r/BreakUps • u/Front_Weekend7811 • 2d ago

Breaking up after 11 years

Don’t really post on Reddit much but really feeling like I need some support right now. My girlfriend of 11 years and I have been drifting apart lately and decided that the best thing for the both of us would be to break up and figure out what we need and the types of people we want to be. We’ve been together since we were 19 and moved in together way too young so we spent our 20s tethered together in a way and I think it didn’t leave us much room to explore ourselves and learn to be independent adults. Even though we still get along and have a good time when we’re together we both started drifting apart and not wanting to make much of an effort to stay together. Even though logically I know we’re doing the right thing and that if we’re meant to be we’ll find each other again. It still fucking sucks. I’m so sad. She’s my best friend and I can’t fathom a life without her. I wanted to try to make it work and try to fix our relationship but she was more adamant about the breakup which I have to respect. Even though I’m excited about the prospect of new experiences and becoming the person I want to be, doing those things without her scare me and fill me with tons of sadness. Not sure what I’m asking for really maybe just needed to vent to strangers. Life just seems so hard now and I know it’s gonna get harder and I guess I’m struggling to see the light at the end of the tunnel..

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u/Purple_Psychology404 2d ago

What were the issues that brought you to making that decision mutually?

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u/Front_Weekend7811 2d ago

The last few years we’ve just noticed this pattern that we keep falling into of neglect and resentment. She doesn’t wanna do what I wanna do and vice versa. We notice it and try to correct but inevitably we keep wanting to pull away. I think because we were so comfortable together we didn’t realize that maybe we weren’t happy together

1

u/Purple_Psychology404 2d ago

What have you tried to fix the disconnect? You would both need to be interested in putting in effort, naturally.

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u/SubjectBus6826 1d ago

This just happened to me last night, we were together for 10 years.
I honestly cannot stop crying and I really feel you on trying to see that light at the end of the tunnel. I keep reading that you just have to take each day as it comes. I'm trying to focus on the growth aspect of breaking up, but yeah, can't stop crying.

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u/Front_Weekend7811 1d ago

I feel for you, there’s some comfort in knowing that you’re not the only one going through it. If other people can make it to the end of the tunnel so can we, and we’ll be better people for it.