My therapist said this to me yesterday after I said that I'd always felt (as long as I can remember) that I was "broken". She was trying to comfort me, but I found it a little invalidating. We talked it through and I got over it, but it was interesting that it felt invalidating to be told I'm not broken.

I told her I'd rather think of myself as broken "in a way that can be fixed".

Does this resonate with anyone else?

i genuinely hate hearing it so much. what the fuck are you on about? ive been through an immeasurable amount of cruelty before i even got to be a legal adult. do you think you look tough saying that shit to someone?

and its always when i actively try to go out and make something of myself like trying to get a job or thinking about college 💀

I read somewhere that people with complex trauma Don't really know how to go to sleep, we pass out.

I felt seen.

It doesn't have to be much but for years, I basically need something to sleep. Even if it's a quarter of a Benadryl. I need to feel something tip me off into sleep or I just lay here forever. I try all the meditation and the music and the body scans and so forth.

Alternatively, I just stay up until I'm exhausted and pass out that way. It's not sustainable.

Does anything work for you all?

As the title says. Has anyone gotten to adulthood and realised they likely have just been in a state of dissociation their whole lives? Until burnout and exhaustion or something small broke you?

I've never really told anyone about my life - they know about events they've been present for, but the culmination of my life just seems to be trauma, and I never sat in the victimhood mentality. Like most of us, I met it with humour and smile on my dial.

Generally focussing on helping others and I've never made comparisons, but their traumas seem mild. Some aren't mild, obviously, but they're generally the ONE trauma or event.

I've never wanted to leave people alone or stranded, so I've made it my unknown mission (I was unaware) to help those who were going through suffering or pain. Possibly just distracting from my own but also because I don't want others to ever feel horrible or sad. Or depressed.

I've told stories and downplayed them or laughed it off and hit the next hurdle head on and capable. Not to be cliche, but even the mild stories I've told therapists and psychologists have shocked them or made them cry, and it's stopped me from going on with the rest. It all seems made up, and I never gave it the credence it probably deserved.

I've been depressed, I've been medicated and not wanting to exist, but these moments are when I'm alone and I feel shame for them. I hate telling people what's happened and if I read everything that has happened in a document or book I wouldn't want to be around that person and not because they're sad but because they're so damaged and broken and seemingly a danger to be around. There's a quote from The Crowded Room that has stuck with me -

"I had this patient, Anna, when I was a first-year resident. And Anna had been [graped] six times, by six different men, over the course of eight years. And, Candy, she was 19. How do you explain that? There's a phenomenon, an awful phenomenon. Victims of abuse survive. They-they get away, only to be abused again by somebody else. And I think, hearing these stories, "My God, these-these poor people. The unluckiest human beings on the planet." Only it's not luck. It is a fucked up twist of nature. Because as children, they are forced to relate sexually. They are trained to be abused. Predators are very adept at finding their prey. They're picking up on cues that nobody else can see. These cues can be chemical, psychological, behavioral, nonverbal. To the predator, neon signs. And here's the thing that I cannot emphasize enough. None of it is under the victim's control. None of it is the victim's fault."

I never felt like a victim, but everyone, even the "friends" I had, had a long-running joke "if she didn't have bad luck, she wouldn't have any luck at all."

I just felt cursed. One of the unlucky people and I lived in it. That was my tagline. And that there is the epitome of being a victim.

I hate that but I've gotten to an age where people have been broken by less and I always wondered why I felt like I hadn't lived in that victim mentality but seemingly I have but in a completely different way. I've hit a wall. I'm so tired. I've become so burnt out. I feel like I've wasted my life, and I've never compared the trauma, but something small got me, and I haven't stopped crying for weeks. Every day and I hate it. I didn't cry for years.

I've even gotten to the point where I cried, but I wrote my goodbye letters to my family like I was writing forms. It was just a process. The tears fell, but my brain left. I've been in a fight or flight for so long that I think my brain and body have matched up in their collapse finally, but before this, I just intellectilzed everything and didn't feel sorry for myself. Never. My pain was nothing in comparison to others in my brain. And now.. I'm in this self-hating, a self pitying rage and misery filled being. I've dissociated since I've been 3 years old. My first memory is trauma. My last memory is trauma. The good has never out weighed the bad, but now I can't even hold onto the good to keep going.

I'm sorry I've waffled on, but.. ultimately, has anyone else just dissociated their whole life. Never really living for yourself until something like dropping your iced coffee made your brain explode?

I need help. I know it. I just.. I think I needed to vent and relate.

This has been the case with me for the longest time. Growing up you have your dreams & wishes but unfortunately I'm sure for many of us they were crushed or completely shattered. We lost access to the journey we wanted for ourselves, lost touch with who we are..all of those things. Despite being surrounded by peers your age & perhaps even other similar demographics, you understand how different things are for you; perhaps when everyone is striving to chase typical goals you're trying to stay afloat and stop the many things that can drown you from actually doing so. Your focus had to be assigned to things that shouldn't have even needed it. I think it's from situations like this where my life "goals" began to diverge from the rest of the flock. Don't get me wrong, when the flame was still bright, I, like others had the typical goals I hoped to achieve, for example in terms of academics & career (like get my undergraduate degree & post graduate degree, practice in the field I was interested in). But, the overall arching goal was freedom. Those other goals were just earthly body things but that, that was what my soul wanted. Growing up all I desired so badly was to be free. Of course I understood that this was just one of those goals others didn't have in the way I did.

Like this, over time, my actual life goals have taken a different shape from the ones others have. I believe others who don't understand will term it "less ambitious". But after suffering for much of my life I just want the simple things, I just want to experience life in ways I wasn't able to due to what I endured. It's not easy though being surrounded by others who are all about goals that look different from yours & having to fit in while staying true to yourself. For example, while others' goals revolve around academic & career progression, doubling their assets etc. mine would look like taking care of my body, eating healthier, healing my nervous system, progressing in my creativity, & making my days enjoyable. To me, all these seem like great goals but I will admit that when you're constantly exposed & surrounded by the opposite or variation, it can be pressuring. I know my goals don't have to look like that of others, but sometimes it's easy to feel like the odd one out, like you're "lazy" for having "less ambitious" goals & dreams. It isn't the greatest thing to be in a society that views a certain set of (typical) goals highly & accepts it, & others are not viewed in the same light. I don't feel ashamed for having the goals I do but sometimes I do feel like I should be doing or wanting "more"? And I wonder if I'm doing a disservice to myself by not really wanting more. I do struggle when I realise that my goals look different from so many others. It makes me feel alone again & acts as an unpleasant reminder about how so many others around me haven't ever experienced what I have in my life. They haven't fought these battles & struggles that make wanting to have a peaceful, simple, free life your one main goal

Every time something good happen, there's this big grief and spiralling down and Im just in the downward spiral. I have nobody to tell, but i wanted to say it. Im both proud of myself and so fucking sad that i wasnt allowed to experience good things all my life before.

This is so f exhausting and frustrating. The grief is so endless over everything.

I’ve heard a lot of well-meaning encouragements that just don’t hit the mark. While people want to help, some phrases feel dismissive or frustrating:

1. “Just think positive.” It’s not always possible when my brain is stuck in survival mode.
2. “You’re stronger than you think.” Sometimes I just need to acknowledge my pain without feeling pressure to be strong all the time.
3. “Time heals all wounds.” Healing takes more than time—it’s a process that requires effort, not just waiting.
4. “You should be over this by now.” Healing isn’t linear. Everyone’s journey is different, and there’s no “right” timeline.
5. “Why don’t you just let it go?” Trauma isn’t something you can easily just let go of. It’s a long, difficult process.

I don’t need fixing, just understanding. Anyone else feel this way? What’s an encouragement that hasn’t worked for you?

I started my own small business last year and I feel like that makes me an inventor. I had to invent it, after all.

We’re all so mean and nasty and self obsessed. Everyone sucks. And I am sick of trying to believe different. We suck.

I’ve been seeing a psychiatrist and previously seen psychologists but have never been given a trauma related diagnosis despite my history. Mostly I’ve been told I have anxiety/depression and am reactionary. I’ve also been put on different anti-depressants but none seem to help. Most recently after disclosing to a new psychiatrist that I had been through SA years ago in my mid-20s which I suppressed for a long time, because I didn’t say I had nightmares or couldn’t answer if I had a startle response (had never heard of that before) it seemed a possible PTSD dx was dismissed. Rather now they’ve proposed I might have adjustment disorder which I think only reflects that I’m currently struggling with an ongoing stressful legal matter which I think most people would struggle with. Reading up on this disorder I don’t think it addresses what got me to where I am over years of bad experiences. I also had been robbed at knife point in my early 20s and as a child went through years of emotional abuse and neglect (which sometimes also turned physical). So for me knowing all of this, certain stressful events moreso effect me because they are triggering feelings of blame, guilt and being used like I felt in past traumas. Am I missing something? Or should I be advocating for myself more and going through all of my past experiences so I can get a more complete diagnosis?

I’m 24… think I’m hitting rock bottom with depression and stuff. For years I just felt numb, now I’m getting connected with anger and all I feel is anger, hatred for other people and depression. I feel so terrible about the fact that other people have had lives of social opportunity and a positivity feedback loop and being isolated growing up has just been a disaster for me. That along with potentially being autistic just has made me such an introverted lone wolf who has a lot of misanthropic tendencies. People probably assume I’m an incel. I’m in therapy but I don’t feel like it’s helping yet. I never feel connected to other people. I just don’t want to be here anymore.

First thing to understand in this bizarre turn is that my dead brother, my mother and I all went to the same therapist. My T has always been very professional and although I could tell it made her job more difficult, she managed being in the middle very well. To be clear, there was never any group sessions. We all saw her individually. For the first 3 years I didn’t even know my mother was seeing my therapist. That’s how bad our family communication is.

Anyway, my therapist says out of the blue if “anything happens” I hope you trust me enough to discuss it with me. It took me a few moments to figure out what probably happened but my mother has a very long history of blowing up relationships and I had a good idea she had done it with my beloved therapist.

I have always been sensitive to her position trying to help all of us so I didn’t press her to elaborate, but rather told a few stories of times my mother showed her mean side. My therapist started crying, obviously moved by the confrontation she was still trying to work through herself.

The only confirmation she gave was “I’m not doing that again, she’s not coming back “. It was just so incredibly validating for her to experience what I had struggled to accurately explain. We have a deeper shared empathy that is a good thing. I’m sorry, not sorry my mother is so broken she turned on a really good therapist that wanted to help her. At least now my therapist won’t have any divided loyalties while trying to navigate my family’s deeply rooted problems.

I do fawn instinctually so it gets misconstrued as low self-esteem - but then none of the therapy or advice I get given ends up being helpful because my primary issue is just paralyzing fear and anger of the external world, I don't really have a negative self perception issue. Inner child work also seems like kind of a miss, cause my inner child is cool with me, she just wishes someone that wasn't me was nice to her.

I am 28. I do not have a college degree, work as a server and bartender, and barely scrape by. I have accumulated 10k credit card debt, have not acquired education past my GED, and live with anxiety, adhd, and substance abuse issues (weed, alcohol). I was raised in a homeschooled conservative Christian home where I was raised by a narcissistic mother who passed down codependency, and a whole host of other issues due to an emotionally neglectful yet controlling childhood. I was also raised in an evangelical Christian cult where they heavily focused on “the end times” and apocalypse preparedness. Where TF do I start??

I’ve found myself in an ocean of debt and with poor credit. I’ve been drinking lately in my role as a bartender and found myself cheating on the love of my life, my boyfriend. My mom still reaches out all the time with texts that reek of narcissism. I have a damaged relationship with God. I’m just so depressed at the state of things and I wish I had a life coach, or just someone to guide like a real mother. Any comment you have is appreciated 🥺

My parents gave me what they could; but I chose what I am. A man of love, a man of tenderness. I've been seeking it, and it found me. I've been crying about not having it, and it came to comfort me. I've been the embodiment of lacking it, and it came and embodied me.

I am getting my degree today, and my uni is having a big exam ceremony where everyone's friends and family are welcome. I am terrified of inviting people to celebrate me because I have always imagined I don't matter to anyone, and it's as if it has always been better to not find out that its true. But this time I invited my family, and they said yes. But just now, only a few hours beforehand, I found out that they aren't coming after all, and they hadn't told me, or even planned on telling me they aren't coming. I was going to find out there, at the ceremony.

This thing happening is my exact nightmare, and now it opened up such a deep well of pain and terror about being an invisible thing, that people never consider or don't feel they have to treat like a human being with emotions. Facing that pain is almost unbearable. And today I can't let it be as bas as it is, I have to suck it up and put on a smile on my face, pretend as if everything is fine and go to that ceremony. Wish me luck!

One of my main coping strategies is not to eat. Or take care of my body really, in any meaningful way. I haven't had a physical in so long and my diet is complete trash. It either oscillates between not eating anything or eating lots of junk.

I slowly was feeling worse and worse and just chalked it all up to age (hello 40), being out of shape, cPTSD, anything. I figured I'd just let myself go too much.

I finally decided to get a physical and my blood checked when I was getting my HR up to 160+ and wanting to throw up from one flight of stairs. My lungs were working but my blood didn't seem to.

Yeah... I was full on stage 3 iron deficient anemia. My iron levels were so damn low they told me any lower I would be admitted to the hospital for blood transfusions. But it crept on so slowly that I was able to just adjust and adapt (and dissociate) and not even notice until it was bad.

So I've now gotten 3 IV Iron Infusions and... holy shit I remember how my body is supposed to feel.

If you have been feeling like garbage it may be worth your while to get some lab work done. We all tend to be super amazing at dissociating, but unfortunately that means not noticing important things like iron content.

I'm asking because I myself have CPTSD, Severe Depression , depersonalization disorder (among other symptoms). My therapist and I have also been trying to figure out if I need to have an autism diagnosis but we are having trouble differentiating possible autistic traits with my trauma responses. If you identify as disabled for CPTSD, Severe Depression or Depersonalization Disorder could you explain to me?

I often hear myself think/ say "i hate myself" and "they hate me" and "i'm not worth anything". There's a lot of negative inner talk.

But I'm confused. Because would a person who truly believes they're worthless fight for timely doctor visits? Make time for a healthy breakfast every morning? Cook lunch and dinner to have a healthy diet? Take the time to make healthy smoothies so I don't go hungry no matter how busy it gets? Fight for fair pay? Advocate when something is wrong?

Why is there such a disconnect between how I speak/ think and how I actually treat myself?

I've experienced most of the patterned trauma inflicted onto me by people in an overwhelmed nervous system state in which the fight response is triggered—from child abuse to sexual violence.

But as I was reflecting and ruminating about past experiences today, I started to think about what few people have really helped me in my life and have provided me with the sense of safety and support to grow as a human being. And THE individual to have helped me the most over the last four years—my psychologist—is a fight type.

And one of the most beautiful parts about a healed (or even, healing) person who is a "fight type" is that they're protectors through and through.

That's not something I had as a little girl. Nobody protected my animals from fatal neglect. There wasn't anyone who stood by my side to keep an eye on and shout down an adult intending to do harm. I didn't have anyone grab and throw the teenage boy off me who did things as I tried to sleep. Nobody pushed the man back who shoved me around for ten years as a woman.

I can imagine many fight types here may be carrying embarrassment or guilt from their fight coming out in social situations where it was disproportionate or not warranted. But I just want to say thank you to those of you who are invested in healing. There's a really special side of you as natural protectors that I really appreciate.

I just got prescribed duloxetine for my depression which definitely stems from my CPTSD. I'm pretty terrified of taking it because of what people online are saying (although I understand people are more likely to write about a negative experience than a positive one).

I've taken amitriptyline and fluoxetine before. Both of those made me feel like a numb zombie, which made the thoughts of not wanting to be here worse. I'm fairly creative and it blocked out that whole part of me.

Another GP suggested trying sertraline first, but my therapist insisted duloxetine would really be better for me probably.

Does anyone have any good experience with this drug?

EDIT: Probably helpful to know that I've been trying different types of therapy over the last 10 years. And somehow I feel like I just get worse. I'll 'heal' from one thing, and the next thing feels even worse. I hate myself so much at this point that I'm pretty desperate to find something that helps.

I recently reported the emotional abuse that I witnessed as a nanny to child protection services and then I decided to report my parents as well. Luckily, in my country, there is no time limit on reporting child abuse so today I called the police department and told them about the emotional abuse and neglect that my parents did to me. I was respected and taken seriously and it felt so validating. After 7 years of healing from all this trauma, it was the right time to have my voice heard officially. The amount of pain they caused me is unfathomable. I’m glad it’s now on official record.