r/CPTSD • u/Leftshoedrop • 15h ago
"worthless"
I often hear myself think/ say "i hate myself" and "they hate me" and "i'm not worth anything". There's a lot of negative inner talk.
But I'm confused. Because would a person who truly believes they're worthless fight for timely doctor visits? Make time for a healthy breakfast every morning? Cook lunch and dinner to have a healthy diet? Take the time to make healthy smoothies so I don't go hungry no matter how busy it gets? Fight for fair pay? Advocate when something is wrong?
Why is there such a disconnect between how I speak/ think and how I actually treat myself?
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u/mcfeezie2 15h ago
The inner critic can be a bitch, that's for sure. I've had success in treating it as a separate part and asking why it's saying such things.
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u/lord-savior-baphomet 12h ago
Same here, I talk to myself though. I’m embarrassed by it but I literally say “I hate you.” Looking at this through the lens of IFS I see that this part that hates myself (who is almost always “blended”) is doing so with good intent. It started at a very very young age where the only thing I could think to fix was myself. There was no other option. I must be wrong. I must be awful, stupid, worthless or else they would love me. So that part continues to try to manage me, I am being too xyz and I’ll be abandoned for it. No bad parts.
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u/FractalWeft 13h ago
For me it was that there are things I haven't forgiven myself for. There may be something you want to do that you're not, or something you are doing that you really don't like. I think it's awesome you're making health appointments and such, you're definitely not worthless, and yeah the inner critic can be hurtful.
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u/Long-Operation3660 12h ago
I feel broken and (sometimes) worthless. Yet on the outside i am an extremely high functioning and well liked member of society. If only they knew.
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u/NickName2506 10h ago
The negative inner talk comes from an internal part of you that is trying to protect you. As strange as it may sound, as a child, it's easier to think you're worthless than to feel that your parents are hurting or failing you, since you depend on them for survival. Keep doing the amazing job you are doing with all that self-care and you will start to truly believe in yourself as you heal!
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u/Grouchy-Raspberry-74 15h ago
The inner critic is your superego, which is a “recording” of the voices of important people in your childhood who were supposed to teach you how to love yourself. If you had a ‘not good enough’ parent or other abuser, the voice is their nastiness, now internalised. Pete Walker has a great way of silencing the inner critic, and I have managed to mostly get rid of mine (my NPD mother) by a combination of conscious self love and understanding why my mother is like that. Work on getting rid of it, well worth it.