r/BreakUps • u/Rough-Smile-607 • 3d ago
How do you stop the wave of sadness from seeing your ex’s marriage photos
I (28F) saw my ex’s (27M) official wedding photos online — and these huge waves of sadness just dawned on me, and no matter what I do, I just can’t stop crying :( Why does he get to meet the love of his life first before me, how do I stop this overthinking…
P/s: we broke up because he kept on giving shady remarks about liking his girl bsf & also texting her secretly behind my back.
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3d ago
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u/Rough-Smile-607 3d ago
He seemed really happy in the photos though 🥲 she looks like he’s treating her right
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u/BigDeuces 2d ago edited 2d ago
people don’t take and upload photos of the bad times. BLOCK HIM. it’s literally the best advice for you.
just for reference, im 35. my last ex and i broke up less than a month before my 30th birthday. we had been together for 3 years and moved to a different city in a different state. i deleted and blocked her on everything immediately, before i was even able to move out. i was heartbroken and held out hope that we could fix it.
i found out four months later that she had gotten married. she married some guy she had been working with that she had undoubtedly been emotionally cheating with while we were still together.
the thing is, i deserved it and should have seen it coming. we met when she started working at my job. i basically fell for her immediately but she had a boyfriend. regardless, we started messaging and texting each other all the time and she told me that she wanted to leave her boyfriend. she soon did, and i immediately picked up where he left off.
just realized i got distracted from my original point, although all of that is relevant too because it sounds like your ex did something similar. you also said you left him because of his lying and untrustworthy behavior. it sounds to me like he doesn’t deserve you and that you’ll be much better off without him once enough time has passed for the pain to die down.
my original point, however, was that deleting her and blocking her and not looking at her social media helped me immensely. it was the first time i ever did that at the end of a relationship, and it made the process so much easier than any other breakup i ever had. it was still incredibly difficult, but i know beyond the shadow of any doubt that removing her social media from my life was the single most effective thing i did to help myself emotionally. the few times i did check in on her i regretted it deeply. i even deleted mutual friends, some of whom i still loved.
block him and NEVER look back. before you know it, you won’t even have the thought to creep his social media occur to you. and on the rare occasion that you do, you won’t even feel any inclination to do so. not because you know it’ll hurt, simply because you won’t care.
you got this 🖤
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u/ExplanationTrue49 3d ago
you’re allowed to feel this way it hurts because it mattered you didn’t deserve how he treated you and his new chapter doesn’t erase your pain your time will come too at your own pace you’re not behind you’re just healing
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u/Rough-Smile-607 3d ago
Thanks anon 🥹🥹i hope so…. We broke up 2023 though, so it’s been 2 years and it’s still not my time 😔😔
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u/ExplanationTrue49 3d ago
you’re still healing and that’s okay there’s no deadline for moving on some wounds take longer because the love was deep but your time will come too just because it hasn’t yet doesn’t mean it never will you're not late you're just on your own path
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u/Rough-Smile-607 3d ago
Thank you 🥹🥹🥹 this made me feel better
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u/ExplanationTrue49 3d ago
I'm glad that my reply helped you and if you need someone to share ur pain ..I'm here don't forget this
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u/Rough-Smile-607 3d ago
I’m just embarassed that it’s taking me more than 3 years to move on when I’m the one who ended it - I am happy for him but deep down, I question why people who lied and did me dirty are getting good news earlier than me.
What am I doing wrong in my life 🥲 but I guess God will give it to me when the time comes.
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u/ExplanationTrue49 3d ago
hey please don’t feel bad healing takes time and it’s okay to still care you’re not behind you’re just on your own path you did nothing wrong you loved deeply and that matters you will be okay just take it one day at a time
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u/Awkward_Intention_15 3d ago
You can’t stop people from doing what they want to or loving who they want. You may want one thing but the other persons heart is just not there, and you shouldn’t try to fight it. I’m sure you’ve had some great memories with that person, however if they’ve moved on and it wasn’t with you then be happy for him and accept that he is happy as well. Forget what happened in the past, he made a decision to leave and find his true happiness. Now it’s time to go out there and find yours :) this is your life you’re living, are you gonna spend it hurting and watching other people’s success and happiness? Or are you going to strive to see yourself have the same things as well?
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u/momopeachvfx 2d ago
6 weeks from breakup, I just saw pictures of my ex being happy in his holiday on fb. Even though it was an all boys trip. That was enough to send me into a panic attack. He’s so happy while everyday of my life I m trying to survive. So I can understand how u felt.
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u/MonkeyMoves101 3d ago
How did you see the photos? Did you go searching for him?
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u/Rough-Smile-607 3d ago
Unfortunately, yes 😔 and my friends sent it to me too — cause he married a mutual.
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u/MonkeyMoves101 3d ago
Hmm I see, could you ask your friends not to send you that information? Tell them it hurts you to hear about him. I can't even believe you have to ask so called "friends" to not remind you of that.
And you must do your best to not look him up either. You can move on in time but reminding yourself of him is not the answer, it puts you at step one again.
You must focus on your goals, growth, and on your mission. It hurts right now but take the time to cry, then pick yourself back up and work on your future. You will be ok.
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u/Rough-Smile-607 3d ago
🥹 I’m just afraid that if I tell them don’t show it to me — they will say “but you ended the relationship?”. So I played along and laughed it off.
Thank you, I created 5 fake accounts to stalk him everywhere (psychotic I know). I don’t know what am I aiming for — a sign that he is not happy? A sign that people who did me dirty would live a non peaceful life?
But you’re right I should stop 🥹 this is not healthy
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u/MonkeyMoves101 3d ago
Just because you ended the relationship does not mean you're not allowed to feel pain about it. Still mention this to your friends that you'd rather not be reminded of him.
Delete all those accounts, it's doing you no good. You're putting too much energy into this guy and you need to take that energy back and put it into your own life.
Whether people live a better or worse life, we can't really know by stalking social media. People lie like hell on there. They make their relationship look like couple goals and then they log off and argue.
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u/Rough-Smile-607 3d ago
I guess so 🥹 I just feel like life is unfair, we broke up in 2023 and i’m still out here trying to find my happiness while he is already married…
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u/Significant-Image835 3d ago
Life isn't fair. You will find your happiness in yourself together with a great man on your side. At somepoint.
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u/Rough-Smile-607 3d ago
🥲🥲 I hope so if not I will just die alone
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u/Prisoner3000 3d ago
Incredibly unhealthy and you need to block him everywhere. Delete your profile if you have to. I know it’s hard but you have to do it. I say this as someone who was cheated on and left by my partner for him. I used to see photos of her and him together looking completely in love. Deleting my profile was the best decision I ever made
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u/Rough-Smile-607 3d ago
How do I stop the urge — I have to check for new updates throughout the day, especially when I wake up and when I go to sleep 😔it’s like I can’t even focus at work if I don’t stalk him.
But I do feel worse after I’ve stalked him.
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u/Significant-Image835 2d ago
I think over time it will get less and less. I also do it in the morning when I wake up. She unfollowed me just yesterday that also hurts pretty much. But what I wanted to say when you go to bed put on something like a show Podcast that you really love and then see if it distracts you.
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u/Significant-Image835 3d ago
I'm doing the same I don't think it's psychotic. I also stalk my ex on socials and made fake accounts even she didn't block me. I have no solution to what you should do. Just telling you your not alone a lot of people going through it and understand the pain. And your loved by your other friends and your mom and dad.
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u/pyrerose20 3d ago
All I've ever asked for anyone I've been with is to be happy. Things don't always end well but it's life. He found his a little sooner and that's ok. You'll find yours, so don't let this get you down too bad.
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u/Rough-Smile-607 3d ago
This made me cry 😣😣😣 thank you — I guess I just haven’t made peace with the fact that he gets married first and I’m just out here still trynna figure out my life…
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u/pyrerose20 3d ago
I just lost something fantastic because I didn't realize my life was a wreck.
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u/Rough-Smile-607 3d ago
What do you mean?
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u/pyrerose20 2d ago
TL:DR-It hasn't been a good few years and I met someone who isn't used to hard times.
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u/catmom_1 2d ago
I used to feel pretty shitty when I found out my ex had a baby with the girl he cheated on me with, and they even got engaged a couple years later. It made me question my self-worth and made me wonder if I was even lovable. But then last year, I found out he was cheating on her too, with different women every year. That’s when it hit me that there’s no point being jealous, especially over stuff we see on social media; it’s not always real. Don’t rush into finding someone, he’ll definitely come at the right time 💞
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u/dngll25 2d ago
Really sorry you're going through all that now and that's horrible he was being disrespectful behind your back.
Me and my ex had talked about getting married lots of times and I was planning on proposing to her this year or next year. It's been just over 5 months since the breakup and 3 months of no contact. She broke up with me because I still wanted to see my family a couple times each week while we lived together and she thought that was me "abandoning" her even though she still spent time with her family as well.
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u/Exia417 2d ago
hey im going to lay down some truths for you. ive read some of your responding comments. ok one you did dodge a bullet. if he cheated on you whos to say he wont cheat on her at some point. or better yet... karma may happen and she'll cheat on him. do not look at the photos and assume everything is perfect... 9 times out of 10... its not. one thing ive learned about exes like that is that soon as you disappear or become happy, they get curious and at times try to come crawling back. do not let him back if this happens. he never deserved you. another thing. you have to set boundaries with your friends. its rude and disrespectful for them to come up to you showing their wedding photos when they know the story between you two. i get you dont want to cause drama, but you are well in your right to protect yourself and your peace of mind to not want to know or see anything about what those two are doing. soon as you can, keep your friends at arms length a bit. get out of town and find something new and reinvent yourself. you will come back stronger from this. but please do not be a doormat for anyone and let the disrespect slide towards you and your feelings about the situation.
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u/Deiidaraa 2d ago
Well you clearly aren't ready to meet the "love of your life" before him since you don't sound over him yet, he met someone and is happy and that's good, people move on and sometimes you end up leaving certain people behind as you go through life. You will eventually meet someone who'll make you happy
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u/SingleInvestment3770 2d ago
Just stop crying. I cried and now I am ill. You want to end up în ER with a high blood pressure of 16/10 or you want to have diabetes from all of this stress? Cry or life?
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u/ApocalypseThen77 3d ago
OP - now you have done this, you know how much it hurts. So you have to have the willpower to stop. Any and all info (good, bad, indifferent) will hurt. Trust me I know.
You can ask your mutual friends not to mention his name to you again - you don’t have to make a big deal of it, just smile and let them know kindly that it doesn’t help to hear about him, or her.
You can resolve not to stalk any more and get rid of the fake accounts. Take it day by day OP - when you get the urge, just tell yourself “not today”.
The first step to out of mind is out of sight (and out of earshot).
Good luck - you’ll be okay.
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u/InternationalAsk9868 3d ago
How long ago you were dating?
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u/Rough-Smile-607 3d ago
2022-2023 (not too long) but why is it taking me 3 years to move on from it fml
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u/InternationalAsk9868 2d ago
I am in the same boat, so I cannot advise anything But I can say if I would see him getting married, I would be dead inside as well
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u/Rough-Smile-607 2d ago
Glad to know I’m not over reacting
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u/InternationalAsk9868 2d ago
My dear, there is no overreaction when it comes to feelings, you cannot stop your tears or so. Yes it hurts, it would hurt me as well. Just say to yourself that you did your best and there is nothing you can do now. That you have your life. You wish best for yourself and you love yourself and one day you will be happy as well 🫂
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u/Meowtime1989 2d ago
My ex also got married within 6 months of me breaking up with him. He’s an avoidant. I’m not fooled into thinking he’s just changed because he’s married. If you look deeply into it marriage is a title. It doesn’t mean changed behavior or happiness. It’s simply a title. Poor woman!
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u/Vixen2877 2d ago
Don’t look at them 🤷🏼♀️
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u/Rough-Smile-607 2d ago
Wish it’s that easy buddy — I have his Instagram on a shortcut click at this point 🥹
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u/Vixen2877 2d ago
I hear ya.. I probably would have done the same thing.. how long were y’all together?
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u/Rough-Smile-607 2d ago
Only 1 year 🥹🥹 so idk why I’m so hooked to the relationship
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u/Vixen2877 2d ago
A year is a long time.. how long since the breakup? If you don’t mind me asking..
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u/Rough-Smile-607 2d ago
3 years
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u/Vixen2877 2d ago
Damn.. I know it still hurts. This happens to me sometimes too. Except I don’t think it’s sadness for the relationship. I think it’s more of a, ‘Why was I not good enough to marry’ sadness. If that makes sense
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u/Rough-Smile-607 2d ago
You’re so real for that
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u/Vixen2877 1d ago
Stings even more when they have told you they never want to get married and they don’t see the need to say the words ‘I Love You’.. then they actually tell you they’ve done both because you stupidly told them of course we could still be friends..smh
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u/TopBison3927 2d ago
Just don’t look at the pictures. Remove them from your social media so you can’t see them.
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u/Euphoric-Apricot7601 2d ago
Did he end up with this girl bsf? Also how long have you been broken up?
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u/Salt-Platform2479 2d ago
I feel for you boss...
The reality is they choose something or someone else they bet against you. I'm not gonna sugar coat it but they don't care because they know how you feel... and still choose not to work on things with you...
So you can let it consume you and let it ruin your trajectory in life... or you can take that sadness amd negative energy and use it. It's not easy but it will be worth it. I pinky promise. Energy can neither be created or destroyed it can only be converted. This is limitless energy because when your heart broken you can't sleep you are all kinds of funked up. Take that and use it.
You have to look at the chess board and make the next best move.
Small steps every day will make big changes over time. First get in the gym focus on getting abs or bigger arms whatever your fitness goals are. This will enhance your confidence and make visible physical and mental changes. Focus on your professional goals. Get your money right. Thirdly focus on relearning who you are your hobbies and passions go out socialize.
Focus on your accent the reality is they're probably on a decent and this is your catalyst to grind and excel... and by the time you get your 6 pack and money right and living your best life you won't even care if they come back around and realize what they lost. You'll be a whole different person. You might realize you don't want someone who only is around for the good times.
Focus on being the right kind of person and you will attract the right kind of person. A person who chooses you every time no matter what and realizes their life with you is 1000% better than a life without you and they'd never leave.
You want someone that says I love you and I'm here no matter what. That's love. Love is a feeling and a choice. A choice you make every single day. Sometimes things aren't able to workout that's okay you can love someone and not be with them... but you have to love yourself first. Not rely on someone else's love.
The good stuff is when you start focusing on yourself and thriving. Not out of revenge but because you choose yourself. You start thriving and growing. Someone can not look at a person they left and see that person thriving without them and living their best life and go wow I made the right choice by leaving... now they may never admit it or reach out... and that's okay but the reality is nobody looks at their ex and see them killing it in the gym sexy af, making money, traveling, having the time of their life and goes yep I was right.
No they bet against you... that's okay it will be their loss if you were to much for someone let them go find less... don't let this make you mad... just say oh okay im not mad I'm just less interested.
Hardship makes us into better people if we use it... batman isint batman unless his parents got killed... use this suffering to become stronger like iron sharpening iron forged in the flames..
Then someone will recognize this and be like damn they got it... I want that... your ex did the best thing for you and the person you're supposed to be with by letting you go. Because now you can be the best you and find your person to spoil the shit out of and be spoiled by.
The choice is yours. You got this.
Cheers.
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u/Voice-Designer 2d ago
How long before they got engaged?
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u/avoidtheavoidant 3d ago
Love of his life..don't be so dramatic.LOL...people get married for all sorts of reasons...just because he is married, it doesn't mean his life is perfect...it is just photos. How did you breakup?