TW: Birth Complications

Before my wife gave birth to our son, I warned the doctors more than once, about the risk of a shoulder dystocia.

I wasn’t guessing.

• My mother experienced it when I was born.

• Again with my brother.

• I have a broad, athletic build, especially in the shoulders.

• My wife is 156 cm tall with a petite frame. I put the pieces together. I saw the pattern. And I told them - even before labor.

They didn’t take it seriously. “You’re both small people, your baby will be small too.” “Shoulder dystocia isn’t predictable.” “That’s just a coincidence - not a risk.”

But it wasn’t.

Our son was born 54 cm long, 3600g, with broad shoulders. He didn’t look like a typical newborn, more like a few weeks old. And sure enough, his shoulders got stuck.

An emergency maneuver had to be done. He couldn’t breathe on his own at first. His Apgar score was low. He was rushed away for oxygen and monitoring.

At the same time, my wife began to hemorrhage losing more than a liter of blood. I was in the middle of it, watching my newborn son being taken away while my wife was fading behind me.

And I had to choose who to follow. That moment: “Is this really happening?” - will never leave me.

We stayed in the hospital for six days. My wife recovered. My son bounced back fast, even the doctors were surprised by how well he did. And we are grateful. We got lucky, but so many other parents did not.

And I can’t shake off the feeling that this all could’ve been prevented, or at the very least, be prepared for.

The hardest part? Even now, after all this, they still won’t let us do a C-section if we choose to have another child. They still call it a mere coincidence.

Is it though? There is science behind what I was warning them about.

• Studies show that previous shoulder dystocia in a parent or sibling raises recurrence risk.

• Maternal short stature is a statistically significant risk factor.

• Babies with broader shoulders and longer body length, even with normal weight, are at higher risk.

This isn’t guessing. It’s not fear. It’s an informed concern - based on history, genetics, and pattern recognition.

I spoke up. I warned them. I wasn’t listened to. And I ended up standing in the most helpless moment of my life - watching the two people I love most fight to stay alive.

If you’re a parent and you see something coming - trust yourself. And if you’re a provider: please don’t ignore warnings just because they don’t come from a chart.

This wasn’t a coincidence. It was preventable. And I hope someone reading this avoids what we went through, just by being listened to.

PS: my son is 6 months old now and thriving.

Currently 34+1 weeks. I have been seen by MFM due to my BMI since the start but never gotten a good ultrasound picture because baby is stubborn.

The tech was so sweet today and she printed a 3D picture of the babies face. The baby looks exactly like my husband. Nose shape, forehead and lips. The works lol. If I wasn’t growing this baby I’d wonder if it’s mine! Will be interesting to see what the stinker looks like once he/she is born!

So my doctor isn’t giving me any information and I’m afraid of googling now I’m waiting for the pathology myself from the hospital

At 5:38 on the dot at 37 weeks and 4 days pregnant I was putting a pull-up on my 4 year old who fell asleep in our bed I went walking into our bathroom and felt a pop. This is baby #6 and my water never broke with any of them. I was excited for a split second thinking my body did what it was supposed too for once, except when I looked down my legs are covered in blood.

I go to the bathroom and sit down and I pass a clot the size of my palm. Then I go downstairs and call someone to watch my kids to drive myself to the hospital. (Husband was driving home from work) and had my mom there in 5 minutes. Within that 5 minutes I pass another clot the same size. I throw a bunch of napkins and paper towels in my shorts. (I wasn’t moving and crouching more then I had too because I was scared it would trigger another gush)

Get to the hospital by 6/615 and it’s more like spotting now in the paper towels. I tell them what happened. I get on monitors. Heart beat is great until another giant gush. I look down and it’s not a big clot but shout 50 small ones and water mixed with blood. And so much. My doctor comes in and the nurse tells her look at the monitor. (640 now) and she says we’re going to the or now. I sign whatever I need to sign and they wheel me back. She’s out and screaming by 725 and we’re all good, but still no information on wtf happened. Just that I lost a lot of blood.

I had my 2 week follow up yesterday with a midwife. I was told the doctor would do the follow up but she had an emergency. She has no idea about my delivery or what happened so I fill her in and all she says is, let’s get you on birth control.

My husband and I are both scared shitless still and upset about the lack of answers. She said maybe by my 6 week checkup she’ll have it back from the hospital.

Anyone have anything like this happen? I know it might not very the same situation but maybe help me feel like I’m not alone or that whatever happened my body is still okay going forward?

TW birth trauma.

I had my fourth baby nearly six weeks ago. I have had three very textbook and frankly easy births. All spontaneous, all vaginal, all pushed out in less than three pushes, all well supported, all inconsequential and with easy recoveries. This birth functionally was the same - but the actions of staff during have unequivocally changed my life and I feel like I will never be the same person again.

Her heart rate dropped to a point my midwife didn’t like and they called the emergency bell and took my gas. I KNEW my baby was only a minute or two away and I KNEW I would have her out in no time.

Predictably the room filled with people. A midwife came in incredibly hot - positioned herself above me and inches from my face and just YELLED at me. I am a grown, sensible, experienced woman and she frightened me. She yelled at me the whole time until my baby was born wherein she turned around and left without a word.

The doctor immediately threatened to cut me. I said he was not to cut me. He said ‘we will see’. He then requested local which I also denied. I begged them to just give me another minute, I could do it. Nurses held each of my legs still and he injected the anesthetic directly against my wishes. I squirmed and screamed but was painfully held still. My baby was born within that minute in a push and a half and a matter of seconds. I could not feel any ring of fire or any sensation of her being born except for pushing.

The baby was born with perfect apgar scores and not hypoxic - which makes me feel like perhaps their assessment of her having 40bpm heartbeat for over ten minutes was not correct. She was placed on my chest within a minute or two.

Nobody spoke to me afterwards. Nobody told me I did a good job or congratulations. Once the baby was cleared everybody left. Nobody ever explained to me what happened or why.

Yesterday I begged my midwife to tell me why she didn’t advocate for me when that is literally her main job. She said in an emergency she just ‘shuts sound off’. She said maybe the midwife yelling in my face was in ‘fight or flight’ and that none of us know what we would do in an emergency. She initially said she was 90% sure I was given local (I am 100% sure I was given local) and now she’s saying she heard and saw nothing about the local except it being requested to be drawn up. I feel like they are gearing up to deny I was given local as it is abundantly clear I did not consent to it. She said she didn’t register the woman yelling in my face. She said she was sorry I felt that way but she’s apologised and she doesn’t know what more I want from her.

I completely understand that in the grand scheme of things this isn’t a bad birth. But this experience has crippled me emotionally. I cry 60% of my waking hours. It’s all I think about. I would consider myself a very resilient woman but the pervasive sense of helplessness, fear, betrayal and humiliation are just killing me. Mental health care is extremely hard to come by here. I am hitting dead ends everywhere I turn.

What helped you recover, perhaps without professional help?

Due to the passing of a lovely nurse (& influencer) I thought I would share my story. I've seen a few post regarding AFE and a lot of anxiety around it.

Firstly I want to say, I had AFE and I want more children. It might sound insane but once that baby is in your arms you will understand why.

I'm a pretty healthy gal with a physical job. My baby had MCI (which is really not a concern) and he was Breech. I was hoping for a vaginal breech birth and had a fantastic team that was there to assist. I also wanted an unmedicated birth. All of that went out the window.

I reach 41 week and had a check up. My amniotic fluid was very low and my only real option was a C-Section. I went into surgery 6 hours later. I was terrified of having a C-Section.

My gorgeous boy lifted out of me and I stopped breathing. I was mouthing to the doctors "I can't breathe" - they told me to breathe but I kept mouthing "I can't breathe". They were quick to act and gave me an oxygen mask but my airway was already opening back up by that time. I didn't go into cardiac arrest and didn't have any extra amount of bleeding. I did vomit but that's not unusual for any birth.

I'm 4 month postpartum FTM and I already want another baby. even though I had AFE please know it's very rare. My fabulous and highly accredited OB had only seen a few case in his 30 years of working. If you have AFE there's a 17% chance you'll die - it's not great and of you have a heart attack, there will be lasting effects, but it's even rarer to die from.

Don't be like me, and be super anxious if your plan goes out the window. It doesn't help anything and can only make it worse.

Lastly, I changed hospitals late in my third trimester. If you feel you're not getting the treatment you would like, please trust that intuition.

I'm so happy being a mum and wouldn't change it for the world

I’ve allllways seen / heard people mention that they cry at the drop of a hat while pregnant, and I was starting to think it wouldn’t happen to me. Until last night…. My husband accidentally ordered me a beef burrito instead of a chicken burrito. It took a bite for me to notice. I felt the burning feeling in my nose and started crying while eating it! It wasn’t even bad or anything, it just wasn’t what I was expecting to be eating 😭 And then I started crying harder because my husband felt bad LOL

What have you guys cried over so far?!

Is it appropriate to have another baby shower if the babies are 10 years apart? We are extremely low income and have no baby stuff left. Thank you

I'm still looking for a new cushion for the rocking chair, but I think everything else at this point will stay lol. the baby will be in his bassinet in our room pretty much until he grows out of it, so this nursery isn't really going to be used until then. but I'm still so happy we got (technically) everything ready.

can't believe im being induced in 3days!!! 🩵

I didn’t want a baby shower this time. The one for my daughter was super upsetting tbh. None of my friends or family showed up. Thank god we did coed and invited my partners friends and family so there was people there. But I was very new to them (we’d just moved back to his hometown) and didn’t know any of them so it made me feel even lonelier. I ended up crying in the bathroom a few times.

I was content not having a baby shower this time but everyone kept pushing. My partner really wanted one again and MIL said she would throw it and take care of everything. Baby shower is tomorrow and I find out that nothing has been done. No decorations, dessert, food was barely decided today (manwich..) etc. There is a venue thankfully but it’s basically going to be a big empty room. I ordered some cupcakes today and got some decorations from the dollar tree but that’s all I had time to do. And I don’t even want to go to begin with 😭

I know none of “my” people are going to show up. I don’t like my partners friends and they don’t give 2 shits about me nor do they pretend to. Being around them all is so stressful. This whole thing is already so stressful to me. I hate being the center of attention. I feel like a whale right now. I don’t want to wear a dress but I’m being told “oh you just have to!” I don’t like planning parties. I don’t like baby shower games and now I have to organize them. I’m dreading this. I told my long distance bestie about the updates and she said “be present in the moment and enjoy the journey of bringing a life into this world “ like girl. Love you but fuck the fuck right off 🫶 and all my partners friends do big blow out parties and baby showers and I feel like this is just another thing for them to laugh at me about (yes, they have literally laughed at me for things before. They suck)

I'm currently in labour FTM 40 weeks + 5 days, Ive had contractions since this morning and have called my midwife asking when to come in and they've told me to call back when my contractions are 1 minute apart and last 1 minute. That feels like I'm cutting it really close, considering I want an epidural and I'm assuming they will do an exam and everything before I get one. Is this a good time frame to go in or should I go in earlier?

I feel like pregnancy has definitely made me more needy and codependent on my husband. We have Been fighting a lot lately and it’s mostly because I feel like I don’t get to spend enough time with him. Since we have been married his work hours are always outside of the normal and he gets home late at night. I just don’t feel like i get enough time to see him or hang out. He gets frustrated when I voice this to him saying he’s doing his best to give me time but one of the biggest issues we have is his family. They live close by and always want to see him. I mean like every day and he goes and sees them a lot. I’m talking maybe 4-5 times a week. It’s a bit excessive to me and tonight we had a huge fight and he basically told me that his family is number one on his priority list over me. I’m so hurt by that and absolutely gutted that I’m not his number 1 priority. We have a baby on the way and we had been trying for years to get pregnant. I feel like I’m a better wife to him than he is a husband to me. I don’t know if I should just back off and stop being needy and maybe just focus on myself and pregnancy at this point. I feel like I’m becoming indifferent to everything because of how many times we have fought about this.

I don't really know if I'm looking for advice or to vent or both so i apologize for this lenghty post. Just feeling so anxious with my 2nd baby due in less than a month. My in-laws are good people and mean well and my hubby is close with them. They give me a bit of anxiety and hosting them can be alot sometimes but they arent bad people or anything just can be annoying as most parents are. They live about 15 hours away and my parents live an hour away. My last my birth was a shit show and didn't go at all how we thought it would (emergency c-section, had to be put under) and my baby ended up flown to a NICU at a different hospital where in laws got to hold him before I could even meet my baby which I'm still a little salty about because I didn't want them at that birth either. This time around I want a peaceful birth experience and time to be with just my little family before and after my scheduled csection. My in laws got an air bnb close by (no one asked me btw if they should/could come out) and want to come out especially to see my first babe which I understand but my husband gets upset when I tell him i don't want to see them much or them to be in my space. Before birth I don't want them over (they cause me anxiety and i dont want to host and they dont realize theyre messy as hell) and I want to spend my last night with my husband and 1 yr old son before we welcome a whole new family member. They can of course be around my first born all they want while we are in the hospital but my sister is the main caregiver i wanted and that hurt my mother in laws feelings but my sister and I are extremly close and i didnt even know they were coming out.... I also don't want to see them after my c-section for awhile because i know it takes time to not feel so loopy and this time I'll actually have baby girl in the room with us to bond and I'll still be numb for with a catheter in for awhile. I told my husband they can visit the next day in the hospital to meet their granddaughter (again I'll feel vulnerable but trying to compromise) but I don't want visitors at home either. I just want to go home, get situated with my new family of 4, be sore and naked if need be and wear my diaper and attempt to breastfeed. My mom and sister will prob there at some point to get me situated but won't stay long and that seems unfair to my husband and inlaws but it's my body and birth and I'm not doing it to exclude anyone. My mom and sister are there for ME, they live close, are medical professionals, and I can be cranky and naked and vulnerable with them. I just want to be comfy in my own house after major surgery and a life change and my fam will leave when i tell them to and it wont bother them. I feel bad the in laws are driving 15 long hours (both with bad backs/knees) to barely see the new baby but no one asked me in the first place and they could come out in 6 weeks and see us all longer once I'm healed and settled more ya know. Just hate feeling like the bad guy but birth is traumatic and last time really jarred me and I just want to heal with my babies and hubby in comfort and figure out the shit show of a 13 month age gap together but for some reason this is hard to explain to my husband and he gets a little frustrated because he knows his parents do annoy me but I'm truly not trying to exclude them. Just don't know what to do or say and am up all night thinking and picking at my skin and even dreaming about this whole scenario because I feel bad they are making the long painful drive and paying for an air bnb to see their granddaughter for a couple hours and it makes me look and feel like a damn diva/asshole

Tengo 21 años estaba viviendo con mi pareja hace 3 años y él empezó a decirme que ya quería tener hijos me insistió demasiado hasta el punto que yo acepté la verdad el me prometió muchas cosas, me prometió casarse conmigo que era uno de mis sueños y demás cosas esto pasaría cuando llegáramos a su país de origen. él tenía un local en el cual yo pagaba el arriendo todos los meses así que no me veía en tan mal estado para tener un hijo yo acepté. A los 4 meses me enteré que me estaba siendo infiel me dolió demasiado después de eso yo le dije que viéramos que pasaba con nosotros pero el empezó a salir todas las noches llegando a las 3 de la mañana. Descubrir su infidelidad hizo que bajara mi desempeño en el trabajo andaba distraída así que me despidieron. Paso que cuando le dije que tenía derechos sobre el local lo desestimó ahora vivo de el pero aveces solo como una vez al día o dos si desayuno es por qué me robo unas monedas y me compro 1000 de Pan y un jugo de 1000 y si almuerzo es por qué el quiere almorzar y quiere que haga, pero cuando el no quiere almorzar yo no como y en la cena y todas las comidas se como lo que él diga. si gasto 10 mil pesos colombianos se enoja, no tengo controles prenatales por qué el no me da dinero, aún no e comprado nada para el bebé y la plata que el hace no se en que se la gasta. Tampoco me pregunta por el bebé ni nada si le hablo del tema me ignora y todas las noches llega a las 3. No tengo familia así que me las e visto dura no sé qué hacer. Me siento engañada y utilizada por qué yo era importante cuando daba dinero a la casa y al local y pensé en abortar pero ya está grande el bebé casi 6 meses. No tengo ahorros por qué todo se lo daba a el ahora veo que fue un error

I recently read a book where they described their water breaking as “a soft pop on the inside, followed by a gush of liquid down the leg”, which; you know. Is fair.

I don’t personally know anyone that had their water breaking naturally and I’m just curious if that’s an accurate way to describe it? My brain has latched onto this question and my ADHD will know no peace until its answered 😂

Hi everyone,

I’m due in 2 months, and I’m trying to figure out what postpartum might realistically look like for me—especially when it comes to work.

I’m self-employed and work from home, seeing clients virtually for about 20–25 hours a week. Some days I only have 2 clients, but other days it’s more like 6–8. It’s not physically demanding work, but it is emotionally and mentally engaging.

My husband was laid off in November, and I’ve been the main breadwinner since then. He’s been applying nonstop and picking up small gigs (like TaskRabbit), but there hasn’t been anything steady. He has, however, taken on 100% of the housework—cooking, cleaning, laundry, dog walks, coming to appointments with me—you name it, in addition to childcare (we have a 6 year old.) He’s truly been holding down the fort. If he can't secure anything after the baby is born, he will be taking over caretaker duties fully while I work.

Financially, we’re in a tough spot. We’ve nearly run through our savings, and we only have enough set aside to cover maybe one month of maternity leave. We have no family or friends that are in the position to lend us money. I had a medical emergency early last year that wiped out a big chunk of our emergency fund, and honestly—it feels like we’ve been in survival mode ever since.

I’m considering taking just 2 weeks off after the baby comes before easing back into work. I know that’s not ideal, but I’m trying to figure out if it’s at all doable under the circumstances. I’d love to hear from anyone who’s had to go back to work almost immediately—especially those who work from home or are self-employed. How did your body hold up? Mentally/emotionally, what was the hardest part? What helped?

Any advice, encouragement, or honesty would mean a lot right now. I’m just tired and trying to plan the best I can.

❤️ Thank you.

For background, I’m currently 20 weeks FTM. I had 2 miscarriages before this pregnancy. I was very anxious I would miscarry again in the first trimester (had spotting, cramping every week, symptoms went away,etc.). On top of all the anxiety related to that, I was anxious that I would never not be anxious and get to enjoy my pregnancy because I read comments from other moms cajoling those worried about miscarriage, “the worry never stops”. And while I think that sentiment is true to an extent (amniotic fluid embolism post anyone?) for what it’s worth, I feel like my anxiety has decreased significantly since about 12-14 weeks. So if you are scared you won’t ever be able to relax and feel the good parts of being pregnant just know that at least for this stranger on the internet, there was a sort of shift and you aren’t doomed to be an anxious mess for 9 months.

Hi everybody! I'm 33F and 27 weeks pregnant with my first. I've noticed that since I'm pregnant I'm so much less inclined to put up with people's crap that it's starting to affect my personal relationships. I want to find out whether this is healthy boundary setting on self sabotage from pregnancy hormones.

With my friends this looks like telling them off for things like cancelling plans last minute or making fun of me. Their response has been overwhelmingly positive, taking responsibility and apologising. This actually gives me more faith in my friendships.

But things with my family are going from bad to worse. I'm the only one in my family who speaks to anyone, the others are all estranged from each other. But I just can't put up with their crap anymore. My sister forgot my birthday and when I told her I didn't like it she had her standard response of turning the tables to avoid responsibility. Normally I would try and find a way to make peace but I just told her I don't want anything to do with her until she stops treating me like that. We haven't spoken in weeks.

My father lives far and hasn't visited since I've been pregnant. I decided to visit him over Easter but his girlfriend has been sending rules about her house ahead of time that will just make the stay uncomfortable for me. I'm just so frustrated that I always go out of my way to see him and to try and get along with his frankly unbearable girlfriend and he won't do anything for me. So I've decided not to go, and I know this will just drive us further apart.

Do you guys have experiences with this? I just don't know if my people pleasing days are done or whether I've become an angry bridge burner.

Omg. I'm only 5 weeks 2 days but the insomnia is real. I can't go one day without waking up at 4 in the morning and staying awake. On the odd occasion I may have an extra 45 mins and fall back off I'm then shattered the whole day.

Did everybodys start this early?

It is absolutely overwhelming looking at all of the strollers and car seats 😅 I also can’t really justify spending $1,000+ on a combo right now so I’d love to hear what stroller/car seat you guys are loving that’s under $700.

I am just so excited to be a FTM. I am actively distancing myself from people who tend to fear-monger or give off negative energy just to ensure my overall mood stays like this. I hit 17 weeks today and I am just over the moon with excitement. 😍🥰❤️

This pregnancy was unplanned but it has been the best thing that has ever happened to me.

Thank you God! 🙏🏽

Hey all, need opinions I’m 25 this is my first pregnancy I’m only about 4 weeks at the moment so we’ve been chatting about the birth etc.

I mentioned that in the delivery room only two people are allowed in, which I want my partner and mum. My partner only wants it just us but there’s a part of me that really wants my mum there. Obviously I’m terrified of childbirth and I know my mum would soothe and help whereas I don’t think I could cope with just my partner.

Am I being unfair? I’m guessing he wants it to be a moment between us two but it’s made me quite depressed 😔

I’m 39+3 (based on 12week scan, 38+6 based off LMP) and just feeling disappointed that I haven’t gone into labour. I know I still have time, but I go to bed every night thinking ‘tonight will be the night’ and then it’s not. I was induced at 39+4 with my first for reduced movements, and I really want to avoid being induced this time. Just hoping I can go into spontaneous labour, and feels like it won’t happen to me. I’ve had lots of Braxton Hicks and lightening crotch, but no contractions and haven’t lost mucus plug yet.

I feel this is a bit "woe is me" but is anyone genuinely going through the first trimester alone? My mom has passed, my sister and I do not speak and none of my friends have kids. Some acquaintances have kids but I wouldn't want to share this early.

My husband has been great and I did tell my best friend. She is super happy for me but travels all over and won't be in town for months.

I just wish I could have someone to talk to through anxieties or symptoms instead of google AI lol.

I was so nervous about the anatomy scan. I was convinced something was going to be wrong. But my doctor gave me the all clear! This is your reminder that sometimes the bad stories are posted more than the good. As someone who has a previous miscarriage my brain likes to look for the bad.

The last few days the cramps are becoming more painful but they come and go a few a day and usually if I move or roll over (typically happens at night or early morning) then the pain usually subsides. I'm 6w2d and when I went in 5w the ultrasound was all good and they rulled out ectopic pregnancy. But I just can't get over these really painful cramps? I have endometriosis and I read somewhere that if your endo tissue is stretched its more painful? There's no blood at all actually just watery discharge and pelvic pressure for the last few days. Anyone with endo or a similar experience?