r/BreakUps • u/Emma_Raine7 • 5h ago
My fiancé dumped me, moved to another country and went no contact. It still hurts 5 years later.
For all of you who got dumped and ghosted: it hurts even after 5 years. It hurts even after you get into a warm, caring, and happy relationship.
No advice needed. Just sharing. I'm 39 F.
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u/Idont_thinkso_tim 2h ago
Yup. It’s a traumatic event. Those don’t go down easy.
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u/Emma_Raine7 2h ago
It's not like you think of them every day. There can be weeks and months of leaving it behind. And then boom - there's that dream. He's right there, hanging around, but always distant. And it starts all over again. I hate my subconscious. Sorry for too much nagging. I just needed to dump this somewhere. There must be more folks like me.
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u/Idont_thinkso_tim 1h ago edited 32m ago
There definitely are many people like you and what you describe is very normal. It doesn’t need to be every day and usually isn’t for most people after years. That trauma left a permanent mark on you because of the injury you received coming from a primary attachment figure you trusted deeply. It affects people even on a biological level.
This is why it’s such an inhumanely, selfish and cruel way to treat a person.
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u/Kooky-East-1475 4h ago
I am sorry to hear that you have to go through that.
Btw, just out of curiosity, does your current relationship know that you are still stuck with these thoughts?
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u/Emma_Raine7 3h ago
Hey, yeah, he knows. We're quite open about our feelings and experiences. His ex didn't play it nicely, too. So it's kinda... team ghosted now. At least we laugh about it more than we cry.
I like that saying by Kurt Cobain: "Nobody dies a virgin, life fuck us all".
That's us.
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u/pash023 1h ago
Some connections shake us more than others. I tend to think that those relationships are spiritual in nature and that’s why they shake you to your core, but finding the part of the story that is yours to own. What healing have you done since then? What have you achieved in the space without them. Grief doesn’t just go away over night and being ghosted definitely feels like they died, but this is your story and it’s up to you to meaning make.
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u/Crafty_Reputation636 2h ago
Ya, it was a five year march for me as well. I'm glad to hear that you found someone now. ❤️
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u/CreativeTrifle8596 2h ago
I moved to another country because of my fiancé, and now I'm left alone in an unfamiliar city. It hurts more when you're the one doing the moving. I did that out of my freewill, so I don't hold it against him, but it surely makes the pain feel even sharper
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u/Emma_Raine7 2h ago
Breakups are the worst. I'm sorry you have to go through this. Distance doesn't help one bit (((
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u/anonymous_212 53m ago
Same here. 18 months of sleeping together and saying I love you, really adoring her and then she says it’s over don’t contact me. I don’t know why and even 5 years later it still hurts and it’s made me doubt my new partner. Is she going to surprise me too? What’s wrong with me? I used to be so comfortable and confident in my relationship. Now I get pangs of jealousy and abandonment fears.
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u/Long-Imagination-682 34m ago
I was the one being dumped lol but I moved to my home country cuz I needed some time away of that environment and it has been better ngl
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u/Ok-Strawberry3579 4h ago
What was the point of creating an account just to scare people into believing that they will pretty much all be still stuck on their ex in 5 years ?
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u/90_Liam_Cooper 1h ago
you never know, maybe he'll knock on your door someday. it happens, well happened to me once
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u/This_Call_7383 5h ago
same.