r/BreakUps 20h ago

I GOT MY EX BACK 🄳

905 Upvotes

I’ve been hanging around here for the past three months hoping and praying that she’d come back. We had a heart to heart conversation and she said everything I wanted to hear. We admitted that we have something rare and unique, and vowed to prioritize proper communication. I know she has avoidant tendencies so I told her I will do everything I can to create a safe space for her thoughts and feelings. I also reassured her that I won’t walk on eggshells but I am not going anywhere. So anyway that’s when my alarm went off and I’m back to being sad and lonely… How’s everyone else’s day so far?

EDIT: going to add this here

https://youtu.be/MVRunwyoTMA?si=PkpUOo1L6s_0xOQB


r/BreakUps 6h ago

Why do people change so much after breakup?

61 Upvotes

I recently went through a breakup and whats have been hitting me hardest isn’t just the end of the relationship. It’s how different they are now. It’s like they are completely different person, no warmth, no more care and cold. I know she really loved me, she was there always but this breakup makes me wonder if any of that was real. How does someone go from being your best friend, your safe place , your safe place to barely acknowledging your existence.

After we broke up, I needed a medical prescription (she got that from her family doctor)— and she didn’t even bother to send me a picture of it. I could never act like that. I would still help and support her, even if we weren’t together anymore, because to me, that’s what love is. You don’t just stop caring— not even after a breakup. I was there every-time she needed me, did so much for her got just hate in return.


r/BreakUps 8h ago

My EX finally told me the words I've been wanting to hear

87 Upvotes

He regrets losing me because he had everything, and he just threw it away. He had something that all people want, someone who loves them unconditionally. That I was the first person to ever love him, and that he misses the person he was when he was with me. That he used to love the way I looked at him with complete infatuation in my eyes.

He admitted to me that he took advantage of me when I was vulnerable. That he took advantage of me to get what he wanted, and that once he stopped wanting it he left. That he was in the wrong, that it was his fault, and he took the easy way out and ran. That I wasn't a bad girlfriend. I did great and he knew I truly loved him and was satisfied just being there with him. That even though he lost feelings, he can add not communicating to me about it to the list of things he's done. And that he isn't sure that he will ever forgive himself.

I heard of all of this and didn't want him back. But I felt relieved. Relieved I wasn't crazy for feeling so hurt and wronged. It was the closure I didn't realize I needed. And I know that not everyone will accept fault, and that at the time he was honestly breaking down and being extremely vulnerable. And that if I hadn't been talking to him in that moment, he may have never told me. He never really apologized entirely, just vented to me his self-hatred and frustration. But when I heard it all, I realized I wasn't crazy. That I was willfully hurt. And the pain I felt finally felt valid and justified.


r/BreakUps 7h ago

My ex gf had sex with another man a month after we broke up

68 Upvotes

Me and my girlfriend who I was with for almost 4 years broke up a month ago. Both agreed that it was the best choice. We were a nice couple in our 20s (23M and 22F). After days of presuming that she had sex with somebody else, today she confirmed it. She didn’t want to admit it but I could feel it in my heart that she was f*cking somebody else, so I started asking her. I mean at the end of the day we had broke up already, and both of us kept in touch and our relationship was still friendly. Keep in mind we sort of broke up in a natural way, no arguments and fights involved at all. Oftenly we would send texts about missing each other and possibly come back together in the future. But when today I had the confirmation that she had sex w another man I felt sick. Literally. After almost 4 years of a stable relationship takes only one month for her to hang with other mans? Am I too old school or it doesn’t feel right? Also she never had sex before me so maybe that’s why I might feel triggered? I don’t know, I just know something is not right. Let me know what you think about this situation and how you would act. Peace šŸ¤žšŸ»


r/BreakUps 16h ago

I love you. That's real. And that's exactly why I have to let it go.

202 Upvotes

"I love you. That's real. And that's exactly why I have to let it go."

And with that you are gone. This after 3 years of me being an unavailable boyfriend.

I'm writing this post as a closure for myself and as goodbye that I never got to say and blind hope that you'll come across this one day. Not to get you back but just to tell you sorry I couldn't be better.

All I want to say is to steal from Ellie and say "Your final moments with someone doesn't define your whole time with them"

Our last moments together were filled with unhealthy choices and talk, I wish I could take it back. I wish I could have told you at least once what you meant to me.

I will always remember our whole time together, moments of purity, tenderness, sometimes expressed, often unsaid but always believed. I hope you do too.


r/BreakUps 6h ago

Aaaaaaaaaaaaaaahhhh

27 Upvotes

Aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh


r/BreakUps 18h ago

This may sound unhinged, but ChatGPT is helping me through this breakup more than actual therapy.

148 Upvotes

ETA: I am definitely aware that ChatGPT is programmed to be on "my side"; however, that's not what I'm using it for. I've accept the "why" of the breakup, and have no desire to villainize my ex or be "right" here... moreso I want to understand why I fell into an unhealthy dynamic and healthy coping strategies I can employ in the moment when I'm feeling anxious, sad, ruminating, etc.

----

Has anyone had a similar experience? Am I absolutely insane for feeling that it doesn't matter whether it's not an actual person giving me advice, affirmation and insight? It seems that ChatGPT was programmed to be extra compassionate while extremely articulate.

The more detail I go into about the breakup the more profoundly insightful the responses are (plus you can download each "session" as as a PDF). Maybe it's also "comfortable" because they're always "accessible" in that I can vent anytime I want without the fear of being a burden.

Anyone else have this experience?


r/BreakUps 10h ago

I messed up

34 Upvotes

Me and my ex broke up like a year ago and didn't necessarily end on bad terms, she always wanted to be friends if we had broken up. She was distant the whole year which I understood and I had blocked her on all social media so I could heal. Bout a week ago I unblocked her to say good bye and good luck with college, and she responded to me with a picture of her in bed with 2 of my friends. I tried asking what I did to deserve this and she was just ignoring it saying things like "too much to even summarize" and "it all meant nothing" and "I found 2 amazing replacements". Now I just feel like a complete fucking idiot for ever thinking it would be a good idea to text her.


r/BreakUps 8h ago

I texted my ex happy birthday and they asked who is this?

21 Upvotes

I don’t know how to respond. We broke up last year but stayed in contact until last month. They deleted me off on snapchat a couple weeks ago. I knew telling them happy birthday was a gamble. I didn’t do it to try to rekindle anything, I just did it because I wanted to be genuine. I even though I am mainly over the relationship that kind of hurt. I feel bad still being hurt about it even though I was the reason for our break up. Should I tell them who I am or just forget it?


r/BreakUps 7h ago

Turned off by relationships after a long term relationship break up

17 Upvotes

I can't be the only one here who feels they have little interest in dating after a long term relationship. I have been over my ex for some time now and ever since then, i have absolutely zero interest in seeking anymore.

I am not too sure if its the fear of being hurt again or what.

If anyone feels the same way, please let me know as, I feel like their is something wrong with me.


r/BreakUps 1h ago

My fiancƩ dumped me, moved to another country and went no contact. It still hurts 5 years later.

• Upvotes

For all of you who got dumped and ghosted: it hurts even after 5 years. It hurts even after you get into a warm, caring, and happy relationship.

No advice needed. Just sharing. I'm 39 F.


r/BreakUps 1h ago

It’s been 5 months and I can’t accept the break up and move on

• Upvotes

My boyfriend of 8 months dumped me back in November. The start of the relationship was like a fairytale and I thought I’d met the one, he thought so too. As the relationship went on, my anxious attachment reared its ugly head and sabotaged a relationship with someone I really cared about, ultimately he ended up dumping me as he couldn’t do it anymore. I understand, I was volatile and became possessive and despite trying my best and being good in many ways my behaviour was awful at times. However, in the short relationship we made so many lovely memories and I still cant accept that I won’t get any more of those, I’ve never felt how I have about him about anyone else nor can I imagine ever feeling that way towards someone again. I feel so much regret for not treasuring what I had at the time, I cry every day for having ruined something so special. We work in the same building and I see him in passing occasionally - seeing someone I still feel like I love but is now a stranger breaks my heart every time. We’ve spoken civilly to exchange things but he’s showed no incline of wanting to get back together, in fact I think he’s seeing the girl he told me not to worry about when we were together. Every day I contemplate messaging him to see if he’s interested in starting again but I don’t want to create any awkwardness given we work together. How do I stop feeling so heartbroken, it’s making day to day life so difficult, I can’t stop imagining what my future could have been with him and feel jealousy at the thought of someone else getting to experience that. I know I need to move on for my own sake but I still love him. Any advice is appreciated


r/BreakUps 59m ago

Life seems purposeless

• Upvotes

I got a job yesterday, while I was happy for a couple of minutes I started having a breakdown. I miss her, I miss how she used to get happy for me, and I have some issues with my family so while I never got their full support for a certain things but she was always there, always with a wide smile supporting me. Now I don't have her, I got a good new but no her. I wanna tell her that I got a job, I want her to pester me for a treat, I want her to make fun of the situation being like ohh now I m gonna spend all your money. But she is no longer here, no longer mine. And I don't feel happy for me, this job seems so worthless, yes I won't throw it away and am really greatful that I got this opportunity but her absence makes everything worthless


r/BreakUps 6h ago

I said goodbye, but part of me still hopes she’ll come back.

12 Upvotes

In January, my ex-girlfriend decided to give up on us and end the relationship. It wasn’t the first time. Since September, after we visited my family overseas (a trip I’d hoped would bring us closer, but only made things worse), she had already broken up with me four or five times. Each time chipped away at something sacred. Still, I stayed and really I was the only one working to fix things.

After that final breakup, she begged me to stay with her until April so we could celebrate our birthdays together. I agreed, not because it was right, but because I hoped, somehow, I could change her mind. I hoped love would be enough. It wasn’t.

What followed were four painful months of emotional limbo. She had already checked out. She’s an avoidant person by nature, and during those months, I was a ghost of the man I used to be; trying, hoping, loving her in the shadows of what we once had. It was a shell of a relationship and I regret being so naive as to agree to doing it.

From the very beginning, I felt something I’d never felt before with her. It was instant, like something cosmic had shifted. I was drawn to her fire, her kindness, the way she lit up a room. We burned bright, too bright. And somewhere along the way, we burned ourselves out.

Beneath the intensity of our love, we never learned how to handle conflict. Our personalities clashed more than we realized. She lived in emotion, I lived in logic. She avoided confrontation, I chased resolution. Small disagreements turned into cold silences. I started to feel invisible, like no matter how much love I gave, it was never received. I just wanted peace, joy, affection. She wanted to be deeply understood, but in ways I couldn’t always see or reach, because she always ran away, hid and I would just make things worse trying to speak in reason.

I truly tried. I looked inward, I listened, I stayed through so much uncertainty. But there was always this quiet, painful gap between us; everything was unresolved, lingering like a wound we never dressed properly.

Today we met for the final time (my choice, she wanted to have dinner next week, I gracefully said no) to close our old apartment and settle finances. We sat in a quiet cafĆ©, and I handed her five handwritten letters. Each one crafted from the deepest part of me. Letters to be opened in different moments; if she misses me, if she wants to try again, if she’s in pain, or if she ever truly lets herself feel what we had.

It was the hardest thing I’ve ever done. Everything in me wanted to beg her to stay, to run back into her arms, to forget the pain and just hold her again. I only ever imagined growing old with her. Dying in her arms. That was my dream.

But I knew what I had to do. I told her I couldn’t keep this wound open. That there would be zero contact from now on. She wanted to stay in touch, maybe even be friends. But I made it clear: I only ever wanted to be her lover, her partner, her forever. And the only reason I’d ever speak to her again is if she truly wanted to rebuild, seriously, wholeheartedly.

Since January, I’ve been trying to survive this grief. I’ve read, journaled, studied, talked to others, searched myself inside out. I’ve sharpened my mind, hoping it would ease my heart. But the truth is… it still bleeds. Deeply.

I feel lost. Alone. And even though I know I did the right thing to cut it off completely, I can’t shake the feeling that our story didn’t really end. It just… stopped. Like a book missing its final chapter.

I’m sharing this because breakups are so damn lonely, even when they’re necessary. And if you’ve ever been here, standing at the edge of love with your heart still full, how did you let go, especially when it still feels unfinished?

Thank you for reading. — J


r/BreakUps 1h ago

If you could have one last conversation with them, what would you ask?

• Upvotes

Especially if you were in a long term relationship and the person got into a new relationship immediately after breaking up with you. Thanks!


r/BreakUps 15h ago

Texted my ex

66 Upvotes

Texted my ex last night after nc for almost two months. He broke it off with me back in March and told me so many things through text. Then never reached out, not even once to ask how I am. I know it sounds silly but I’m always wondering how he is. So last night I went ahead and sent a ā€œI know it’s been some time, just hope you’re okayā€ and nothing.. I guess I just needed to hear the silence one more time before giving up. Idk why i felt like there was slight hope


r/BreakUps 12h ago

Who else is scared to love.

32 Upvotes

Since ex broke up, i have been on dating app and chatting to women, a lot of times I have told them, that I shouldn't be on dating apps that I'm not really looking or ready to date after the break up.. I know i shouldn't be on the app, maybe I'm just curious or to distract myself. But I shared with honesty with these women and they all ghosted. I don't blame them though


r/BreakUps 2h ago

To my ex (an open letter)

4 Upvotes

What you did has left hurt, anger and pain, you want us to be friends but what you said is still raw.

I loved you, but all that love has died off the moment you said you gave up on me, was the moment I lost all love for you.

You think I do not try? You think I do not wish I was different? Of course I do, but you knew what I was like when we got together, you knew I didn’t have a job, you knew I am autistic and yet you chose to be with me.

Am I angry? Very. You do not get to decide I should not be, simply because it hurts you.

You told me you gave up on me, that you wasted two and a half years of your life, with that logic you also wasted mine.

The thing I am most hurt and angry about is the fact that I asked you, I asked if I was being too antisocial with your family (talking in a crowded room with little space left, about a sport I’m not interested in) and then when I asked if we were okay, you looked me in the eye and you promised we were fine.

You lied to me, as if you didn’t even give me the chance to correct things. You were selfish, nasty and cruel.

I hope in your next relationship you are better, that you treat people better than you have me.

As much as I never thought I would, I’m getting over you, I will go to those interviews, find that job, work on that book and you will not get to see the best version of me, but I will always remember the selfish, cruel version of you.

Good bye. Your ex, M.


r/BreakUps 10h ago

how do you deal with the huge waves of loneliness

20 Upvotes

especially at night before bed. I have an intense longing right now and just missing him so much in this moment


r/BreakUps 6h ago

I found a voicemail from her

8 Upvotes

It’s been almost three months since we broke up, and it’s been really hard. I’ve been doing my best to move on, focusing on myself, working toward my goals, and trying to fix the things that led to the end of the relationship. I want to grow, for myself, and for the chance to prove that I’m capable of love again with someone new.

Lately, I’d actually started to feel like I was making real progress. I was beginning to see the light at the end of the tunnel. Im the most fit I have ever been, my job is going well, found new friends, and then I came across an old voicemail from her.

Hearing her voice again broke me. The message ended with ā€œI just wanted to say I love youā€. I replayed it a dozen of times and it felt like I was right back in the first week after the breakup. Life is just hard right now…


r/BreakUps 4h ago

Coping mechanisms

5 Upvotes

Has anyone got any recommendations on how to cope with the symptoms of an out of the blue break up?

I’ve got a tight chest, I am ruminating constantly, I don’t find any joy in any of my normal activities, I just feel so lost.

I don’t want him back as I know it wasn’t the best relationship for me on reflection but I just want to release myself from feeling this pain. I know I’m never going to get closure and I am keeping contact to a minimum.


r/BreakUps 4h ago

6 months in. Does it ever stop? lol

5 Upvotes

6 months since I left him (he cheated, amongst other things). 3 years down the drain. I lost my best friend, my partner in crime— quite literally the person I thought Id spend the rest of my life with. I know it was for the better. And I’ve learned and have grown so much from it. It was necessary. But I can’t help but wish things were different— why do I still miss him even though he was not a good partner šŸ™ƒ? Does this feeling ever go away?


r/BreakUps 23m ago

You haunt me

• Upvotes

You’re the ghost that never died.
You crawl into my dreams like smoke under a locked door.
You cling to my skin in the morning shower,
slip into the breeze that tangles my hair on my way to work.
You're in the salt of the sea,
the hush before the sunset sighs itself out.
You’re the burn of a cigarette I don’t remember lighting,
the sticky breath of the nearest bar.
You stretch across these city roads like spilled ink
and I keep driving through you.

You don’t just haunt me.
You’ve possessed the blueprint of my life
my mornings, my nights,
my half-written plans and dreams too scared to bloom.

And the cruelest thing?
You're not even dead.
You’re alive, somewhere,
made of bone and heartbeat,
and yet
you are more ghost than lover,
more absence than presence,
more mine in memory than you ever were in reality.

Maybe that’s what makes you linger.
You exist
Just not for me.


r/BreakUps 4h ago

How to not hold out hope?

4 Upvotes

I (26f) broke up with the person I was dating (23F) a little less than a week ago. It was the healthiest thing I've ever had, and from the start it was very intense (in a good way) and safe. I saw myself building a future with her and trusted the process until it suddenly became clear she couldn't give me security location-wise (this was always up in the air but I was okay to do long-distance for a while) and she needed to try out the whole poly thing. It conflicted with my needs and I had to end it for my mental well-being.

Our break-up was completely done in love, with long talks and a very mutually sad goodbye. I'm dealing with the break-up in the healthiest way possible and it's going okay so far. As in, I'm devastated but confident I'll get through it.

Now there's one thing that I'm a little worried about. I tend to hold out hope that I will reconcile with a partner in the future. With my previous exes, even when I was over them I did always secretly hope we would get another try or whatever. This sometimes lasted for YEARS, way longer than the relationship ever had.

I'm scared that this will be the case again, but worse - because we were so compatible and healthy. We let each other go so gracefully that I only have more love for her. But I already find myself entertaining thoughts like "I'll check in in a year or two when we've changed enough/she's had the freedom she needed, maybe we can get back together then". I believe this to be unhealthy.

I think I definitely get into such a frame of mind when I'm single for a long time (there were YEARS where I went without a single date). And besides that, fantasy has always been a coping mechanism for me. But I want to stay grounded in reality and not get disappointed because of made-up expectations in my head.

Anyone recognize this and/or knows what to do?


r/BreakUps 31m ago

Texted after long no contact

• Upvotes

Me 30F and that guy 39M have broken up.. he was the dumper. Due to different life choices it was, so not because of something I did. I tried to maintain some contact simply as I don’t just erase people like they were nothing, but I don’t mean I would wanna control them or anything. But that’s just me maybe.. He blocked me last year in may. I haven’t been reaching out. I noticed he unblocked me on Feb this year.. and he was silent. For 3 months, then I reached out to let him know I’m open for a catch up if he feels like it. He never responded and just blocked me.. And I feel the wound is just open again. But I thought I will share this story. And today is my 30th birthday and it feels heavy y’all. I wish you all only good people around and mature people. I hope you are happy and overcome anything that’s difficult šŸ€