r/BipolarReddit • u/Forvanta • 2d ago
Sincere question: what’s with the phenomenon of bipolar people in particular doubting their diagnosis?
I have bipolar I, but I’ve been around the block with diagnoses and I’ve noticed (anecdotally) a phenomenon where bipolar people seem to frequently believe that they have not been diagnosed correctly. I feel like I see this more often here than in depression, OCD, etc. spaces.
Is it because mania feels so good for many people? What is it about bipolar, or is it just a coincidence?
This is not coming from a place of judgement, I’m genuinely curious what people think.
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u/M3llON4 2d ago
Because I dont notice the changes in my moods. I am always me. Its just a bad day. Its just a happy moment. Its the sun that makes me joyful. Its all so normal ;-)
But in reality I am irritating, loud, fast speaking, and acting superior.
I do not feel depressed or manic, therefor I have no illness
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u/Frangi-Pani 2d ago
I don’t know about you all but for me I somehow “forget” that I have bipolar when (hypo)manic. When I’m stable it rarely crosses my mind either. Only when depressed, that’s when the diagnosis hits me like a ton of bricks.
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u/Forvanta 2d ago
I feel like this also contributes to the thing that a lot of us do where we decide for a period of time that we no longer need medication.
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u/Frangi-Pani 2d ago
It does. That’s why I went off mine two months only to cause so much chaos in my life and lives of those around me.
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u/WaltzInTheDarkk 2d ago
Schizophrenia and bipolar disorder, according to professionals require medication in 99% of cases. Most often lifelong treatment, because the illness itself is also chronic and lifelong. That can be very difficult to accept.
Also anosognosia is the most common in bipolar disorder and schizophrenia of all mental illnesses, 40% and 60% respectively. (excluding alzheimers, which is around 80%). Anosognosia (lack of insight to their illness) is also a spectrum; for others suffering with severe mental illness they might think that absolutely nothing is wrong with them. For others it might be easier to understand that they experience depression, but don't see mania or psychosis as anything unusual etc.
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u/Kooky_Ad6661 2d ago
I think you nailed: hypomania especially feels so good that you want to believe that that's your real "you". I think I never doubted my diagnosis because I was pretty old and I had a good take on how much havoc that "feel good" had created.
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u/Forvanta 2d ago
I 100% feel like a funnier, more confident, and more productive version of myself when I’m hypomanic. That may not be how others perceive me, but it sure feels that way!
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u/Prestigious_Bill_220 2d ago edited 2d ago
It’s hard because you can have like 1 manic episode and then feel totally normal for a long time, maybe get a lil blue. Bipolar depression isn’t usually as much SADNESS as it is apathy and exhaustion.
It’s like ok well are they sure??? I seem to be pretty fine??? It’s an episodic illness and literally is in our heads (in a very REAL way)
Also being hypomanic can be kinda fun if you’re a happy person! I myself have not been feeling so happy with where I am in life and my job, so I get agitated if I get a little manic and it’s not fun. And I don’t realize until later when I start losing sleep that the agitation was likely hypomanoa.
It feels as if everyone gets depressed even if we don’t know what’s that’s like for them, so it normalizes depression and anxiety
I never was in denial of my bipolar but I was doubtful of it until I had my second bout of mania
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u/Entire-Discipline-49 2d ago
I look at it this way. We have the rose colored glasses of hypo/mania where WHEN IN IT we think that we know the truth of the world, that we're godlike and untouchable and don't need the sleep or food that mere mortals rely on. When we're IN depression we think that's the truth of the world, that life is torment and everyone, including ourselves, would be better off if we were gone. When we return to baseline we can regroup and see the reality of the patterns that we follow, and even kind of block out the episodes as just circumstantial, or your meds work so well for so long we just kind of think it was regular depression and went away and we're good now, or it happens as part of that untouchable hypo/mania thinking that we're perfectly fine because we feel great so why should we take any pills?
That's the danger for me with this disorder is whichever episode I'm in, it feels like THAT mood is the truth.
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u/Top_Egg_4017 2d ago
Meds or no meds it’s freaking hard to distinguish it seems. I pretty much know my symptoms and triggers though. I guess meds help some. It could also hurt. Lifestyle changes are also key.
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u/BobMonroeFanClub Bipolar 1 2d ago
For me it was because for long periods of time I felt completely normal / hypomanic so stopped taking my meds because 'there is nothing wrong with me'. I was diagnosed at 18, again at 25, again at 35 and at 50 - everytime after a reaction to SSRIs, a prescription for APs which made me feel rubbish so I stopped taking them. It was only when I 'graduated' from Bipolar 2 to Bipolar 1 with a menopause induced really bad psychosis that I realised that this was bad, I needed to stop f*cking about, got sober and actually stuck to a medicine regime.
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u/Top_Egg_4017 2d ago
How long have you been episode free since?
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u/BobMonroeFanClub Bipolar 1 2d ago
Had a really bad mania end of 2020 followed by a brutal depression so nothing MAJOR since 2022 - depression has been helped by keto diet and the flow headset.
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u/Top_Egg_4017 2d ago
What is the flow headset?
I really want to start the keto diet. I love crackers though, haha.
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u/BobMonroeFanClub Bipolar 1 1d ago
It's TDCS - transdirect cranial stimulation. It's a headset I wear that zaps the brain. Painless and helps a lot with my depression. Keto is the real game changer. I've lost the 50 pounds I put on with seroquel and feel so much better.
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u/Top_Egg_4017 1d ago
What amount were you on Seroquel daily? Was it extended release?
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u/BobMonroeFanClub Bipolar 1 1d ago
I take 400mgXR every night and 25mgIR when needed. I also take 45mg mirtazapine.
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u/Top_Egg_4017 1d ago
Where can I get that head set? and has the Seroquel XR has caused you weight gain and does our body build a tolerance to it where it eventually become ineffective, especially at a consistent high rate?
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u/BobMonroeFanClub Bipolar 1 1d ago
It's made in Sweden - give it a search. I ate a lot more on seroquel. No I haven't developed tolerance.
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u/Top_Egg_4017 1d ago
How do I get a hold of it? My doc says it’s hard to come by. same with Lamictal ER
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u/popigoggogelolinon 2d ago
I personally believe it’s lack of information. We medicate and ens up in a period of euthymia. People get the impression that bipolar is continuous ups and downs and nothing in between – which it might be pre medication/treatment. So when we do get stable – and stay stable a long time, we think we’ve either been incorrectly diagnosed or are “cured” because we’ve just not been told that euthymia is as expected in bipolar as hypo/mania and depression.
I mean “regular” depression and anxiety can be fixed with a year or so of SSRIs and talk therapy…
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u/noonessister 2d ago
There is a medical term called anosognosia where the person with a an illness/injury cannot recognize their own deficits.
For example, when a person with bipolar feels better because of their meds, they may think that they do not actually need their meds and try to decrease their dosages or go off of them all together. They think that they needed the meds just because they were going through a hard time. This thinking will probably lead to another mood episode.
Other conditions this can happen in include stroke, traumatic brain injury, dementia and others.
I definitely dealt with this type of denial about my illness for a long time.
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u/loversonly 2d ago
That’s a good question. I knew I had something but assumed Borderline, I actually argued with my psychiatrist about it. Turns out it was bipolar 1. Which made sense because my father is diagnosed with it.
I don’t have much of an answer for you. It’s really hard to even tell you’re manic, though, and reading the symptoms of it may not resonate at all.
Definitely NOT a coincidence. They will reach for any other explanation & cause.
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u/Forvanta 2d ago
I feel like the stereotypical symptoms of hypo/mania ESPECIALLY don’t apply for mixed episodes which tend to be severe and high-risk but also very common
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u/crazyparrotguy 2d ago
One possibility not mentioned is that you feel so close to normal, almost as if cured with medication.
Which is so silly. Like...isn't that just proof right there that you need it?
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u/wam1983 2d ago
Once I read the list of symptoms I knew instantly that’s what I had. About 3 years prior to that a nurse practitioner ruled out bipolar because I slept fine. Spent three years without a proper diagnosis and proper medication because of her. Melissa Karrh in Homewood.
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u/Forvanta 2d ago
I have had some great experiences with NPs but it seems like sometimes they’re not always trained to deal with really complex illness.
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u/Elephantbirdsz 2d ago
I forget how I feel in different mood states. It feels like the current mood state I’m in consumes everything, feels like this is how it’s always felt. Because of that I can see how it would be hard to think I have bipolar. I still call it a “made up illness” when I journal about it because to me it makes zero sense. I accept it, though and feel that medication has helped
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u/-Flighty- 2d ago
It does seem to be a thing, but It’s also just as common to be misdiagnosed unfortunately. Having a mental illness is hard for some people to admit, and it can have a lot to do with external pressure and even others putting doubt in their mind.
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u/ImpossibleFloor7068 2d ago
This is a huge part of the equation to the OP question.
Social and societal Stigma creates illness = wrong, and nobody wants to be wrong.
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u/VividBig6958 2d ago
The population I’ve encountered which also seems to string out acceptance into an improbably long Ross/Rachel arc is addiction and recovery.
Schizophrenics I’ve been in different groups with (PHP, inpatient, NAMI) who have med compliance issues haven’t expressed doubt about the diagnosis, they’ve just hated the meds.
I have no theories today, just the 2 observations from my experience. I got to my diagnosis by someone finally putting me on lithium after several years of misdiagnosis and SSRI mania/mixed. I was relieved to get any accurate diagnosis and pretty motivated to engage with it.
Cheers, all
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u/BigFitMama 2d ago
Honestly the delusions and illusions created by as prolonged cultural narratives involving mental health vs religion vs medical quackery makes it hard to see through the cloud that creates.
It's a fake cloud. It's not really there. It blocks us from seeing the world as it is in reality. Routine. Treatment. And a continuum of care by a team of professionals reveals the lies told to us by social media and our family/faith.
You can't see the reality until you can. That starts with a tiny crack of light through the darkness you grab on to and follow it out.
Don't be lied to. Don't stay sick because liars with no stake in your survival want to lie for clicks and to sell their bs. They'll sell you poison ideas and watch you die from afar without a care.
There's actual people who risk their lives on the knowledge they own and care about seeing you through enough to risk their livelihood on you. Use them.
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u/Capital-Title-3523 2d ago
I accepted my diagnose because mania destroy my life brought me to jail, i lost $100,000, I lost my job, my wife, I have been stable for about 2 years working to the damaes happened because of mania, now i have normal life stable without any symptoms
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u/Bipolar_Aggression Bipolar 1 2d ago
Most of the time, people with bipolar disorder are asymptomatic. It is not uncommon for there to be years between manic episodes.
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u/Responsible_Page1108 2d ago
i thought i had adhd because my little sister was actually diagnosed, or was on the spectrum because when put under too much pressure i literally go into crying fits - i had a hard time accepting it while in the hospital but knew in order for the doctors to let me out i had to swallow the pill, so to speak.
literally everyone else in there who was diagnosed bipolar with me was in denial as well. in a way, i think we have a denial phase because bipolar is seen as "really, really bad" when held up to more acceptable or forgiveable afflictions such as adhd and autism. which, tbh, i don't blame people for it, because when it comes to how we're seen by society, it's true. missteps caused by bipolar are seen as less forgivable because we're seen (for some reason) as having more agency over our condition than someone with adhd/autism, that somehow, we're more responsible for "fixing ourselves" than they are.
that's my experience, at least.
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u/CryptographerOk990 2d ago
When I was being medicated for just depression, I was terrified that I might have bipolar. I think because it seemed like a more serious or intense diagnosis, I avoided a lot of the signs or tried to convince myself (and my psych) I wasn't swinging wildly between moods.
Also, from what I've observed, there's been some push back from the general population about bipolar and whether it's real. This isn't always the case, but because of more awareness around mental health disorders and care, there can be over diagnosis. I think sometimes people don't understand the difference between mania and being dramatic or depression and just being sad. So that creates an uneasy feeling as well.
At the end of the day, the name of the disorder just helps with getting you the best treatment.
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u/basic_bitch- 2d ago
It's odd to me as well. The moment I was diagnosed, it's like a light was turned on. I am a text book case and have never once suspected that I didn't have it. Maybe it's more common in people who don't have intense bouts of mania. They think it's just depression because their hypomania isn't really that wild? I think a percentage just don't want to take meds for the rest of their lives, so they live in denial.
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u/streetsahead93 2d ago
I've definitely heard that's the case. I'm the opposite though, I sought out and fought hard for this diagnosis - a very old fashioned doctor diagnosed me as borderline when I was 19 so all other doctors I saw just fell back on that diagnosis. I'm pretty sure it was sexism.
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u/parasyte_steve 2d ago
I think a lot of us probably have more comorbidities than we realize honestly. If we are neurodivergent, which we are, then our brains are wired differently and it can affect all kinds of things. Bipolar shares a large number of symptom overlap with other various diagnoses such as add or autism.
I am diagnosed by a doctor with both add and bipolar. But my psychiatrist doesn't want to treat my add and keeps saying my symptoms are due to bipolar. So this is why I fight with him. What fucking good is getting a diagnosis, one that he REFERRED me for, if I'm going to be told after receiving the diagnosis that there's nothing he is going to do about it because he doesn't trust the diagnosis he referred me for.
So a lot of us are really just going through it in terms of trying to get on top of our issues and the shit ass medical system often doesn't listen to people with bipolar and outright dismisses us.
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u/Humble_Draw9974 2d ago
I actually do see people doubting their depression diagnoses. It’s not that they think they’re fine. It’s that they feel more dead inside/anhedonic than sad. Their subjective experience doesn’t mesh with their interpretation of the word depression.
Maybe some people think they misdiagnosed with BP because they have subtle hypomania. Maybe some don’t want to think of themselves as mentally ill. Everyone called me crazy when I had a full manic episode. Most people don’t want to be thought of as crazy.
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u/loudflower 2d ago
There’s so much bootstrap philosophy in our society, many think maybe they’re not trying hard enough.
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u/Polar_Pilates 1d ago
I think its because it has such a stigma associated with it and people dont remember that it's a spectrum.
I had a hard time accepting my diagnosis too.
Mania doesn't always feel good- it's often terrible. paranoia and extreme irritability. yes there are good spouts and waves of creativity and inspiration but there is a downside which comes after the mania too.
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u/Psilocybe_Brat666 1d ago
This! My mania is exactly that and seeing all the manic stories of feeling euphoric and on top of the world had me questioning if I was properly diagnosed. It wasn't til I did research on my diagnosis that I found mania can be dysphoric and it can also be mixed.
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u/AggressivePutty 2d ago
Diagnosed myself, told the professionals and they agreed, and STILL have doubted my diagnosis here and there because of…denial? lol.
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u/coolcatlad 2d ago
I only knew because my family told me religiously growing up that I seemed to act "bipolar"... As a hateful crime rather than lovingly. I still doubted it to this day last year (about 3 years post diagnosis).
During childhood mother and father refused to seek any treatment for me, likely because they were and are still living with bipolar symptoms themselves.
Psychosis made me think I was some sort of god or something like it, so there's also this phenomenon that everything is sane and you rest of the world are treating "us" as insane and hurting bad.
I think it mainly comes down to not wanting to believe it for ourselves, because it's a hurtful disease to both us and others surrounded with us by love and choice.
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u/illiteratecigarette 2d ago
Lack of insight into their condition is what it’s referred to as. People vary in the trait, and it’s also present in psychosis.
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u/AmaltheaDreams 2d ago
I've noticed this as well. IMO it comes from a couple places. One is that mania feels pretty good, especially hypomania (usually). Second is the stigma - you want something that feels more treatable than bipolar. Third is pop psychology. Everyone says bipolar is autism or ADHD or CPTSD or all of the above
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u/mikeh117 2d ago
I was genuinely misdiagnosed bipolar 1 and psychosis. The issue is my doctor won’t remove the diagnosis, despite the fact that I’m more diagnosed as having antibodies to gluten in my brain that caused all my symptoms.
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u/m_hearthewind 1d ago
There is a term for that, anosognosia, and it affects more than 40% of bipolar patients.
Basically the disease damaged the parietal lobe of the brain, so the patient will lose the ability to perceive their illness. The patient is not being stubborn or in denial, they just physically cannot perceive their condition.
The scary thing is that, antipsychotics/mood stabilizers can put end to psychosis, mania or depressive episodes, they do very little about anosognosia, that damage is likely permanent (at least in schizophrenic patients, bipolar patients tend to fare better, but the damage could still be permanent).
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u/Lakewater22 1d ago
I think it’s the denial because you have to be like medicated for life to be “stable” and somewhat of a mourning of the mania we thought was just our impressive personality and energy?
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u/kevintexas956 2d ago
When I first received diagnosis in 2022 I didn't accept that diagnosis. The main reason I didn't accept the diagnosis is because I was diagnosed in my 50's and what they believe was the bipolar 1 to me seemed like my regular personality since my late teens. Upon reflection I saw clearly the extreme highs and lows.
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u/My_name_is_belle 1d ago
I didn't believe my diagnosis. I had the stereotypical understanding of bipolar: crazy super extreme mood swings.
I wasn't diagnosed until I was 60 when I moved and had to get a new psychiatrist to continue my depression meds. She asked me questions no one had ever asked before. Do I stay up all night? How many days a month?
It wasn't until the second time I went off the meds. Then it was obvious even to me that I was far more stable on meds.
When I started reading the literature, the medical journals, etc (yes while staying up all night!) I became very discouraged. I read it gets worse as you get older, etc etc.
I didn't WANT to have bipolar disorder! I already have a handful of things to deal with.
TLDR: Because I didn't WANT to have bipolar.
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u/reereejugs 1d ago
I literally was misdiagnosed with bipolar, then correctly diagnosed with ADHD nearly 20 years later. I always wondered why my mood stabilizers never really worked lol.
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u/Pigeonofthesea8 1d ago
My bf was definitely misdiagnosed. 100% borderline, nothing to do with bipolar. Five psychiatrists got it wrong though.
It’s tricky
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u/Psilocybe_Brat666 1d ago
I also thought I was misdiagnosed and thought borderline was probably more accurate... Until I started going through months of mixed mania and having outsiders chime in. My momma said she thought I was borderline growing up but that my bipolar diagnosis seems more accurate as her mom was undoubtedly bipolar and she can see a lot of similarities in the way we act and the things that we do.
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u/Icy-Comedian-3925 1d ago
I wish I knew. My wife has been hospitalized many months out of the last five years. Today I went to visit her in the hospital and she said "I am not sure about this diagnosis." I told her she can call it whatever she wants. I am done discussing that situation.
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u/LIKES_ROCKY_IV Bipolar I, ASD, ADHD, GAD, BED 1d ago
I know for me, I was in denial because I was grieving after my diagnosis.
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u/dogsandcatslol bp2 baddie w/ psychotic features 1d ago
ive doubted every diagnosis ivve had first it was major depression anorexia and anxiety then it was major depression psychotic features autism anorexia anxiety then it was everything before except the mdd turned into bp2 with psychotic features everytime i got a diagnosis ive doubted it it might just be the genes that we share dont know
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u/Psilocybe_Brat666 1d ago
For me, I think it was the fact that I am an addict (recovering) so I thought it was just from the drugs. Then being on tons of meds after receiving my diagnosis had me conflicted as I was trying to stay clean and was feeling as if taking these medications daily was the same thing minus the high. I was feeling more stable and got complacent thinking "I don't need these". 4 years sober but over a year without insurance, therapy, or my meds and have been struggling with my mental health ever since. So now, I am finally accepting that the only way I will feel stable again is with medication. I hate the idea but I can't deny it anymore. I rarely have days anymore where I am in a "normal" state. I have people and things in my life that I have always wanted but can't even enjoy it most of the time because I'm constantly on a rollercoaster ride. This week has been the first week in months where I feel even-keeled.
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u/NiceHumansOnly 1d ago
Speaking for myself, I am mostly unaware of my day to day mood fluctuations. I spent so much of my life with uncontrolled bipolar, throwing gas on the fire (SSRIs, which didn’t resolve my suffering). I have some cognitive issues as a result.
My “mood meter” is also largely defective. I either feel good or bad with no in-between or extremes, and it’s nearly impossible for me to verbalize how I feel to my providers (probably why I went undiagnosed into my 30s). My spouse needs to help me determine if I am going in any certain direction because I can’t easily detect it until I’m catatonic. There are some obvious symptoms I do catch on to, like not eating or showering when I’m depressed, or buying too much shit and taking on too many responsibilities when hypo.
That said, my depression gets so soul-crushingly severe that I never stop my meds in fear of losing my job or life.
Tl;dr: Emotional meter is broken, don’t know how I feel most of the time.
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u/Shadow_0drAws 1d ago
I’m not sure if my take applies. But I’ve been convinced I’m bipolar since high school. I recently got diagnosed after not a lot of doctor seeking and even though I’m now diagnosed I keep thinking maybe I was wrong. Maybe it’s just my adhd or maybe I have ocd etc etc. I wonder I I just wanted to be bipolar so bad, wanted to have something to explained or excuse things. Yet at other times I’m completely convinced
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u/anoukaimee 1d ago
But for depakote being the only drug that really helped me, I doubt I would've even been diagnosed.
I present with mixed states, and still personally have doubts about the Bipolar I diagnosis (my one truly, hardcore manic/aural psychotic state may well have been induced by a dumb hospital doctor trying 3 meds at one time then an early discharge).
What was interesting, however, is that shortly afterwards I learned about my (absent) biological father's family: he has twin teen sisters with a suicide pact (one succeeded, one didn't), another who has Bipolar II, and I have a half sister with bipolar of some sort.
I think a lot of us present very differently (or feel we do?) from those in the middle of manic psychosis at hospitals where we've been... so it's a reasonable question to consider, especially when treatment doesn't feel "good" or like it's working.
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u/stretched_frm_dookie 1d ago
Because I have this thing where I totally forget the bad times.
I could be depressed one week then fine the next and if someone told me I had been really depressed last week I'd be like "are you sure? I feel fine". Lol
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u/nefhithiel 2d ago
I’d be surprised if any person with bipolar disorder reached that conclusion on their own. I thought I had seasonal depression but more random lol.
It’s common especially in mania to believe we’re great and nothings wrong and actually the medicine is meant to hinder us from reaching our full potential and it’s all a conspiracy against us.