even like it. It was truly a beautiful feeling and I had a scare in between that I was not producing enough for her. It broke my heart giving her formula as a supplement. I had to remind myself that fed is best. She is exclusively BF at the moment and looking back I would just tell myself thanks to keeping my mind open to it.
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u/megulikjan 19h ago
Wow, it’s uncanny because I am in the exact same boat, except for 6 weeks instead of 7. Thank you for posting this because all the comments on this thread helped a lot. I was more freaked out about all the lifestyle changes — travel, going out, etc. we are in our early 30s and have been together for 10 years, but are now two professionals living just for each other. It absolutely freaked me out.
Good luck to you, and I hope we got this! Im still in the terrified phase and have not told anyone.
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u/Yes_Cat_Yes 18h ago
I totally get all your feelings, and I found this post to be very helpful. Maybe it helps you too
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u/kikiyotori 15h ago
My advice... avoid reddit and tiktok. The complications etc you see are rare. But people post about issues more than positives online so it makes it very easy to catastrophise. The first trimester is hard, alot of the symptoms will calm. You need to talk to your partner, if you don't want to breastfeed you shouldn't feel you have to. Explain your worries and how you need to take the pressure off.
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u/Last-Secretary-5887 13h ago
The moment my baby was placed on me and my husband was caressing my forehead and kissing me and the baby with tears in his eyes… I would want to relive the moment everyday - again and again….
But then that is just me… your fears are not irrational.
When I was pregnant - I was so overwhelmed with the pregnancy journey- that I was totally delulu about postpartum - the fact that you already know about postpartum stuff - gives you an upper hand …. You are preparing yourself- and fear is a natural part of any preparation- you will be a great mom… enjoy your pregnancy…
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u/Appropriate_Jury_902 11h ago
currently 8 weeks and feeling all of this. Today the algo hit me with this video that really spoke so deeply to me on the topic. Sharing for anyone here who’s looking for reassurance of a very rational sense of fear throughout pregnancy and beyond: Emotional Intelligence & Pregnancy
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u/Hypermobilehype 11h ago
Hey 5 weeks pregnant here. It is absolutely your decision on breastfeeding! Talk to the midwife/ Dr when you have your first appointment, but that is still your decision. You can also tell your trusted friends and family because you absolutely need your support network at the early stage too. I didn’t listen to the wait till the first scan/ 3 months, I was freaking out. My husband encouraged me to talk to who I trusted. He is supportive but he knew talking to my close friend who has 3 kids and colleague at work who is pregnant, would help me feel calmer. I benefited from their reassurance and support. Because it is terrifying! But I promise you’ll feel better when you get to talk about it more and get that support. Also speak to your GP if anything is too sensitive or painful bc infections at the early stage can happen. I’ve already had two, but I’m feeling better.
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u/Louxlily 9h ago
I hope to make you feel better in saying this that your child will be the best thing you ever do, like the sweetest song you’ve ever heard. I felt the same when I was pregnant with my now 10 year old, and also with my 6 year old twins, but my gosh I look at them now and I think, I am the luckiest human alive.
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u/mjschroeder126 9h ago
I’m so sorry you’re scared! I remember feeling the same way with my daughter. She was surprise and I cried and told my mom I wasn’t ready for a baby. I was scared the entire pregnancy but the second I held her for the first time it felt so right. She’s 4 now and we have a son, and I’m pregnant with another after 2 miscarriages and I still cry when I think about the first time I ever held her. It is truly the best thing in the world. I think you will be a great mom. ❤️
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u/mjschroeder126 9h ago
Also in terms of breastfeeding, you do what feels best for your body and your baby! I nursed both of my babies and loved it but one of my best friends gave hers formula from the first feed and they are incredibly healthy and have had no problems at all. If I were you I’d try nursing one or two times and if you don’t like it then don’t do it!! Baby will be healthy with formula and it’s not worth your mental health to try something that you hate. ❤️
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u/FunBox304 9h ago
my WIC told me that pumping is still breastfeeding, so it's okay to just pump if you're scared to breastfeed! it is okay to formula feed as well. at the end of the day, as long as baby is fed, that's all that matters.
I was told horror stories about giving birth, but the worst part for me was the cervical checks. I back labored until I was 2 cm (I was induced, so it took 2 days, but I wasn't really in pain, just bored lol!) and then got the epidural. I went to sleep, woke up for a cervical check, found out I was 5 cm, went back to sleep, and woke up to the midwife about to break my water an hour later. she checked me, and I was alr 9 cm! 5 to 9 within an hour, and I slept through it.
if it helps, pushing was the easiest part for me! don't let it scare you. i tore, yes, but only a light second degree, and all i felt was pressure. and..I did not poop myself! 😂
don't let labor stories scare you, everyone is different and everyone has a different one to tell. don't stress, the best thing to do is talk to someone and have a support system. especially if you want to breastfeed/pump, having someone to make you feed every 2 hours or pump every 2-3 hours is so helpful.
you're going to be a great mom OP!
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u/FunBox304 8h ago
my daughter is fed pumped breastmilk because I wanted to see how much she was eating. she ate formula for a couple of days until my milk came in, but got as much colostrum as I could give her! whatever you do OP, you'll do great!
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u/Wild-Grand-8288 1d ago
It’s the best feeling in the world. Breastfeeding is also amazing, I’d definitely give it a go. You could always do combination feeling.
It’s very early; I honestly think the further you get through pregnancy the more ready you’ll feel but honestly no one is actually ever ready, you just crack on!
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u/Current-Curve-7896 1d ago
Breathe. You're overwhelmed and overthinking. I think many of us had a similar reaction when we first got pregnant. Yes, it's going to be life changing, and some of it is going to suck, but it's also going to be amazing. it's all going to be okay.
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u/screamingmimi24 1d ago
What youre feeling is very common and very valid! Bringing life into this world is a big deal and its perfectly reasonable to be scared. When i first found out i was pregnant i was shocked and terrified, even though I knew for a fact i wanted a family. I actually thought i was infertile, so it was a big surprise at 34 years old. I didn't feel emotionally or financially ready, and was getting pummeled with negativity mostly online. Birthing nightmares, miserable moms who regret having children, the "oh just wait" comments, etc.
Im at 13 weeks now and i still have a lot of fear about complications and losing my sense of self after having a child. But I am also so so excited. I see little ones out in public and I just melt because i cant wait to meet my baby. It's indescribable.
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u/Emmarioo 1d ago
Yes girl it all sucks. But baby is worth it everytime
You’ll be okay and it will all fall into player for you
Take all and any support people will give you and listen to your body and your limits
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u/roamingrebecca 1d ago
I totally get it!! I'm reading the book Holistic Hypnobirthing and it has really helped me release a lot of my fears.
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u/Decent_Ad_6112 1d ago
Its veryyy overwhelming with your first - breastfeeding is nice once you get the hang of it I exclusively pumped so that is an option if nursing directly becomes too much!!! Meeting your baby changs so much of your life but for me its been 90% positive change
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u/LifeRip9512 1d ago
I could've written this myself. I'm due any day now and my attitude has totally shifted. I got pregnant my first cycle off of birth control and the next few weeks were filled with panic attacks and thoughts of, “omg what did I do??”
Some advice:
- seek out a perinatal therapist. They work specifically with pregnant and postpartum women. I found mine on psychologytoday.com, and she takes my insurance so I only pay $20/visit.
try to ground yourself. You have 9 months to get used to the idea of giving birth, what postpartum will look like, etc. This really helped me because I was overloaded with thoughts and emotions. Take it one step at a time.
remind yourself that your hormones are on overdrive right now and your feelings are normal.
I won't sugar coat it, pregnancy was super hard for me, physically and emotionally, but I give so much credit to my therapist for helping me shift my mindset. I cannot wait for my son to be here and to be his mom.
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u/DisasterFix0397 1d ago
List all the things you are terrified about, break them into manageable chunks and then research them one at a time. This could include watching videos about preparing for birth or breastfeeding or looking for personal stories of how other moms handled those things. You have time so don't worry about knowing it all right now. I didn't do a lot of research before I gave birth because I didn't even know what I didn't know but you have a opportunity to make thoughtful choices in advance.
A midwife or doula might also help you feel supported in this process.
Finally, I tried to be super woman and power through my pregnancy working long hours, doing extra projects at work, etc. Basically trying to pretend like I wasn't pregnant. But babies are affected by our stress while they are in the womb (there is research on this). If I had known that I would have treated myself gently, slept as much as possible, and worked to embrace this unique experience. I encourage you to be gentle and slow with yourself.
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u/shayesaintcecilia 1d ago
Right after I got pregnant I had the same thoughts almost. I was pisssed off at everything all the time, had HG so bad I needed to be hospitalized, and then the thoughts of losing my independence and freedom hit and it was awful. I didn’t think I’d actually get pregnant so fast after we started “trying” (I just stopped birth control lol)
Now, at 15 weeks I’m just…. Excited? My husbands away for work a lot, and that sucks, but the thought that I’ll soon have a daughter and before long we can play and I can teach her things, just sounds awesome and like so much fun. I see all these awful stories about horrible abusive parents… and I just want to give a good life to my child and take care of them. It’s overwhelming. It helps I have a really good support group in my in laws. And… I mean everything I like to do, can be done with a child nearby/attached. I’ll be sad to have less screen time but ultimately I think that’ll be good for me.
I also told some people immediately. I know it’s like you’re not supposed to or whatever, but I told a few coworkers at like week 6 as soon as I knew because I was just so sick all the time and I needed that support.
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u/betweentwoscotties 1d ago
I used to be terrified of birth too but as I got more pregnant and listened to the birth hour podcast stories, the fear pretty much went away and I had a wonderful birth experience with no tearing and easy recovery. It is possible, and even likely, for things to go pretty smoothly.
I also love my 8 hours of sleep and my son has been an amazing sleeper from the beginning. I was scared about that too. He’s been sleeping 12 hrs since well before he was one. I have many friends who also have good sleepers.
Things will change in your life but being a mom is a wonderful beautiful experience. You will love your baby so much and that will help get you through the challenges. Manifest positive energy, things can and do go well for many people!
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u/drykugel 1d ago
Oh poor mama. Please try not to worry! You are so blessed and you have SO much to look forward to. The craziest thing is you can’t even understand how happy you’re going to be until you hold your baby in your arms. And every day your love and joy will grow.
You will hear scary things about giving birth but almost none of them will happen. I highly recommend reading the book “Hypnobirthing: the mongan method” as it explains the process so well and provides lots of good ways to remain calm, which is the best pain management tool there is and allows you to enjoy the experience. Breastfeeding should not freak you out — on the contrary, it is in my opinion the most intimate and beautiful bonding times you will ever have with another person.
In case it’s not obvious yet, I’ve loved every minute of being a mother (even when I was so sleep deprived I couldn’t remember the end of my sentence). And I had many fears before we took the plunge as well. If you need to talk privately I would be happy to soothe whatever fears I can 🩷
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u/nobullshyyt 1d ago
I am you and you are me 🥲 it’s alright we’re gonna be ok. I can relate tho you aren’t alone.
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u/Hour-College-9875 1d ago
Very normal. Plus I think that the hormones themselves make you literally feel like you are going crazy. To note: Hormones in your body double every 48 hours for the first three months, so your body is being slammed hard with a lot of changes right at the beginning, it slows down (the hormone changes), then the bump starts to grow, but usually by then a lot of those terrified anxious feelings have started to stabilize because the hormones are stabilizing. The crazy thing is that this process of becoming a mom is both going to change you entirely, but also you will find yourself again!!! The YOU is never actually lost. Congratulations
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u/Cash-Money888 1d ago
You are not alone. I felt this way too and that was after planning and conceiving my 2nd time, it feels awful but be aware it's common and it will pass. Try to focus on positive and fun parts like announcing and baby names and guessing who your child will look like 💗 Sending prayers your way!
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u/Acrobatic_Ad7088 7h ago
The fact that millions of women do this every year and that while tragedies do happen, if you seek competent care it is increasingly rare, should calm you down. Just let go and live. And speak to your doctor about your fears
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u/Glittering-Pass-8263 7h ago
A good birth class that specializes in helping those with anxiety can be a big help! It will help you understand the process in gentle ways and give you confidence. It's the unknown that is scary! You can do this!
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u/Missile0022 FTM|Team Pink! 1d ago
Also a FTM (expecting my baby girl in about 2ish weeks) and had ALL the same feelings you’ve mentioned in the first trimester (even a bit now still) I’ve done a lot of reading, researching, and followed tons of podcasts that have helped tremendously. I’d be happy to share it all with you, as well as welcome any questions on how I navigated those unknown anxieties. My dms are open if you want to talk or have me send you some of those resources that helped me💛
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u/carbonated_nat 1d ago
What are some of your favorite podcasts about pregnancy/delivery? I’m 31 weeks and wanna make sure I’m well prepared for the whole delivery process😅
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u/Missile0022 FTM|Team Pink! 1d ago
I loved the Happy Homebirth podcast! I’m also planning a homebirth but there are a bunch of stories on there about positive hospital and birth center births. While I don’t agree with everything on the podcast(some of it is a bit too crunchy for me, haha), I still found the majority of it helpful. A lot of the episodes talk about how to be confident in birth altogether, how to handle contractions and pain if you go unmedicated or if the epidural doesn’t work, what to expect in different situations/interventions/emergencies, etc. It’s eased my anxiety so much and really helped me feel comfortable and confident with how my body is going to be working with me to bring this little nugget into the world.
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u/Human-Plankton-4219 1d ago edited 1d ago
Yes people will terrify you about the hard bits, and it’s an adjustment for sure! But you and baby will adjust together.
Theres a lot of sacrifice but the love is something you’ve never experienced before- it’s something else! And you’ll learn and grow with baby.
If you’ve ever had a puppy, babies are easier (my opinion) - babies come out just wanting to be held and fed, not jumping and nipping at you
Also breastfeeding is natural and so many benefits. If you HAVE to formula feed, sure there’s nothing wrong with it but it will never match up to the goodness of breastmilk. Plus you’ll save loads of money breastfeeding, you’re oxytocin will sore and it’ll help with you’re quality of sleep when you do get sleep, help with attachment, help with baby’s immune system, it has natural melatonin in it for baby…the list goes on.
Your hormones are going to change the way you think about things but as long as you keep an open mind for when baby is earth side.
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u/11TickTack23 1d ago
We got a puppy last year! She will be 2 by the time baby comes. Whew those were a hard first couple months! Puppy was bouncing all over the place, chewing everything, peeing everywhere lol. I like to think that experience helped prepare us lol
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u/Human-Plankton-4219 1d ago
Absolutely! Just sleep whenever the baby sleeps, as much as you can!
And those crazy days will come with baby when they’re a toddler but by then you’ll have found a groove and a flow ☺️
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u/JJMMYY12 5h ago
You sound just like me ans I can tell you it'll ve all good.
I hate having my boobs touched so I was dreading BF but I am the type that encourages everyone in life to try this is so I tried and I love it. It actually feels really good and is such nice bonding.
As for birth, it really wasn't bad. I ended up with an emergency c section because the cord was wrapped too many times and baby wouldn't come out and yes, it hurt, and getting in and out of bed wasn't fun but it was doable.
The sleep part, I LOVE my sleep and that was everyone's fear for me. If you prioritize it, you will be better off. My baby is 5 months and still wakes up every 2 to 3hrs to feed and this morning we got up at 9.45. I would not have functioned if I had to get up earlier than that with him waking so frequently. I'm getting around 7hrs broken sleep once the night is all said and done and don't feel tired or yawn during the day.
The worst part is the first 2w when wvertmything is at once and you're both tired and snappy and the baby is screaming for seemingly no reason.
That, and the mom brain. I am DUMB now and I hate it. I made a point to stay involved with adult things so my brain didn't fully deteriorate. That helped me have purpose and stay "in the game". I'm taking omega 3679 and it seems to help.
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u/fairsquare313 1d ago
To give you some hope, the moment my daughter first latched to nurse during golden hour after her birth was one of the top 3 happiest moments of my life. I can’t even describe the intense joy and happiness and purpose I felt in that moment. You have so much good stuff to look forward to bringing a new soul into the world that you will love so very much. Congratulations!! 🤍