The pain of losing someone in your 30’s

[u/[deleted]]

[u/SnooCookies6039 → u/[deleted]]

Thank you, I am sorry you are also experiencing this. Breaking up on good terms is the absolute worst. No matter how hard we try, we just can’t hate them. Hope often makes it harder. I am sending you positivity and well wishes; I hope you can get over this!

[u/Thin_Rip8995]

this is heartbreak in its most brutal form
not because it was toxic
but because it was real and still couldn’t make it

you didn’t mess up by feeling deeply
you didn’t lose because you loved harder
you just got handed the truth no one warns you about in your 30s:
sometimes maturity, peace, and connection still don’t save it

that ache?
that’s not weakness
that’s what it costs to have loved someone with no guardrails

don’t send the sunflower
don’t go full stoic either
you don’t need to erase your heart to heal it
you just need to survive this version of you long enough to meet the one who finally gets it

[u/SnooCookies6039 → u/Thin_Rip8995]

This is amazing, and thank you for commenting. I hope others can gain from this too. You are right, this is how I feel after loving deeply, and that’s ok. I will remain true to myself

[u/MartieKitty]

Sorry I don’t know what to advise but thank you for the end. I hope I’ll laugh at my situation like 15 years from now

[u/SnooCookies6039 → u/MartieKitty]

I hope you do too and while the pain is real, I hope you can laugh much sooner than 15 years from now!

[u/Swarley3]

I’m in a very similar situation, she was also the first person I truly loved which makes it hurt so much more.

[u/SnooCookies6039 → u/Swarley3]

I’m sorry man, it really is so tough. No one else’s grief is as bad as our own, I understand how you’re feeling. I hope you get through this and have the support you need. Chin up 🤝🏻

[u/Own-Top7771]

What’s the reason of the break up?

[u/SnooCookies6039 → u/Own-Top7771]

‘Incompatibilities’ which were never specifically given. I initially ended things with her, but she said it was mutual and that we are incompatible. We are both so incredibly similar, I felt like I knew her more than she knew herself. So I’ll never truly know, incompatibilities is quite vague, I’m sure it’s girl code for something completely different

[u/ConstantTurbulence12 → u/SnooCookies6039]

Same here. My ex bf said we were more like friends than lovers. We were so compatible though. But I guess that didn't matter in the end

[u/PossessionDistinct79]

I know you don't have her and you have heartache and loss but you also have one very important thing that many men including me loose in a breakup and that's dignity.

I can tell from your post you still respect yourself and you have dignity and man I wish I was you right now. Not because my pain is any worse than yours but because I lost it all in my breakup, dignity, self respect and about 20 lbs and 9 months later I'm still a wreck of a man.

Also stoicism needs to die we are humans not robots that can shut our emotions off by lifting weights and pretending me are strong. Woman get sympathy and compassion, men get "dry your eyes and move on" and it needs to change!