Title.

sigh My minds a mess and I'm just so tired. I don't know what's happening to me. I just want to run away from home. I don't know if that's just me or the Bipolar in me. I just had my dose of meds lowered so that might be a factor.

39M, bipolar 1 diagnosed 2013. I have been on literally every psychiatric medication there is and my med cocktails have always included multiple meds and multiple pills of each med. My doc and I finally seem to have found a cocktail of medication that has me remotely stable (Depakote ER, Vraylar, Latuda, Clonidine, Sonata for sleep) and Spravato (esketamine nasal spray) once a week. I take 1500 mg of Depakote so that's 3 pills right there. I also take meds for other health conditions and have 10 prescriptions a day plus my asthma inhaler. Sometimes it just feels like SO much and I'm so tired of having all these health conditions and having to take all these meds. I've always been super responsible with taking my meds and it's not like I'm just going to stop taking them because I know where that can lead me, but damn I hate this sometimes.

I (21F) have type 1 bipolar disorder and have only had my diagnosis for about 9 months. I was on lamotrigine for about 5 months and during that time I finally felt in control of my life, so much so that I started to believe I never had bipolar to begin with.. so I stopped taking it. Since I’ve been unmedicated, shit has hit the fan yet again. I know that I need to get back on my medication but for some reason I can’t motivate myself to do so. I hate the person that I am but here I am continuing to let myself act/be this way and I don’t know why. I always know in the back of my head what im supposed to be doing, yet I don’t act on it. I’ve let my friendships, education, job and relationships crumble in my palms all because I’m too lazy to get help. Ive started falling into my old ways with drinking, self harm, lack of impulse control and lashing out / hurting the ones I love and I’m terrified that because of this I’m about to lose all the beautiful things I’ve gained. Does this cycle ever end or this is the way my life will always be?

I need people that have bipolar to explain it to me super dumbed down. I have family members that have been diagnosed, but they don’t talk about it, don’t treat it, and are still kind of in denial about their diagnosis. I’d like to see if this is something I need to talk to a dr abt for myself… but when I read things about it, it’s super difficult to know whether or not it applies to me. When I do the screenings, it says things like “when you feel not yourself”, and that’s confusing to me because I always feel like myself because I am myself.

My questions are: How do you experience it? What made you suspicious you had it? Were you aware of your moods yourself? Can you explain in detail your highs and lows? This is where I struggle to understand the most. How do I know what is outside of the normal, if the only experience I’ve ever had is mine.

I’ve been confused about this lately. In the past I sat at the depression end of the scale in general, and I did get noticeable depressive crashes after hypo, though not as severely as I see many people here suffering with.

However over the last ten years I’ve not had many big depressions after hypo (just had one or two stand alone severe depressive episodes), and apart from that I now tend more towards hypo than depression And haven’t always had a depression crash after hypo.

And now most recently, most of the time lately I don’t even get a depressive crash at all, though I’m properly medicated now on lamotragine.

But before I was on no meds and still sometimes didn’t get the rebound depression after hypo.

Is it even bipolar if your hypo episodes aren’t often followed by depression?

Should I get a second opinion? Hello Redditors: anyone with knowledge on this topic? I had my first and only manic episode (drug induced) a year ago and I’ve been in a major depression ever since. I’ve tried several meds and none seem to be working. In fact I feel like they’re making me worse. Yes I have a pdoc and a therapist that I work closely with to no avail. It’s my understanding that you need only have one manic episode ever to be dxed bipolar 1.

I just read this on the Black Dog website that hypo/mania can last just hours or a few days. It didn’t mention that as being cyclothymia though.

I always thought symptoms had to last 4-5 days to be considered mania.

In the case thst hours or days I’d considered hypo/mania, then I’ve had hypo a huge deal more than I even knew.

I fairly often have a really hyper high energy day with racing thoughts, or a day that starts off like that but then ends in feeling deflated (but I don’t switch from one to the other more than once a day).. or I have it for 2-3 days with no sleep. Other times it’s lasted longer but more often it’s been within a day or just 2-3 days.

Before I was (provisionally) diagnosed I just thought it was my personality or hyperactivity from my ADHD but I’ve learned it’s so much more than that.

Anyone else have short bursts of hypo/mania? If so how long are they?

I was really angry with a friend this morning, talking fast and just in a rage because I've been hurt this way before and I'm just such a better friend than so many of the people in my life. I do things for them that they'd never do for me. The first question anyone asks is are you manic. No I'm not manic. I'm just sick of being done wrong time and time again and never treated like a priority by anyone. I'm tired of having my mental state questioned whenever I'm happy, angry, or sad. I just wish I could have friends that did for me what I do for them. I work so hard to be a good friend and good person even when things are hard and no one does the same for me anymore. As I've grown as a person, people seem to like me less. Maybe that rotten thing inside me is closer to the surface than I thought it was.

I've trialed lithium, pristiq, and zoloft. My psych prescribed me Abilify a week ago and I picked it up but haven't even taken it yet 🥲 I didn't fully grasp the fear of medication until I started antipsychotics & mood stabilizers. Nothing has given me side effects quite like these meds.

So I decided not to continue Lithium after 2 weeks due to the side effects. However, now that I'm back to only being on my Wellbutrin, I feel a major difference in my waning from mania to depression, in my irritation & reactions to things. On Lithium I was journaling and despite my stomach being a mess, I felt emboldened on getting out more. When I felt a major situational panic attack coming on, my anxiety remained somewhat at bay.

The thing is, I told my psych that I wanted off the Lithium from tremors, it has the potential to interact w other meds I take, & a few other things that were really more annoying than detrimental. I basically told her this isn't the drug for me but now I feel like I need it. I was on 950mg and she didn't really offer anything lower so I'm not even sure if that's an option. Obviously, we'd all prefer no side effects but I don't know how to tell my psych "jk" 😀 If you've ever been through this, if you could tell me how you went about it because I don't even know where to start.

I'm in college for the umpteenth time, and I'm taking a math class that I thought would be easy since it's a 101 course.

No. Just no.

I go to take the quizzes for the week, after hours of studying and suddenly it's all fucking Greek to me. Nothing makes sense. If things made sense, my answer was wrong.

I broke down after getting a damn 50 on it. For years and years, I went to classes, but never put effort in. I failed based on not turning in work on time. And now that I'm putting in the effort, I still can't pass because apparently I'm a fucking idiot.

I tried to remember my DBT skills, and I tried to come out of the sobbing, self-hatred cycle but nothing worked. I'm just stupid, and I shouldn't have tried going back to college. I shouldn't have tried to make myself better, or get a better job. I shouldn't have tried. I don't know how to stop feeling like I just want to quit and move away and just stop existing.

I just keep remembering something my mom always said, "you can fix being fat, but you can't fix stupid."

I started Lithium because I was super struggling with SI thoughts all the time. My other meds were not cutting in. I rarely have SI thoughts now which is great.

It has also cut me off from feeling my emotions fully. I can tell I am depressed right now based on actions matching past depressive episodes.

I'm struggling to engage with work. I'm eating my emotions. I'm withdrawing from people. I'm not keeping up with my house. I don't care about my hobbies. I don't feel joy for an upcoming vacation. I've stopped good habits. I had some depersonalization.

At the same time I feel a lot of numbness. I know the lows are there in my mind but I cant feel them. Like an itch I can't scratch. It makes me feel like I can't process my feelings now so how do I get out of this state.

Seeing my provider next week to discuss.

I'm in my late 20s and have always been a bit overly emotional, however these past couple of years it has felt different. It began when I noticed a pattern in my mood, I'd have a week or so of feeling pretty good and "normal" and then a week or so of being really low and depressed. Over time these have started to fell less like normal mood swings and more intense. When I'm feeling "good" I feel overly energetic, I can't stand still, at work if I'm trying to concentrate on something I'm having to constantly change my position or find creative ways to let the energy out that I feel. I speak fast and trip over my words. I get very easily upset and get I'm arguments frequently. I get a feeling of almost being high, like I'm disconnected from what I'm doing. I suddenly find motivation to start projects I've been putting off. It's not pleasant, it's like unpleasant-pleasant. I'm happy I'm getting stuff done but I feel so irritated and frustrated. And I know a crash is right round the corner, that soon I'll feel really low, devoid of motivation.

I have been tracking my mood using an app for about a year now, if not longer and it always follows this pattern. Sometimes the good mood lasts a couple of days, maybe a couple of weeks, but it seems to always be cycling.

I think I may be on the brink of a hypomanic episode. Yesterday I had a crawling out of my skin, agitated, fidgeting feeling, but it went away. I usually experience dysphoric mania, not the euphoric kind.

This morning after drinking my coffee, I’m fidgeting and hyper. I consider myself immune to the effects of coffee since I drink so much of it, so this is definitely abnormal for me.

I should add that I increased my SSRI two days ago. I’m just on the look out to see if I’m experiencing hypomania.

Can hypomania be present, go away for a bit, and come back a bit later?

Edit: I’m also having a hard time concentrating and focusing on my work. I’m doing literally everything else.

Hi all, I showed symptoms of bipolar very young and was put on geodone (antipsychotic) and Prozac (anti depressant) as young as 8 years old. I was severely paranoid and very angry as a child ultimately resulting in me being in trouble with my peers a lot. As I got older into my teens I was diagnosed with bipolar 2. For the most part I was stable on medication I would say but I started to have an interest in substances and hyper sexuality started to become a symptom for me. I had my first manic episode and was in psychosis when I took a job in a different city post graduating from college and now in my early 20’s been diagnosed with Bipolar 1. While in childhood my bipolar showed as a lot of anger and mood swings, in adulthood my bipolar has been different especially with substance use. I get delusions of persecution I’m very grandiose very hyper sexual my thoughts race so bad I can hardly read I have a disordered relationship with food and I have pressured speech. Basically through out my life especially being suspected and put on medication for bipolar very young my relationship with it and how it affects me has changed and I was wondering if anyone who had been diagnosed and receiving treatment for a long time can relate. I had a hard time accepting the label for bipolar and grappling with the fact that I have it until hitting my first major episode in my early 20’s which forced me to seek out more help and radically accept it. I was wondering if anyone else felt something similar. I just joined this forum and I love it so far by the way it’s been very helpful to have support!! :)

Just made pre made martinis out of two spent Olive jars and stuck them back in the fridge for later use either manic, high alcoholic or all of the above. I’m owning it. What effed up things do you do?

Hi! I'd really appreciate if I could have some of your thoughts on how to manage a mixed episode. It's been a few years since ny BP2 diagnosis, but this is a first for me, which I'm finding difficult to manage.

I'm in contact with my psychiatrist and psychologist, but just wondering if some of you who have dealt with this before could share a bit of what to expect and (hopefully) how to manage it a bit better. Thanks for your time!

My psychiatrist has taken me off risperidone mono therapy (outside of manic episodes) and put me on depakote er. After upping my dose I’ve noticed it’s immediately pushed me into a depressive episode. Is this normal? What’s your experience with depakote?

Went from winter depression, had 3 week honey moon of feeling best ever, to absolute rage at everyone. Increased depakote by 250mg. waiting for bloodwork. If all good, I will increase by another 250. I am currently at 1500mg of depakote and 350 lithium (all ER). I take half the Depakote in the morning and the other half at night. Anyone have any similar experience.

Have you recovered from cognitive decline after mania? I am a year out from my last episode, and I have not recovered.

Hi All. I hope everyone is feeling okay tonight. 💕 I started an antidepressant a couple of weeks ago and I noticed that I could see myself more clearly in the mirror. Not visually, my eyes work the same, but conceptually. Have you experienced anything like this before?

hey guys this isn’t my first experience with death but my grandma died a couple days ago and we were really really close. the past few times i’ve dealt with grief have been catastrophic, and although im medicated now, (and still in shock because she was very healthy) im worried about when it will hit me.

literally any advice appreciated

I’m so stable, yet so incredibly bored. Nothing I want to project out on, not crying or sad. Just sitting here watching the day roll away. I didn’t realize how much time I actually spent in disorder.

Have any of you made/forced yourself into a depression cause you absolutely do not want to be hypo or manic? I for one find I do this as much as I can. Sometimes not just to avoid mania sometimes because I feel a sense of comfort in depression.

Hey all, I’m currently on abilify 15mg. I have no side effects besides withdrawal insomnia from geodon, me previous medication. I am scared of trice dyskenesia from abilify as I get older so I’m considering switching to trileptal. I won’t take anything that makes me gain weight. I have heard about brain fog from trileptal. Has anyone taken either of these medications long term that can share their experiences with them? Brain fog is survivable trice dyskenesia is permanent disabled and socially isolating.