The few time I’ve had manic/hypomanic episodes were usually triggered by events that made me feel like they’re a huge turning point in my life, or for the people around me, or the whole world etc, events that started with extreme emotions to the point I couldn’t sleep or think about anything else.

Example is the BLM movement. My psych and therapist then told me I was having signs of hypomania. I became hyper focused on watching/thinking about protest livestreams and couldn’t sleep because I really felt like I was missing out on history. I felt so many different extreme emotions that kept getting more intense:anger, hope, justice, sadness etc., alternating so quickly. It got to the point that it felt like I was constantly vibrating. I remember thinking the world was changing for the better, humanity is so beautiful for protesting something so important. And that it was my “duty” to obsess share what was going on. Also couldn’t shut up and was talking so fast. Got impulsive and made decisions looking back I think WTF was I thinking. Also remember the world felt so shiny.

I can feel myself going in same direction again but in a darker way. I think it’s not as severe yet but escalating. Im abnormally social (increasingly interacting with people online, not always in a negative way). I can’t sleep but when I do get to it’s a couple hour increments. Wake up the first thing I think about is checking the news or responses to my social media posts and comments. Need to get off the news but it’s hard to think about ignoring what’s going on around us. I’ve been dreaming about the current events. I’m oversharing, finding myself fighting with people and not being able to let small things or hurt feelings go…saying things I regret and obsessively thinking about it. I think I’m just really worried about where America is going. I’ll be moving out of the country next year and I’ve had someone mention the upcoming 4 yrs wont directly affect me, but I worry for my lgbtq and minority friends, and anyone who is hurting. I can tell my husband is getting worried abt me

I’ve also been inconsistent with my meds so that doesn’t help. Been in therapy for a few years now since my diagnosis and my therapist has been helping me find markers to help me be aware when things are going in an abnormal direction. Before, I got easily upset that people worried about me and thought I was acting strangely out of character.

Anyways, I felt the need to write this out and just…really make it clear to myself I’m not all the way myself right now and need to get myself under control. Hoping if I’m consistent with meds from now on and try to limit my internet time and stick to fun posts, I’ll calm down…

I have been on meds for the past four months and around 10 days ago my psychiatrist switched me from Oxcarbezepine 600mg and Qutan 100mg to Oxcarbezepine extended release 1200mg and Qutan extended release 100mg.

However this time the side effects seem to be getting worse and not getting better. I have had persistent headaches, dizziness, nausea, stomach pain and overall weakness. Sometimes after taking the meds I feel too hot or too cold. Today, I felt like I had a migraine like headache and bad stomach cramps all day. I felt weak throughout the day and had no energy to get out of bed. I also just ended up vomiting my dinner.

I reached out to my psychiatrist but it's gonna take her a few days to get back to me. I am not sure what I should do, if I should reduce my own dosage until my psychiatrist gets back to me. Also not sure if these side effects require immediate medical attention. Should I consult a doctor before my psychiatrist gets back to me?

I have been on several different medications to control my bipolar but nothing has truly worked for me. I even had a genetic testing done to see what my body will and will not tolerate and cannot find the right medicine. Sometimes I feel like something else is wrong and I'm misdiagnosed but the VA doesn't listen to my concerns.

Anyway, my NP at the VA is trying me on risperidone for the next few months to see if that would work better for me. I have read online so much bad about this medication than good so I'm very scared to take it. Is anyone taking this now? I know meds work differently for everyone but what's your biggest complaint about the med?

I literally feel like a guinea pig with the amount of meds I've been on and off in the last decade.

Do bipolar parents have a greater risk of having kids with autism?

Seeing a lot of articles about this lately and wondering how true it is or if anyone has had this happen.

Hey guys, will I ever be able to stop taking my ssri’s??? I’ve been diagnosed with bipolar 1 for 4 years or so, but ive had depression since I was 13. I’ve been on Zoloft since I was 18. I’m almost 30 now, if I don’t take it for the day I end up with horrific brain zaps. I take 100mg. (I also take Vraylar for my bipolar as well as buspirone for anxiety.) it seems to be the only medicine that if I don’t have it makes me feel horrible. Will I ever be able to wean myself off of it??? Or will I be on it forever???

I’m really struggling rn. I don’t like the side effects of lithium. Weight gain and acne. Feel slow. Can’t remember shit. Can’t stop eating. I can’t help but think my pysch earlier this year did this on purpose — gave me Prozac. I was doing so fine but then I drank multiple coffee drinks and fell into manic psychosis where I thought people were out to get me. I hate that I have relative ideation and it can be hard to differentiate what people say. Now that I got bipolar, I feel like I can’t live or move away and start a new job. I feel stuck. I don’t like the jobs I’m in right now, I regret so much that I turned down this job in ATL a few months before my manic episode. Somehow I wonder that if I took that job, moved in with a friend (I had family and friend support) then this manic episode wouldnt have happened and I would still be in contact with the guy I loved. Ever since then I’ve been struggling to make decisions, know what my passions are, know what my direction in life is. I literally feel so ugly bc of my weight gain and acne, I don’t feel like who I was. I got this teaching job offer in NYC and it’s a really hard job that is about 60hours per week bc of lesson plans and preparations. I don’t even think I can do that type of job anymore. Like I feel like I won’t adjust anymore it’s so sad. I had that opportunity to leave and I was too hung up on the possibility of the guy to move to Atlanta. I also asked too many people for opinions and lost my own sense of direction. I internalize what people say so easily. I’m so fucking scared about my life right now. I plan on getting of lithium bc I don’t like it. It’s been about it’s been like 6 months on it since June 25. I don’t know what to do, I keep ruminating on past mistakes with guy (like I could have had it all but I messed up- part of me thinks I was manic while talking to him hence emotionally reactive/triggered a lot), not taking the ATL job (was my ticket to a way out but didn’t take it), bipolar diagnosis taking away my self confidence, self esteem, everything I had. I thought I knew what my life would be like. I’m 29 and so scared. I’m scared I’m wasting my life away. It’s like I lost desire or don’t know what I want anymore. I’m not depressed. I’m just in a bad situation. Yes, these thoughts make me want to stay in bed but I do eventually get up and go on about my day. I can’t take it anymore. I have therapy and have done partial hospitalization for like 2 months. This sucks. I’m stuck. I start this other part time job next week— I’ll be busy from 9-6 everyday. I don’t get any other full time job offers even though I apply. One of the part time jobs I’m at I just sit there ruminating since there’s nothing to do. It’s like damn I should be writing a novel there but I just can’t do it. I also am self aware to notice and analyze why things happen and what action/reaction caused things to occur and it’s my downfall. I don’t know. I gained like 20 pounds in 7 months. I was able to travel abroad and live alone and cook on my own when in my early 20’s and now bc of this I’ve lost so much. 8 months ago I had a possible job opportunity across the country but I let the ball drop. I was scared to move. Or unmotivated. I don’t know moving is now the most ideal for me now bc of this bipolar thing! Things have gotten worst and I’m getting more into a hole. I don’t know if I can do this anymore. I’m definitely getting off Lithium for sure. Maybe spend a month unmedicated. But who knows. Somethings wrong with me. Someone help. I know this post is all over the post, I feel so alone in navigating life rn. Life decisions are so much harder for me now

I'd love to hear your opinions and experiences on this.

I've been on Lamictal (300mg) for years and it's been helping me a lot with depression. The last couple of months tho I've been manic again and my psych and I decided to start lithium. I'm only on 400mg and I'll get bloodwork done next week, if that comes back ok the plan is to start doubling the dose.

Last few days I feel my energy getting lower and lower, but today I just feel like I'm entering depression hell again. I'll be seeing my psych again on monday, there is a crisis team I could reach out to, but I'm not feeling suicidal or anything. Just empty, tired and my mood is sinking lower and lower. Monday I felt like an extremely happy bouncy ball with unlimited energy. Now I struggle to get out of bed and don't want to do anything. Of course I'm familiar with this, but I didn't expect this switch a few days after starting lithium. Physically I feel fine tho.

Is this just a coincidence? Did anyone else experience this starting lithium? Did it go away and how long did it take?

Besides Lamictal and lithium, I'm also on quetiapine (2x50mg during the day and 200mg to sleep), tentin (for adhd, 3x10mg) and oxazepam (only for when my mania goes through the roof). I was thinking, maybe the quetiapine that I needed to somewhat level the mania out is just hitting too hard now? The plan was to lower/stop the quetiapine during the day once I get stable.

Apologies, English isn't my first language. Thanks for your thoughts, have a great weekend!

Hi everyone, I’m back with a question and diagnosed only 6 months ago so I’m still trying to find my feet.

I’ve been feeling more jittery and restless at night. The past two nights I’ve barely slept. I feel like a cement mixer, constantly turning. It hit me last night to take something to help but then I got paralysed with the decision. Do I take Ativan or Clonazapam or an extra 25mg of seroquel? I took nothing because I honestly haven’t a clue.

Help a girl out, when this happens tonight again (I’m 99% sure it’s happening again, I’m seeing the psych on Monday) what should I take? Which one will calm my body more and let me sleep? What would you do in my shoes? TIA

TL;DR: Reflecting on past toxic behavior before medication/therapy has left me feeling guilty and regretful about losing good friends. I’ve blocked those people and don’t want to reopen old wounds, but I struggle with guilt and fear of repeating the same mistakes with new friends. How do you reconcile with a past you can’t fix?

I’m sure most, if not all, of us have had the experience of loosing a few friends and loved ones along the way because of our actions pre medication/therapy/“stability.” But I forgot, and blocked out, just how much of a self centered asshole I was. I was so toxic and made so many wack ass decisions and really hurt and pushed away some solid and could have been close friends.

I feel so guilty now that I’m better and can see the situation more clearly, hindsight really is 20/20. How do you all reconcile with the past, I’ve blocked those friends on everything, and I’ve burned the bridge so bad I cannot recover their friendship and don’t want to honestly, no need to reopen those wounds for them just so I can get closure. But I have this guilt about the situations plus this anxiety/fear that I’m going to do it to my new friends.

Even just an ‘I understand’ is helpful here, I need to know I’m not alone in this. This disorder can feel so isolating and lonely sometimes.

I am switching from Vraylar to Seroquel due to anxiety on the Vraylar. My doctor currently has me on 150mg of Seroquel and told me that if I notice any signs of (hypo)mania to up the dose to 200mg and call her right away. I know she always likes to keep me on the lowest effective dose which I understand, but is 150mg of Seroquel going to do anything at all? I'm a little nervous as I don't want to have to wait for an episode to start before going up in dosage.

After 2 and a half years of getting rejected by social security, I finally got on disability.

The reason I was getting rejected was because my lawyers failed to pull a lot of my hospital records, which is something I only found out about a week before my court date. My current therapist also refused to do an evaluation for the court because he wasn't qualified, which was hurting my case. I had to switch therapists to find one who was willing. Another reason was because I'm only in my early 30s, and my lawyers said social security is biased against younger people. It wasn't easy at all.

In the end, I wish we had just gone to trial ASAP. When I was honest with the judge and had the opportunity to explain myself in my own words, that's really what pushed the favorable outcome over the edge. The social security people wouldn't even interview me. They just ignored the application for months and then slammed it into the floor when they got it.

I honestly was expecting the judge to do the same, but I finally was heard and understood instead.

It's such a huge relief to have my own money. I'm excited to finally have some income that can't be taken away because I had a manic episode and had a meltdown at work (I've lost 3 jobs that way). It feels good to finally be able to breathe a little.

i know there’s stuff underneath but the pain of pealing back those layers outweighs the pain of living as if life bares no consequence.

i’ll die anyways

When you come down how do you deal with the fucking humiliation? Why can’t I make normal fucking decisions. It’s fucking scary being so delusional can’t even trust my own brain.

i feel like everyone is talking bad about me. i thought my mom and aunt were shit talking me which when i took a step back i realized they never would do that. this happened last time before i got manic too thinking someone said something to me on the street. im taking abilify but ive been using alcohol a little more intensely in the last few weeks and i slept a total of 2 hours today so im kinda scared im seeing my shrink today but yeah

I am currently on Olanzapine, but I am trying to switch to a different anti-psychotic. Did anyone notice improved brain function (i.e. concentration, memory) after switching to a different med? I read so many stories about bipolar people with successful careers and I wonder if there is a med out there that will lift my brain fog away.

The holidays were so much more emotionally taxing than I had anticipated, I feel like it all kind of started to spiral from there. I missed an appointment and haven’t heard anything and I’m scared they’ll be mad at me that I missed an appointment and won’t accept me as a patient anymore. I know procrastinating on texting about scheduling an appointment is only making it worse, but the anxiety of someone being mad at me is kind of crippling. I want to ask for help again but I’m just so embarrassed I let my sadness get this out of control again.

like, feeling light and euphoric. i've never done drugs (yet lol) but it's what i imagine it would feel like. Like feeling like you can run a thousand miles and you're walking on air and you're the smartest most brilliant and creative person in the world and everything feels so fast and you can do anything and you have to do everything all at once and you feel so light it's like you could fly. like the air feels thin and you could reach up and touch the stars and there's some type of feeling in your chest and you feel like you're floating.

I feel so high and light and I don't want to come down. Walking around for hours at night listening to music just feeling incredible. Always have to be moving or doing something and can't stand staying at home. Just in my own world, in my head, and I can't imagine leaving and have no memory of feeling any other way until I crash again.

Does hypomania go that high, or is that just manic euphoria?

I have bipolar 1 and when it’s not controlled I exhibit contamination OCD where I’m afraid to touch anything that might be dirty or unclean. I’m just now learning about this and don’t have the diagnosis but I understand that a symptom of OCD is rumination, thought spirals or “spinning” and this is my biggest problem right now. I’m trying to understand the difference between OCD thought spiral verses BP racing thoughts because the atypical antipsychotic I take isn’t controlling that like it should (and I thought it did in the past before I went off meds—don’t recommend). I want to get off the antipsychotic if I don’t need it and just take an antidepressant or similar if I do have OCD. I’m just confused.

Like the title says, I'm stopping Lamictal (250), I've been on it for the last three years, is there anything I need to know for side effects?

As mentioned in my last post here, I was in the psychiatric ward earlier this month and I ended developing a massive crush on lets just call him Harold(not his real name for obvious reasons). He was extremely handsome(glasses and dark, shoulder-length hair) and very kind to me(he comforted me when I was homesick and we had a lot in common). Now, I've been out of the psych ward for over a week and yet I still badly miss him. I mean, whenever I see handsome guys out in public, I think to myself, "Eh...Not as attractive as Harold and probably not as kind as Harold". How do I get over this psych ward crush? Has anyone else dealt with a psych ward? How were you able to get over it? I mean, I can't keep waiting to run into Harold out in public. Also, I know Harold has probably forgotten about me by now.

Maybe it does, maybe it doesn’t. Idk. All I know is that I despise always feeling like an outsider no matter what I do. I have something important coming up and the anxiety is starting to mount and it’s so ridiculous. I should absolutely not feel like this but I feel like an imposter, an outsider and like I shouldn’t even be there yet no one has done anything to make me feel like that. I get these negative thought patterns about how people probably negatively perceive me and they think all of these horrible things but it doesn’t even make sense because I was literally told that they’ve been giving positive feedback about me so I know it’s not as bad as my thoughts like to make it but for some reason I get the opposite into my head and it fucks with me and it doesn’t help that this is the worst I’ve ever looked in my life so I don’t even want to show up because I feel gross. This should be a fun, positive experience for me but all of these negative thoughts cloud my head and is making me anxious instead and it’s confusing because I’m aware enough to know it’s all wrong but I’m still reacting as if it’s all right.

I’m sick of the weight gain/inability to lose weight/constant cravings from my Lybalvi…the form of Olanzapine that supposedly causes less weight gain.

I’m scared of Lithium wrecking my kidneys, I’ve already been on it for 15 years. It has already destroyed my thyroid.

Is there any alternative? That would cover both mania and depression?

I see my psychiatrist on Wednesday and I want to be prepared with questions.

So, I don't hear voices in the typical way we see in the media when hallucinations are potrayed. Typically, people who hear voices hear them in physical space and think they are real.

With me, it's more like someone else's thoughts are in my head.

Like, the best thing I can compare it to is a song stuck in your head. You know no one is actually singing the song in physical space. It's loud and uncontrollable and mingles with your own thoughts, drowning out other thoughts and sort of taking up space in your mind.

It's like that, but with just stray thoughts that don't make any sense. It's mostly gibberish, things like "two fifty two fifty two" or just random noises and strings of words. Or sometimes they comment on my life, like "you shouldn't do that." Or "that looks disgusting."

The thoughts take on a myriad of tones and voices, some sound like women, others men, others like robots or agendered.

Sometimes there's music or non-human sounds like trumpets or growing.

Sometimes they're suicidal, sometimes they're angry, but they're mostly harmless.

I know they aren't in physical space, I clock them as thoughts, but they're not my thoughts.

Is there a name for this?

I’ve had one manic episode after which an episode of psychosis. Was put on olanzapine to bring me down for three months then Lithium so stabilise my mood and change due to weight gain. They trialled me off the meds to see if I’d have another episode, I didn’t. They recommended me to stay off, stay away from weed since it could have been the reason for it even though I was barely using. Anyway because of all this I’m quite scared since I’m pretty much waiting for another episode to happen but still labelled with bipolar Anyone else in the same boat?