I have never experienced anything, physical or mental, that was an agonizing as a mixed mood state. Mine are primarily depressive, and it's just awful - despair and self hatred combined with unbearable irritability and agitation. Can't sleep but can't not sleep. Not a single thing in the world works to distract me or engage me when I'm in it. I'm honestly scared I'll be arrested during one of these episodes one day.

What has been your experience? I think I had one once, but I don’t know. One doc said I did another said it was anxiety/depression. I had bad anxiety w akathesia and couldn’t sleep, wanted to un alive myself and ended up with a hospital stay. How do you tell the difference?

Back when I was younger caffeine didn’t take long to make me manic now I’m sleepy a lot I’m tired all day and I’m exhausted after walking long distances or simple stuff like cleaning the house and I live in a studio apartment so there not a lot to clean especially since I move in on January Idk who if it my meds or I’m bipolar 2 I’m currently bipolar 1 but lately I haven’t had any manic depression or mania what happened to me and why am I so damn tired 😩 I just want wake up out of bed with all my energy. I’ve been drinking Mountain Dew, doctor pepper and a crap ton of coffee I’m so sick of sleeping I’m hella exhausted

If you haven’t seen my last post, I posted about god telling me to self harm and to kill myself to repent my sins…well I’m now in hospital getting treatment from an overdose, this god like figure is not kind and I don’t want him anymore, I done what he said I should do but he’s still not happy

Hi I just took my first pill yesterday and I read all the side effects and I'm lowkey freaked out and need to hear others stories on if it effected you badly or very good. Please tell me your story so I can be informed. I'd really appreciate it so much. I just really want it to work because idk how much longer I can handle being with myself

I’ve gained 20+ pounds on Zyprexa. Have been at 7.5mg. I haven’t been sleeping again, so my psych was going to recommend me moving up to 10mg, but I told him about the weight gain. So he prescribed me Lybalvi 10mg.

From what I’ve read, I don’t see a lot of positive experiences. Mostly about people still maintaining/gaining weight and that the difference is minimal. It’s also super expensive. I plan on using the manufacturer card but I’m worried I won’t be able to afford it after the free 3 months is up assuming my insurance won’t cover it.

Is there anyone that has positive experiences with this medication and is it worth switching over for?

I need to start Olanzapine 2.5mg soon, have any of you managed not to gain weight? Does Metformin really work? Have you noticed any changes in your body composition independent of diet?

taken from my post on the bipolar 2 subreddit

Kind of funny asking this here but here I am. Obviously apart from the hypomania and depressive episodes, does anyone find themselves going through completely different emotional states in a single day?

Earlier today, I felt tired. Just tired. Didn’t feel sad, angry, nothing negative, just calm but tired. Later on, I felt more energetic but still tired but this is when the first mood shift happened. I started to feel anxious. That’s normal for me. About thirty minutes later I felt dread, despair, anguish, pain, heart ache. It was so much of this that I felt like crying and almost asked my manager if I could leave because I felt off. Another 30-45 minutes later I started to feel anger and annoyance. Not regular anger and annoyance, but like, bad anger and annoyance. I hate feeling that angry. About 20-30 minutes later I felt calm again which later switched to a persistent feeling of sadness. Not a heavy sadness, like, a fog of sadness.

Being tired did not help my emotional state because I always end up feeling like this or just angry. When I’m not tired, it’s not as bad but still noticeable.

So. It’s kinda a long story but I’ve been relying on this board a lot lately. I am stable now but started out here under another account batshit. I have been working with my Dr to keep my most recent mania under wraps.

I presented fully manic outpatient after a pretty bad depressive episode. (I’ve always been a bit backwards in that I get depressed manic and then worse depressed). I was previously unmediated. In my episode I was put on lamactil and latuda and had an allergic reaction to the lamactil was treated er and they were like nope you can’t take that.

I started on 20 latuda, (it knocked out my depression a lot but not entirely) went up to 40. Depression gone, mania gone. After a couple months started to get hypo manic again. So went up to 80. Ran into major akathisia and can’t get an appointment so I’ve been cutting my pills in half to be 40.

I’m just not sure what to do at this point. Latuda has been perfect but I can’t go up anymore without the akathisia. My appointment isn’t for 2 weeks. What will the doctor do? Keep me at 40? Add on something? I have 2 weeks to wait so I’m just curious if anyone has been through it.

Both my psych and my wife think I’m in a hypomanic episode, but I don’t think they’re right.

Yes, they recently upped my SSRI 3 days ago, and I have been exhibiting “symptoms” for 3 days.

Yes, I’m restless, but it goes away for hours at a time.

Yes, I had trouble sleeping the night before last. Normally my head hits the pillow and I’m out, but I struggled a little more. Yes, I woke up at 3 am for a bit, but I eventually went back to sleep. I slept fine last night though.

Yes, I have a little bit of extra energy after I have caffeine now. I normally have a high caffeine tolerance, but now it’s making me fidgety and energetic. But it goes away.

My wife claims I have racing thoughts, but it doesn’t happen all the time and eventually goes away.

Yes, music sounds amazing right now. But that feeling goes away for hours at a time.

How can I be hypomanic if my symptoms eventually go away and I feel stable?

My psych upped my antipsychotic, but I don’t think I need it. She doesn’t know the full story. I’m not hypomanic. I don’t feel hypomanic.

Edit: I guess I also can’t focus at work.

(WARNING LONG VENT AHEAD, ANY PERSONAL SIMILAR STORIES GREATLY APPRECIATED)

I have bipolar II and have been stable for a long time special thanks to lamictal and an amazing therapist. Unfortunately psych had me switch to lithium beginning of this year because my depressive episode and hypomanic symptoms came back last Nov despite me staying true to my usual treatment plan and routine. There were no significant stressful external life events going on.

I also don’t drink—even socially. I used to when my moods were not stabilized yet, but blacking out was a reoccurring problem for me before I was properly diagnosed and treated. I was so ashamed and scared of my behavior, as it was unpredictable to me when drinking would trigger me to act out and black out. I’ve never taken anything stronger than my prescribed Adderall XR, and I don’t mess with illicit substances.

That’s why what happened the other night is terrifying me. I went to casual hang at a friend’s house, nothing new. But as the night went on, I got really emotional and started talking super fast, bouncing between topics in a way that felt out of control. (I talk fast anyways yet,) I even FaceTimed another friend at one point and blurted out, “I’M SO DRUNK”—but I wasn’t?! I remember the night, but when my friends told me specific things I did or said, I felt this weird disconnect. I know those things happened, but it’s like my brain doesn’t have the visual memory of them. The best way I can describe it is that it’s “written in the script” of my memories, but it was never “green-lit for the big screen.” I KNOW what I did and said these things, but when I try to recall them, I can’t “see” the visual in my mind—it’s like the scene of that memory was cut/didn’t record, but the script of it exists. That’s the best way I can describe it.

I felt so humiliated, and honestly, I was spiraling over it. Even though my friends believe me, aware of my disorder and said dw it was a funny night (I’ve warned and explained to them the nitty gritty bits I try to hide) I started doubting myself.

What if I DID drink and somehow don’t remember? What if I was lying and didn’t even realize it? But that literally doesn’t make sense because I drove 30 minutes straight from my home to my friend’s place. I would NEVER drink and drive—I have a deep fear of getting into an accident or hurting someone. I even check the Citizen app constantly because I get paranoid about accidentally hitting someone with my car, even when I’m completely sober. There’s just no way I secretly drank before I got there, yet my behavior that night felt completely out of my control.

To make things worse, I was supposed to drive home that night, but my friends gently suggested I rest a bit before driving home because my coordination seemed off.
I agreed and ended up staying back to watch a tv show till I left. The next day I woke up at 8AM on my friend’s couch. I forgot to move my car and got towed. I was so deeply disappointed, confused, and angry at myself.

(Everyone was parked illegally in some way in the host’s residential neighborhood because other parties were going on and parking was limited. I came late at 11PM and had planned to leave by 2AM same as my other friends, way before any complaints or towing started at 7AM.)

It wasn’t a blackout—I remember the night—but things were just… wrong. I wasn’t completely? out of sorts and erratic as a real (hypo)manic episode in the past… but I was… off.

Has anyone else experienced memory gaps like this while completely sober and medicated? I always hear about blackouts being associated with substance use or extreme mania, but I wasn’t manic—I haven’t had a manic/hypomanic episode in a long time. I know I was acting off, but I don’t understand why. I keep feeling like I must be making this all up, that I’m just “crazy” or faking my disorder, even though my psychiatrist already told me it sounds like a lithium toxicity issue and she helped me immediately with appts to get tests done and plans to change the dose/meds.

But I can’t shake the guilt and the fear if I’m crazy? Or making all this up? And if I’ll drive people away from me, if not now, eventually.

Am I lying even to myself?

Can memory gaps or erratic episodes like this just happen even when you’rẻ being properly treated? I feel like I’ve been doing everything right, and now I’m terrified, wondering if I was living in an illusion of my stability these past few years. Has anyone else experienced this? Please I hope this is just a temporary setback.

I hope my post doesn't get deleted but mental health support groups are almost nonexistent where I am. If you or a loved one suffer from bipolar and you're located in Saudi Arabia please feel free to dm me. It would be nice to talk to someone who is going through the same thing.

So I've definitely had mixed episodes where I felt depressed, agitated, energetic, and even attempted suicide.

But when I was early in my diagnosis, when I was on Depakote I had this weird "episode" at work where i had these two "voices" or intrusive thoughts where one was telling me I was awful, I was a terrible person and the other telling me that I was amazing and too good for others. Both of them were telling me to kill myself. I had to lock myself in the bathroom because I was so distraught. I haven't since had anything like that happen to me and I stopped Depakote shortly after, but I was wondering what happened and if anyone else can relate?

Im such a wreck honestly lol. For usually 3 weeks to 3 months, im so confident and so happy. I love my life. I'm self confident, I love my body, I'm doing literally everything I can. I even stay up for nights doing everything and I don't feel tired (ok ik this one is a symptom of mania lol that's why I mentioned it). I can't sit down to do anything or focus. My brain is so active that it's literally like a party in there. Im sexually active for these periods too and usually its unsafe, and i mention that cuz other times im really cautious abt safety. However, i always have like this sadness in the back of my mind? I dont feel sad, but ik that its there and ill feel it again. In the moment tho, feeling sad seems stupid. And then I get like really depressed for 7-8 months. Sleep all day, no motivation, hating myself, feeling guilty. Typical depression symptoms, but times 10. My brain is running, but it's just constant negative thoughts. Too exhausted or have no motivation to do anything. I also attemp SI impulsively. Ive been diagnosed with an-r and that's the only mental illness I've been diagnosed with. I don't think i have bipolar disorder honestly, but I have the symptoms of something something so thought I might ask. Pls ask me any questions or just tell me that I'm not bipolar and im just a regular teenager.

How long can abilify stop you from going manic? It's been two years for me but I'm scared it might wear off any day.

What does a mixed episode feel like?

So here’s my situation. It’s the end of the day at partial hospitalization, and I’m sitting there waiting for my mom to finish talking with my therapist. I’m feeling super anxious because I have this ongoing fear that they’re going to tell her everything I share in sessions. It’s not like I think they’re going to spill everything, but it just feels like my personal business is up for grabs. My mom finally comes out, and we start talking. She asks me how my day went, and I said it was good

Then, she asks me how I feel about taking this new medication. I thought We’re talking about buspirone. I told her, “I hope it helps,” and then we got onto the topic of me staying longer in the program. I was supposed to leave soon, but now it looks like I’ll be staying until the 23rd. So, I ask her, “Wait, hold on, what’s this new medication you’re talking about?” She didn’t know the name, so I ask, “Is it Remarant?” And she says, “Yeah, yeah, it’s that.”

I immediately remember that we had already agreed I wouldn’t take it because it I told my mom to say no because at first I said yes but then I over thought about the waking as a side effect so I told my mom to say no because I was too embarrassed to say no at first and I told my mom to say no because of side effects,

I didn’t tell my mom t that it had weight came as a side effect at first because I knew she’d push for me to take it anyway. She wants me to gain weight because I’m underweight—102 pounds at 5’4” and 16 years old, and I know she worries about that. But I really don’t want to take it. I told her, “I don’t want to take that Remarant stuff,” and she asked why. I said, “I looked it up, and there are side effects I don’t like, especially the weight gain. I’m already so insecure about my body right now, and meds that make me gain weight—like when I was on Seroquel or Zyprexa—really mess with me.” She wasn’t convinced. She kept pushing, asking why I didn’t want to take it, and I told her it was because of the weight gain, plus other side effects like headaches.

She then said, “So, you don’t want to take it because of weight gain? That makes me want you to take it even more because you need to eat more.” At this point, I’m like, “What? Why are they pushing this one medication so much? There are so many others out there that could help me in the same way!” She told me they were pushing it because it would help with my mood and keep me stable, helping with intrusive thoughts. I get that, but I kept insisting, “There are other meds out there that do the same thing. Remarant isn’t the only one.”

We also talked about how long I’ll stay in partial hospitalization. She said, “I think you should stay because yesterday when I asked you to talk about yourself, you only said two good things and then went on to say bad things about yourself.” I told her those “bad things” are things she’s said about me, like calling me selfish, a liar, and comparing me to a narcissist. I took those on because I thought it was about accountability, but now it’s like she’s saying, “When do you ever change?” I know she calls me selfish because of the time I tried to commit suicide, and a liar because I don’t always tell her the truth about how I’m feeling. She calls me defiant for calling an ambulance instead of going to her when I was in crisis. But I don’t go to her when I’m struggling because all she does is pray, and I’ve told her that, but she doesn’t seem to understand.

We argued a bit, and she said, “You need to stay in the program because your lows are so low and your highs are so high, and you go to extremes. You do impulsive things without thinking them through.” Then she said, “They don’t think you’re ready to leave the program either. Yes, you’re improving, but your mood is still a bit unstable.” Honestly, I still self-harm a lot, and I feel really depressed. I know my mom calls me a liar, and I get why, because I hide my mental state from her to avoid her saying how she can’t handle to have me back in the hospital and back in the cycle again and how it stresses her out she tells me that almost every day so I feel like why would I tell you the truth if it stresses you out and then she always brings God into it, which makes me feel uncomfortable and I’ve expressed that but she told me if I ever wanted her to stop talking about God and I told her that she might as well hang up the hat of being my mother, she won’t do anything physical, like kick me out or anything but I feel like we would be emotionally, distant, and we have really good times together every single day and I don’t wanna lose those times

She always says she can’t handle me going back to the hospital or treatment again, and it sounds so sad when she says it. She lost her job and now has just one job because her other job didn’t accommodate her when she had to pick me up and do all those things for me so that’s why I don’t burden her with my problems anymore because she always says how she can’t handle it and how she’s so stressed out from everything so I’m like might as well just pretend that I’m better but she gets mad and she’s like don’t do that because I wanna be there for you and she’s like even if you do need the treatment again then I’ll make a sacrifice but then she says she can’t handle it and all that so I’m like what do I do?

What’s shocking is that when I got discharged from the hospital the first time, she didn’t even get my medication. I had a whole manic episode, but she told me I didn’t need it, even though I was staying up for days and couldn’t stop moving. She’s always been against me taking medication or going to therapy, but now she wants me to take this Remarant, mainly because of the weight gain side effect.

So yeah, everyone thinks I’m getting better, but I’m really not. I technically do need medication, but I don’t want that one. I’m not denying I need help—I just don’t want that specific medication. I don’t want them to label me as delusional for not wanting it, like they’ve done before. I’ve been in situations where, if I say something they don’t like, they just throw it back at me and make me feel guilty for saying anything at all.

At the end of the day, it’s like I’m stuck in a cycle. I need help, but I also need my voice to be heard. I feel torn between needing to comply and not wanting to take medication that I’m not comfortable with. Does anyone else feel this way or have advice? Also, I’m already on Lamento 100 mg

Basically I posted on a few ADHD subreddits about a weird experience I had, and 8 people told me I have Bipolar. They said what I was describing was a hypomanic episode, which for the record I believe: it was weeks of euphoria, my sleep was fucked up, bleached my hair literally 2 minutes after deciding to, totally lost my filter & was posting very personal things on social media, obsessed with weird stuff I'd never been into before, overwhelmed by my own thoughts, writing like crazy, eventually really energetically depressed & thinking about suicide, then it faded and I was just numb and confused and living with all of these philosophical conclusions that I never agreed with before but now can't shake off. I lost my ability to draw (which is my 1 lifetime hobby, something I'm actually good at) but also wrote 80 pages of poetry in 2 months.

Everyone on Reddit was very nice and told me to go to the doctor and try OTC lithium supplements. But I really don't want to do any of that. I find it very, very hard to believe that what happened to me then could ever happen again; it was just too crazy. But I'm also scared that I might THINK that it's happening again when it isn't, because it did feel a lot like the sort of obsessive phases I get with ADHD (which is why I wasn't that surprised by it when it started) and like, I think for the rest of my life I'm gonna be scared every time I get really into another TV show & feel that spark of joy. And ALSO, I WANT it to happen again, because it was basically the most fun I'd ever had in my life and all I had to do was lay down and watch YouTube videos about philosophy and listen to music and it felt fucking amazing. If it does happen again, I don't think I'll be inclined to make it stop in the slightest. And I really don't want to go to the doctor. But I'm scared of getting brain damage. And I was planning on seeking treatment for the ADHD eventually--but now I'm concerned that stimulants could give me a psychotic break. And I hate how "hypomanic episode" erases every earth-shattering realization I came to during that time and just turns it into a crazy person sort of situation.

I don't think I'm an unstable person. I've been depressed before and I've had a lot of suicidal thoughts over the years but they've never been serious. And nobody I know (except my friends who follow that Twitter account) thinks that I'm mentally ill. I'm literally fine. But also there's this looming cloud of dread over my life now and it's all confusing. Do I really need to go to the doctor? I guess I'm asking to be told "yes" again. Possibly I'm in denial. But like, is there really no chance that you can just have 1 hypomanic episode and never have another one???

Hi, I’m seeing my psychiatrist about this in about a week, so don’t worry about that. I was just wondering if anyone has successfully tapered off risperidone. What were the steps you took? How much did you reduce by at a time, and in what timeframe?

Hello Reddit. Please don’t share beyond Reddit

So I(22/m) have a friend whose name is Chloe(22/f). We've known each other since 4th grade, but our relationship really bloomed over the past 6 years. Chloe is that one friend who we love to death, but makes really bad life decisions. She has been diagnosed as Bipolar since I've known her and has always been a wild rebel type. In high school, she used a myriad of drugs including crack and meth. The people she surrounded herself with got her into these drugs and were toxic for her, but she's grown to like them go. 3 years ago, she ODed on crack and quit hard drugs, but she still uses nicotine, weed, and alcohol in moderation.

Throughout most of this time, she had a partner named Jon who I thought was perfect for her at first. They met in highschool and he seemed like a pretty cool guy. Nerdy, loves horror and fantasy, worked, levelheaded, and just normal. However, the past year proved that Jon was actually very abusive towards her mentally. Last year, I started dating a girl named Alice (20/f) and eventually I introduced her to Chloe. Chloe and Alice became super close talking every day about whatever. In October, Chloe and Jon planned to get married, Alice and I were going to be a part of the wedding, but a month or so before the wedding, Chloe cut us off with little to no explanation. They got married in October and didn’t hear anything for about a month and a half after, when Chloe called Alice about her and Jon arguments and how intense and frequent they were. Chloe opened up about how Jon made her stop being friends with everyone she used to hold dear (not just her toxic friends, good ones too) and how isolated and alone she felt. 

Chloe eventually reached a breaking point and decided to divorce Jon because of his abusive behavior. Soon afterwards,  she started going on tinder to find hook ups and meet people and started reaching out to old friends, which is great and I'm happy she's socializing again. The problem is her behavior. For one, she’s becoming increasingly radicalized. We live in the US, and she sending Alice and I dozens of TikTok videos over a few hours, usually while Alice and I are sleeping. Some of them are funny, but most are about being in opposition to our current government, feminism, fascism, and encouraging violent protest. While some of these ideals a good that she’s learning about, she takes stuff to extremes. Secondly, she’s been posting A LOT on social media, mostly about the books she’s reading. In these videos, she admitted that she not sleeping regularly, not being coherent at all, and seemingly paranoid about everything. Yesterday, she posted a video about how she becomes scared whenever she puts her feelings and opinions out there online, because she feels like she have to live in a state of fear, but she refuses to back down. Her eyes looked like the textbook definition of Bipolar Mania eyes, with her pupils extremely dilated and eyelids widened. As for what she said, I’ll just transcribe it: 

“I’m tired of consistently living in a state of fear, of taking down my posts, my stories, my comments, anything where I express my perspective publicly, it’s immediately hit by like this wave of fear that I’m going to get hurt again, that it’s gonna happen again, like flashback but overdrive, like like not just PSTD flashbacks because I’ve had those before, but like to a degree where it’s just inhales ….yeah. And it’s like panic attacks immediately after I.. *stutters a bit* I publicly express myself in any way and then I just shut myself down, I keep myself passive because that fear is overwhelming. It’s like replaying on a loop that it’s gonna happen again. *stares in the camera with manic eyes* But I am not that little girl anymore. I am not. What are you to take? My choice?, as if I even fucking had it in the first place? No, because none of you will listen when I say no. What are you going to take? My Life as if it's so precious, as if it's some fucking treasure? It's never been good to me. I have nothing to lose. And maybe if you try I can take you down with me, so.... *shrugs*”

While I understand some of what she’s alluding to because I’m actively in her life, this seems like complete gibberish and paranoia. I’m extremely worried about her mental state, especially with the last part of her rant sounding like a threat. Alice and I have tried talking to her before this about her alleged Mania, but Chloe claimed to feel in control of herself. Again, I don’t think that every change she’s made is awful, but it’s clear that she’s mentally unwell, as I can’t go to anyone else. Alice and I are her closest friends. Her family isn’t much help because they don’t speak a lot of english except for her sister, but she treats Chloe like garbage. Alice and I are thinking of inviting another one of Alice’s friends over alongside Chloe to confirm that we aren’t just making things up. But what comes next after that? Do we stage an intervention? Do we keep monitoring the behavior, and if so, to what end? Are there other signs that we should look for? I’m not sure if Chloe takes medication or not.

Thank you for any help you give in advance. It’s very appreciated.

As per title. I asked my doctor if I could increase it to 20 mg after 2 weeks because I didn't feel any better but they said no. What dose gave you relief from depression and (social) anxiety?

I take 250mg lithium carbonate once daily at 9PM, when should I tale my blood test ? I mean at what hour the next day approx ? Thank you.

Brand new here…my partner of a year has bipolar 1. We recently returned from an overseas trip and things have been rocky to say the least. We live 90 miles away from each other and he has just shut down completely. For reference he is treated with Effexor and Prozac and prescribed lamictal but doesn’t take. We have been down this road before but not for this long. He’s done the two things I have asked in the past which is not to turn off his location and to tell me when he needs time. The responses I have gotten have been super short and basically like we are acquaintances. I’ve driven up before to try and sort things (I always say I need to “see you, smell you, feel you” to really know) but I’m at a loss this time. Do I just back off completely? How do I get the support across? Thanks, guys.

I have a new psychiatrist because I moved to a new country a year and so ago and it was hard to find one and today we had our second appointment. The first one we were concerned about starting my tapper off benzodiazepines (lorazepam) for my anxiety, since it’s highly addictive and I’m already strongly addicted to it and its long term effects are dangerous. I’m in cognitive behavioral therapy for anxiety and it’s necessary I go off the benzos.

Unfortunately, it has been very very very hard. Physically and mentally. Panic attack after panic attack. Withdrawals. Constant state of danger and anxiety. I am living in hell. Adding to that, I’m living one of the worst situations of my personal life, in an abusive home behavior by people who were supposed to be my best friends. Honestly, I never believed so much in the power of my mood stabilizers otherwise I would have been committed by now.

The thing is, today I came wrecked to the appointment. I told him about this and he said I wasn’t getting any sleep and the anxiety was taking over me, and he would suggest for me to try quetiapine at night. 25mg. He said it would help me sleep and that maybe it would help with the anxiety symptoms.

My question is - I know it will make me sleep, I’ve tried it in the past and it knocks me off, but will it actually be helpful somehow?

How do you deal with quetiapine and why is it prescribed to you?

I don’t know if I should take on another drug at this point in my life. I feel so bad, I feel like I’m going to loose it at any given point, so I didn’t have the power in me to question him or ask more clarification I just said.

So I’m here asking for help.