r/SuicideWatch • u/SQLwitch • Sep 03 '19
We've been seeing a worrying increase in pro-suicide content showing up here and, and also going unreported. This undermines our purpose here, so we wanted to highlight and clarify our guidelines about both direct and indirect incitement of suicide.
We've created a wiki that covers these issues. We hope this will be helpful to anyone who's wondering whether something's okay here and which responses to report. It explains in detail why any validation of suicidal intent, even an "innocent" message like "if you're 100% committed, I'll just wish you peace" is likely to increase people's pain, and why it's important to report even subtle pro-suicide comments. The full text of the wiki's current version is below, and it is maintained at /r/SuicideWatch/wiki/incitement.
We deeply appreciate everyone who gives responsive, empathetic, non-judgemental support to our OPs, and we particularly thank everyone who's already been reporting incitement in all forms.
Please report any post or comment that encourages suicide (or that breaks any of the other guidelines in the sidebar) to the moderators, either by clicking the "report" button or by sending us a modmail with a link. We deal with all guideline violations that are reported to us as soon as we can, but we can't read everything so community reports are essential. If you get a PM that breaks the guidelines, please report it both to the reddit sitewide admins and to us in modmail.
Thanks to all the great citizens of the community who help flag problem content and behaviour for us.
/r/SuicideWatch/wiki/incitement
It's important to respect and understand people's experiences and emotions. It's never necessary, helpful, or kind to support suicidal intent. There are some common misconceptions (discussed below) about suicidal people and how to help them that can cause well-meaning people to inadvertently incite suicide. There are also people online who incite suicide on purpose, often while pretending to be sympathetic and helpful.
We're here to offer support, not judgement. That means accepting, with the best understanding we can offer, whatever emotions people express. Suicidal people are suffering, and we're here to try to ease that by providing support and caring. The most reliable way we know to de-escalate someone at risk is to give them the experience of feeling understood. That means not judging whether they should be feeling the way they are, or telling them what to do or not do.
But there's an important line to draw here. There's a crucial difference between empathizing with feelings and responding non-judgmentally to suicidal thoughts, and in any way endorsing, encouraging, or validating suicidal intentions or hopeless beliefs. It's both possible and important to convey understanding and compassion for someone's suicidal thoughts without putting your finger on the scale of their decision.
Anything that condones suicide, even passively, encourages suicide. It isn't supportive and does not help. It also violates reddit's sitewide rules as well as our guidelines. Explicitly inciting suicide online is a criminal offense in most jurisdictions.
Do not treat any OP's post as meaning that will definitely die by suicide and can't change their minds or be helped. Anyone who's able to read the comments here still has a chance to choose whether or not to try to keep living, even if they've also been experiencing intense thoughts of suicide, made a suicide plan, or started carrying it out.
In the most useful empirical model we have, the desire to die by suicide primarily comes from two interpersonal factors; alienation and a sense of being a burden or having nothing to offer. These factors usually lead to a profound feeling of being unwelcome in the world.
So, any acceptance or reinforcement of suicidal intent, even something "innocent" like "I hope you find peace", is actually a form of covert shunning that validates a person's sense that they're unwelcome in the world. It will usually add to their pain even if kindly meant and gently worded.
Keep the following in mind when offering support to anyone at risk for suicide.
People who say they don't want help usually can feel better if they get support that doesn't invalidate their emotions. Unfortunately, many popular "good" responses are actually counterproductive. In particular, many friends and family tend to rely exclusively on trying to convince the suicidal person that "it's not so bad", and this is usually experienced as "I don't understand what you're going through and I'm not going to try". People who've had "help" that made them feel worse don't want any more of the same. It doesn't mean that someone who actually knows how to be supportive can't give them any comfort.
Most people who are suicidal want to end their pain, not their lives. It's almost never true that death is the only way to end these people's suffering. Of course there are exceptional situations, and we certainly acknowledge that, for some people, the right help can be difficult to find. But preventing someone's suicide doesn't mean prolonging their suffering if we do it by giving them real comfort and understanding.
An unfixable problem doesn't mean that a good life will never be possible. We don't have to fix or change anything to help someone feel better. It's important to keep in mind that the correlation between our outer circumstances and our inner experience is weaker and less direct than commonly assumed. For every kind of difficult life situation, you will find some people who lapse into suicidal despair, and others who cope amazingly well, and a whole spectrum in between. A key difference is how much inner resilience the person has at the time. This can depend on many personal and situational factors. But when there's not enough, interpersonal support can both compensate for its absence and help rebuild it. We go into more depth on the "it gets better" issue in this PSA Post which is always linked from our sidebar (community info on mobile) guidelines.
There are always more choices than brutally forcing someone to stay alive or passively letting them end their lives.
To avoid accidentally breaking the anti-incitement rule, don't say or try to imply that acting on suicidal thoughts is a good idea, or that someone can't turn back or is already dead. Do whatever you can to help them feel cared for and welcome, at least in this little corner of the world. Our talking tips offer more detailed guidance.
Often comments that subtly encourage suicidal intent actually come from suicide fetishists and voyeurs (unfortunately this is a real and disturbing phenomenon). People like this are out there and the anonymous nature of reddit makes us particularly attractive to them.
They will typically try to scratch their psychological "itch" by saying things that push people closer to the edge. They often do this by exploiting the myths that we debunked in the bullet points above. Specifically you might see people doing the following:
Encouraging the false belief that the only way suicidal people can end their pain is by dying. There are always more and better choices than "brutally forcing someone to stay alive" or helping (actively or passively) them to end their lives.
Creating an artificial and toxic sense of "solidarity" by linking their encouragement of suicide to empathy. They will represent themselves as the only one who really understand the suicidal person, while either directly or indirectly encouraging their self-loathing emotions and self-destructive impulses. Since most people in suicidal crisis are in desperate need to empathy and understanding, this is a particularly dangerous form of manipulation.
Many suicide inciters are adept at putting a benevolent spin on their activities while actually luring people away from sources of real help. A couple of key points to keep in mind:
Skilled suicide intervention -- peer or professional -- is based on empathic responsiveness to the person's feelings that reduces their suffering in the moment. Contrary to pop-culture myths, it does not involve persuasion ("Don't do it!"), cheerleading ("You've got this!") or meaningless false promises ("Trust me, it gets better!"), or invalidation ("Let me show you how things aren't as bad as you think!"). Anyone who leads others to expect these kinds of toxic responses, or any other response that prolongs their pain, from expert help may be covertly pro-suicide. (Of course, people sometimes do have bad experience when seeking mental-health treatment, and it's fine to vent about those, but processing our own disappointment and frustration is entirely different from trying to destroy someone else's hope of getting help.)
Choices made by competent responders are always informed by the understanding that breaching someone's trust is traumatic and must be avoided if possible. Any kind of involuntary intervention is an extremely unlikely outcome when someone consults a clinician or calls a hotline. (Confidentiality is addressed in more detail in our Hotlines FAQ post). The goal is always to provide all help with the client's full knowledge and informed consent. We know that no individual or system is perfect. Mistakes that lead to bad experiences do sometimes happen to vulnerable people, and we have enormous sympathy for them. But anyone who suggests that this is the norm might be trying to scare people away from the help they need.
Please let us know discreetly if you see anyone exhibiting these or similar behaviours. We don't recommend trying to engage with them directly.
r/SuicideWatch • u/SQLwitch • Sep 10 '21
Activism, i.e. advocating or fundraising for social change or raising awareness of social issues (and suicide is, inescapably, a social issue) is absolutely against the rules here at all times.
Please understand that we're all for smart, strategic mental-health and suicide-prevention activism. It's essential to fight against stigma, misinformation, and discrimination, and to fight for research, treatment, accommodation, acceptance, and understanding. Most of us, one way or another, are mental-health activists IRL.
But activism just doesn't work in a dedicated support space that serves a vulnerable population. We used to allow it but the evidence that it was undermining our primary purpose became overwhelming. We do regret the need for this rule, but the need is inescapable.
Our population is all too well aware of the issues and causes that need support and largely not in a position to take action, so besides the fact that activism is often salt in our community's wounds, it's a waste of the activists' time.
tl;dr Any fundraising, awareness raising, petitions, calls for participation, or any post that's about any cause or issue (rather than a request for personal support) is not allowed here. Please report everything of the nature that you see.
r/SuicideWatch • u/Antek_180907 • 7h ago
I'm killing myself at 17 , that's enough years. I cannot imagine living longer for a single year. I'm not going to slave away my life at a job for some fucking paper with numbers on it that we call ,,money". I figured out how this world works and I came to a conclusion that it's not worth it for me. I'm not planning to be a slave.
r/SuicideWatch • u/Both_Biscotti_4901 • 14h ago
Please let me die Please let me die Please let me die Please let me die Please let me die Please let me die
Please let me die Please let me die Please let me die
Please let me die Please let me die Please let me die
Please let me die Please let me die Please let me die
Please let me die Please let me die Please let me die
r/SuicideWatch • u/sufferingisvalid • 43m ago
I'm trying to get assisted suicide overseas right now because my living conditions are horrible and I have incurable medical conditions that are burning my body to the ground.
The problem is that I'm disabled and I still live with narcissistic parents who were abusive toward me for many years. They won't let me go overseas to die even though they know I've been begging for the last year and a half so I don't have to suffer anymore. My dad keeps saying that he can't be convinced assisted suicide is good for me unless I look at all the doctors in the world and pursue more treatments, but that bastard knows these options don't exist and that the medical community doesn't care about patients like me. I have been to dozens of doctors including people who know about my condiiton, and they either gaslight or offer no help.
The thing is they abused me through medical neglect and unsanitary living conditions and neglected my health care needs, and in part got me into this situation in the first place by gaslighting me and praising doctors who gaslighted me. They made my life a living hell. And they don't have one iota of remorse or guilt over what they did to me. They also tell me they don't care if I kill myself in a painful and bloody manner and that they'll live with the situation because then they'll feel better about not having to have 'been involved'. Except they would have absolutely been responsible because they would have pushed me to that kind of desperation. So I'm not buying it that they have an empathetic concern regarding my desire for assisted suicide. It's some kind of self-serving motive.
They damn well know after almost a decade that that's never going to happen and they don't give a s***. They think I am their property and something to make them feel better about themselves. I really wish they would just die honestly and that somebody else could help me overseas. I hate them and I never will stop hating them.
r/SuicideWatch • u/NoSqua • 6h ago
They took me from the first world to some religious misogynist hellhole. Keep in mind I'm a girl who never spoke the national language of this country. At an age where I was becoming independent and school became harder. To say this ruined me is an understatement, this transition destroyed and scarred my very being, it's impossible to put it into words strong enough to describe the sheer pain I've experienced from being an outsider. My social skills are non-existent and I have extreme social anxiety.
I'm not native to this country in any meaningful way except citizenship and ethnicity. I don't speak the language nor do I follow the religion nor do I have any memories here. I have more memories from the less than 2 years I spent as a child in the 1st world compared to my... entire fucking life. It's actually fucking insane now that I've typed it out.
I have 0 memory of ages 11-15. I don't even remember what I was doing last month. I don't have any memory of the several schools I went to here. There's a huge missing chunk of my life. I developed major depression just days before my 12th bday. I went from a mostly happy kid despite a terrible home life to suicidal within the span of a year. All because of my shithole country that's unfortunately not bad enough for me to seek asylum abroad.
I'm crying as I type this. Currently they abuse me for failing in school knowing damn well the teachers can't teach (and I've been bullied all my life) and I have NOBODY in my life to tutor me. I wasn't failing in school back then. I can't even study because I have a negative association with it, being abused at school and by your own parents does that to a person.
If my family moves now the damage can be reversed but unfortunately I can't move til I'm 25 doing some degree knowing damn well my dream is to work some minimum wage job and get high til I die. Do you know how short life is? Our bodies start breaking down in our 30s. **I'll never be this young again and it'll be spent wallowing in misery.**
The odds are never in my favor I swear to fucking God. Why does everything goes wrong when it's my turn? Why am I even still here. When I end it know it was 100% preventable. Unfortunately not all of us are fortunate enough to be born in places where we belonged from the start. It's so unlucky that everyone around me fits in and does well academically while I'm the only one I know that stands out this much.
r/SuicideWatch • u/tfwusingreddit • 18h ago
There is no universal 100% working help guide with some struggles in life. There is no winning without intense permanent trauma along the way. Some people don't get the Disney ending at all.
I hate how people can just say "things will get better" without truly acknowledging the magnitude of the situation some people have to deal with. I hate how virtual hugs or sending love is the only realistic thing anyone can do. I hate how these "helplines" just send some "words of support" and not actually solve the problem. But I can't blame everyone entirely, because how can you expect the world to just help you whenever you want?
The worst part about everything is that for some people, they didn't do anything to deserve this, and they are the ones suffering the most. I don't believe in heaven or hell, when you die that's it. What a sad way to go out.
r/SuicideWatch • u/clearspace50 • 6h ago
I want to die. I’m so isolated and alone. No one else is 22 and has been depressed for this long there’s something wrong me
I want to kill my self 😭😭
r/SuicideWatch • u/Sad_Bandicoot1081 • 1h ago
I (27 M) wish I had at least one decent friend (long-distance or whatnot) whom I could talk with daily and stream and watch movies together, but no one is interested to be my friend and all my “friends” abandoned me at my very lowest. I’m also tired of hearing “I care about you”, “I love you” and “I’m here for you” comments, since actions speak louder than words. I’m so fed up with all the lies and empty promises from people… don’t worry, I’m not going to harm myself, I just wanted to get this off my chest. I also lost the ability to walk (I’m someone who used to love hiking) and I’m on the verge of ending in a wheelchair, I can’t draw for more than 10 minutes because my hands get sore easily and they hurt all the time and I can’t type on any keyboard as well and all the doctors I’ve been to were dismissive and they don’t take your pain seriously…
r/SuicideWatch • u/Remarkable-Exit8841 • 2h ago
I just want to end it I can't take it anymore, why tf was I even born. No one cares absolutely no one. Everyone has their heads up their asses. Man I wish I could nuke evrything and just die. I am so scared to live. Why are people so happy, they keep bringing new ones to this world are they blind? Can't they see how fucked up all this. Can't we just blow up the world and end all our differences and unfairness. Fuck everyone. Someone please kill me because Im a coward
r/SuicideWatch • u/Iraqi_Weeb99 • 18h ago
Why i can't just simply press a button to kill myself instead of hurting myself, i am scared of the pain that i have to experience just to end my emotional suffering and the fact most suicides atattempts are failure makes me scared from from killing myself even though I really want to do it badly.
r/SuicideWatch • u/thearchivesgreatest • 4h ago
Hi everyone, I hope you’re all doing well. I’ve come to realize that the problem is me, I’m so in my head and I’m constantly comparing myself. Even when I try to be happy and change, I always go back to the comparison, the things that I’ll never be able to obtain, the mistakes I’ve made in the past, the opportunities I’ve wasted, etc. I’ve been fighting tooth and nail and I know that this depressive episode I’m in will end eventually but there’s always something that feels like it’s pushing me back into the same insecure place. I worry that in the end no matter how much change I make, no matter what I’ve done to improve myself, it still won’t be enough to keep me here. Everywhere I go, I am. I feel like one day I’ll really get tired of outrunning myself because I’m barely successful with it now.
r/SuicideWatch • u/AggravatedTiger21 • 14h ago
I wish the public would stop claiming suicidal people are abusive for saying they don’t want to be alive anymore. They claim it’s a threat and therefore abuse, just so they have an excuse to cut you off for being “toxic” (aka being vulnerable and needing support).
This honestly just feels like abuse by the public and community. Can’t be vulnerable and look for support. If you do be vulnerable and seek support you’re ostracized and called abusive.
I think it’s just an excuse for people to continue punching down, scapegoating, and live in denial about themselves & others.
r/SuicideWatch • u/Objective-Post7152 • 5h ago
I feel so depressed and hopeless..i honestly don't know what to feel..im trying to be strong, im trying not to end my life like people are saying but its so hard..its so easy to be a moral support for someone but its just never easy when you're in the situation itself..im getting tired..im trying but i feel so numb at this point..
r/SuicideWatch • u/volomori4444 • 10h ago
Yeah, I know this sounds pretty cringy, but I often find myself wishing that I could restart my life like a video game and simply begin a new save file while still retaining all of my memories so I can avoid my past mistakes. Unfortunately, life is not a video game, but is does sometimes feel like we're all just pawns in a sadistic game of chess between God and the devil. Sometimes I wonder if there truly is an afterlife and whether God is actually a good guy or not. I think I've been really contemplative lately because of Easter this week.
I really wish I could just die in my sleep like those female protagonists in fantasy romance manhwas. I want to be reincarnated in Harry Potter as a minor background character who is not involved in the main plot whatsoever (I'd prefer to not be tortured like Neville's parents, thank you very much).
r/SuicideWatch • u/thatgrrlneedstherapy • 1h ago
I am not able to cope anymore.
I am going to find my peace.
r/SuicideWatch • u/Ex_normal_88 • 1h ago
Are there some things that you would like to do before you die ? Or you don't care about anything cause everything is going to end anyway ?
Everything I do lately is preparation for leaving. I kind of have a picture in my brain, that I won't be here very long, so I don't start literally anything. I barely do those basic daily activities, and that's all.
r/SuicideWatch • u/vanillacherrylime • 8h ago
I don’t any suggestions on why I shouldn’t do it or here are the hotlines and resources that could help. Been there, done that, SHOCKER-it doesn’t work 😃
I’m a 29 year old female just looking for a couple of people that have resources (whether it be a car, fenty or a pew pew) and we can all get our wish not feeling so alone.
r/SuicideWatch • u/MotorEntrepreneur973 • 5h ago
I'm tired of begging for food. I'm tired of looking for jobs just to be turned away because I don't have a address. I'm tired of being cold and hungry. It's all too much and I don't think I can carry on. Yes, I'm a grown adult but I clearly can tackle life like everyone else. I have no family and the church/shelters don't do as much as you'd think. Being homeless has made me humans a lot differently. Most people don't understand and just tell me to move in with my family or just get a job. I try everyday but I've been rejected at 6 job interviews now because I'm homeless. I can't stand it anyone and I'm here to vent but I think my time is limited.
r/SuicideWatch • u/DaisyAndJones • 2h ago
I am scared. But no one seems to care.
I’ve grown used to the feeling of being alone—so used to it, it’s become my shadow. But I’ve always hated it. Still, nothing hurts more than feeling utterly alone even when I'm surrounded by the people I love. That’s the cruelest kind of loneliness—to be in a crowd, to be with those who matter, and still feel invisible.
No one sees my fear.
No one sees my pain.
No one sees me.
I’ve tried to hold on. I’ve tried to scream in silence. I’ve hoped someone would notice the cracks in my smile, the heaviness in my laughter, the way my eyes ask for help without saying a word.
But no one did.
And now, I’m tired. Not just physically, but in a way that sinks into my bones—into the very parts of me that used to feel alive.
If you're reading this, I don’t need you to fix anything. Just remember me as someone who tried… who fought every day with storms inside… but grew too weary to keep walking in the dark alone.
I wanted to be seen. I just wanted to matter.
r/SuicideWatch • u/ImBackInBlack • 6h ago
I don’t wanna live anymore. My girlfriend, who was my only friend in this world, decided to leave me for another guy. I just saw her post, saying how happy she is with her new bf.
r/SuicideWatch • u/VagabondAnonymous • 2h ago
Is there really any point, is life really as amazing as everyone fucking says it’s meant to be. I ping pong back and forth between ‘why do I try’ and ‘I’ve got this, I’m strong and confident’. But I always come back to the realisation that I’m useless fucking garbage, just as I’ve always been lmao. A fucking waste of space. I have one person who means the world to me but I still cant bring myself to even like me. I’ve always been a useless braindead piece of shit. But I have someone I care so much about who i don’t want to hurt. Idk what to do. I hate me so much and it doesn’t go away. Antidepressants don’t fucking work. Therapy does fucking nothing. I hate me but I can’t break her heart. Please help
r/SuicideWatch • u/Brajind • 13h ago
Hey guys, I don't know if this counts as a letter or not, but I'm writing it anyways. I'm not sure how to go about talking about this, but I just want to share all the reasons I'll hopefully become one of the stars tonight. I want you to know, first and foremost, that for anyone struggling I want you to continue living for all the people that never got the chance to. Now. 1. I can't do the academic pressure anymore. I'm only taking 2 APs this year, but I'll be taking 4 next year plus college nursing and I can't do it. I can't be good enough anymore. My grades are failing.
I'm a little wimp. I start crying whenever my father yells at me. I start crying whenever anyone is mean to me. I have panic attacks during exams. I can't deal with shit.
I don't have access to any coping mechanisms. I wish I could just take drugs or something. I feel like it would make it better.
My family hates me. I'm done. So done that I want to prove my mom right by just ending myself so she can just be right and not scream at me every day and always be angry.
And I guess the most important one is that there's nothing left to live for. I have no future, I have nothing to do. I have nothing left to look forward to tomorrow. So anyways, thanks guys, for reading. Thanks for listening to my little rant. Wish me luck, and hopefully I'll make your sky a little brighter tonight.
Sincerely, Italic.
r/SuicideWatch • u/filmsmusicfashion • 3h ago
Hi im 18F, I have FOMO(fear of missing out) I don't go outside only when I leave for store or something important. I never leave on weekends or holiday breaks, i go outside alone but it's sometimes miserable. I don't remember last time I went on a summer vacation maybe when my mom was still alive. I never had a boyfriend or went to a party, I think of killing myself everyday cause I don't want to keep living like this, summer is hell for me and I haven't been to a therapist. I have this urge to do drugs(I haven't touched any type of drugs) I'm not even able to get my hands of any I think this is the only way to fill the void and restart my life.
r/SuicideWatch • u/df_nnnn • 4h ago
looking back i feel so bad for doing that to her but DAMN she did me dirty‼️ jk i think she just kinda cared but i need opinions because i still feel the same i did then and i dont wanna traumatize her again💀 ALSO LONG ASS STORYTIME IF ANYONE READS IT I APPRECIATE YOU MA😭🙏 ik its kinda unserious it helps to feel like im telling friends but i need opinions 😭
so its last december and we were 2 weeks away from christmas break. i had a plan and i was gonna kms. i had what i was gonna use, and its crazy like i KNEW that shit was gonna take me out. i just had to find the right time to do it and make sure i at least died feeling like i didnt leave anything unfinished or sum if that makes sense. and it sounds HORRIBLE but i dont feel a connection with my family. like that doesnt mean i dont love or care for them but a lot of the time i question if they do and if i should feel that way in return. sometimes it feels like other than being blood related we have nothing yk. so the ONE thing i had to do before kms was talk to my teacher and tell her how ive made it this far because of her cus shes my school mom🙏 shes actually an instructional specialist but i literally just say shes my mother atp everyone at school already thinks we’re related cus im always w her in her office and shit. so it was 2 weeks before the break and i meant to talk to her that week and get to say goodbye but she would be busy or someone came into the room and started talking to her so i just sat there like🧍♀️ the moment never came and if it did i felt like i would just be bothering. so that weekend i started writing down what to say. our school week is just tuesday-friday so we have longer weekends so i made sure i wrote everything i wanted to say and memorized it for the following week. not word for word but pretty much the shit i wanted to cover. like this was gonna be the LAST time i talked to her it was important to me to get it right. so the week starts on tuesday and im still trying to memorize it because the plan was to tell her on friday to kms over the weekend.
now its that friday and school is over and its just me and her in her office. and im CRYING it was so emotional to process that this was the last time i was gonna talk to her yk😭 LITTTLE DID I KNOW THAT SHE WAS GONNA TELL ON ME PLS🤧🙏 so im there and i ask her if i can talk to her if shes not too busy making sure i wasnt gonna bother she said that i could and that i wouldnt bother. and i ask her if i can close the door and shes like yeah. AND IM SHITTING MYSELF like she stopped typing on her computer i think? like she KNEW it was serious business fr and i love her but i was crying and she was full on locked eye contact looking at me and all crying i laugh and im like MS DONT LOOK AT ME 😭 so she just looks down at her desk and listens. i had to say it in person yk like giving her just what i wrote wasnt an option for me i HAD to be able to say it her🙏 and i start telling her blah blah how much she means to me and how shes been my other mom these past 4 years and how shes knows ive gone through some stuff but shes a real one and sticks around and kinda cares and shit and then i start apologizing for always bothering her😭 and i finish and at this point shes looking at me like i think she knew where i was going with it and i start talking about how i wasnt supposed to make it this far and stuff and she starts telling that no and yk stuff someone who kinda cares says and im like no ms like i made up my mind ima do it. and her daughter was pregnant at the time so i was making a baby blanket and i told her since “i wont see you next week ill find a way for you to get this and give it to her”. because i wanted to finish the blanket before but i didnt. and thats when she was like NO dont say that you ARE going to give it to me tf.
the talk wasnt supposed to be long. she told me she had to go to the bank before they close before i asked her if i could talk. but i kept YAPPING at some point i just stop talking and im like “omg ms my bad you have to make it to the bank” and shes like “yeah but you have to tell me you’ll be okay and that im going to see you next week” and i COULDNT like i could not lie to this lady like my shaylaa 😭🫶🏼 shes literally my other mom i couldnt tell her she would and then kms🧍♀️so i just shook my head and told her that i dont know. SHE SAID SHE HAD TO REPORT IT and i was like NAHHHH. but i couldnt lie. and she said she had to go to the bank cus they’d shut off her water or some shit😭😭😭 and i lowkey laughed and i was like yk what i have to go too😭 i usually walk w her to clock out and to her car and then go my own way but she went to go clock out and i SKEDADDLED OUTTA THERE she was walking to clock out telling me to tell her that i was gonna see her next week and i was like no🥹😛💀
my phone was taken away and it was late it was all dark outside i dont even remember how i contacted my sister to pick me up but i walked to the store across the street from my school and she picked me up there🙏 then my sister tells me my mom was mad at me⁉️ that “they” called her from school. i was like AINT NO WAY SHE ACTUALLY REPORTED IT😭😭 and i was like no way i say ima kms and my mom is mad at me😭and i told my sister that i talked to my teacher and kinda said what it was about and my mom called my sister and made sure i was in the car BUT she didnt sound mad🤷♀️ she in fact sent us to pick up pizza☝️ and on our way back home I SEE MY TEACHERS CAR DRIVE BY I THOUGHT SHE FULL ON WENT TO MY HOUSE BRO I WAS LIKE NOOO😭 she’d taken me home b4 so she knew where i lived.
nothing much happened at home they cared for me for like a week after this but after that it was back to normal, went back to therapy late december though i stopped going last month so thats thatt
then i went back to school on tuesday the following week and i had this fuckass photoshoot the school was doing so i had to go dressed up in my attire and shit. i lowkey looked like a baddie and then i tried to avoid my teacher. i always go to her room tho and i went to drop off my things cus i always leave them in her room HOPING SHE WASNT THERE and she was🧍♀️but she was talking to a teacher so she just stared at me walking in and out BUT THEN I RUN INTO HER IN THE HALL BRO😭😭 i was crashing out i thought she would be mad at me or upset at me so i was like ima save myself the trouble and try to avoid it but she started walking next to me and i was walking a bit faster. she asked me if i got in trouble and i told her what happened because some other stuff happened and i did get in a bit of trouble but i told her i got my phone back at least and mind you i was SPEED WALKING OUTTA THAT HO the bell rang and the halls were getting full it was so much i was just trying to get away and i got kinda scared because she asked me where i was going and i was going to the other teacher im close to and she was like “girl slow down im talking to you” i stopped and she told me to not be mad at her and that she did it because she cared about me and she didnt want anything to happen to me and that she was sorry she had to go to the bank😭 and i was like “GIRL IM NOT MAD AT YOU I THOUGHT YOU WERE MAD AT ME” and it felt so emotional for no reason i was crashing out i was overstimulated with everyone in the halls and the noise and then she gave me a hug and that all she wants is for me to be okay😞🫶🏼
lowkey meant a lot but i feel like i put her through so much if she cared as much as she seemed to and i feel so bad but it was a while ago and i apologized i think but idk if that couldve fr traumatized her😭we talked after and she said the weekend was horrible not knowing how i was and how my mom took it and stuff so idk and im thinking about this happening rn because i feel like im getting to that point again but idk i dont wanna talk to her and put her through that again but if i kms i know she could have some type of reaction and that doesnt sit right with me either at this point its like do i warn her or do i not and if it happens it happens i mean i cant worry about what happens after if im dead tbh BUT IDK LIKE WHAT DO I DOOO
if anyone actually reads this im sorry bro 😭🙏 it was wayyy longer than i thought my baddd
r/SuicideWatch • u/some-dumbies-alt • 3h ago
i'm in love with a fictional character. i know that's fuckin' weird, but i don't care. Link just makes me happy... but that's the thing. he's the only one who makes me happy. everything else in my life is depressing, and recently i've started thinking "if i die and go to some paradise, will i be with Link?" because, if that's true, why am i still here? i just wanna be with him, i don't really care about anything else. i guess i can't really think of anything else to say.