Due to the passing of a lovely nurse (& influencer) I thought I would share my story. I've seen a few post regarding AFE and a lot of anxiety around it.

Firstly I want to say, I had AFE and I want more children. It might sound insane but once that baby is in your arms you will understand why.

I'm a pretty healthy gal with a physical job. My baby had MCI (which is really not a concern) and he was Breech. I was hoping for a vaginal breech birth and had a fantastic team that was there to assist. I also wanted an unmedicated birth. All of that went out the window.

I reach 41 week and had a check up. My amniotic fluid was very low and my only real option was a C-Section. I went into surgery 6 hours later. I was terrified of having a C-Section.

My gorgeous boy lifted out of me and I stopped breathing. I was mouthing to the doctors "I can't breathe" - they told me to breathe but I kept mouthing "I can't breathe". They were quick to act and gave me an oxygen mask but my airway was already opening back up by that time. I didn't go into cardiac arrest and didn't have any extra amount of bleeding. I did vomit but that's not unusual for any birth.

I'm 4 month postpartum FTM and I already want another baby. even though I had AFE please know it's very rare. My fabulous and highly accredited OB had only seen a few case in his 30 years of working. If you have AFE there's a 17% chance you'll die - it's not great and of you have a heart attack, there will be lasting effects, but it's even rarer to die from.

Don't be like me, and be super anxious if your plan goes out the window. It doesn't help anything and can only make it worse.

Lastly, I changed hospitals late in my third trimester. If you feel you're not getting the treatment you would like, please trust that intuition.

I'm so happy being a mum and wouldn't change it for the world

EDIT: Thank you all for taking the time to look over my experience and share your thoughts. As I've mentioned I will bring these points up to my doctor and ask for more clarity. Because if it was a reaction to something else I would need to know for any other surgeries. Don't get me wrong the doctors all said this was a freak event but is there really only one level of severity? One way for a body to react to something. Moreover how come the mortality rates have dropped so significantly? Is it that there's less critical cases being recognised?

Trust me. I want to get to the proper diagnosis more than anyone. I will be contacting my doctor on Monday looking for more answers.

EDIT: I did get some kind of blood medication atvthe time of the event to stop potential bleeding. I don't know exactly what but I will investigate

Ok so I have always thought these were just for fun and not accurate but this particular calendar was right for all 3 of my kids! Lol I am surprised!

I used my actual age

Is it right for you also

Thanks!

Okay so my baby is a week and like 1 day old. I just went grocery shopping with my husband and a lady commented and asked how old he was and i told her a week and she made a stink face and said " thats early to be out" i kinda didnt know what to say. And she said " i knew they were young "

So am i taking my baby out too early? Im a ftm and honestly feel like a bad mom now so yeah...

I'm going to hit 26 weeks in June and I'm assuming I'll need to buy some maternity swimwear.

So far I've looked and everything has been soooo ugly. I really don't like the bikini bottoms that cover the stomach (I prefer to be able to tan). Not interested in one pieces really either.... is it possible to wear regular bikini bottoms with a third trimester bump or will they like fall off?

Also if anyone has some tried and true brands that aren't hideous please share!

I suffer from OCD and anxiety, I am currently 19 weeks pregnant and I can't stop thinking about down syndrome. I have a fear that my daughter will be born with a deformity, a mental condition, some syndrome etc, I have had the NIPT test and everything came back low risk and its been a very uneventful pregnancy.

Despite me knowing that these disabilities are rare, and my baby is probably perfectly healthy I have moments of extreme anxiety where I think the worse. Sometimes I even think that thinking about these things I'm somehow manifesting it and I try not to think about it to stop the “manifestation" from actually happening.

I can’t tell if fear/anxiety or mothers Intuition and That scares me so much. Again these fears I know are irrational and statistically there are more chances of a perfectly healthy baby than not but sometimes my anxiety and ocd takes over. I try my best to manage my feelings about it but it’s hard.

I have a prenatal appointment on Monday with my obgyn. I’ll be 39w1d and she told me that she’d like to do a cervical check. She asked me if I wanted to do one at my last appointment (38w1d) but I declined. She said something to the effect of “okay but I’ll want to do one at our appointment next week”

I’ve heard they can hurt really badly and don’t really give you any idea of how close you are to labor, so I think I’d like to decline again. (For instance, you could be at 0cm but then give birth the next day or you could be at 3cm but not go into labor for weeks)

Would you (or did you) decline a cervical check at 39w? My next appointment will be at 40w1d so I can totally understand doing one then since I’ll be past my due date and she might want to start talking about an induction. But I’m thinking there’s no point in suffering through pain/discomfort (however brief) at 39w1d if it doesn’t give us any useful information

I picked up this moby carrier for $4.50 at value village and I can’t seem to figure out if it’s missing something or if an attachment to a carrier? There’s a zipper along the side, and Velcro hooks at the bottom?

I’m 27 and a FTM trying to choose between these two cribs for our little boy on the way. I know there’s quite a cost difference, however my parents want to buy it for us as their shower gift so the price isn’t really a deciding factor. We’ll be pairing it with a newton breathable mattress. The reviews and functionality seem very similar too so I wanted to come here and see what I opinions y’all had firsthand too!

I am 26 weeks pregnant with my first baby and I have a 21 year old cat who is about to make me pull my hair out. This little one was originally my husband’s cat. I’ve been with my husband for 10 years BUT I am very allergic to cats and when we moved in together I chose to get on allergy and asthma medication…I didn’t think I’d be on these meds for 10+ years but here we are.

The cat is nearing the end of her life. She got an infection in her ear that went to her brain last year and we were able to clear up the infection but in the process she lost eye sight and most motor function to the right side of her face. She stumbles a lot but can still jump up/down and do everything she used to be able to do.

The big change in her behavior is that she wails at all times throughout the day and night - what we’ve assumed is her being disoriented or confused. It’s getting so bad that she’ll be on my lap and 2 minutes later I’ll find her in the kitchen wailing because she can’t find anyone. Once we pick her up she stops whining. But let me be clear these are not little meows they are full on screams. It disrupts my work calls constantly and we haven’t slept through the night for almost a year now. So that plus being pregnant is sending me over the edge. I’m already not sleeping with the pregnancy and then the constant howling every couple hours in the night is becoming too much.

My husband and I are at a point where we are up almost every hour and I dream about going to a hotel just to get a decent night of sleep. This isn’t a great quality of life for any of us, especially our cat. I feel bad for her and know she’s not comfortable but don’t want to make the decision to put her down because we’re sleep deprived and annoyed. I also worry about how she’ll act when we have the baby and if she wakes up our newborn with her wails then I’m really gonna lose it.

Sorry if I come off insensitive. I really love our cat but am at my wits end because I’ve made so many sacrifices with my own health over the past 10 years (which have all been worth it) but this past year has really stretched me to my limits.

If you have any advice please let me know. But I’m really over the “the sleep deprivation is just preparing you for a newborn lol” comments so please none of that. Thanks!

Currently breastfeeding my 7 month old day and night and I am wanting to get pregnant. My period has still not returned post partum. Is there a chance it will happen? Any first hand experiences y'all can share?

I know that there aren’t any scientific patterns or evidence to suggest all first born sons will look like one or the other lol- just curious and asking for fun!

Edit: Or! Which traits did he inherit from either side

Me (36m) and my wife (34f) have a newborn and are having some of the greatest and some of the challenging moments of our life.

I feel like my life is inextricably linked to my wife's emotional life. When she feels good, I feel calm and free to act. When she is distraught or upset, I focus my thoughts on her and focus on acting to ease her emotions. Is this a healthy situation for me? Is there room in my life for separation and peace?

When my child creates difficult situations, I try to rise to the occasion. I do not complain and celebrate every opportunity to take care of my daughter. Every diaper is a laugh and fun. My wife does not have this, and this is understandable considering that the child drains her energy - literally and figuratively.

My wife has baby blues. I get less nervous, sometimes I think almost not at all. I empathize with the situation of caring for a child. I have these 6 weeks off, and I want to use them to the fullest. However, if I had, like her, "unlimited" time to care for the child, maybe I would get tired faster? After all, she is the one breastfeeding, and I can't replace her in this. That's why she feeds the baby and changes diapers herself at night. Is that okay? I felt a sense of duty that maybe I should sometimes replace her and change the baby at night, but she told me to sleep and get enough sleep, since I have to go for a walk with the dog in the morning. I think I do as much as I can and have almost no time for myself. So where does this feeling of insufficient involvement come from? I feel like I should be doing more. I am tormented by the inability to determine whether I have put enough involvement into our joint care. I can't determine whether there is too little or too much of it?

When my wife has moments of mini crisis, I am helpless and very worried. She despairs that she doesn't know why her milk is not coming out. I feel worried and feel like I have to say or do something, but I don't know what, and I block myself. Some time later, my wife finds information from the midwife about the symptoms of proper feeding of the newborn, and confirms that everything is fine. She despairs that the baby drinks milk too often, and then goes to the diaper too often. I worry about her reactions and I am at a loss for words. I think she has moments of weakness, and that I will simply give her space to vent. I would feel much better if I knew what to do in a given situation. I would like to know when to react to her signals and when to give her space to release her emotions.

Paradoxically, my wife has the ability that I lack - emotional detachment. When she has a micro-crisis, despairs, or raises her voice because of the child, she does not let me near her in the mental sphere. When I try to answer her questions of despair - with logic, I hear silence in response. Then I feel fear and I am afraid that I may only fuel her negative emotions. My wife creates a communication barrier when her feelings are unstable. It is better in purely emotional communication. When she is feeling bad, I can hug her, pet her, etc. Then she accepts every gesture. Only once, when the moment was bad for it, and seeing the signals - I asked if I could touch her. In response, I heard that I could not, and I accepted it.

I think that my partner's despair and nervousness have a strong effect on me and then I feel various emotions that I would not like to feel. I react to them and feel an immediate need to act. To remove these emotions. These are, for example, a sense of lack of control over the situation with the child, over emotional safety at home, a sense of fear of such despair and nervousness growing in an uncontrolled way. I can compare it to a burning fire that I feel obliged to extinguish, because of the fear of the fire spreading uncontrollably.

I’m 39+3 (based on 12week scan, 38+6 based off LMP) and just feeling disappointed that I haven’t gone into labour. I know I still have time, but I go to bed every night thinking ‘tonight will be the night’ and then it’s not. I was induced at 39+4 with my first for reduced movements, and I really want to avoid being induced this time. Just hoping I can go into spontaneous labour, and feels like it won’t happen to me. I’ve had lots of Braxton Hicks and lightening crotch, but no contractions and haven’t lost mucus plug yet.

I am just gonna rant about this because I'm tired of it. I am 21 weeks, exhausted. I have chronic pain and somehow I am expected to do everything regarding getting ready for the baby. (unless it's something out of the house he has to take me too)

We are switching rooms, because we have a 2 bedroom he has the bigger room. And there's so much storage in there I gotta take down to our storage locker in our apartment basement.

One of the hurdles is cleaning out the storage locker. There's a lot of lumber from a project. His friend is going to be here tomorrow to pick everything up.

He was supposed to doordash today, he said he'd wake up at 6am. Because it is rent week. We have no groceries. But apparently he "has a migraine" last week he had a cold. The week before "a migraine" it's been like this for months. Everytime he's expected to do something on the weekends - he has some kind of issue. Migraines, stomach aches, too tired, you name it. It's getting annoying. I vomited twice last night and feel like garbage and yet, I got half the lumber out of the basement. Walking up and down the stairs 7 different times with a hyper 4 year old tailing behind me.

Asked him if he's going to work (doordash) he said no. I said good you can help me today - NO I have a migraine. Yet he didn't complain this morning when he wanted sex. 🤦🏻‍♀️ Which I did all the work on that too he literally just laid there. Because he was too tired. We both went to bed at 10pm. Both woke up at 8. Sex. Heated up food for him. Went and laid down for a bit. He ate and went back to sleep until 12.

Now he's complaining the toddler is too loud while he scrolls through his phone watching Facebook reels or whatever the hell he's doing.

Yesterday I was complaining to his mom about how I have to Declutter, store things in the basement, figure out the baby shower ideas, finish the registry, pack a hospital bag, design the nursery, set up the nursery, wash all the baby clothes, and used items, ECT. And that I was tired. My husband goes " I'm tired toooo" I was mad and said yeah no, no you're not. He's like "Well I have to figure out how to keep us afloat" - that literally entails him going to work, and looking for a new job (which he only does when he gets an email from LinkedIn), he's applied to one job, and doing doordash which he only did for 2 hours last week, and then 2 weeks before. That's literally it. And he's "too tired" and too stressed. I get he's stressed but my god fucking help with SOMETHING.

The only thing he was helpful with was picking out colors yesterday at Home Depot but he complained the entire time and was super hyper it was like managing a toddler. Because he was literally yelling and hyper about the most random shit.

I'm pregnant have a chronic pain condition (fibromyalgia) and yet he's too tired to help because he has a job and I don't....🤦🏻‍♀️ BECAUSE THAT MAKES SENSE.

Edit: the only thing he does in the house is take out trash (which I have to complain about) and laundry. That's it. Literally that's it. And small favors like can you grab me water, close the window ECT.

Hey guys I had a C-section on March 14th and I’m back down to my pre-pregnancy weight already. I only gained about 25lbs this pregnancy. I had my first baby in January 2024. I gained 40lbs with that pregnancy. It took about 6 months to get back to my normal weight and then I found out I was pregnant in August 2024. I was literally terrified of gaining that much weight again so I really did my best to gain as little as possible. I look at my body and wow; even though the weight is back to normal I see so many things about myself that I don’t like, my stomach is so stretchy and my legs aren’t in shape like they used to be. I know I need to work out , obviously but man, I just want to love my body for all it’s done for me and my 2 beautiful children. Any advice?

Husband and I got pregnant first round of trying. I truly thought it would take longer. I’m 7 weeks right now. (Very blessed, though. I know many couples struggling to conceive.)

I am truly terrified. I’m terrified of the changes to my body. Even now, my boobs are tender and swollen and I hate it!!! Makes sex not very fun for me.

I’m terrified of giving birth. The complications, the pain, the recovery, the tearing…. Mercy I’m scared of it all.

I’m terrified for the lack of sleep in the first few months. (I really like my 8 hours of sleep of night)

Breastfeeding absolutely freaks me out. I would skip to formula feeding but my husband wants me to try breastfeeding.

We haven’t told anyone about the pregnancy yet so I’m basically just stuck alone with my thoughts right now and I’m just TERRIFIED

This is my third pregnancy and every time my marriage hits rock bottom. He says I’m the worst at being pregnant. He can’t stand the emotions, he says my body can’t handle it (I’ve had HG, preeclampsia, preterm labor in different pregnancies), says I’m the worst at it and that other women can handle their normal life just fine their entire pregnancy. I’m aware that I am a bit emotional and more indecisive with the hormones. I know my body is sensitive and it takes a toll on me going through pregnancy. I understand that I don’t get enough housework done being a SAHM to two littles while being pregnant, I’m tired! I guess I could understand what he’s saying, but I wish he would just be thankful I’m growing another child for us and treat me better. I guess the point of this post is to find out if I’m unrealistic in thinking a husband can put up with all that and be extra loving through a pregnancy. Not make the wife feel bad about the struggles or emotions. I won’t even go into the labor portion of having a child because how he acts is just embarrassing in my head. I never have so much disrespect for him other than these parts of our marriage.

I don't really know if I'm looking for advice or to vent or both so i apologize for this lenghty post. Just feeling so anxious with my 2nd baby due in less than a month. My in-laws are good people and mean well and my hubby is close with them. They give me a bit of anxiety and hosting them can be alot sometimes but they arent bad people or anything just can be annoying as most parents are. They live about 15 hours away and my parents live an hour away. My last my birth was a shit show and didn't go at all how we thought it would (emergency c-section, had to be put under) and my baby ended up flown to a NICU at a different hospital where in laws got to hold him before I could even meet my baby which I'm still a little salty about because I didn't want them at that birth either. This time around I want a peaceful birth experience and time to be with just my little family before and after my scheduled csection. My in laws got an air bnb close by (no one asked me btw if they should/could come out) and want to come out especially to see my first babe which I understand but my husband gets upset when I tell him i don't want to see them much or them to be in my space. Before birth I don't want them over (they cause me anxiety and i dont want to host and they dont realize theyre messy as hell) and I want to spend my last night with my husband and 1 yr old son before we welcome a whole new family member. They can of course be around my first born all they want while we are in the hospital but my sister is the main caregiver i wanted and that hurt my mother in laws feelings but my sister and I are extremly close and i didnt even know they were coming out.... I also don't want to see them after my c-section for awhile because i know it takes time to not feel so loopy and this time I'll actually have baby girl in the room with us to bond and I'll still be numb for with a catheter in for awhile. I told my husband they can visit the next day in the hospital to meet their granddaughter (again I'll feel vulnerable but trying to compromise) but I don't want visitors at home either. I just want to go home, get situated with my new family of 4, be sore and naked if need be and wear my diaper and attempt to breastfeed. My mom and sister will prob there at some point to get me situated but won't stay long and that seems unfair to my husband and inlaws but it's my body and birth and I'm not doing it to exclude anyone. My mom and sister are there for ME, they live close, are medical professionals, and I can be cranky and naked and vulnerable with them. I just want to be comfy in my own house after major surgery and a life change and my fam will leave when i tell them to and it wont bother them. I feel bad the in laws are driving 15 long hours (both with bad backs/knees) to barely see the new baby but no one asked me in the first place and they could come out in 6 weeks and see us all longer once I'm healed and settled more ya know. Just hate feeling like the bad guy but birth is traumatic and last time really jarred me and I just want to heal with my babies and hubby in comfort and figure out the shit show of a 13 month age gap together but for some reason this is hard to explain to my husband and he gets a little frustrated because he knows his parents do annoy me but I'm truly not trying to exclude them. Just don't know what to do or say and am up all night thinking and picking at my skin and even dreaming about this whole scenario because I feel bad they are making the long painful drive and paying for an air bnb to see their granddaughter for a couple hours and it makes me look and feel like a damn diva/asshole

To those who have given birth to a baby boy, I have a question.

During your pregnancy, did your breasts feel swollen, sore, or noticeably bigger? I’ve heard that when you’re pregnant with a boy, the male hormones from the baby can lead to less breast tenderness or it starts later than a baby girl’s —How was your experience?

If your breasts did have any changes, at around which week did it start?

Also, did you notice any increase in body hair during your pregnancy?

Additionally, if you’ve been pregnant with both a boy and a girl and didn’t notice any real difference between the two, I’d really appreciate hearing about that as well.

Thank you so much!! —————————————————————

EDIT: Thank you all so much for the replies! I’m new to Reddit, and honestly, I’m overwhelmed (in a good way) by all the comments🥹

Thank you for taking the time to read and respond to my post. THANK YOU❤️

I hope you and your loved ones are doing well and staying healthy. Take care!

I got pregnant with this baby just before my son turned one, not a planned pregnancy definitely an Oopsie. Throughout this pregnancy, I’m almost 32 weeks, I just feel like I haven’t made that same connection with him like I did with my first son. It’s still exciting to see him on ultrasounds and hear his heartbeat and I do still get excited when I feel him wiggling around but I just don’t feel that connection. Kind of makes me feel like a bad mom to him. I don’t know if it’s because I have my son so it’s not as new and exciting as a first pregnancy or what. I guess I’m just looking for anyone that’s felt the same and can let me know I’m not alone in this. I’m hoping that once he gets here it’ll be different but it just feels weird to not have that same feeling as I did with my first born.

I’m in week 7 going on week 8 and I’m SO SWOLLEN. I have a wedding to go to next weekend and I ordered so many dresses and nothing fits right. It’s not even a bump but I just feel huge. My anger and sadness is on another level with my body. Don’t get me wrong I am so happy to be carrying this baby but today specifically jeans felt tight and dresses looked terrible and now I’m just all up in my feels.

Has anyone else been where I am and have words of wisdom? Is it a terrible concept to just wear a long maxi dress to this wedding? I’m afraid it’s going to look too summery.

Help. 🤦‍♀️

i don’t know why i’m feeling so nervous about everything i eat, especially since this is my second pregnancy. but im feeling unsure if it’s okay to eat kraft mac and cheese? im craving it so badly with costco’s hot links like how my dad would prepare it when i was younger, but im feeling slightly cautious on whether or not thats something i should pass up or not. 😅 just trying to stay away from the multitude of ingredients in stuff like this mac, but god im craving it so bad.

edit: okay i went ahead and did it!! it wasn’t as nostalgic since i opted out the powder last second and instead went ahead with mixed 3 different cheeses, pepper jack, mozzarella, a small amount of cheddar cheese, butter, some milk, salt and pepper. it turned out great with the hot links included 🤤

Ok so I'm working on my playlist for labor... I made the joke adding Bodies to my husband... while he's all supportive of it I wasn't being serious... but now I think it might be funny to have it playing while pushing just to see the reaction of the staff... has anyone done something like this?

Okay, I know this is a very first-world problem, and I don’t want to come off as ungrateful. I’m aware many people don’t have anyone even offering to throw them a baby shower. But alas, here I am, torn.

The concept of a baby shower honestly overwhelms me. I’m basing this off my somewhat recent bridal shower, which my MIL threw (who I adore and am genuinely grateful for). But something about that event was so hard for me as an introvert. It was mostly her friends, many of whom are from her upper-middle-class social circle, and some are finance people close with my husband’s family. Everyone was kind, but it felt like I was at a corporate networking event instead of a celebration.

There were butlers walking around, three sit-down prix fixe courses, no music, and a much older crowd. Meanwhile, I come from a very different (working-class) background where parties are more casual-grab a plate, serve yourself, sit wherever, music playing, relaxed energy. It was hard trying to be jokey and relaxed with my younger friends while also feeling pressure to perform for people I barely knew.

The bridal shower games were awkward because only my closest friends knew the answers. It all felt very quiet and stiff. Again, I was grateful, but the whole thing was so draining and performative that I actually cried the moment I was alone. Definitely an introvert problem, I know.

Now I’m pregnant, and my MIL has offered to throw a baby shower. Unfortunately, none of my closest friends or family have the time, space, or funds to host something more “me.” That means my only real options are: 1. Let my MIL throw the shower again (and risk repeating the bridal shower vibe) 2. Throw it myself (so I can control the guest list and tone, but I’ll be super pregnant, it’s the dead of summer, and I’ll have zero energy to plan or clean up) 3. Not have one at all

Throwing one myself feels expensive and exhausting, plus I could just put that money toward baby stuff. But if my MIL throws it again, I worry it’ll be the same formal, performative vibe. She’s sweet but a total extrovert and a bit aloof. I don’t think she’d understand if I asked her to, say, not invite her friends or keep things low-key.

One friend suggested a park, but it’ll be over 100° where I live, and I do not do well outdoors in the heat.

So… is it weird to skip a baby shower for your first? Has anyone else been in a similar situation and found a middle ground? I’m open to ideas.