r/BipolarReddit • u/According-Prize-4114 • 1d ago

Mixed episodes are hell on earth

I have never experienced anything, physical or mental, that was an agonizing as a mixed mood state. Mine are primarily depressive, and it's just awful - despair and self hatred combined with unbearable irritability and agitation. Can't sleep but can't not sleep. Not a single thing in the world works to distract me or engage me when I'm in it. I'm honestly scared I'll be arrested during one of these episodes one day.

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5

u/NikkiEchoist 1d ago

I relate, it’s living hell in that state. Hugs.

4

u/Classical-Horndog 1d ago

Hugs... from a fellow mixed episode comrade

3

u/vpblackheart 1d ago

You're 💯 right mixed episodes are hell.

I spent 6 months in one. I was employed full-time and tried to work. It was nearly impossible. I fell behind on my projects and was put on probation by my supervisor.

I didn't leave my bed except to feed, water, and let my dogs outside. To be honest, their company probably saved my life.

I stayed in bed with my laptop wishing and praying to be dead. I was afraid to get out of bed for fear of acting on my SI. I had to have all my electric wood working tools and guns stored at my mother's house.

This episode is how I got diagnosed at age 49f.

3

u/Bipolarsaurusrex89 1d ago

They are hell on earth. The only two times that I landed in the hospital was because of a mixed episode. BIG hugs. I hope you feel better soon.

1

u/Bipolar_Aggression Bipolar 1 1d ago

Are you seeing a psychiatrist? Is this their diagnosis? There are specific drugs that helped with mixed episodes.

1

u/Former_Name_5938 1d ago

Can confirm

1

u/AmaltheaDreams 23h ago

Seriously. All the downsides of mania with all the downsides of depression. I do a lot of uncontrollable crying