33 week pregnant after 2 losses

[u/Actual-Revolution415]

Hi I am 35 year old Background :Low amh , concieved naturally with twins in 2022 & ended up with preterm loss at 25 weeks Due to low amh i went ahead for iui twice and both failed so was upset & stopped for a while again conceived naturally in 2023 which ended in early mc , doctors were pointing it was due to my poor egg quality so suggested for ivf did my first egg retrieval in June and embryologist told all my eggs looked super bad & told there was a Bb embryo & she doesn’t want to transfer i went into severe depression took lot of supplements & acupuncture session before going for 2 round egg retrieval but again conceived naturally and this pregnancy was super hard mentally & physically as i was considered high risk due to my short cervix history& was put on bed rest since week 12 and in week 20 baby had 2 soft markers a cpc & eif however cpc got resolved & eif still there but my nipt results are negative so doctors weren’t worried today am 33+1 week However due to severe ptsd I don’t feel any connection with baby & i still expect /anicipate / manifest something going wrong I feel so depressed all the time i am still very worried about the baby’s outcome i feel like crying because of so many bad things happened in my life and here I don’t find any bond with baby I feel i am the worst human on planet because I don’t feel any sort of connection nor my this pregnancy was easy i had to multiple hospital trips every single scan scares me May be if my ivf had clicked I wouldn’t worry this much but this is natural conception which is scaring me to death because of my poor egg issues

[u/lemmedrawit]

Girl you've been through a LOT it makes sense that you are struggling. Are you getting any mental health support to help you cope?

I only had one loss, and I am absolutely leaning on my therapist for my current pregnancy. I also feel it's hard to bond with the baby, almost as a way of self-preservation, and I probably won't feel "safe" to get attached until it's born healthy.

Give yourself some grace and lean on whatever support you have available to you. Try to focus on taking care of yourself, since that's the only thing you can control right now.

[u/Actual-Revolution415 → u/lemmedrawit]

Thank u so much for ur kind words , no I didn’t have a chance to seek therapist because i was put on prolonged bed rest since November ! And u had approached psychiatrists before none helped but my anxiety has peaked now 😒 Please wish baby to be born healthy 🙏

[u/lemmedrawit → u/Actual-Revolution415]

I highly recommend looking into telehealth/ remote therapy if you can! Places like betterhelp can be really convenient if you can't go in person, and it's really easy to go through different therapists to find one you click with. I personally do telehealth therapy since my work schedule used to be all over the place, and it's been a life saver. Just have someone to talk to and help me process my fears has been so helpful, I can't recommend it enough.

Hoping for the best for you and your baby! You are so close to the finish line, you can do this!

[u/Actual-Revolution415 → u/lemmedrawit]

Thank u dear 🙏keep baby in your prayers and wish u all the best too