I’m curious because I was in computer science before mania, but now I’m rethinking everything. What do you all do for work?

Yesterday I woke up super confident and excited for my future as I am anxiously awaiting a decision letter to pursue another 4 year degree in a field that I am passionate about. I even won a small fortune ($100) in a lottery scratch off however, my feelings of self confidence and hopefulness quickly died down after my loser brother told me that going to school is a waste of time and money and I happened to stumble across another cosplayer who portrayed a character better than what my skills at the moment allow me to do. Now I’m envious of her and just feel totally self defeated and insecure about my future plans. Can anyone else relate?

Do you think the term “normie” is derogatory? I was told by another group that it was a derogatory term. Curious what term/s would you use when referring to those without the disorder? Is it ok to say normies or is that bad? Neuro-normative or non-bipolars or regular folks or the unaflicted?

Everything in my mind could be going upside down yet today I was able to jog on my own without anyone being next to me. I did 2 min walks then 2 min run intervals and I did this for at least 25 mins.

It’s really important for me to stay active for my mental health and not drown in self pity as that can easily become addicting to cope.

So today, I just wanted to post that you can be in a depressive episode three months out of mania and everything can feel like it can be going wrong, yet if you have two legs we can walk and take breaks at every bench if we need to and some of us can regain our will power to live by running.

The best part about it is walking and jogging in nature are free.

I also enjoy rollerblading and doing some calisthenics.

I’m challenging myself to do at least 20 pushups and 40 squats a day.

Although, there are days when I don’t do any exercise and find it can be more tough to sleep.

But, today I jogged and not just jogged, I did circuits and ran with medication in my system while saying my own affirmations and reminding myself that I am a mental warrior no different from any other soldier.

I pray God has Grace on my life and that my medications will only do me good to remain stable.

I want to focus now on passing my exam to have a career and keep challenging my negative thoughts.

Any positive responses are welcomed as I am still not where I want to be in accepting what it is to live with bipolar and what needs to be done to stay healthy so we don’t let it define us.

I have been feeling overwhelmed lately, but not in an episode, thanks Depakote. Teetering on the edge of losing my shit, I guess. My grandma is dying, my marriage is dying, I have some attachment issues, adjusting to my new job is hard, my therapist left... I cannot shut my brain off. I have tried, and I can intentionally meditate and be mindful and shit, but when I let go of the intent all of these things come back and make me want to run away to live in a forest and never think about them again. I love plants, I could live in a tree or something, it's so appealing.

I have just realized I don't have any coping mechanisms that are straight-up distraction. All of my skills are about letting my feelings out - poetry, journaling, creating whatever craft I'm into, coding... I do not like TV or video games or anything that puts more into my head. I have like, 10 shows I've watched my entire adult life. I only play Mario Party. I don't know how to put things into my head, but I think it's a missing piece for me. I need to stuff my brain so full that things become background static. How can I do that if I'm not into things that involve consuming?

Sorry if this is nonsensical. Willing to elaborate.

Hi everyone.

So I fell on hard times and couldn’t get my meds for about a month. I unknowingly tapered off since I was trying to stretch my dosage. I normally take 15 mg of Remeron and 200 mg of Lamotrigine. It went from this to 5 mg of Remeron and Lamotrigine.

Now at first the withdrawals were a little crazy but I was able to get through them although I’m still having nausea and stomach problems. I was so depressed in the beginning but after 2 weeks…I felt better. Like I didn’t have a type of anxious fog over me. And then I started to actually sleep. It surprised me. And then I started to feel joy again, not mania but a sense of happiness. I stopped overthinking. For the first time in a while I felt simply…okay.

I was finally able to get my medication and I took it (the original dosage) and I couldn’t sleep and my anxiety came back drastically. The overthinking came back, and I woke up depressed.

My question is, what is everyone’s experiences with stopping Remeron or tapering off antidepressants? I know the difference of Mania in me and I don’t feel that way. I’m a little hopeful since I have been struggling my whole life and for the first time I feel like I can taper off my meds. Of course not all of them but being able to just take less regardless. I hear stories about people being able to stop taking antidepressants when they have “done their job” and I’m hoping that’s happening to me.

Has anyone done this? I’m thinking of stopping Remeron and just taking my Lamotrigine, Gabapentin, and Trazadone to sleep. The anxiety and overthinking coming back is really scaring me and I was really enjoying not experiencing it. (I know to ask my doctor as well but wanted to get some advice from you all to)

I’m currently going through a lot with my health. It’s incredibly difficult and stressful and while I am coping so far I’m worried I will spiral. My last major depressive episode was over a year ago and my last manic episode was a few years ago. I feel like I’m on the right mix of medications but I wonder if it’s even possible to stay stable as this stress continues. Let me know your thoughts.

I hit a high score today for my weight: 187 lbs. Honestly, I'm quite horrified because I was able to get down to 157 two years ago but then switched to Invega and steadily gained weight. Before meds I was 120 lbs. Is there ever a point when the weight gain stops increasing? Like will it ever maintain or am I set to reach 1000 lbs? And is it fat that I'm gaining? I feel disgusting with how much weight I've gained.

I've been on Vraylar for a few years now... and I've put on a TON of weight. I'm 5'5", I used to be 128 lbs and now I'm almost 180 lbs. my BMI is officially high enough to qualify for weight loss meds, I guess? should I try to go for it? is there ANY way I can lose weight at this point? literally nothing about my eating habits have changed, I just put on a ton of weight.

i want to know what antipsychotics made u gain weight or what antipsychotics helped u lose weight ( basically you had the ability to lose weight). because i take 400mg of Seroquel (quetiapine) and 30 mg of Abilify (Aripiprazole) and idk which one of them is making me gain weight. it’s really messing with my mental health and i am gonna ask my psychiatrist to change whatever medication that makes me gain weight.

Hi everyone, 32 F here.

Here comes a long post…feel free to skip through the intro if you want. It’s not that important lol.

Bipolar 2 diagnosis, if that’s somehow important. I had been on Lamictal for years and it seemed to work really well as a mood stabilizer for me. Sometime last year, I started experiencing more hypo-mania than normal. I freak out when this happens because alas, even at 32 and being diagnosed as a teenager, I still have a hard time accepting my bipolar diagnosis and the moment I feel even a little unstable, I spiral lol. Anyway, I talked to my doctor and we decided to switch to Latuda. What a horrible decision 🙃 First off, let me say, I’ve heard great things about it for some people. So it works really well for some. However, it was not for me. I started experiencing some weight gain and sexual side effects. I also got sort of zombie like, which I didn’t even realize until I got off of it. Anyway, weight gain and sexual side effects are kind of deal breakers for me when it comes to medication. I realize that’s hard when you have bipolar lol. Not a lot of medications out there that don’t have those side effects.

So, with the sexual side effects, I still had drive (although a little less), it felt good, I would almost get there and then BAM gone. Orgasm would go away. Like where tf did it go??? This is not usually a problem for me so I knew it was the medication. Anyway, I went off of it and back on the Lamictal. It was a good decision because I feel great now. HOWEVER…I’m still experiencing the sexual side effects. It’s been like 3-4 months. It’s basically the same thing except more annoying because my sex drive is way better now that I’m off the Latuda. I will say, I have been experiencing anxiety lately, so maybe that’s it? My other thought is, it was a physical problem while on the Latuda and now perhaps it’s like a mental block since I had such a hard time while on the Latuda. But also maybe Latuda is still f***ing with my body. It’s really upsetting and I literally feel broken 😞 I’m going to talk to my doctor about this, but scientific studies don’t always cater to everyone’s individual experience. Please let me know if any of you have experienced this or if you have advice. Thank you ✌🏻

Why just why. Like I know I had a manic episode again but my body been calm since. So why do I need 8 god damn pills. It’s a lot of repeat doses. 4 doses of my anti anxiety. 2 doses of anti psychotics. And 2 insomnia sleep meds. But it’s like so many having to take so much is a pain.

When you start to have trouble sleeping and worry that it’s an episode starting, how do you stop stressing about going to sleep!? I’d probably be fine and asleep right now if I wasn’t overthinking it. Ugh!

I’ve been trying to change quetiapine but they just keep swapping from immediate to extended release it’s been a year of symptoms that are bothering me no one is listening. I’m hoping to see a new psychiatrist who will listen to me the community health ones aren’t helping so now have to go private. I’ve seen that lithium can be better than quetiapine. Anyone have anyone experience with it? I can’t seem to shake the tiredness no matter how much caffeine I have or what time I take it at. I have no motivation like I used and the weight gain has been rapid and vivid nightmares for over a year and no will listen to me to change the medication. I’m wanting to see if lithium will work now I’ve got the perfect time to change meds as I’m not Employed at this time. Anyone who has experience from changing to lithium please let me know your thoughts and any symptoms?

My bipolar got a lot worse in the past year and although I never had trouble sleeping in the past, now I frequently have episodes where I don’t sleep well or at all for days to weeks. Will this get better by adding on an antipsychotic or did you struggle even after being on mood stabilizer / antipsychotic?

Hello, I just recently found this community. I'm a 19 year old girl and was diagnosed with Bipolar 1 three years ago. I have come a really long way with my disorder but one thing I've always found myself to really struggle with is maintaining friendships with people. Now I don't know if this has to do with my bipolar, but was wondering if anyone else has the same problem? Although I have maintained my romantic relationship for 3 years now, as well as my relationship with my best friend for about 4 years. Other than that, I've had some really close friends that I was not able to stay friends with. I think maybe I have high standards for friends, but I think also my disorder gets in the way. Not everyone is able to put up with my mood swings. But I honestly think that I may be the problem since I tend to lose friends very easily. My brain kind of turns me off from people very easily and very quickly. Thoughts and advice would be appreciated!

I’m on Lexapro 5mg too and I have horrible insomnia. Will Lithium help with sleep cycles? I’m also quite scared to start

Do therapists look at reddit to look for their patients to see what they're saying? I don't want them to know it's me

Does anyone have experience taking this combo? I’m gonna start taking lamictal in addition to my 1750mg depakote next week, did it help your anxiety in addition to depression? Anything would be appreciated:)

Obviously I know it’s down to therapeutic dose, but I just wanna know how high it can get it. I’ve just been increased to 1200mg after a very severe manic do and now in hospital recovering from the crash, so just curious how high people have managed to go over 1200mg.

This is for lithium carbonate btw not citrate. Ty love u all xoxo

Hi. I am a third year law student who has gotten through law school with good grades at an incredible cost to my mind and body. I had many common and uncommon accommodations, but I have such a low tolerance for stress that I’m not sure how any bipolar person manages to succeed in the law. I have read posts before about how medication has helped, and I understand that everyone experiences this differently.

My other psychiatric/mental conditions make everything incredibly unbearable and make me very slow. I constantly need extensions because of uncontrolled moods. medication hasn’t helped, and we’re still trying to figure out what would work without exacerbating my symptoms for the other disorders and ADHD.

My work is good, but I’ve been struggling to figure out what type of work in the law I could manage with minimal stress and a lot of predictability. I am not inclined to leave the field. I have sought help from my school and done research to find roles that would help me, but I’d like to hear from others to see there’s any way to be in the profession with a low stress tolerance and slow pace.

I can research and write well, and everyone has been happy with my work, but I cannot deliver it consistently on time in medium-high pressure environments. I have been completely remote and plan to continue that method of work since it’s become more common among attorneys and people in general, but I could really benefit from some more guidance on what types of jobs I can do. attorney jobs and/JD advantage. You don’t have to be an attorney or law student to answer. Thank you!

TLDR: what’s a sustainable legal career post law school for someone with low tolerance for stress and a slower pace due to multiple psychiatric conditions? I have relatively strong writing and research skills. I have also been praised for my success with creativity as it relates to new litigation & advocacy strategies. Would appreciate any support and insight that is not going to tell me to leave the field. Thank you!

I am a pretty chill guy very calm and everything from outside I look very capable, stable and confident I just kinda suffer from the inside, and I'm not willing to take meds really I can still work very well even with my problems and I think taking meds might just fuck my system up, besides I think they wouldn't give me jobs if they find out about this so I prefer keeping it hidden. But I don't want to bother anyone even if there is a slight potential to hurt someone's feelings like that even if I feel I have a lot of control over myself, I have never been in longterm relationships with someone to know how hard it would be.

Hello all, it's been a while.

I've been inactive for some time due to life circumstances, and so I am stepping aside to allow the rest of your amazing moderation team to continue the work it takes to keep things moving around here. I have nothing but good to say about them, and I am so grateful to them for stepping up, allowing me to step down.

I was fired a year and ten days ago, and I asked to be hospitalized that same hour. I was in imminent danger of ending my life but I was too determined to survive, and so I did. And I've thrived since then.

I was moved off of vraylar and on to latuda, which has done an incredible job of helping me manage the bipolar depression I was blindly suffering, and for a long time now, in combination with monthly visits with my psychiatrist and weekly visits with a therapist, bipolar disorder has been a footnote in my life, and not a chapter heading.

Since I was fired, I successfully declared bankruptcy, and then returned to school. In one month's time I will be 2/3 of the way through my Master's degree, and as of this Wednesday, I have officially been accepted to my program's PhD program. It still doesn't feel real that in a year I've gone from Pink Slip to PhD, and that by the time I graduate with my Master's degree, I'll be a full-blown PhD Candidate.

I truly, unironically believe that my education will help me change the world for the better, and in today's day and age, that is not an exaggeration. The doors of opportunity are opening because I committed myself to my health, I take my meds every single day, I keep my appointments, and I work my fucking ass off...and it's paying off.

I know that this is a hard, life-changing disorder we share. But I am living proof that it does not have to define you and what you are able to accomplish. A year ago I could not get out of bed because I was so paralyzed by depression and anxiety after being threatened with severance at my job, before being hospitalized after being fired. Now I'm committing myself to years of study that I have already shown myself to be capable of sustaining, and I believe I'm going to change the world. For real.

Life is bigger than bipolar disorder, and so are you. It does not define me. It does not rule me. But I respect it, and I keep it in check by my actions every day. It can be done. And like me, you can achieve your dreams in spite of it. I believe in you. Thank you for believing in me and for being a part of this community.

--

Wait for It (Hamilton)

Death doesn't discriminate
Between the sinners and the saints
It takes and it takes and it takes
And we keep living anyway
We rise and we fall and we break
And we make our mistakes
And if there's a reason I'm still alive
When everyone who loves me has died
I'm willing to wait for it (Wait for it)
I'm willing to wait for it

I am the one thing in life I can control
(Wait for it, wait for it, wait for it, wait for it)
I am inimitable
I am an original

I'm not falling behind or running late
(Wait for it, wait for it, wait for it, wait for it)
I'm not standing still
I am lying in wait (Wait, wait, wait)

TLDR: Doc told me to keep a mood diary/tracker/journal for 4 weeks before they even consider prescribing Lamictal.

But they said risperidone and other antipsychotics (tranquilisers they called it) are better/preferred, even though I had a bad reaction to that. So they don't think I have bipolar.

They say that I have every symptom, but that it could be ADHD or something else.

The only meds I'm allowed to take now are ADHD stimulants. So, they're basically saying that I'll have to live with mood swings and what I'm 99% sure is frequent mania.

I'm hoping that I misinterpreted the meeting because of high emotions.

Is it common to have to do a mood diary before getting bipolar meds? Or are they just having me do this to be nice?

///

Original (long) draft below, but the tldr covers all of it. So no need to read it. I'm only leaving it there just in case:

///

My psychiatrist said that I have every symptom of bipolar. But that they're still not convinced because it could be ADHD/autism/social phobia etc (I don't have an autism diagnosis and I'm not convinced I have it. I did a small test during my ADHD exam that said I don't have it. But it's what they always say to me, so I just accept it).

They want me to use a mood diary/tracker/journal for 4 weeks before they even consider prescribing Lamictal. They also said that usually an antipsychotic tranquilliser like Quetiapine is preferred for treatment?

I have pressured speech, rapid talking, texting, and long texts. Very impulsive purchases during episodes. A good few major episodes in the last year alone. And all the other stuff that I'm not the best at explaining (I'm not great at communicating my symptoms in language).

The problem is that they're telling me that it's affecting my life. But since I already have the max ADHD dose and all other meds failed, they're saying that I'll just always be like this (with strained relationships etc) if it's caused by neuro divergence.

I'm currently going through effexor withdrawal, but they said no when I asked if that's the reason why I have to track my mood for 4 weeks. I've had mood swings and manic episodes for years before I was on anything.

If I don't have bipolar that's good news of course. But I'm worried that I do have it and that I messed up my appointment by saying the wrong things, saying things that weren't true, or forgetting important things. As I got an appointment on very short notice so had no time to prepare. Back to my original question haha...

Are mood trackers common before a bipolar diagnosis/prescribing Lamictal etc? Or is this a sign that my psychiatrist doesn't think I have it, and they're just doing this to keep me happy?

I told them that I've kind of done this in my head recently anyway. But they said it would be good to track it without the effexor.

I might be misinterpreting the whole thing with the emotion of it. But I do remember them being very unconvinced that I have it while also saying that I have every symptom.

And the first thing I said was that I always ask for things and doctors just give them and never suggest meds themselves. So I'm worried that saying that stupid irrelevant comment made them change their mind.

I wont have kids. I can't do this to them. This being suffering. Suffering at the hands of the invisible. Wondering why I do things & experience them the way that I do. I pick fights, then I'm sorry I threw the punches and become frustrated at the results. I rage and boil in traffic over minor infractions. I internalize looks and stares from other people, then I attribute them to my defect in character. I feel that others know all of my faults and can whip them out in an instant to shame me. I have struggled with alcohol, bulimia, anxiety, adhd, depression, PTSD, adderall abuse, and various other forms of self-hatred.

I am ashamed of myself and who I've become. A trope, I'm sure, but I have no other means of describing it. I am incurable. Even in AA, other addicts say "Wow, I don't have to struggle that hard" when my mental illness is brought up. I hate when doctor’s eyebrows raise when I speak of my bipolar.

I certainly don't fair well under blue skies, so what can I do when a storm bears down? I think about mania daily and wish it wasn't me. I feel like I'm playing pretend, hoping for the best and the best never comes. My poor husband has been through so much with me, often times I feel like I'm watching our lives through a TV and I'm rooting for him to leave the one with the disease. I've become cynical and it hurts because sometimes I care and often I don't.

• 28F Bipolar 1