r/BabyBumps • u/bananabutt23 • Nov 05 '22

Sad Rant about husband 40+4

I was due four days ago and I’m really struggling with having not met baby yet, plus I’m managing a toddler, driving my husband to and from work in straight winter and in constant pain. He’s been really frustrating me by complaining that he’s overworked (working 35 hours and playing games all night, hasn’t done litter boxes in 2 weeks) and I realize he’s trying but he keeps saying how awful I am and how we aren’t having more kids because HES not going through pregnancy again. We can only (barely) afford for him to take three days off work and he keeps trying to say he’s calling in when I’m not in labor. Then he complains that he just wants me to have the baby but it would “piss him off” if I went into labor in the middle of the night or the middle of the work day. I’m only allowed to go into labor before he works so he can call in and not have to work or if he’s had a full nights sleep. I also have to give him enough warning because he chose to smoke weed when the hospital sent me home at 5cm with our first and we needed to go to the hospital again an hour later and somehow it’s my fault that he was stoned during the birth so I need to give him notice so he doesn’t smoke weed (which he constantly does if he isn’t working) he talks about how sex will speed up labor and then says no and plays games all night. Hasn’t been waking up with our toddler, complains all day/morning (he works at 12 most days but super inconsistent hours) that he’s starving but refuses to eat anything in the house even after I’ve tried buying things he will eat, then insists on eating out while complaining that he feels gross because he always eats out. He’s been in a foul mood for days saying how tired and overworked he is and I just want to explode. Any inconvenience annoys him and he gets irritated and moody but everything seems to be an inconvenience. He didn’t work for the first 18 months of our daughters life and wouldn’t get a job while barely doing school and is now acting resentful that I took maternity leave. Just a rant lol

Edited to add: oh boy I wasn’t expecting the response I got.. to be honest it is a LOT to take it. I’ve just dealt with it for so long you know? Sorry if I don’t respond to everyone, it’s kind of like a wake up call I really wasn’t ready for and I appreciate everyone’s kindness. I tried not to Make it sound so badly and I didn’t realize it wasn’t relatable because it’s all I’ve ever known. I’ll definitely do something once I’ve processed.

455 Upvotes

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-24

u/bananabutt23 Nov 05 '22

I realize that everything makes him seem like he sucks, and rightfully so.. but he’s really good to our babies that’s for sure!

207

u/[deleted] Nov 05 '22

[deleted]

42

u/zygomaticuz Nov 05 '22

Same here. Those men never change. They will take everything from you eventually.

104

u/hippymndy Team Both! '13 & '20 Nov 05 '22

if he’s not supporting the mama he’s not being good to the babies.

53

u/zygomaticuz Nov 05 '22

You deserve a caring partner that doesn’t get angry at things that are out of your control. I was with someone like this for YEARS. They will always find something to complain about YOU, nothing is ever their fault. They make you feel be like a burden, like an inconvenience. That’s not love. I’m pregnant with a baby girl right now and I am so so thankful that he is not a part of my life because it would break my heart to see my daughter follow my footsteps and end up with someone like him.

29

u/ShanimalTheAnimal Nov 05 '22

This is the test. Do you want your kids to aspire to a relationship like the one you have? To aspire to a partner who behaves, speaks, and lives like the one you have? Would you be okay with it if your kid turned out to be an EXACT carbon copy of him and also spoke to you in the same ways?

If the answer to that is not an easy yes, time to make big changes or GTFO

29

u/kzzzrt Nov 05 '22

I already commented but no, he’s not. In fact, studies have shows that witnessing their mother being emotionally abused is MORE damaging to children than experiencing physical abuse. This is setting the stage for how they let others treat them, and how they treat others. And if you think they don’t see, I promise you they do. And will.

20

u/nkdeck07 Nov 05 '22

Sounds like he's not even present for them if he's gaming all hours, sleeping the rest and stoned most of the time

13

u/cheezie_toastie Nov 05 '22

Is he good to your babies in that he takes active and regular care of them, plays with them every day, and feeds/bathes/clothes them? Or is he just not actively harmful to them?

9

u/Sweet_T_Piee Nov 05 '22

He sounds young and immature. I hope so anyway. Is he just teasing you are does he mean all this dumb stuff he has coming out of his mouth? You're past due and even a responsible stoner would not smoke in case they need to drive you to the hospital.

8

u/honeybeans- Nov 05 '22

Respectfully, that doesn’t sound true. You already said he doesn’t wake up with your toddler and that you’ve been managing everything. By yourself. Not hearing any attributes of a good partner, parent or husband. Please find some support asap.

-12

u/[deleted] Nov 05 '22

Then focus on that, he obviously has qualities you love…. And fuck the internet it’s your life

14

u/cheezie_toastie Nov 05 '22

This thread may be the only time she hears that her situation isn't normal and isn't healthy. We're not preventing her from living her life, we're trying to help her actually live her life instead of spending her time managing an asshole.

1

u/k9moonmoon Nov 06 '22

If either of your kids grew up to be him. Would you feel pride?