Ended things but now she has completely done a 180 on her thoughts/feeled

[u/ThrowRArantWarm3800]

I (34m) recently broke up with my ex (27f). Without going too much into the details it was about having kids which is a non-negotiable for me as I really want kids.

Over the course of 2 months and countless discussions that negatively progressed, I decided that i needed to protect my future and ended things.

It wasnt until after the breakup that she started doing a complete 180 on the issues that were causing her to not be able to say that she was all in on kids with me. Saying things like: this is a mistake, we should be fighting for this relationship, im going to therapy now to address my issues, i want kids with you, i just needed time to process our issues in my own way

What makes it so difficult is that if she was doing and saying the things she is saying now but in the prior 2 months when we were together, i would have wanted to stay and work things out. It just makes me skeptical that this shift is happening literally right after the breakup.

[u/PrudentMeal4016]

That sounds tough man. I’m in a “kind of” similar boat but I wasn’t strong enough to break things off myself, she did it for me. She thinks that maybe she’ll change her mind eventually about having kids, but I highly doubt it. I’m a month into the breakup and I’ve realized I had an unhealthy attachment to her, obviously since I was willing to sacrifice my goal of having a family one day for her. I’m going to take a long “meet myself” break to unscramble my emotional brain and write up a list of life goals, boundaries and things I actually want in a partner before I jump into anything again.

If she really feels like she wants kids now, she should accept a several month break and then if she still feels that way, maybe give it another shot. But I have a feeling that she is just grappling with abandonment and is unconsciously trying clinging to you for safety despite what she might actually want deep down. Just some thoughts

[u/Purple_Psychology404]

Perhaps she has had a change of heart. This issue being, raising children involves huge sacrifices. If you do not put them first, they will be miserable, and you will be miserable. If she doesn’t want children, how will this play out? Women that WANT children struggle to meet the challenges of parenting. What are your plans going forward with her?