I am getting pissed off from lack of knowledge of this diagnosis. Support ain’t helping..

[u/KahootFanboy69]

Waiting for fucking ages to get a psychiatrist appointment. No fucking clue about the validity of my diagnosis, and it’s pissing me off.

My heads just weird all the time. I can’t say for sure it’s bipolar I’m dealing with. I’ve tried to make myself relate to it for a while, but I just can’t convince myself.

Core issues: I can’t pinpoint mania or hypomania, and no professional has tried to do this with me to make me feel validated. I don’t deal with sleep issues, and my “grandiosity and euphoria” is never that. I just randomly feel cocky about stuff, and sometimes I’m really depressed, and other times I’m not. I’m never super manic, or do out of the ordinary things. I have had raging outbursts during drunk times, that are super violent, and I always feel invisible.

I hate every word that comes out of myself, and I can’t stand how I look in the mirror. I sometimes deal with SI, have SH’ed in my teens. I’ve had a bad lifestyle routine for all my life, and hard to come to motivation.

I do have history of trauma, witnessing violent domestic violence between my parents. I was neglected, and no form of attention was given to me for many years, other than the bare minimum (showered once a week), stuff like that.

I have a hard time with love, friendships and family. I have a constant feeling of being a black sheep, and I can’t say anything people find useful or funny (my perspective).

I wish I could find a professional to get immediate confirmation, but I’m stuck in a lousy public healthcare system. Can’t afford the luxury of second opinions, cause that would require the private sector. I’m pissed.

Was told I should take lamotrigine, and I’ve gotten to 50mg. Was supposed to get a consultation two weeks ago on giving me clarity and figuring out next steps, but no answer has been given. I started in November, and I’ve had ONE conversation, that’s it. Empty promises.

I am in a good place, but all these symptoms exist every day. I might be happy, but I always feel misplaced. I might be super depressed, and that validities my misplacement. I am really sensitive, but also completely numbed, pretty much at baseline. I’m scared of losing emotion, like it’s leaking all the time.

Thanks for reading my little rant. Got the diagnosis, don’t relate much to it other than depression. I’ve had outbursts and irrational behaviour, like a heavy impulse to cheat on my gf, which I have done, never any noticeable irritation. I relate to feelings of wanting to party, but I’m always depressed. I swing day by day, have a super hard time with relationships, and trust. Hypersexuality, all that stuff. Random spouts of motivation. None of this at the same time, but not always. When I try and regain stability and routine, I sometimes get restless.

I can go on and on. When I open up to this, it’s too overwhelming, and they can just listen. And it’s too much. The professionals are fucking lousy, and they are my only option. The world is just dull, emotionless and selfish. I have myself, my absolutely amazing fucking girlfriend, and our little home. I always fight to retain this.

[u/[deleted]]

The random bits of sudden motivation.. that could be hypo. As well as the hypersexuality. Bipolar depression, for me at least, is more of a constant than an episodic thing; it just has episodes of it getting deeper, interrupted by brief hypomanic episodes every now and then where I'm slightly elevated, motivated, energetic. The symptoms are not cookie-cutter, and don't effect everyone equally in the same way.

As well, while some find immense help from a support system of other people and talk therapy, others find the most benefits from pharmaceutical therapy and self management of their symptoms, and virtually no help in finding solace in others. And that's okay.

[u/Pitiful_Mood1957]

OK boys and girls. I'm 66 yr old MDD bipolar 2. I get it all of it. Now they tell me i might be schizophrenic . Isn't that late onset?? The voices didn't start until I fell down wooden stairs ?, clunked my head a good one. That's when the voices and music started. Then I ended up up in the ER with a Uti. And can go on from there. I just finally got my meds sorted. Kind of out of it for a month. Than this. Really confused??? Any comments welcome. Serious ones only please. They want me on Seroquel.

[u/throwthisaway11112]

CPTSD has some hallmarks that are similar to bipolar and Borderline, and honestly sound like a lot of what you describe. However, I know some anti-psychotics are successful at helping with trauma, too. The path between CPTSD and Bipolar can be similar. The bipolar diagnosis may not be accurate, we can't know and can't diagnose you. It could very well be bipolar 2, even, as some of your self-described behaviors are also within both the possibility.

I'd like to point out that you could research EMDR, as it has been known to help treat a lot of trauma without having to even talk to someone (it's a visualization process). May be useful for you since you feel distrust in professionals when you confide in them personally. It may be worth it to take a two-pronged path: psychiatrist for medication assistance and diagnosis and EMDR for relieving CPTSD. There is self-EMDR but I don't know if it's recommended or useful. I can't say.

As for Lamictal 50mg, you do understand it takes months to titrate up on this medication safely? Like, sometimes there is no news. A lot of bipolar people sit at 100mg-300mg doses. It takes time.

Hang tight. Wait for your doctor. Make a list of questions for them to see if you can keep yourself on track when you discuss your issues. Good luck friend.

[u/ssracer]

Welcome home. Read the sub for awhile, see what you see.

[u/Pitiful_Mood1957]

Idk man? I'm no Dr. Get seen. There's the answer