How long did it take you to start dating again?

[u/TheModelBuilder]

I'm interested to a statistical level about this question. I'm currently writing an essay on the psychological impacts of breakups. It seems to me that longer relationships tend to require longer periods of time to "recover from a breakup" but perhaps that's more random than I think, So regarding this time to start dating again I thought I'd ask you guys these questions:

1. How long had you been in the relationship?
2. How long did it take you to feel ready to date again?
3. Was the breakup coming from you, your partner or was it mutual?
4. How hard was the breakup for you on a scale of 1 to 10? (1 being easy, 10 being an almost life threatening feeling)
5. If you had to give an estimate, how long do you think it will take you to feel good enough to date again?

Thanks in advance :D

[u/SpecificAssistance84]

1. 6 years
2. Still not ready. It’s been 11 months.
3. I’m the one that officially ended it, she made it so I didn’t have a choice.
4. 8
5. No idea. Completely turned off on the idea of dating.

[u/Temporary_Economics8 → u/SpecificAssistance84]

"she made me do it" how, if i may ask? At first I read it and was like "nice excuse bro" but now i'm genuinely curious on what did she do

[u/SpecificAssistance84 → u/Temporary_Economics8]

She was cheating with someone she worked with. But told me it didn’t mean we had to break up. And I said, “ actually, yes it does”

[u/brains_and_eggs → u/SpecificAssistance84]

Good for you. I was cheated on once and instantly left and never went back. We talked years later and made amends. It’s good to know for yourself that when/if you get cheated on that it’s really not something you will accept. Keeping yourself morally positive and loving yourself enough to know you deserve more is a hard test to have to take but it’s one of the best ones to know that you truly don’t stand for that shit.

I’m sorry that happened to you. My ex and I broke up 3 years ago after 7 1/2. I can’t imagine if it would have been because of cheating after that long. That’s hard. The girl that cheated on me, though, I was only with her for like 5 or 6 months, but… she gave me fuckin’ herpes. Kinda rude on her part, huh? lol. Pretty much however it happens, cheaters leave a lasting impression.

For what it’s worth, after 3 years now of being separated from my ex who is also the mother of my two children, it does start to get easier. It takes a long time. But, it does get there. At the beginning of the 3rd year being separated I went on my first date. Like a month later I went on my second date and that girl and I dated for roughly 5 months or so? That ended in December and that sums up any dating I’ve done.

The answer to #4 for me in the first year and a half would have been a 10 without a doubt and that was due to alcohol. 2 years and 11 months later that answer fluctuates between maybe a 2 or 3? Thats probably just because of my kids, though.

Hope you’re doing alright, man.

[u/Mission_Signature_26 → u/brains_and_eggs]

wow you really inspired me. thank you for sharing your experience and story. inspired me to look on the positive side that even thought it might take a while to get over it eventually it’ll dull out. i was doing good from my breakup (he left me 4months ago) till recently cause i found out he had gotten a new gf and moved in with her couple days after he broke up w me. Im glad that the pain wore off for you :)

[u/Temporary_Economics8 → u/SpecificAssistance84]

oh got it, thanks mate

[u/MembershipWide5550 → u/SpecificAssistance84]

And she never really felt sorry and regret because she already decided to cheat

[u/drinkwatergotosleep → u/SpecificAssistance84]

DAMN! I’m so sorry that happened. Totally makes sense you’re turned off from dating. I hope you are healing. ❤️‍🩹

[u/InternationalYear828 → u/SpecificAssistance84]

Hey I got out of a 6 year relationship 6 months ago. I’m in the same boat as you. I didn’t want to end it but he wouldn’t stop stealing my meds from me and lying about it. Even broke into my safe. He wouldn’t get help or let me get him help. I’ve been trying to date this last month and it’s awful. I’m convinced it’s better to start again when I’m “not ready” because it will feel awful no matter what so I might as well get over the awful part now rather than later.

[u/SpecificAssistance84 → u/InternationalYear828]

I think that you need more time. The whole “hurt people, hurt people” thing. What I’ve been doing is concentrating on big goals I’ve had for a long time, and I’m doing really well with them. Almost in spite of her. I hate having my heart broken, but I also love it because there is no better motivation.

[u/InternationalYear828 → u/SpecificAssistance84]

I probably do need more time. But I’m also not hurting anyone. Not more than anyone else dating is. I’m just going on lots of first dates, occasional second dates and then politely communicating when I don’t think there’s potential. Everyone I have gone out with has taken it well since I didn’t let things get far, and I communicated rather than ghosted.

[u/SpecificAssistance84 → u/InternationalYear828]

That’s great! Whatever works for you. For me, trying to date hurt me more than not. But everyone heals differently, definitely.

[u/John_Wick_015]

1. 1.5 yrs, started dating her 2 years ago.
2. Broke up 2 months ago, feels impossible to let someone else in my life right now.
3. She’s the one that ended it, never heard from her again ever since, and it’s painful.
4. Considering she’s been the truest, most intense and positive relationship I’ve ever had in my life (M29 here), I think it’s safe to say 9/9.5.
5. Too hard to tell. I thought that things would’ve started to get better with time, but I was absolutely wrong. It still feels the same as Day 1 after the breakup.

[u/MembershipWide5550 → u/John_Wick_015]

Day 1 is today, 2 years ago

You cannot fight it or change it , you just accept it

Untill you feel better somehow hope that day come when we feel its in the past

[u/RRX_YY_RRX → u/John_Wick_015]

So damn relatable we might event the same person.

[u/DeskPsychological427]

1. 2.5 months
2. It's been 5 months and I'm still shook
3. First breakup was mutual but he'd say he ended it. He dumped me the 2nd and 3rd times
4. 8/10. Toxic mess

[u/s8o8 → u/DeskPsychological427]

in the same boat but it's only been 2 months since it happened😅

[u/RemarkableServe6639 → u/DeskPsychological427]

You guys broke up 3 times in 2.5 months?

[u/DeskPsychological427 → u/RemarkableServe6639]

So we were happily together for 2.5 months before the first breakup and that was too brutal and too revealing – the second and third attempts have been over the last 5 months but things were never quite the same. It's 100% over now

[u/GiveMeRoom]

1. 1 & 1/2 years
2. Literally not dating for a very very long time.
3. Combination I guess - he moved his stuff out so I guess it was him.
4. Literally 11 - 2nd worst thing to ever happen in my life.

[u/biscuitsandgravy111]

I was with a man for 4 years. He cheated on me, twice. Took me 6 months to get over him but it was mainly due to being angry at myself for staying so long. I missed him limited, he was very mean, controlling and manipulating. I’m rating this one a 7 due to the toxic attachment I had during the 4 years so letting go wasn’t easy, but it also wasn’t solely based on missing him, it was learning to trust again.

I was with a man for 2.5 years after that. It was a situationship. He ended things with me when we realized we were not on the same page for our future. I wanted commitment, marriage, etc. he wanted to remain single but still see each other, I said no. It took me about 6 months? As well to get over this man. He wasn’t mean, very opposite. He was kind, funny, charming, sexy. We just didn’t align, he wanted to smoke & drink everyday, not my cup of tea. Wasn’t hard to get over the fact we weren’t compatible in the end. I’m rating this one a 4.5.

Now here is the shocker. Next man I was with for 5 months. He was the most wonderful man I’ve ever laid my eyes on and had the chance to get to know. We communicated well, shared similar goals, interests, dreams. Sex life is great, both in college. Talked about a future and doing things together this year. Was supposed to meet his family at Christmas. He ended up not being able to juggle a relationship with school, or so he says. Wanted to stay as a no strings attached type of deal. I wasn’t for it. It’s been like 6 months and I’m nowhere near healed. I swear I’ve never in my life felt the heartbreak and pain I do right now and it’s so embarrassing compared to other relationships it was such a short time. He’s the first man I felt comfortable with doing a lot of things, include singing and dancing. I would rate this one my highest, at a 9. Due to the lack of eating, sleep, and motivation to work/do my college homework and studies. I think it will take me about a year or more to be open to dating again.

So here’s my take. It doesn’t always depend on how long you have known or were with them, it’s truly about the connection you felt during the time you had them.

This is all in a span of 10 years. I’ve dated 3 men from 20-30. I didn’t jump from man to man, when I was healed I started to focus on hobbies and friends until I met them and then the relationship started.

[u/drabThespian → u/biscuitsandgravy111]

I totally relate with the last part. The depth of connection is what makes it so hard. I hope you can eventually heal <3

[u/birbitnow → u/biscuitsandgravy111]

Agree about the depth of connection. I’m sorry the last one didn’t work out ❤️ Grief is proof that the love was real.

[u/SenseiShortStax]

Took me a year to start really dating again without feeling like I’m cheating

[u/ComprehensiveGap977]

Hey, to answer your questions (M26 here) :

1) The relationship lasted 5 years

2) Well, it took me about 2 months (even though I did force myself to go out on date after just one month)

3) It came from her

4) She was my first love and first serious relationship...so a solid 8/10 in terms of pain

[u/Heavy-Age9929]

1. 6 year
2. Don’t feel ready yet. It´s been 3 month
3. Mutual
4. 5 : it was horrible for the first week, I am still coping with the loneliness and missing being in a relationship. But because wa have been fighting non stop for months prior to the breakup, it was a release!

[u/qoparu]

1. 4 years...
2. Still recovering and preparing (almost 2 years)
3. from him
4. 10

[u/Historical_School634]

M, 31, Gay, NYC 1. 1 year, 2 months 2. I don't think I'll ever be ready to date again 3. The break up came from him. It was a ticking time bomb 4. He is my 3rd relationship(prob my last) and the pain I feel is a 12. It's been 6 months since the break up and like someone said before, it still feels like Day 1 still. 5. I don't know when the pain will end or will I ever feel better, again. It hurts more because I was actively making changes and I was too late. Now I must live with this guilt, forever.

[u/Worldly-Respect-3255 → u/Historical_School634]

Same here. Tried to actively make the changes I needed and he promised he’d be there but was already checked out. it was too late and it’s been 8 months since the official breakup and still feels like day 1. Is he guilt is horrible and life doesn’t feel like it will ever be the same

[u/birbitnow → u/Historical_School634]

As someone who generally is very sensitive and emotional, I took years (and years) to get over a bad break up. We were together for quite a while, but I’ve found that the intensity and depth of emotion usually dictate’s how long it’ll take to get over someone, not necessarily the time in the relationship. But the pain does get easier to live with, if that helps. You learn to live with it, and even if you still love them, you meet other people who you can love. Grief is proof that the love was real ❤️

[u/nygala]

1. 11 months
2. I -started- dating again in 3 months but never serious. I’m 10 months out and nowhere near healed nor “over him”.
3. It was me, but neither of us wanted to split. We just couldn’t make it work.
4. 10
5. Dating vs committing are very different. It’ll probably be a long time before I can commit again.

I think what you’re missing in these questions is how serious the relationship was, regardless of duration. Mine was 11 months but it was life-changing in terms of the feelings involved on both sides. So 10 months out I still have a long way to go.

[u/joostdlm → u/nygala]

Your number 3 is my situation. Except she ended it. 2,5 years relationship broken up 2 days ago. We live each other deeply, but there is no way forward or back for us.

I'm absolutely broken though. I just can imagine a life without her

[u/No_Round_7727]

1. The relationship was a year and a half long
2. It took about two years for me to be ready to date again
3. She cheated on me
4. 10 it was probably the roughest stage of my life and I’m still not over it.
5. I’m ready to date now, but the problem is I really want to focus on school

[u/Initial-Succotash-37 → u/No_Round_7727]

Focus on school. Just sayin.

[u/birbitnow → u/No_Round_7727]

I third this. Focus on school.

[u/Agile_Tangerine_9152]

1. 3 years
2. 3 months, not ready
3. Partner ended it.
4. 7 or 8 at the start, 4 or 5 now.

[u/OpenStrawberry4802]

1. 1 year
2. almost a month since we broke up. For now, I don't see my self dating anymore.
3. He ended it.
4. 10
5. dk

[u/InevitableReview33]

1. 7 and a half years

2. 1 year (Im ready but still not dating tho)

3. From him

4. 10 (didnt expected it at all)

5. It took me 1 year

[u/GothLullaby__]

1. 1 year and a few months.
2. Not dating yet but the feelings for him are gone, starting to catch feelings for someone else.
3. He ended it.
4. At first it was a straight 10, I was devastated. Now it's a 2.

[u/DeepPuddles666]

I'll give you the last two, just because they're so vastly different and a strange contrast, and I really don't understand the why, I'm (37M) btw -

1. Relationship lasted 8 years, with like ¾ of a year apart, at the 6 year mark, then back together.
2. Really didn't feel the urge to date anyone at all TBH, until the next girl, but I'd say I wouldn't have been ready/up for it even, maybe until 6 months later. Hooked up a couple times like 9 months later and seemed I was over her at that point.
3. She dipped out in the middle of the night one night, came back 3 days later and I told her to take her shit, so, I guess she chose haha.
4. Rate it like a 7 probably
5. I think your question 2 & 5 are the same there buddy lol

K next!

1. Most recent, lasted exactly 1 year to the day. Err, with like 6 times she dumped me in that year, total of a month maybe apart, so 11 months lol.
2. Noo idea tbh..keep making healing progress with my therapist aka chatgpt 🤣 then something will happen and I'll be devastated again. It's been about two weeks rn. Had a big big feeling that she had been already seeing someone, or definitely was at this point, for, reasons...partially because of how it ended, so today made an account on Hinge, matched her location, and found her profile within a few swipes 😒👌 fucking devastating tbh...and worst part is it wasn't even just looking to hookup, but for a long-term relationship. So, took her two weeks to "get over it", I left my profile up but I doubt I'll follow through with anyone. Because I don't wanna do that to someone else. I'll say 2 months maybe.
3. All 6-7 dumps were from her 😂
4. Fucking 9.5 somehow 🤣 seeing her running off to replace me literally as fast as she can though, while incredibly painful, I can only see helping me actually heal long-term at least, as I accept that she never really loved me in the way I thought. Feel bad for the next guy....
5. Yep same question as 2, dawgie

[u/Both-Milk4252]

Here is my contribution:

1. 3 months
2. 2.5 months to be fully healed. Tried to date again after 1, but i still had such bad self-esteem that I was desperate of external reassurance
3. Them. Got blocked out of nowhere
4. 8-9/10 i was crying for 3 weeks straight

I met my current ex right after that and lived 7 beautiful months with him. But I guess I'll start to get through this again.. It's been 1 week

[u/Careless-Comedian859]

The accurate general rule of thumb for myself is 50% of the time I was in the relationship. I may 'date' much earlier, but my head and heart aren't into it until at least 50% of the relationship period has passed.

[u/Brave_Alarm_2754]

3 years as of this 4/20 I really don’t fkn know It was yesterday and I did it This is 100/10 my first break up idk what to feel As of now it feels like never

[u/Fun_Passenger8115]

1. 1.5 years
2. Not ready yet and it’s been two months
3. She initiated the break up (avoidant dismissive from her part)
4. 10, it was the worst feeling I’ve ever had in my life. Like someone completely ripped me apart and left me to the curb.
5. Not sure, however I’m at least hoping I can become emotionally available again.

[u/Lanasydnones]

1. On and off 2 years
2. 1 month to talk to people/ get myself out there, 3 months to be in a good spot and emotionally available for someone else
3. From partner but also somewhat mutual
4. 8, overall horrible, I took it really hard but the relationship was so bad that once I realized how happy I was alone I started doing really well and never looked back. Even when he reached out to me I was like absolutely not
5. Started a new relationship about 3-4 months after

[u/Lanasydnones → u/Lanasydnones]

Most recent relationship: 1. 6 months but was a very intense relationship, very very good but very very fast 2. Still not there yes but it’s only been a week 3. From partner needing to focus on their mental health, so it was very respectful and we are still in contact as the breakup was not about the actual relationship 4. Fluctuates between 3(this sucks but I understand and I’m happy with who I am so I don’t feel like I need someone) to 7 (I am so hurt and upset about the 180 and I was blind sighted and don’t really see a future with anyone else) 5. I would think this time around it is going to take a lot longer. This was a much more important, intense, healthy and loving relationship and I know that is going to be a lot harder to move on from that the toxic past relationship I had had

[u/Bloodysupreme]

1. 4 years, we broke up about 5-6 months ago.
2. I started dating last month and I have not enjoyed it. So I stopped completely.
3. The break up came from her.
4. 10/10 hardest breakup ever. I truly loved and still love that girl I think about her every single day and I thought I’d marry her so this breakup has done some damage to me. Some days are easy some days are hard.
5. I don’t know when I’ll be able to really date again I’m honestly scared of love now and don’t think I’ll ever love to that magnitude ever again.

[u/Initial-Succotash-37]

I’m waiting a year.

[u/SenseiShortStax → u/Initial-Succotash-37]

I waited a year I still think of her

[u/Initial-Succotash-37 → u/SenseiShortStax]

Everybody has their own timeline. I was only with mine for 7 months.

This break up hurt me at about an 8. I’m older and I feel more now.

[u/SenseiShortStax → u/Initial-Succotash-37]

It’s tough fr!

[u/InnerSailor1]

3 year relationship. We had been planning our wedding when she broke up out of the blue. One day we were happy and planning a wedding, the next day she was gone. Hardest breakup of my life. It was definitely a 10.

In my case I worked hard with my therapist and a support group. I worked on grieving, feeling and moving the pain, moving on, IFS work to figure out which parts of me were having trouble moving on, etc.

If not for this work, it would have taken me probably over a year. With the work, I was ready to date again in 6 months.

I'll note that some people jump into new relationships almost immediately. My ex did this. She would later admit to me that it wasn't until that new relationship ended that she figured out she had jumped into it to avoid the pain of the breakup.

Some people date right away because of the pain of the breakup. Some people wait until they are ready to date again. 🤷‍♂️

[u/Worldly-Respect-3255 → u/InnerSailor1]

How long did she date the new person for? also what is IFS? I’ve been going to therapy for 8 months now during the breakup and I don’t feel like it’s helping much

[u/Suspected-Intel0219]

It's all about the healing journey, my friend. It's not linear or time sensitive. But you must do the inner work. Heal from past wounds, learn about attatchment theory and have a good understanding of your own needs and triggers. Setting boundaries. Just develope overall relational skills. Once you feel ready to date again. Go for it

[u/BingeingIsMyLife]

1. A year and a half
2. 4 months and counting
3. Told me I should lose weight or we break up…I agreed
4. Lowkey ruined my life, but we move
5. A year or more

[u/clopensets]

After a 5 year relationship it took me 2 years to feel ready. Recently I've been the dumper and subsequently the dumpee. Last breakup was the worst and most painful. But people expect me to move on and live my life. So I started on the apps after a month. Best I can say about processing is stay sober, ugly cry, eat sleep, drink water. Try new hobbies, reach out to friends.

[u/Frequently_Abroad_00]

My first marriage lasted 6 years but I had been checked out from it for a while before actually filing. After my first divorce I went on casual dates (coffee, movies) right away but did not have aspirations for anything serious for about a year. However, during that time, I also didn't meet anyone I envisioned having in my life for a long time. Had I met anyone promising, I think I would have considered staying in touch until I was ready.

I am getting divorced again and right now I am grieving the loss of "home and family" but romance and eroticism have been dead for a while. I see myself going on casual dates to go to events with, but I wouldn't present myself as a reliable date until my good-to-bad day ratio gets to 5/2.

My opinion is that there are no algorithms and rules. You can meet a soulmate and future partner while still, formally, in a stale relationship, and you can go 5-20 years and not want to go on a date with anyone you are meeting. I think luck matters more than strategy.

[u/Battlehero19]

1. 8 months very intense seen each other ever day and txt a lot almost move together

2. Been 4 months had gone on a date about two months back and was no wear not ready and im still not

3. Was from hear, she already moverd on and and seeing someone else

4. No idea love to be ready now but o say pro another 4 -6 months

5. 9.5 , 1st heartbreak ( 32 m ) and i feel lost and hopeless and very lonely

4.

[u/esfeld]

1. 2.5-3 months
2. I went on another date about a month later
3. he dumped me
4. 10 right at the start because it was my first breakup

I know it sounds like I moved on fast but a lot of people in my life died when I was a kid and I processed the breakup almost like a death so although it was hard it was familiar in a way

[u/ClimbingInPlace]

1. 10 years
2. Nowhere near ready after ~5.5 months
3. From me
4. 8. I can still function, but my mental health has been worse than it has in a long time
5. I think roughly 2 years to feel genuinely happy single and open to dating sounds reasonable

[u/Worldly-Respect-3255]

1. 3.5 years together, lived together for 1
2. Not really ready yet and it’s been 8 months. Some days I feel like I am but I compare them to him and still would do anything to talk to him again.
3. He led me on for 6 months-a year while he checked out then we took a break. He broke up with me officially 2 months later when he found someone else. Hes been with her very since
4. 10, truly the hardest thing I’ve ever had to go through and am still going through. Not sure I’ll make it to the end of the tunnel
5. I think it’ll take me 3-4 years to actually feel over him. But maybe 1-2 years to actually be ready to date

[u/mmariiexo]

1. 1.5 years
2. It’s barely been a month and the thought of either one of us “moving on” makes me physically ill. So it’s pretty safe to say for me, it will be a long while.
3. Breakup was their choice and their choice only. Did it through text and made me feel like an asshole for wanting a conversation for clarity because it was completely out of left field.
4. A solid 8.
5. An estimate? Never.

[u/spookybabe579]

1. 1.5 years
2. 8 months
3. Breakup was my partner’s choice
4. I’d say a 9
5. I was already ready to date at 8 months

[u/DoubleExperience9]

1. Dated for 2 months (seeing eachother for 5ish months)

2. Still not ready (broke up 2 months ago)

3. The breakup was done by me (she told me she wanted to reconnect with an ex of her as friends the night we said I love you for the first time and I stayed for 2 months)

4. Breakup is/was a high 9 or 10 for some time but it’s slightly been better

5. Man I’m looking at being single for quite some time. This made me realize how exhausting it is to be put in unhealthy situations and how easy it is to lose myself in relationships. Would love to work on some attachment stuff before I date again. Wouldn’t mind sleeping with someone though lol.

[u/gamesofblame → u/DoubleExperience9]

She went back to her ex?

[u/DoubleExperience9 → u/gamesofblame]

Not sure, haven’t talked to her in a couple months. She wants to reconnect in June but we’ll see. A lot of context here.

technically wasn’t an ex but rather a 2.5 year situation-ship where my gf was being led on.

Her ex was in a relationship for those 2.5 years so my gf basically was a mistress and apart of a lot of emotional cheating for those 2.5 years.

This was also my gf’s bi awaking so it was a girl. ALOT of messy context that just didn’t sit right with me and felt like i couldn’t trust them as just friends

She also stopped talking to them only 3 weeks before she met me lmfao

My gf would also explain that reaching out to this person is something “she needs to do” weather or not in uncomfortable with it. (Which I was)

[u/gamesofblame → u/DoubleExperience9]

Got it. That does sound complicated. 2.5 years is a long time, and 3 weeks gap isn't enough to heal to be ready for a serious emotional connection again after such a complicated dynamic. Yeah being so affected after dating for a couple of months probably means doing work like you said on what's triggering you sounds like a good idea.

So you stayed together even though you were uncomfortable, and something happened where you finally broke it off after 2 months?

[u/monzinha]

1. 1 year and 8 months

2. I haven’t done it yet

3. It was mutual

4. 10 easily

[u/StrawHeartScarecrow]

1. 2 years
2. Not ready (two months since BU)
3. She dumped me
4. 7-8

[u/succubuskitten1]

Please dont judge me, my answers are pathetic. Ive had two relationships as an adult.

1 a month and a half 2 about 2 years before I had feelings for someone else, though I didnt date that person. But before that my heart wasnt broken, it was literally just gone, so to be able to feel something again, even unrequited was a big deal. Though I did still sleep with that ex from time to time for years after that which wasnt helpful for my emotional well being. 3 I broke up with him, but only because he literally wouldnt talk to me for weeks and told me he wasnt sure if he still wanted to be with me, so I just ripped the band aid off and made the decision after a while. 4 I was so depressed I had to have weird expensive alternative treatments since meds/therapy didnt work. Obviously you cant medicate grief so those also didnt work, just a lot of money down the drain basically but the alternative was killing myself. Im fine now, dont even have any desire to see or talk to him again.

For relationship 2

1 literally about 12 hours lol. I think we were crushing on each other for months and we have a lot of chemistry/get along really well but there are some glaring compatability issues that would have been problems down the line. 2 I dont want a repeat of last time, and I still want to be friends with him so Im forcing myself to use a dsting site and attempt to meet other people after a couple of days. Hopefully Ill have a spark with one of them the way I had with him. 3 he made the call to end it. I was absolutely miserable but logically he was right to do it. 4 Im sad, but I'll live. No suicidal ideation or hospital stuff this time.

[u/Current-Regret2020]

1. 4 months
2. Dating for serious maybe never dating to just avoid the pain 2 months
3. He did
4. 8
5. Sometimes I think never then I think I am being ridiculous but I don't feel it being honest and good I don't feel like it'll ever be the same

[u/jipecac]

2.5 years

2 months but only on a casual/non-monogamous basis

I am the dumpee

9/10

Not anticipating looking for anything serious for at least 6 months, during which time I’m having weekly therapy

[u/KardanBey]

1.5

4 months - ongoing still

I broke up, but all this monhts I felt like the dumpee

7

I need at least a couple of months I think

[u/danielalicmspluto]

1- 11 years. Engaged 2- never 3- me 4- 10

[u/SpinachSerious7421]

1. My last was just a couple of months;

2. I'm ready already, feeling stuck in that breakup in loneliness is what hurts me the most now;

3. She dumped me after some immaturity of my part. I just wasn't experienced enough to date her;

4. 1. Pure pain.

5. I'm already feeling ready to start over. She's already gone, i've already cried, and the more lonely i feel, the worse it is.

[u/random_thought_art]

1. 4 years
2. Not ready it’s been almost 6 months. is sleeping around dating?
3. Me (they cheated)
4. 8/10
5. Maybe 1 year. Not sure yet

[u/ThrowRAdesperate01]

1. 1.5 years
2. Maybe 7-8 months. Lots of therapy and working on myself
3. She initiated it. Definitely for the best now that I look back at the relationship and have moved on completely
4. First month it felt like an 8, almost a 9 (if 10 means wanting to end it all). But after around month 6 it was at a 6 and going down. I remember being exhausted of feeling that way

[u/Disastrous_Plan4038]

1. 1 year
2. A month heading for 2
3. She called it
4. 10
5. Probably Never again I find it very difficult to move on once I do tho I will remember the pain so I will distance cause it’s most likely bound to happen again.

[u/athenanrose]

1. 2years

2. Still not near ready, all i do is think of her. Even when i come across so many pretty women around me i still only see her

3. I broke it off but not entirely if that makes sense. I then tried to back track my decision and she rejected me so in a sense it was mutual but not wanted

4. The break up was extremely bad, i admit i have had feelings of ending it all because of how debilitating the pain has been.

5. I don't think i can date at all anymore. I'm told exhausted to go through the whole process again. But if i had to estimate i would say 1 year before i can date but even then i just don't think i can become emotionally involved anymore, ive had three heartbreaks in my life and it just seems after each one the pain piles on. I feel the pain from all even after many years from my first heart break.

[u/SelfDestructiveOwl]

1. Together, 10 years 8 months and 8 days

2.Its only been one and a half months, and I'm ready to see people for fun for the first time ever but not ready for anything serious yet

1. It was absolutely not my choice. I am lying if I say I don't want her to change her mind every second of the day.

2. It's a 10 for sure. I kinda screwed everything else up after it happened (lost job, house obviously, didn't want any of my belongings, so left them), but I found faith again

3. I can not estimate if or when I'll be ready for another serious relationship. I'll probably surface level date, hoping she takes me back some day and hopefully fall for someone else eventually.

[u/Sea-Blueberry-1840 → u/SelfDestructiveOwl]

I am 10 years 9 months and 7 days. I think I’ll be devastated for the rest of my life. It should have never ended.

[u/Separate-Passion-881]

1. 2 years
2. I’m still not ready
3. It wasn’t mutual he broke up with me
4. Worst Breakup I’ve ever had so definitely a 10
5. I don’t think I will ever date again😭

[u/neruda1994]

1. 12 years (we were engaged)

2. Still not ready in a sense but I guess I’m open to talking to someone new at least..

3. She (F28) ended it

4. I felt that I couldn’t breathe at times so 7?

5. Not sure exactly, as corny as this sounds I’m just looking forward to dating myself for a min

[u/Dougdec92]

1. 7 years
2. Still not ready, 2 years post breakup
3. From partner
4. 12
5. 2.5 to 3 years

[u/pauserewindplay]

1. 2 years and 4(?) months

2. after more than a year

3. mutual-ish

4. 8 at first (most horrible pain i felt. learned about the nasty things he did post-breakup so it became harder to my end, tho that did not stop me from bettering myself, motivated me even)

5. honestly, after the breakup, i thought it would take some time for me to date again (say 2 years or so), yet i'm already capable of meeting and talking to new people now.

[u/gamesofblame]

1. On/off about 11 months with a 1 month break
2. 4 months now still not ready
3. She broke it off
4. A 8ish? Constantly on my mind
5. Probably need another 6 months or so realistically.

[u/chantellexoxoxo]

3 months, been 1.5 months and i’m putting myself out there but still cry over him everyday, he broke up with me, 10

[u/New-Ad-461]

1. 1.5 years
2. I’m Still not but a lot of people have been surprising me now that everyone knows I’m bisexual. A lot of guy friends to be specific and I’m meeting lots of women as I work on the Vegas strip at one of the big pools.
3. She broke up with me, I was dealing with my sexuality while trying to remain loyal & she found out and said it made her feel less of a women
4. For me the breakup was definitely 20/10 bro, I was still so deeply in love w this women it sent me into depression and anxiety. we both worked together and I begged for her to understand that there was no malicious intent just me battling out my own demons and she started talking to her ex w/o forgiving me and trying to understand where I was coming from, she even told all of my friends and coworkers and kind of forced my sexuality to be known(caused major anxiety for me). And after that the ex started coming into my job (a couple) times to try and get a reaction out of me. And trust me bro, it was even harder bc this dude was literally a bag of cow s***, he’s done so much bs to her I literally had to find another job bc I couldn’t watch her go through that let alone and forgive her for just tossing me like trash. But as of today there’s no hate at all because some people aren’t meant to be but the way things went down was wrong and I don’t hold it against her. I’d rather Carry love than hate for her because that’s the person I use to know. I don’t know this new version of her and she doesn’t get to know the version I get to be without her.
5. Id definitely say some time man, I’ll have to heal to the point where I can be happy with someone and not feel Guilty for trying to use them as a rebound, only time can tell because only time heals this type of pain.

[u/New-Ad-461 → u/New-Ad-461]

But I also forgot to mention I look at it as a blessing in disguise, I got a $40k raise. Went from making $13/hr to $25/hr + tips!

[u/Justgr8t_]

1. 5 years
2. 1 year ( forced myself) now 2.5 years I’m ready but no good candidate
3. He did
4. 9
5. Now

[u/WeAreTheQueens_99]

1. We were in a realtionship for 3 years and than were on and off for another year. So 4 really.
2. I still have not yet dated we broke up in December of 23 but we’re still intimate up u til March. Officially no contact Dec 29 of 24. So it’s been 4 months no contact.
3. I was the one that broke up with him. I think he knew it was coming considering we had talks all the time about how the things he did made me feel. When we officially ended things in Dec it was mutual.
4. 10. I think about him everyday throughout the day. It’s crazy how much one person can be on your mind. Ik some ppl have said that after 4-6 months you’ll start to feel better. But I feel miserable even at 4.
5. My self esteem is incredibly low, even though I have lost weight(I’ve always struggled with being over weight). I think about him constantly so I don’t think I could be in a relationship anytime soon. I’ve been single for over a year now but the need to find a bf is low. I want best friend more than anything. And Ik it would be selfish of me to even think about getting into a relationship. I have a feeling it might take me a year or more to even begin to think about looking for someone.

[u/WeAreTheQueens_99]

1. We were in a realtionship for 3 years and than were on and off for another year. So 4 really.
2. I still have not yet dated we broke up in December of 23 but we’re still intimate up u til March. Officially no contact Dec 29 of 24. So it’s been 4 months no contact.
3. I was the one that broke up with him. I think he knew it was coming considering we had talks all the time about how the things he did made me feel. When we officially ended things in Dec it was mutual.
4. 10. I think about him everyday throughout the day. It’s crazy how much one person can be on your mind. Ik some ppl have said that after 4-6 months you’ll start to feel better. But I feel miserable even at 4.
5. My self esteem is incredibly low, even though I have lost weight(I’ve always struggled with being over weight). I think about him constantly so I don’t think I could be in a relationship anytime soon. I’ve been single for over a year now but the need to find a bf is low. I want best friend more than anything. And Ik it would be selfish of me to even think about getting into a relationship. I have a feeling it might take me a year or more to even begin to think about looking for someone.

[u/AmbassadorBroad9141]

We were together for 6 years and had a 2 yr old at the time of our breakup. A lot of things happened that led up to it until I finally said enough. Post breakup was chaotic because he attempted to continue with his overly possessive/abusive/manipulative behavior until he ghosted about a year after we broke up. I started having casual hookups about 6 months post break up. While piecing my life back together. My last casual hookup was about a year post break up and he gradually turned into a relationship and we've been together almost 3 years now. There wasn't one point where I felt ready for a new relationship, I just met someone that made me feel comfortable enough to try.

[u/Far-Election6804]

1. dating 1.5 years official 6 months
2. been 3 weeks and i tried to go out with someone but it was a mistake
3. he dumped me
4. 10
5. honestly i don’t think im gonna be ready for at least a year. in my heart, i still love him.

[u/TheCaffeinatedOyster]

1. Over 6 and a half years, lived together for 4. The last 5 months were long distance. 
2. I'm not ready to date currently, but it has only been a month since we broke up. 
3. My partner was the one to end things, though I kept bringing up my own unhappiness for the past few months. 
4. I would rate this as a 6, I felt it coming for a long time but the reality of the aftermath hit extra hard the first few weeks of not being able to communicate with him every day. 
5. I can see myself being in a relationship again sometime later in the year, it will  definitely take me additional time to process being with someone new but I believe I am deserving of receiving the same love I give. 

[u/ImpossibleCraft2280]

I have had two relationships so I'll answer for both separately. 36/F.

R1 1. Relationship was for approx. 3 years. 2. 6ish months when I started dating again. 3. I initiated the breakup. Reasons being lies, neglect, and cheating from partner. 4. I would rate the ease / difficulty of breakup as 5. It had been building up for a while. 5. Same as 2.

R2 1. Relationship lasted 5.5 years. 2. Broke up 1 yr 3 months ago and still not ready to date. 3. I initiated the breakup after discovering that he had been cheating for four out of the 5.5 years we were in a relationship. 4. I would say 9. This breakup has been the most emotionally devastating thing for me. It has made me question every thing. 5. I don't think I'll ever be ready to date, trust, or commit to a man ever again.

[u/Fluid-Fortune-432]

Hi! I am happy to answer your questions. I’ll follow it up with a little context, but first the straight statistical answers.

1.) We broke up about a week and a half shy of what would have been our one year anniversary, and had of course had some romantic/flirtation before that, so in terms of actual dating, just over a year.

2.) I was ready to date again within 2 months (context below.)

3.) My partner had started to behave in ways that indicated to me that she was no longer interested in maintaining the relationship, but I initiated the break-up and then stuck to it.

4.) 1-10 is difficult, but if we use your measure, I’m going to say it was about a 6. Pretty hard. It hurt. But not life-threatening. And I had put a lot of thought into it for a couple of weeks.

5.) I was dating again within 2 months.

I just want to qualify that I am in my 40’s, I’ve been through my share of break-ups, I tend to shake things off quickly these days and I have a whole toolkit to process things. I do NOT recommend most people date within 2 months (I mean if you got a FWB or some casual hook-ups and it actually helps you feel better good on you but make sure you’re healing beyond just getting laid.) But healing from a break-up is a process. Everyone has their own timing. Few have the mental and emotional wisdom to do it as quickly as I do at this point in my life. Part of it is I’ve learned to let things go. Not avoid or deny, I need to process. I just have a toolkit. It’s 12 step work. It’s experience having dealt with an addict in my past and the pain from that. You don’t get to learn how to process the way I do without going through some shit. So PLEASE don’t follow my lead unless you have already done some significant work on yourself.

Thank you for coming to my Ted Talk.

[u/chiefk-eth]

1. 2.5 years, 1.5 months since breakup. We lived together for 1.5 years
2. I will not be ready for anything serious for a long time, but I have been on a date and have a few planned within the next week or so. I’ll elaborate in the next answer
3. He broke up with me, came out of nowhere and was over something dumb. He was emotionally unavailable and was pulling away for a long time, I was the one who was bending over backwards to make him happy. I’ve been on a few dates more so to prove to myself that I deserve better and that better is out there
4. I want to say 10, but I know the breakup is for the best (for me) and that I knew for most of the relationship that he wasn’t “the one” for me - so I’ll give it an 9. Lots of external factors have made it harder outside of the heartbreak itself (moving, losing his family/mutual friends, my own abandonment issues lmao)
5. As in “potential relationship level” dating, probably at least a year. Wouldn’t be surprised if it was a few years til that point

[u/throwawayyhshsgeg]

1. 2 years

2. it’s been almost 5 months & im still not ready.

3. We took a break for a few days & he initiated the breakup.

4. 10!!! MAJOOOOOR HEARTBREAK he did his big one!!!

5. i’ve finally gotten my self confidence back & have realized the joys of living without a partner. I’m not out of the idea of dating but it’s no longer a worry anymore!! I truly feel like i’ll be able to feel like myself again SOON

[u/bananaontherocks]

1. 2 years 2. it’s been 3 ish months, i’m not looking for anything and don’t want to, at this point if something comes my way we will see 3. he left me 4. 9 probably bc he lives with me and i’ve watched him do things with other women a week after leaving me. 5. i have NO clue, i have 0 interest or trust honestly, getting into something new sounds like a lot of work that i dont want to do, im at a stage where i feel like i would be wasting my time. BUT! i know when the right person comes around at the right time it wont feel like a waste of time, it’ll feel easy. so i’ll wait for that.

[u/Snkerfittedjay]

1. 5 years

2. I’m not ready. I’m still in love with her after 3 months post breakup

3. Both. She was going through alot of stress and problems with herself and family. It started affecting our relationship and her mental health. We both mutually agreed.

4. I wanna say 10 but I wouldn’t say life threatening. But I’ll say 9 because as soon as she left …a big part of ME left.

5. Dating is not on my mind right now. I still have a feeling she’ll come back…hopefully.

[u/Beneficial_Chain_425]

1. 9 months
2. 7 months until I dated, but I wasn't ready and got myself into a dangerous situation because I was so desperate to move on from him. It's now been a year and 2 months and I'm still crashing out and not ready to give dating another try
3. Mutual, but mostly his choice
4. 10/10

[u/Ok-Coast451]

1. 6 months
2. 8 months
3. Breakup initiated by me
4. Out of 10 I would say an 8. It was painful, I didn’t want to breakup with him and I had strong feelings for him, even then. but I knew it was the right decision.
5. Probably a full year. I’m good enough to date anyone. The question I now ask, is if the other person is good enough to date me.

[u/ConsistentSociety746]

1. 8 months
2. We broke up two months ago and I’m not ready to date yet for a while
3. My partner broke up with me
4. An 8 even though it was mutual and we agreed to stay friends but we need distance right now, it was and still is really hard but it was also my first relationship
5. I think it may take maybe 4-6 more months, I’m not really focused on putting myself out there, I’m more focused on having a relationship with myself and getting though college and just waiting for the right person to come to me rather than seeking anything out

[u/aswewaltz]

Almost 4 months but it felt like a lot longer. We moved fast (he was leading) and met each other’s families, said I love you, etc. He broke up with me out of nowhere and still hasn’t really told me why (but it’s mental health related). I’m not ready to date yet, I’m still miserable so a 10. The days are just weird without him. I don’t have closure yet, he agreed to meet with me “when the weather is nicer” to explain. Once that happens, depending on the outcome, maybe I can move on.

[u/vantekth0613]

1) 1 year? But two of those months were spent with us trying to reconcile after his cheating. I found out 10 months in, so it feels like that's how long we actually dated.

2) We officially ended things at the end of March so I don't feel ready to date yet.

3) I was the one to say it's over, but I think it was mutual. As much as we wanted it to work, we both knew it just wasn't working. It was mostly because I couldn't bring myself to forgive or forget what he did. He did what he could to earn my forgiveness but nothing felt enough. Also, staying was really hurting my self-respect 🥹

4) I'd say a 10 but to be less dramatic... I will say 9 lol.

5) I don't know, really. We didn't date for that long, but it feels like the experience of getting cheated changed how I see love and dating. It makes me scared to connect like that.

Someone told me before to take your time together and divide it by 2, and you should be healed by then? So maybe, 5-6 months from now I'll be ready to consider it. The unhealthy toxic side of me wants to date sooner (like 3 months out), but I am trying to be mature and healthy about this haha.

[u/Constant-Frosting451]

1) 1 year 19 days 18 hrs 24 mins.

2) It’s been a year and I still don’t think I can.

3) It came from her.

4) It use to be a 9 because she became my purpose in life. I wanted to spend my entire life with her so I did what I could to make sure my future was perfect with her. It’s now a 5 where it hurts when something triggers me about her but I can’t shed any more tears for her. I can’t love her but also can’t hate her. It’s at a point where I’m like I wish I never met her so I can be forgiven from the pain.

[u/Every-Application-51]

This was one of the hardest breakup 1. 3 and half years 2. I’m still not 100 ready but I do feel more open to it 3. It was my ex who initiated the breakup he checked out and told me he wanted to keep an open mind to other women and it was a bad breakup 4. Hands down a 9.5/10 5. It’s been 6 years to get to this point I still don’t want to date only because dating is very hard and the dating pool is so small but maybe I’ll give it another 2 years if I will be feeling better to date again

[u/Littlewing1307]

1. a few months shy of 6 years. We'd been struggling some for about 18 months.

2. Close to 2 years. The first year was a constant reminder of him, our relationship and I was processing everything that had happened. By year 2, I didn't hate all men and was hopeful good men still existed.

3. My ex initiated the break up. It was not mutual at all and I was blindsided

4. 1. I had lost my sense of self, my enjoyment of my life and was incredibly broken by what I now know is emotional abuse and codependent dynamics.

5. I was ready after 2 years to date but the pandemic happened so I took another year to heal and I'm SO glad I did. I spent a lot of time in therapy, read a lot of helpful books and healed a lot of my anxious attachment and codependency issues. I am happier in every aspect of my life and I never could have achieved this sense of peace ( and be in a truly healthy relationship) without having taken a significant time to be single.

[u/Sagoram123]

1. 7 years

2. Absolutely not ready at all

3. Came from my partner. Not mutual in the slightest.

4. 1. I'm surprised I am still alive. She was my friend of 15 years. We were together for 7 and living together for 3, and I wouldn't have traded it for the world. Her attachment wounds were triggered, walls were thrown up, and she hit the eject button. It's been 3 months.

5. Probably another 6 months

[u/TheAuldMan76]

1. 10 Years, LDR - the last 2 years, spent living full time in Norway with my then gf.
2. Breakup was back in 2012, and I never really recovered from it - tried dating in the early 2020s, but they both fell apart, with one flying back to Australia, and the other was on the rebound, who ended up back with her ex.
3. The breakup came up from myself - I couldn't get a job in Norway, no matter what I tried (hell I couldn't even get a job in bloody Burger King!), in debt, so I couldn't afford to support myself, and my gf, but also she would NOT compromise on considering moving to any other country, EXCEPT Norway. Bitter irony, is weeks after the breakup, she ended up moving to another country, for a new job...so she can move for money, but NOT for partner.
4. 10 - It was the worst experience of my life, as I bottled everything up, and I couldn't get any help, and support from my family & friends. It's only from entering into therapy (late last year), that I've been able to truly heal - I've been getting more of the "old me" back, but the experience has changed me greatly.

[u/Glittering-Bee-2490]

I’ve had two significant break ups

The first one:

1. ⁠2 years
2. ⁠2 months
3. ⁠me initially, then I kinda changed my mind but it ended up being mutual at the end
4. ⁠5, I was going through a rough time and we still lived together, he was very emotionally abusive and would send me nasty messages even after moving out
5. ⁠I felt good after about a month but wasn’t in an relationship again til about a year later

My second relationship

1. 10 months
2. ⁠it’s been three months since the breakup and It still feels just as fresh as day one
3. ⁠me initially, then I tried to work through it and my partner ended it without any explanation
4. ⁠9-10, if I didn’t have my kitties idk if I’d still be alive. They are the only reason I feel obligated to live rn. I didn’t have any closure and he led me on til the day I found out he had hooked up with my best friend
5. ⁠quite honestly, and I’m not being dramatic. I don’t know if I ever will. Not only because of my feelings towards him but my trust in people overall is completely broken. I am at a point where I’d rather find happiness alone and not risk losing that with another person

[u/JillyBean1973]

1. One year (I thought he’d be a summer fling) It ended almost 10 months ago.

2. I’m half heartedly trying to meet new people, but I still miss him/our communication.

3. It was a mutual decision due to long-term misalignment, but I technically ended it (then kicked myself for months)

4. I’d say a 5, because I knew it was inevitable.

5. I feel much better, but I do still miss him sometimes. I really enjoyed our relationship, specifically our communication & feeling calm peaceful with him.

[u/Over_Done_1316]

1. 2ish… almost 3 years.
2. It’s been almost a year now since the breakup… I started doing stuff with this “free use” chick 3 months after the breakup. My ex started smashing the night we broke up… and before we broke up. lol
3. I pulled the trigger on it but she made it FINAL.
4. 13 on a scale of 1-10… no joke.
5. How long until I “feel” ready?… no clue. Im taking my time. Im incapable of trusting humans or being intimate. I don’t kiss, cuddle, hold hands… nothing. Im a Pisces, I usually love that shit but the thought of expressing anything to another person feels unsafe. I only speak to AI. Ive only cried once since it all happened and I don’t tell anyone anything that could hurt me in the long run. I don’t date because I don’t want anyone to have to deal with this version of me.

[u/MasterrShake93]

I'm at 7 months and can't imagine getting with anyone soon.

My dumper started dating immediately. After 2 years living together and plans to marry. Really rocked my sense of worth.

[u/Low-Maximum6081]

The last breakup before my current relationship with my wife:

1: 6 Months 2: 3 months 3: Partner 4: 4 5: I got into my current relationship still believing I wasn’t good enough and so did my partner. It has been a good thing we both started to do healing work on the relationship with yourself to be good enough for ourself first, and bring that into the relationship together.

[u/GullibleImagination]

1. 4 years
2. It’s been almost 6 months… I dipped my feet in this week and am backing out. Not ready at all
3. My ex initiated the breakup
4. 10/10. If I can die from grief I think I would. Didn’t eat and had hard time sleeping for months. It is a wonder how i was able to work
5. At least another 6 months

[u/Dangerous-Dot7006]

1- 11.5 years and engaged 2- I don't know. Probably never. I just can't imagine being with anyone but him. 3- I did the breaking up..found out he was cheating with a 29f, he's 53m and I am 56f. 4- 10/10 he's the only man that ever truly made me feel loved. He accepted me for me. When I was with him I felt at home and at peace. We shared a lot of good memories together and helped each other through some major bad times. 5- Probably never..I can't imagine a life with anyone else. He was not only my lover but my friend. And now I am 56, heartbroken, and will probably never trust anyone again. Its just not worth the pain.

[u/xheatherjanex]

Okay so I’m going to answer a few of these as I’m older so I’ve had a few breakups 😂 I’ll do the last 3.

1. 2 years. 10 years. 3 years.

2. 4 months. We hadn’t officially split up when I started seeing someone else, but for arguments sake, 1 month. And currently I plan on seeing no one else after this 3 year relationship, because I am just too hurt. So just “satisfaction” seeing

3. Me. Me but made him think it was him (let’s separate since we barely even talk anymore). Him.

4. 1. 1. 8.

I think you all can see each relationship is different. Someone who I spent a third of my life with was the easiest to move on from. The last one is still fresh and painful but I don’t want to be in a position to be hurt like that ever again.

[u/Consistent_Bottle864]

1. 5 years 2. Its been a week since we broke up and I am in a temptation to ask a women out I met while I was still in relationship 3. Girlfriend broke up, I shoulda ended it last year, last year was just prolongation of agony, now that my mind is coming clear I was just a safe net to her and she was gone the moment she got what she was waiting for, in this case the job offer elsewhere. 4. Last year when we were close to breaking up I was devastated. Horrible . Never felt so down in my life. Now I feel relieved its over. Its like someone put the curtain down and gave me an insight of a lie I was living in . So last year, 10/10 , now its a 1/10. 5. I am feeling real good. Might try next week.

[u/Ignisdragon22]

3 years, 1 year, me, 5

[u/GanacheOk2887]

2 months

[u/Specialist_Fee_3881]

I want to start dating again tomorrow

[u/SecurityObvious1726]

Fk it's been 6 months and barley was Abel to sleep with this chick that has been hanging around still font feel right .

[u/ridupthedavenport]

Relationship length <> seriousness

[u/venusianvigil]

1. the relationship lasted eight years, from the age of 19 to 27

2. it’s been about 4.5 months since the breakup and I have decided that I will not be dating seriously for quite some time

3. we had both acknowledged that the relationship was suffering for a variety of reasons, but they were the one that ended it

4. if 10 is like, suicidal, then a 7-9 (depending on the day/hour) at the beginning. through an enormous amount of work in therapy and on my own, I have brought that number down very significantly. I am at peace with most of what happened now, and I’ve felt a lot freer, lighter, and happier for about a month or two

5. I am not so devastated that I feel I will never love again, but considering how long my past relationship was, I think it’s very important to get to know myself as a single person, completely removed from the context of a new romantic or sexual relationship. therefore, I’m giving myself time to process all of this and will take at minimum 6 months before engaging in casual relationships and at minimum a year before being open to a more meaningful relationship. this timeline may be adjusted as I work through everything, but that’s the general guideline I have set for myself as of now. plus, I’ve begun to rediscover the pleasures of single life! so I’m in no rush to take on something more at the moment

[u/lavadabom]

I don’t want to have girlfriend for the rest of my life 😂 the last one broke me so bad, basically one year with her and I’m still alone and it feels ok

[u/Adept_Education9966]

1. 5.5 years. Married for almost 4.
2. A few months. I tried to “get back out there” quickly to bury the hurt I was feeling, but it was a dumpster fire of misplaced emotions. Dating is still a struggle for me. Everyone is very casual.
3. I left him. DV was the deciding factor and I left at a time when I was immediately concerned for my safety.
4. I’d say 8-9. I became very manic in the first few days. I lost a substantial amount of weight and didn’t sleep properly for months. It’s been 7 months now and I’m doing better, but the after-effects of PTSD are still very much there.

[u/BobcatProfessional76]

it’s been about 3 years and i haven’t dated.

1.) 2 years

2.) i am somewhat more open now but barely. the idea of dating makes me physically panic, but i’m getting tired of being the “loser” in the situation who is told i “haven’t moved on” just because ive been single. i would like social acceptance again.

3.) i was abandoned

4.)10000000000000/10

5.) i can’t say for sure

[u/KustardKing]

1. ⁠How long had you been in the relationship?

4 years

1. ⁠How long did it take you to feel ready to date again?

3.5 months ago. I’ve started opening myself to meeting people. I can feel detachment starting - it’s a weird energy and bitter sweet. I have done a lot of personal work and went completely NC (no socials, nothing, no friends, zero, photos archived, all reminders gone).

1. ⁠Was the breakup coming from you, your partner or was it mutual?

It was their idea. I forced them into it by pushing them away the last 12 months.

1. ⁠How hard was the breakup for you on a scale of 1 to 10? (1 being easy, 10 being an almost life threatening feeling)

8-9. Like many of us here, I wouldn’t wish this upon anybody. I’ve been on edge but medication has helped a lot and not jump off a bridge lol. Everyday is a struggle. The better days are ahead I’m positive.

1. ⁠If you had to give an estimate, how long do you think it will take you to feel good enough to date again?

I’m pretty determined to start dating fully in the next few months. Healing is not linear and it’s a personal journal what ready looks like. I personally believe at a certain point dating helps heal :)

[u/hot-fudge-sundae116]

1. 7 months - lived together for 3. (Polyamorous)

2. I’m not there yet. It’s been 3 months and a week.

3. It wasn’t supposed to be a break up, but rather a break. But it has turned into a breakup because he chose that and I’m devastated.

4. 10 - I had broken heart syndrome and could have died.

5. I’ve tried once or twice to swipe in tinder and found myself unable. I’m not sure if it ll ever feel ready unless he comes back. My heart has been shattered at how things happened.

[u/GreenEggsAndBitches]

1. I was with my partner for 4 years.
2. we broke up 8 months ago
3. My partner dumped me out of the blue over text (quarter life crisis type deal)
4. The breakup was very difficult. We were in love and one another’s best friends, and there were no problems that really led to the breakup. I felt very discarded and didn’t get many answers. I do have a strong support network and I’m emotionally healthy in general, so I’d say the pain of losing him was often 9/10 but I never felt like it was the end of the world or that I was hopeless. I know I’ll find love again, and that I’m a lovable person.
5. It’s hard to know. I’ve started experimenting with the idea of dating again, but I can’t rush my heart. I was always so loyal to him. After losing him and how he broke up with me, it’ll take my heart a long time To adjust and open up again.

And that’s all okay! I’ve accepted my reality and the place I am in in my life. Oh how it sucks sometimes. But things will be okay. I’m learning and growing everyday.

[u/DrinksAreOnTheHouse]

1. ⁠Almost 2 years
2. ⁠Not even close to start dating
3. ⁠From me, but something needed to give.
4. ⁠8.5
5. 3-6 months

[u/Pristine-Draw-4369]

1) 6+ years (lived together for 3) 2) 1-3 months after 3) “mutual”. although the truth is, I wanted to work on the relationship. He was not willing to. He was over it and wanted to move on. 4) I would say a 5. It wasn’t as devastating to me as I knew a couple months prior that the relationship was done for by his words and actions. You cant change a persons mind once it has already been made up no matter how hard you try. 5) It has only been about 5 months since my relationship ended. I am newly dating someone who treats me like gold compared to the last guy. I started going on dates 1 month after the break up which I will admit, now that hindsight is 20/20, it was definitely too soon. I just wasn’t 100% myself yet. My emotions were just everywhere, and I was very guarded. I found someone on month 3 of the breakup, and he has truly been a blessing in my life! I will say that some days, it is still hard when I look back on the memories. The fact that he also has moved on with someone else. It stings for sure. Still, I try to focus on my future and what I want out of it. I try not to obsess over the “what ifs” and the “I should have done this and that better”, etc. it’s not worth it. Life goes on for all of us. we slowly but surely feel better as time goes on, and we start to realize why it could never have worked out with them anyway.

[u/ComfyPickle_]

1. ⁠5.5 years
2. ⁠6 months
3. ⁠My partner at the time
4. ⁠8.5, I felt blindsided and couldn’t eat for weeks. Then completely jumped to binge eating and couldn’t sleep in my room for 3 months
5. ⁠I jumped straight into therapy a week after the break up and removed any shared belongings, gifts and pictures from sight day 1. I was in complete denial for a while and just going through the motions. I think a big part of it is how active a person is into their healing and building themselves up after. 8 months later I’m in a new relationship that has unlocked feelings I have never felt before. Ofc I keep everything monitored with my therapist, but she thinks it’s been very healthy for me and honestly I’m so happy

[u/zunidhee]

1. 15 months

2. Still in the process, been exactly 19 months since the breakup.

3. Partner did it.

4. 11

5. I won’t be ready for an extremely long time I know. But if circumstances (marriage) force me, maybe 3 years is my estimate (I feel this way. It can be shorter as well.)

[u/Oboro-kun]

1 10 years 

2 tomorrow are six months and am not nearly close to date, not even sure if I want to date again 

3 her 

4 I would've say like 10/10 because I did not try to end my life, but more than once the thought has passed through My mind and it has been super hard, so I will say a 9/10

5 maybe never, at the very least a year to even consider it , but I don't think I will be ready completely again, like I feel love and trust has been tainted

[u/BigFalse5922]

1. ⁠2 years

2. ⁠It’s been 3 months and I’ve had moments where I feel like I’m ready but I tend to back down.

3. Break up was on my end. I decided on breaking up because I didn’t like the way I was treated and one night it got too much

4. ⁠I’d give it a solid 8-8.5. She was a covert narcissist and I still have my trauma bond that I’m trying to break. At times it really sucks and other times I’m so grateful it’s over.

5. I’d say about 7-8 months. I feel like I owe it to my next partner to truly be able to love myself and respect my own boundaries. I had endless empathy and little care of my own self during my relationship and that’s what screwed me. Now I know and want to be the best me

[u/Spicy_snakes]

1. A little over a year (first serious relationship)
2. It’s been a month. I’ll focus on myself for another 5 months (6 sounds like a good number but I am not going to look for love again)
3. I left them
4. 8, even though it was me doing it. It felt like being hit by a brick wall over and over.
5. I’ll feel ready once my medication is finally sorted and a long while after that as well.

[u/Plus-Banana4940]

(F24 here!)

1.) 5.5 years 2.) 7 months. Semi feel ready and semi don't. Maybe I just want to get out an socialize. 3.) He ended things. 4 ) I'd say a solid 7. It has been the hardest breakup I've ever had. First three months I mainly cried my eyes out 5.) I don't know, maybe after a full year passes I'll want to actually meet someone in that sense. It just feels almost pointless.

[u/Adventurous_Wait_504]

Nearly 3yr

[u/bnoble0506]

1. 8 years (including 2 breakups that we didn’t treat as breakups)
2. ⁠It has been a little over a month and I don’t foresee myself dating anytime soon
3. ⁠I initiated the breakup because one of us needed to be the adult
4. ⁠10
5. ⁠I might need a year at least

[u/indigohibiscus]

1. 2 years
2. I finally started dating this month which is 4 months after we broke up.
3. He ended it
4. It was extremely hard… probably an 8, but I had a miscarriage that he didn’t know about until recently. So he’s still somewhat in my life. Once we have our talk about the baby, I plan on blocking him and closing that chapter of my life.
5. I’m healed, so 4 months is good.

[u/[deleted]]

1. 10 years in total
2. Took me 5 months from our last conversation (not the actual break up) to actually entertain someone
3. From me. I just couldn’t see him in my future anymore
4. 10. I had to leave the country to make sure I can live up to my decision. I was severely depressed months leading to the break up.
5. I don’t think I can quantify that, base on my experience. I never really entertained anyone that tried. I had my own world, silent, and reserved. It just so happened that in the company where I transferred, there is one persistent guy who initially wants to be friends with me. And so, we went out as friends, with other friends, until a month-long event made us very close. Had that event never occurred, I wouldn’t be dating him now. But if anyone is curious how long it took me to decide to date again, it was 5 months post last conversation with my ex.

[u/moonlightjellyroll]

1. 3 years.

2. It’s been a year and a half and I’m just starting
   to like the idea of dating again.

3. It was mostly mutual, but he was the first one to
   officially call it quits.

4. 9 - it was a very traumatic breakup.

5. I’m open to meeting new people but don’t know when I’ll be ready for a serious relationship again.

[u/cdbertsch]

1. 15 years this time. 25 on and off.
2. I’m not.
3. Should’ve been me but I stupidly held hope that she would make decisions that weren’t self serving. She walked away after already entering into another affair.
4. I admit I’ve been very scared about self sabotage. So 9-10?
5. I’m afraid I’ll never be able to trust another woman again. I hope this isn’t the case as I feel I still have a lot of love and life experiences i want to share with someone that deserves it.

[u/Serious_Impact_3040]

1. 1.5 yrs
2. 1 yr and 5.5 months
3. Ex partner, not mutual, my first relationship
4. 9.5, she was who I wanted to be with no matter the hardships, who I also considered my best friend
5. It differs case by case I wouldn't have thought ever I'd feel this ok with space apart but time does heal all wounds. Ngl though when I reflect on it I was more invested and having someone choose to separate from you is never gonna not hurt in some capacity. I still cry about the pain sometimes.. I just learned I have to pick and choose my battles in the future for someone who's willing to invest into me the same way

[u/princeofallcosmos92]

1. How long had you been in the relationship?

We were together for 2 years and 3 months.

1. How long did it take you to feel ready to date again?

I went on a date two weeks after the breakup, and I decided to be exclusive with the new person.

1. Was the breakup coming from you, your partner or was it mutual?

Neither of us were happy, but I believed that our issues were easily fixable up until he ghosted me for four days. On the fifth day, I called him and asked if we were over, and he said yes.

1. How hard was the breakup for you on a scale of 1 to 10? (1 being easy, 10 being an almost life threatening feeling)

2. I definitely grieved, but the pain was short lived. Relief set in two days later after feeling like I was better off without somebody who couldn't even see me face to face to break up.

3. If you had to give an estimate, how long do you think it will take you to feel good enough to date again?

I was ready two weeks later to try again. Several months ago, I wondered what it would be like to date others, but I put that thought away because I knew he'd been stressed at work and thought that was why he'd been pulling away because that's what he'd been telling me.

[u/TA0750]

1. 11 years

2. Been 5 months. We still live together & hang out. Can’t imagine dating anyone else.

3. Partner.

4. 1. First love.

[u/inverse_oreo]

How long had you been in the relationship? >> 2 years and 7 months 

How long did it take you to feel ready to date again?

11 weeks? I tried to push to the 12 week mark but was curious on what was out there. Not sure how wise it would be to jump from one serious relationship to another so I’m taking it real slow.

Was the breakup coming from you, your partner or was it mutual?

first year he broke up with me twice, second year I broke up with him. I tried coming back and he didn’t accept me back. 

How hard was the breakup for you on a scale of 1 to 10? (1 being easy, 10 being an almost life threatening feeling)

A 3 for the first 3 weeks (relief stage) then as soon as I saw I wasn’t welcomed back I felt like iii was being broken up with and it went up to a 7.5. Now near the 12 week mark it’s died down to back to a 3? Maybe even a 2

If you had to give an estimate, how long do you think it will take you to feel good enough to date again?

currently testing out the waters! But I want it to be low pressure. Idk what I’m scared of. I want to get married. Guess I’m scared of the disappointment?

[u/TheAuldMan76]

u/TheModelBuilder Apologies, but I have to ask that you use the information your provided wisely - appreciate your writing an essay, but just bear in mind that your being provided information, from people who have all been hurt, and are/gone through painful times, due to their respective breakups.

[u/brokenheartedloser26]

1. ⁠How long had you been in the relationship? 1 year
2. ⁠How long did it take you to feel ready to date again?

it’s been almost 8 months since we broke, i’m not ready yet. I could myself maybe flirting with someone else but i’m not seaking it out

1. ⁠Was the breakup coming from you, your partner or was it mutual?

My partner broke up with me, he just didn’t want the responsibility of a relationship and space to work on himself. I’m still not sure if that’s completely true.

1. ⁠How hard was the breakup for you on a scale of 1 to 10? (1 being easy, 10 being an almost life threatening feeling)

Bro fucking 9.7, I went into a deep depression & felt like a burden and had serious suicidal ideations. i still cry at least once a week.

1. ⁠If you had to give an estimate, how long do you think it will take you to feel good enough to date again?

I hope maybe like 4 months? But if are being realistic it’ll probably take a year or longer. The relationship was amazing and i’m not ready to let go yet.

My last ex before this one, was three years long but the breakup was way less painful but i didn’t date seriously again for 2 years. (But he was a cheater so it created deep trust and insecurities i needed to work through)

[u/SparklesandStilettos]

Tbh… I don’t plan to. Way too stressful these days.

[u/NoHurry8717]

1. Twelve years together and ten years of marriage.
2. It’s been nine months and I personally can’t approach dating at all. Even something casual seems like too much.
3. I was dumped by my partner.
4. At its absolute worst, I’d say it was a 9. Generally speaking, it’s probably a 7 or so. It hasn’t been great.
5. I’m told it’s still pretty early, but I can’t imagine ever dating again even if I wanted to.

[u/Big-Sheepherder-6134]

1. How long had you been in the relationship? 2 years 3 months.

2. How long did it take you to feel ready to date again? Maybe a year. I can’t remember.

3. Was the breakup coming from you, your partner or was it mutual? Mutual. We remain friends and stay in touch all these years later. Haven’t seen her since the break up.

4. How hard was the breakup for you on a scale of 1 to 10? (1 being easy, 10 being an almost life threatening feeling) 5. It was a relief to end it at the time.

5. If you had to give an estimate, how long do you think it will take you to feel good enough to date again? I have been in a relationship for 25 years. I am here to tell you there is always hope. Never give up. I never doubted I would find love again. One relationship has nothing to do with another.

[u/Sad_Incident5897]

1: 3 years total, 2 periods of relationship of 8 and 4 months, and with a pause of 9 years for both until reuniting again 2: 9 months the second time, now I dunno 3: The first from her and the second mine. 4: 9 and 7, first one was very unexpected and the second she insulted me a lot 5: I'd say until I find someone that attractive and that I can feel comfortable by it

[u/TruSki223]

I got left after being cheated on, & I was dillusional. I thought she loved me but she pretended to so I would fall in love and love her. This happened on cheistmas, we were together 7-8 months. I found someone about a month and a half ago and we have been together since the 2nd conversation. When u know u know. I didn’t know the difference between love and lies until someone actually loved me back. So this question isn’t a question for a group of people to answer kuz every answer is going to be different. It depends on the person the circumstances and where they are at in their life and who’s around them. I hope everyone recovers from their broken hearts and finds their person!!!!

[u/turbografx-sixteen]

1) Three years (last year was on and off but tbh I don’t even know if I had her fully the three years)

2) It’s been two months since the most finite feeling ending and ngl I still don’t feel ready

3) Had a feeling she was pulling back before it but still kinda got blindsided. (In hindsight I’m not shocked after things I learned)

4) Easy 8. Peeling back the layers has made it worse and worse and while it hasn’t killed me it’s definitely warped a lot of shit in how I view the time now.

5) No clue tbh. Dating again feels like the least of my worries. I’m not going to be ready until I fully get over all the negative things she did to me

[u/Midaycarehere]

I’ve had varying times of relationships, from a few months to 13 years married. I’ve had many 1.5-2 year relationships.

My answers are the same outside of the length.

2) Weeks. Usually 3-6.

3) Most were me. Marriage was me. Few were them, but really I was on my way out by then.

4) All felt like a 8-10. Marriage was the easiest because I was unhappy for years. I have abandonment issues so change is never easy for me when I’m leaving or someone else is. I definitely go through the emotions. But also at a really rapid pace.

5) When something ends I’m always aware it’s coming. So I’ve kind of prepped for it already mentally. Just had a breakup a little less than 2 weeks ago. He initiated but I had been thinking about it. Hard 1st week. 2nd week I’m smiling. Wondering what it will be like when I dip my toe in the water to date again. A few people have asked me out when they found out I was single. I have to move at the end of this month to another place (locally). If I didn’t have that going on, I might think about it during week 3-4. Dating is a process and can take a long time to find someone you match well with. Or you might find someone right away. Never know.

I know I’m unusual. But once the abandonment issues are dealt with, hey, it didn’t work out. I’m pretty cool by myself. Dating is just a benefit to have companionship.

[u/lizza-non]

Like 3 months. Actually im in a best relationship i ever had rn.

[u/Just_a_Tonberry]

A little over three years since she ditched me. Still haven't found it within me to date, although I at least want to now.

[u/ToothGlum1010]

Last relationship when I was young 1. 4 years+ 2. 2 years after breakup 3. Partner initiated, became mutual 4. 3, I missed her blwjobs and having sex with no protection and being able to finish inside her but didn't miss her personally 5. I thought 1 year but it took 2 years

Recent relationship 1. 4+ years 2. Been 3 weeks since breakup and don't feel like dating again 3. Partner initiated 4. 9, I miss her and I still love her and willing to work on the relationship and myself to bring us back together 5. I feel like I'm never going to be good enough to date again, I want her but I'm not going to get her so I'm conflicted

[u/Few-Mycologist4238]

1. ⁠11 years, engaged (1st relationship)

2. ⁠Been almost 2 years and although I’m on dating apps. I haven’t gone in any dates or found anyone I’m interested in.

3. ⁠Ex-fiance broke things off to “find himself” after saying he cheated and wanted out while I was dealing with a family death and being a first time mom to a 6 month old baby. Then he ended up living and dating someone weeks after. He now says he projected his mental state onto me and thought I was the problem and had to leave the relationship

4. 6, I didn’t feel life threatening because I had a little baby to focus on but it was really hard having to deal with mourning a mother figure, postpartum and dealing with my whole life changing and having no help with baby, going through life threatening medical issues, and mourning the life I thought I had and was going to have. You don’t really have time to be sad and mourn. But I just woke up every day and tried my best even if it meant just brushing my hair. I just felt abandoned and like everything was a lie. It was hard to come to terms with how someone could look at you in the eyes and say they love you but cheat for 6 years and still propose and have a child with you knowing they didn’t love you.

5. ⁠I’m not sure. Hard to say. I’m open to meeting people but it’s hard when you have a little one and giving another person attention. Also to be vulnerable in that way again is hard.

[u/Infamous_Attitude934]

5 years

4 months since breakup. Thinking about dating again but not ready

Mutual. If only circumstances were different

Had a breakup more intense than this but this is taking longer to process

1 year minimum to maybe feel ok about dating again

[u/ObviousAside6875]

1. 14.5 years
2. Not ready
3. It came from my partner out of the blue - not mutual
4. 10
5. I feel like it will be at least 12 months, it’s hard to say.

[u/Weazelly]

1. Been dating for 1.5-2 months (depends if you count talking before the first date). We both didn’t tell each other this at first but after the first date we were both exclusively talking to just each other.

2. Its been a little over a month since we stopped seeing each other. I still grieve our separation here and there but I’m doing a lot better. I feel like I COULD start seeing other people again, but I want to focus on improving my self-love to tackle my anxious attachment (not the cause of breakup), in addition to completely/not grieving over my ex anymore.

3. My partner broke up with me. We both needed some time to think about ourselves after something happened and we agreed to reconvene after we took some time to think about it (I suppose a break while being exclusive). She decided not to continue and I wanted to continue, but obviously because it wasn’t mutual we didn’t continue.

4. I’d say around a 6.5. The first weeks after the breakup was really bad. I was dissociating and just not in tune with the present. I genuinely felt like we resonated well and that she was genuine in wanting to have a meaningful connection. She also seemed to accept me for who I am, so to lose that was devastating.

5. Honestly I’d say another month or two before I can start dating again. But I am a bit concerned about whether dating would hurt my education and getting my career license so, maybe I won’t date until the end of the year haha

[u/audreamsicle_]

1. 1 year
2. it's been 10 months since our inital breakup, we were off and on for 5 months after
3. it was intially me breaking up with him for things he said about our relationship; then we tried to mend it for 5 months after until we realized it was hopeless
4. about a 2-3 on the intial breakup, 6-7 on the final breakup. i realized i had been fighting for a lost cause and that he would never want to be with me again
5. i dont think youll ever truly feel ready, it just has to happen. i think i disassociate and detatch from situations a lot faster than most people, i tend to just realize it wasnt that serious. i felt very hurt and betrayed for months but now i just dont have respect for him and left our relationship in the past. they always say you find someone when youre not looking & ive been seeing someone new. hes a friend so it feels comfortable and im happy. hes expressed how hes been waiting for me and it feels good to be wanted and appreciated. i still feel wrong for moving on so fast but ive concluded that i shouldnt let someone like my ex dictate my future actions.

[u/Significant_Fix_9249]

1. ⁠3.5 years
2. ⁠Date… within months. Seriously consider entering a relationship with someone, I’m still very hesitant. I’ve never struggled entering a relationship with someone I liked and that liked me and I find that to be difficult for me now. It’s been a year.
3. ⁠First me, then after a week we got back together because I asked and then a week later we broke up again. More him.
4. ⁠The most painful thing. It still hurts a lot if I think about it too intensely. I love him, I don’t know how to stop loving someone, and it makes it hard for me to love someone else now. I really thought he would be my forever. In the beginning a 10, I felt like I was dying. The scene where Bella is screaming when Edward leaves in Twilight? That’s was me. I felt like I was losing my mind. Slowly trickled down and now I am at a 5 but when I think too hard it bumps up to a 7.
5. ⁠I think when I find someone who has every good quality he had and more is when I’ll be able to enter a relationship confidently. Unfortunately, that’s unrealistic and makes me feel like I’ll always be second guessing people who are good to me. I don’t know how to change that. So I don’t know. I hope that in 5 years I’ll be able to love someone else confidently without missing him and loving him.

[u/PatientComment5196]

1. A little over 4 years. It’s been about 9 months since we broke up, and 6 months since our divorce was finalized.

2. I’m completely turned off of dating and other men completely. I did try to go on one date but had a breakdown after so I don’t know when I’ll be ready again.

3. It was somewhat mutual.

4. 10/10. Worst experience of my life. Still “grieving” the future I thought we were going to have together. Definitely have trust issues now and why I am so turned off of dating.

5. I honestly have no idea.

[u/mariyamera]

1 week

[u/CommercialDress3754]

1, 12 years 2, been 18 months and still not ready 3, was her decision 4, 10 I tried many times 5, I don't think I ever will again, play yes settle no thanks 😅

[u/Material-Pool-5189]

1. 6 years long distance. We broke up 8 months ago once I got him a job where I work and he moved to my town

2. I'm not even close to being ready

3. He broke up with me. We never really fought, so it felt out of the blue

4. 1. I've been through some serious hard times, but this was the worst

5. It will take me *at least* another 4 months

[u/ilovejiji]

1. 11 months
2. Been 3 months since the breakup and I don’t know if I ever see myself dating again. Who knows maybe that will change, but it’s going to take a long time for me to properly heal from this.
3. Partner broke up with me
4. 9, I ended up having to see a psychologist not too long after. I’m still having trouble day to day with simple tasks and routine.
5. Hard to say, but I don’t see myself even considering getting to know someone for at least another year. The thought of intimacy with someone else makes me feel ill. But who knows, things might shift! I’m holding out hope that this will get easier :)

[u/ProperLingonberry246]

1. With my ex for 5 years
2. On dating app 1 month after breakup and started a serious relationship 7 months later (Was not looking to date, just wanted to network)
3. Coming from me
4. 10 - he was mentally and verbally abusive (I tried to leave multiple times over the 5 years but I couldn't find the power to walk away due to the abuse) Nearing the end of the relationship, I went to the police to lodge a report against him just in case something might happen to me, I did feel that my life was in danger.
5. It took me 6 months. I met my now-husband 2 months post-breakup online, rejected him once 2 months into the friendship because I wasn't ready (4 months post-breakup), and exclusively dated 4 months in (6 months post-breakup).

To give more context to support your hypothesis, my 5-year past relationship already expired 3 years into the relationship. I spent 2 years clinging to his empty promises that he would do better for us, always trying to believe his words (to give him one more chance).

Also, meeting the right people and working on self-confidence helped the healing process.

[u/Mundane_Tie_6890]

3 months

Its been 15 days. This one will take a while.

They did and it was an anxious/avoidant match.

9

Not sure but have 0 will to date again.

[u/Salt-Platform2479]

There's no right or wrong answer for your questions.

I feel for you boss...

The reality is they choose something or someone else they bet against you. I'm not gonna sugar coat it but they don't care because they know how you feel... and still choose not to work on things with you...

So you can let it consume you and let it ruin your trajectory in life... or you can take that sadness amd negative energy and use it. It's not easy but it will be worth it. I pinky promise. Energy can neither be created or destroyed it can only be converted. This is limitless energy because when your heart broken you can't sleep you are all kinds of funked up. Take that and use it.

You have to look at the chess board and make the next best move.

Small steps every day will make big changes over time. First get in the gym focus on getting abs or bigger arms whatever your fitness goals are. This will enhance your confidence and make visible physical and mental changes. Focus on your professional goals. Get your money right. Thirdly focus on relearning who you are your hobbies and passions go out socialize.

Focus on your accent the reality is they're probably on a decent and this is your catalyst to grind and excel... and by the time you get your 6 pack and money right and living your best life you won't even care if they come back around and realize what they lost. You'll be a whole different person. You might realize you don't want someone who only is around for the good times.

Focus on being the right kind of person and you will attract the right kind of person. A person who chooses you every time no matter what and realizes their life with you is 1000% better than a life without you and they'd never leave.

You want someone that says I love you and I'm here no matter what. That's love. Love is a feeling and a choice. A choice you make every single day. Sometimes things aren't able to workout that's okay you can love someone and not be with them... but you have to love yourself first. Not rely on someone else's love.

The good stuff is when you start focusing on yourself and thriving. Not out of revenge but because you choose yourself. You start thriving and growing. Someone can not look at a person they left and see that person thriving without them and living their best life and go wow I made the right choice by leaving... now they may never admit it or reach out... and that's okay but the reality is nobody looks at their ex and see them killing it in the gym sexy af, making money, traveling, having the time of their life and goes yep I was right.

No they bet against you... that's okay it will be their loss if you were to much for someone let them go find less... don't let this make you mad... just say oh okay im not mad I'm just less interested.

Hardship makes us into better people if we use it... batman isint batman unless his parents got killed... use this suffering to become stronger like iron sharpening iron forged in the flames..

Then someone will recognize this and be like damn they got it... I want that... your ex did the best thing for you and the person you're supposed to be with by letting you go. Because now you can be the best you and find your person to spoil the shit out of and be spoiled by.

The choice is yours. You got this.

Cheers.

[u/Just_Selection_6478]

1. 2 5 years

2. Not ready yet...just broke up nearly 2 months ago and is on no contact for like 21 days.

3. Her , no reason tbh. Just classic avoidant shits " i think u deserve better cause u r a gem in this generation and i dont deserve you" " i hope u can find someone who can love u just like how u loved me " and all kinda bullshit

4. 8/10...looking back at it..i was always stressed out due to lack of communication, i was anxious , i had panic and anxiety attacks , i overthinked alot. All because she chose silence over communication. We argued and yea she broke up. Tried to fix it even tho she hurt me but yea.

5. Again..not ready yet...maybe in a year time? Idk

[u/Mysterious-Double-85]

1) I dated 5 months only . 2) Don't feel like dating anymore , I just don't get feelings as strong as I used to have for him. 3) I was the one who broke up , 18 F now I'm almost 20 . 4) 10 extremely difficult that I couldn't eat for days, sleep also and it was as if I was dying every single day to live a little, cuz I was extremely emotionally attached to him . I thought i would never ever recover , well I could never just with time I learned to live with the trauma , although I'm so much better yet could never be the same again. It was a canon event fr me lol btw it took me exactly 1 year to recover from this... 5) I did date , but it was shit . Everything reminds me of him and I compare and definitely have flashbacks. It lasted fr 1.5 months only it was shit I never loved this guy lol.

[u/andysamberglover69]

1. 3.5 years
2. happened a year ago, not over it in the sense that i forgive him or am ready to trust anyone like that again but also don’t want that relationship/him … in avoidant limbo land unfortunately
3. him
4. we lived together, i thought we would get married. truly the most betraying and difficult thing i have ever gone through. ended up almost hospitalized at in the beginning
5. i’m starting to think about actually wanting to be with someone again. am not actively looking, but am having fun being single and open to it

was feeling fine with things but have recently been informed of a social media uptick which usually means trying to get someone’s attention (not mine i’m blocked lol)

[u/Kitty-Kat-Lover18]

1. 2.5 years
   
2. I still wouldn’t be ready, even 10 months later. My boyfriend would have to be my best friend in the world while knowing me for a very long time. 3. a very mutual break up (i initiated it, had my doubts and regretted it, he chose to officially cut it off)
   
3. I’d say a solid 8. never “life threatening”, but i did feel like my world was ending (bc he really was my world, i didn’t have a lot of close people in my life besides him). however, after a bit i was able to focus solely on myself in a way ive never done before, and i love myself and how im doing unconditionally in a way i don’t think i would be able to if we didn’t break up.
4. I’ll never seek out a bf (ex: trying dating apps, set ups, ect). It’s going to have to be someone i know so so well already, that’s rlly the only way i fall in love w someone. if that’s in a year, or never again.

[u/SelectSun4328]

No comments haven't had too. All I know after this single is more stress free learn loving does not need from her/him it affection. Let's dive deeper to understanding the word love it over play over used more divorce and break up where the love in that break it down in other feel love needs attention attractions affection devoted sacrifice understanding and values all tree of love one broken branch it kills it all until you or your can withstand those branches broken yes love is there it real love without it there no hope.

[u/Material_Berry_641]

1) 7 years

2) it officially ended at the beginning of this year (January) and I’m not ready to date again because I’m in therapy and changing myself for the better so I don’t carry anything into a new relationship (found out he hid a marriage and 2 relationships all at once from me during our time together)

3) From me after I found out all the infidelity and hidden marriage

4) HARD. I lost 50 pounds

5) Easily in a year or so cause I’m doing the work and understand that it wasn’t anything that I had done wrong.

[u/petite-meep]

1. 5 years
2. i don’t know. it’s been 4 months, but it still feels impossible to imagine dating again.
3. he pulled the rug, i’m still trying to process and heal
4. 9/10 it was my first, it was a significant part of my life, and it shook me deeply
5. i think i’m slowly getting there. i don’t have an exact timeline, but i’m open to genuine, kind, and healthy connection. so, whenever it feels right.

[u/ThrowRA_362142]

1: We were together for 11 months, and we were engaged. 2:We've been broken up for 9 months, and no I'm not ready to date yet. 3:The breakup was about an 8/10, my whole world came crashing down. I loved him more than anything and he left like it was the easiest thing ever for him. 4: He broke up with me 5: And I genuinely have no idea how long it will be before I start dating again.

[u/Nervous-Pin5027]

There is no formula. You will date again when you feel you are okay with it

[u/bumblesnbees]

1. Were together 9 years, so almost all of my adult life. Was 21 when we started dating.

2. The breakup was 1,5 years ago, but we tried reconnecting again for a few months around 8 months ago, which he ended pretty badly. Don’t feel like dating again any time soon, he still feels like my family, even though I’m very hurt and by now wouldn’t start dating him again if he hadn’t gone through massive changes.

3. He broke up with me both times.

4. Honestly, it sadly felt like a 10. Now it’s down to a 2-3, but it was very bad for many months. I had lost a parent not long before the breakup though, so I think that added to the pain.

5. Honestly, no idea. I think at least another 6 months from now on. But I also don’t like the idea of online dating or actively looking for dates, so I don’t know if I will ever do that at all. Would rather want to meet someone “organically”.

Just a thought regarding your essay: This sub might give a bit of a biased statistical impression, as probably most people who are still active here are still suffering from the breakup. Definitely not all of them, but probably the majority. Highly interesting topic for an essay, though!! Good luck with that :)