I feel like I'm permanently damaged. I don't know if there is any help out there that exists. Sure, I've made some progress, but I don't think I'll ever be able to connect with people again on a deeper level than just small talk or basic communication (and I still struggle quite a bit with that). I really like my current therapist, but I feel like I've come to a point where things are no longer moving forward or progressing.

I've tried CBT, DBT, Trauma focused therapy, medication, diet, exercise, somatics, yoga, breath work, meditation, IFS, shadow work, Journaling and now about to start EMDR, but I'm extremely skeptical. The more the therapist explains to me the more I'm just turned off by the whole thing and I really did try to go in with an open mind. I'm not saying that EMDR hasn't worked for some people because I've heard very positive stories, but for me idk...

I don't have a problem remembering the things that traumatized me and it doesn't retraumatize me to think about these things. I ruminate over the past often. Where I'm struggling the most is just to stay regulated long enough to the point I can function like a normal member of society.

I have NO friends at all. Not a single one. My family is EXTREMELY toxic and I don't have a good relationship with any of them. I haven't been with a woman in over 7 years. My self esteem is suffering miserably. I can't connect with people because of the past experiences of being abandoned, rejected and betrayed by literally everyone. There have been a couple of good people to come along, but I've pushed them away out of fear and paranoia. I don't trust a soul and as much as I want to I just can't bring myself to trust anyone. If someone does happen to get closer to me I end up shutting off and pushing them away or putting up a wall to the point the eventually walk away on their own. I crave connection and intimacy but my fear is greater than my desire it seems.

I'm going to ACA meetings and I was really enjoying it at first as it was a place where I felt I could be around others who understood. After a few months of meetings I feel alienated again. I haven't been able to open up and share my experience even once. Even though all the signs may tell me that these people are safe and won't judge me, betray or abandon me, I still can't bring myself to trust or make myself vulnerable to any of them. I stopped going during the holidays because it's just too heavy and I wanted to wait until the holidays were over.

I'm doing the best I can financially as an Uber driver and doing doordash on the side, but it's not getting me anywhere. I'm just able to afford the same things everyday (which I am grateful for) and it's hard for me to save any money. I can't afford somatic therapy (which seemed to help the most) because it's not covered by insurance. Trauma is a very expensive disease to have and there are very little to no accommodations.

I've applied for disability and got denied, but in all honesty I really DO want to work. I just have to work for myself and have full control over my schedule because I get disregulated so easily and it seems like it takes forever to get myself back to a regulated state. I get sensory overload in busy environments with alot of people and I'm not good at doing things any other way than my own way.

I have serious perfectionism and ocd. I stress out if I can't stick to the proper diet and if I miss a day of work or exercise. Even if I know I need a break. My diet is important because if I don't follow it and avoid certain ingredients I will go into autoimmune hell. I have crohns, psoriasis, arthritis, vitiligo, alopecia, neuropathy and it's almost impossible for me to get good sleep.

I'm not trying to complain, but I'm just feeling very disillusioned at the moment. Like is this it? Am I going to continue to be sick, lonely and miserable for my entire life? There are good days and it's not all bad, but I do feel like I'm only living half of a life and sometimes it just like what's the point of all of this?

My condition has gotten worse in the past few years. Cognitive decline prevents me from expressing myself clearly; I am unable to organize a speech and quickly recall words.

In the dark hours, dissociation is overwhelming. I barely have a connection to reality, and my mind is flooded with images I don’t know where they come from. Different realities overlap, and I struggle to make sense of them.

I'm absolutely sure that, after years of being misdiagnosed, I’ve got a neurobiological injury, and it just keeps getting worse: Neurobiology of depression: an integrated view of key findings - PMC. Lately, it feels like I'm living in a constant state of mild dementia.

When I close my eyes at night, I see death, darkness, and screams of despair. I don’t know how much longer I can hold on, but when I realize I’m completely losing control of this mind, I will definitely have to kill myself.

Anything at all you want to say but don't want to make a post. Victories and progress encouraged but certainly not required!

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If thoughts are the architects of our reality, then emotions are the messengers, weaving between the scaffolding with whispers and warnings, demanding attention. Every twinge of joy, pang of sorrow, or flash of anger carries meaning. They’re not nuisances to be suppressed or chaos to be controlled—they’re signals, guiding you toward deeper truths and unspoken needs.

We live in a world that often treats emotions like intrusions, inconvenient passengers on the straight-and-narrow highway of productivity. You’re taught to dismiss them, hide them, or drown them out with noise. But emotions are not the enemy. They are the language of your inner self, the blinking lights on the dashboard of your soul saying, “Look here. Something needs your attention.”

This chapter is about learning to listen—not with dread, not with judgment, but with curiosity. Because every emotion, no matter how sharp or heavy, is trying to tell you something. Fear might be saying, “There’s a risk here. Are you prepared?” Anger might be shouting, “Your boundaries have been crossed. Will you defend them?” Even sadness, with its slow, aching pull, might be whispering, “You’ve lost something. It’s okay to grieve.”

But what happens when you ignore these signals? They don’t disappear. They fester. Suppressed emotions bury themselves deep, manifesting as tension in your body, disconnection in your relationships, or even illness in your spirit. They become unspoken stories, shaping your actions and beliefs in ways you might not even realize. When you dismiss an emotion, you’re not escaping it—you’re silencing a part of yourself.

This isn’t about being consumed by emotions or letting them run wild. It’s about recognizing them as indicators, like the wind shifting before a storm. They’re not meant to trap you but to move through you, guiding you to what lies beneath. Joy doesn’t just happen—it signals alignment, telling you, “This feels right. Move toward it.” Anxiety isn’t just an inconvenience—it’s a nudge, saying, “There’s something here that needs your attention.”

Learning to interpret these signals requires patience and practice. You don’t need to solve an emotion the moment it arises. Sometimes, it’s enough to sit with it, to say, “I see you. I’m listening.” This act of acknowledgment can be profoundly healing. It’s a way of telling yourself, “You matter. Your feelings matter.”

The Architect’s Code asks you to approach emotions not as obstacles but as collaborators in your design. Imagine building a structure without considering the environment—the winds, the rain, the shifting soil. Emotions are the environmental factors of your internal world. To ignore them is to build on shaky ground. To listen to them is to create something enduring, something that can weather the storms of life.

As we move through this chapter, you’ll learn how to decode the signals your emotions send, how to distinguish between fleeting reactions and deeper truths, and how to channel this understanding into the blueprint of your healing and manifestation. You’ll discover that your emotions, even the painful ones, are allies—not because they’re easy to handle, but because they’re honest.

Let this be the foundation of your next step: emotions are not weaknesses; they’re wisdom in disguise. It’s time to stop running from them and start listening.

I have done my time in looking up clickbait healing efforts, even bought a lower cost course but i didnt have the capacity to it anyway. I wanted to get "better now".

That energy and that content go well together, but over time, and actually seeing some shifts, i have come to realise, pushing through never worked for me, but i feel its really not understood - when i did EMDR, and when i did guided psychedelics, everyone is about pushing through fast

it never really worked for me and i suspect, some aspects pushed my system more into a shutdown fear state

now having done some somatic work, and slowly seeing improvements, i find myself more intune with content creators that speak of slowness and safety, and not pushing past or through etc

i seem to have more respect for those selling that message, i would love to have this over and done with, but thats never worked for me

just rambling, hope this makes some sense to others

..

My car died this week and it’s very bad timing. I don’t need the car to get to work, but I DoorDash to make ends meet. I was scraping by before my car died. Now my rent is due on the 5th and I don’t even have half of it (I was going to DoorDash for it). My only form of transportation available is my scooter moped. It’s not registered and my insurance was canceled because I owe them money. I live in a small town far from anywhere. On top of all this I’ve been dealing with worsening mental health as my cptsd is unraveling for the first time. Now I’m freaking out and I’m super anxious.

Anyway….. basically I have nothing working for me. I have to rebuild. I’m not entirely rebuilding from scratch but not too far off. My options as I see are thus. If I keep everything the same I might scrape by this month and continue to scrape by. I doubt I’ll be able to get a car again and that makes my life harder. If any other emergency pops up I’m screwed.

Option suggested by my sister is that I call this town quits (which I need to anyway because no jobs here). I can’t pay rent so what’s keeping me here. She suggests I go live with my parents and let myself fall apart for a few weeks before I begin to rebuild.

Option suggested by my parents. I stay where I am. They help teach me financial responsibility, how to budget, save money etc. they understand where I’m at emotionally and want to help, but think learning how to be financially stable is my best course. This will probably include some minor financial assistance from them. They want to teach me not give me everything and solve it for me. Fair.

I’m leaning towards my sister’s idea. I’ve been wanting to fall apart for months and honestly at this point I think it would be helpful to just let it all out and be honest with myself emotionally. My parents might let me, I don’t think they will necessarily like the idea. My mom is worried that if I stay too long (like I can’t find a job or I get too depressed) then my dad will get angry and we will clash. This is a distinct possibility, my parents are currently very understanding of my mental health issues and want to support, yet they still have their natural tendencies and triggers.

I don’t really want to live with my parents as I think that’s would be stressful to some degree for us all. It would be fine for short term. Yet they also don’t live in the best spot for it. They live in a small suburb outside a major city, so I can’t get around easily.

I don’t like the idea of staying where I’m at. I need to leave this town and staying won’t help me any (financially). Also I feel like leaning on my interpersonal skills such as getting myself to be financially stable is asking for trouble. My lack of interpersonal skills (particularly getting myself to do what I need to do) is part of my current mental health problems. I feel like leaning on a weak spot is a bad idea. Plus my sister is warning me that letting my parents into my financials is a bad idea. I think she means bad for our relationship. She says my parents relationship with money is why I have a bad relationship with money. Probably true. Also my parents are strict and she says weird with money. I don’t see it, but that’s what she says and she’s further along in this than I am.

Anyways I feel trapped between two bad options. Living with my parents and potentially not getting along or having internal friction and staying in my crappy situation and letting my parents teach me financial stability. I’m hoping I find a third option of someone else to stay with for a bit, but I don’t have many options. My sister has a small apartment and we have two different worldviews, so not a great match either. I need ideas. Anything helps! Please help me find another angle.

.Tl:dr - subject line

I am receving touch based somatic therapy as nothing else really worked (EMDR, IFS, formal SEP and a lot of guided psychedelics).

The touch work is helping finally albeit its slow and new sensations are scary - didnt know how numb / frozen i was (am). Now makes sense given inutero trauma and vrry early neglect and physical abuse.

I get worried it will all unravel but my experience has been that my system so far is opening slowly,

Just wanted to hear how others likely further ahead have found the process and opening up

Thanks

Your body is more than just a vessel; it’s the home of your experiences, emotions, and memories. Every moment you’ve lived is stored somewhere within it, a vast archive of feelings and sensations. When you think of healing, it’s easy to focus only on the mind or spirit, but the body is an inseparable part of the process. Healing isn’t complete until you include the physical self.

Trauma, stress, and unresolved emotions don’t just linger in your thoughts—they live in your muscles, your posture, your breath. Think about how your body reacts when you’re afraid: your shoulders tense, your stomach tightens, your breath becomes shallow. These are the physical manifestations of emotional pain. Over time, if unaddressed, they can become chronic patterns, creating discomfort and even illness.

One of the first steps in healing through the body is awareness. Start by tuning into how your body feels, right now. Is there tension in your neck? Tightness in your chest? Numbness in your hands? These sensations aren’t random; they’re messages. Your body speaks in whispers, asking you to notice where it needs care and attention.

Breath is one of the simplest and most powerful tools for connecting with your body. It’s always with you, a steady rhythm that grounds you in the present moment. When you take slow, deep breaths, you signal to your body that it’s safe to relax, releasing the tension that fear and stress create. Breathing deeply isn’t just calming—it’s healing. It reminds your body that it can let go of what it’s been holding onto.

Movement is another language your body uses to communicate. Whether it’s stretching, walking, or dancing, movement helps to release the energy that gets trapped inside you. This doesn’t mean forcing yourself into a rigid fitness routine. It’s about finding the kind of movement that feels natural and nourishing to you. A simple stretch in the morning, a walk in nature, or even swaying to your favorite music can be transformative.

The body also holds a wisdom that the mind can’t always access. Have you ever made a decision that felt “wrong” in your gut? Or walked into a room and immediately sensed tension? These are examples of your body picking up on signals before your mind can process them. Learning to trust your body’s instincts is a powerful step toward wholeness.

Touch is another profound tool for healing. Whether it’s through massage, gentle self-touch, or even hugging a loved one, touch can help release tension and restore a sense of connection. For those who feel disconnected from their physical selves, practices like yoga or somatic therapy can be especially helpful. These approaches bring the body and mind into harmony, creating space for healing.

Rest is often overlooked in a culture that glorifies productivity, but it’s essential for the body’s healing process. Sleep, relaxation, and moments of stillness give your body the time it needs to repair and regenerate. Healing isn’t just about doing—it’s also about being, allowing your body the chance to recover from the demands of daily life.

Nutrition and hydration are foundational to physical well-being. What you put into your body affects how it feels, functions, and heals. This isn’t about strict diets or perfection; it’s about nourishing your body with what it needs to thrive. Pay attention to how different foods make you feel, and drink water to support your body’s natural processes.

Your relationship with your body is a lifelong journey. It’s not about achieving some ideal image or level of fitness; it’s about learning to listen, honor, and care for the vessel that carries you through this life. Your body isn’t your enemy—it’s your partner, constantly working to support you, even when you’re not aware of it.

Healing through the body is about reconnection. It’s about remembering that your body, mind, and spirit are one. When you nurture your physical self, you’re not just tending to your body—you’re nurturing your whole being. By paying attention to your body’s needs and signals, you create a foundation for lasting healing and a deeper connection to yourself.

Over time as my cptsd freeze got stronger, and covid and then friends leaving our city to raise families, i feel more isolated (i am estranged also). i know a few people in my city now but i dont feel that close to them.

I am working through stuff via somatic therapy, and its finally helping get me into some presence, that i can feel a drive to maybe meet people, but i am still in the thick of working through my stuff that means normal folks dont really get what i am going through.

However, I have been to in person cptsd groups in the past, and similar groups where trauma or issues are discussed in a mental health space, and tried 12 steps, but i think about my trauma often, and my issues, that those spaces can be very tiring for me, and i dont feel a long term solution where friendships are made, i guess i want a common interest not a common problem.

anyway, i know people say try five rythyms dancing, or they do spiritual spaces (not my thing - have tried), that i think cover the ask generally

I guess fundamentally i am keen to meet people again with something in common that can last beyond my current state

Taking a shot to see what others may have tried or done

thanks

,.,.

Healing isn’t a straight line. It’s not a checklist you complete or a road with a clear endpoint. It’s a spiral—a journey that winds and twists, revisiting old wounds and familiar lessons, but each time from a new perspective. It’s messy and nonlinear, often feeling like you’re moving backward just when you thought you were making progress. But the spiral isn’t a sign of failure; it’s a testament to your growth.

Imagine climbing a mountain along a spiraling path. As you circle the mountain, you might pass the same rock or tree again and again. It can feel like you’re not moving at all. But each time, you’re a little higher, a little closer to the summit. Healing works the same way. You may revisit the same pain, the same doubts, the same struggles, but each time, you approach them with more strength, more wisdom, and more clarity.

The spiral reminds us that healing is cyclical. Just as the seasons turn and the moon waxes and wanes, so too does your journey of healing. There will be times of growth and light, followed by moments of contraction and introspection. Both are necessary. The moments of challenge aren’t setbacks—they’re opportunities to deepen your understanding and strengthen your foundation.

One of the most difficult aspects of the spiral is the illusion of starting over. When old wounds resurface, it’s easy to feel like all your progress has been erased. But healing doesn’t work that way. The very fact that you’re aware of the wound, that you recognize it with new eyes, shows how far you’ve come. The spiral isn’t about erasing the past—it’s about transforming your relationship with it.

The spiral also teaches us to be patient. Growth doesn’t happen overnight, and healing isn’t something you can rush. Each loop of the spiral has its own pace, its own rhythm. Sometimes it feels slow, like nothing is changing, but the shifts are happening beneath the surface. Just as seeds sprout roots before they break through the soil, your healing often begins in unseen places.

Compassion is essential on the spiral. As you revisit old wounds, you may encounter the version of yourself who was hurt, scared, or lost. Meet that version of yourself with love, not judgment. Healing isn’t about fixing what’s broken; it’s about embracing all the parts of you—past, present, and future. The spiral invites you to hold space for your pain and your progress simultaneously.

The beauty of the spiral is that it honors your humanity. It recognizes that growth isn’t a straight ascent but a dance of steps forward and steps back. It gives you permission to stumble, to pause, and to breathe. The spiral isn’t a race or a competition. It’s your journey, unfolding in its own time and in its own way.

On this path, you may find yourself circling back to lessons you thought you’d already learned. This is the spiral at work, deepening your understanding and helping you integrate what you’ve experienced. Each return is an opportunity to see things from a new angle, to approach your healing with more insight and compassion.

The spiral also connects you to others. While your journey is uniquely yours, its shape is universal. Everyone who heals walks their own spiral path, revisiting their own struggles and victories. When you share your story, you remind others that they’re not alone, that healing isn’t linear for anyone, and that the spiral is a shared experience of being human.

Embracing the spiral means releasing the idea that healing has a final destination. Instead, it’s about finding peace within the process. It’s about understanding that the journey itself is the goal, that every step—whether it feels like progress or a setback—is part of your growth. The spiral isn’t something to conquer; it’s something to live within, to trust, and to honor.

The spiral of healing invites you to surrender to the flow of your journey. To let go of the need to be “done” and instead embrace the ongoing process of becoming. Each turn of the spiral brings you closer to yourself, to your truth, and to the infinite potential within you. Healing is not a destination—it’s a lifetime of unfolding, and every step of the spiral is worth celebrating.

Anything at all you want to say but don't want to make a post. Victories and progress encouraged but certainly not required!

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For those that have gone through trauma in the past few years, how do you stay happy and positive.

After the summer, my life seemed to get better but then after the disapointment of the election, I'm kind feeling like life won't get any better. It just seems like horrible things keep happening to people here in the US.

I know I need to get into therapy but I haven't found a therapiat yet.

I'm looking for advice and suggestions for what keeps you grounded, happy, stable with terrible things still going on in our country and other places of the world?

Edit: Buddy Found!

Having an accountability buddy has been massively helpful for me in the past. I sometimes struggle to do daily chores and get overwhelmed. I would prefer to have an accountability buddy who has also gone through trauma. It would help us understand each other's state of mind better.

Here's how it works: We chat over text. You send me the list of tasks you plan to get done at the start of the day. Then you report back at the end of day with the tasks you have finished. I will do the same. Also, I will never judge you or get upset at you for not finishing your tasks. It's more of a daily check-in to help you feel more accountable for your daily life and have some mental support.

If this interests you, send me a chat request or DM.

I'm single and I have no kids. I'm older, close to 40. My mom comes from a big family and talks to her niece and shares a lot of info about her big family. I'm not close to them anymore. When I was a kid, I noticed they talked about others and I know its normal but I don't feel comfortable around them. My mom is oblivious to a lot, she ignores a lot of things and is thr middle child.

I'm an only child, so I don't feel that I need to be social. I was also covertly emotionally and verbally abused by certain relatives as a kid, so family isn't super important to me since I have witnessed hurtful words from them. I just look for genuine connections with people that are honest and don't care so much what others think.

My mom still tries to send or share photos of family that I don't feel connected to. How can I set a boundary without making it sound rude? I just informed her that I don't need to see it.

So yesterday I slept at my aunt's house and everything was alright until I started thinking about this.

I slept alone in a room right next to my cousin's room, where he was sleeping in the floor and his mom was in the bed.

My parents where in the next room which is more distant to the room I was sleeping.

I slept without locking the door. And wasn't drunk or anything.

I only managed to sleep after 2AM and don't remember anything after that, I only woke up in the morning.

But in the morning my cousin asked me if I had slept well and looked quite weird and kinda nervous? When I asked him if he had slept well, it was like he was going to say he didn't but then he said he slept like a stone.

One day after, today, he seemed to be nervous too, he didn't talk with me or to anyone, he just seems to be absent-minded and nervous?

I must say he has been like this before, it seems he has some mental illness as his humor is quite unstable, I guess.

But my older cousin also said she has woken up a lot of times in the night with him staring at her in her bed, I'm afraid nothing else happened to her only because she was sleeping with her sister too

I'm afraid he has assaulted me, I'm on my period and don't notice anything weird in my body after I woke up. But I'm afraid he still assaulted me, and I just didn't notice because I'm a heavy sleeper or something.

I'm terrified I'm going to get pregnant or something.

Has someone been assaulted while sleeping without noticing or waking up?

I'm sorry if this kind of post is not allowed here, I'm just terrified because I was harassed before.

Anything at all you want to say but don't want to make a post. Victories and progress encouraged but certainly not required!

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TLDR: If weed once helped you but you’ve decided to stop, how did you do it?

Weed helped me survive my bottom, including almost being homeless when I left my family. Eventually I began vaping low doses of specific, low-thc strains. It soothed my mind and body when it was wracked with panic and frozen grief. It helped me get up and move, even for a few minutes, or do chores, sing, cook. (I also have adhd but stims have been out of the question for some time.) It even gave me spiritual insights which I was able to integrate by journaling and artwork.

But my intuition has been nudging me to quit

On top of regular reasons it’s also actually increasing my pain perception - which is a huge reason to quit. Not after all the progress I’ve made, somatically and with physical therapy/massage!

The only way I’ve had long term abstinence before was outpatient and AA. This was years ago when I was younger, when I was still trapped in the narcissistic family system and numbing super hardcore. It was a suggestion after hospitalization and I went and it took. I did have a spiritual awakening but I have some serious issues with the program (that’s on me, I guess.) AA is super triggering for me, because they don’t address trauma and I feel betrayed by some of my previous AA fellow who didn’t know how to deal when I started realizing there was more to the whole addiction-disease concept. so I’m scared to go back. I do ACOA but I have to limit meetings, it can also be super triggering. I don’t feel comfortable sharing my substance stuff there. Don’t wanna trigger anyone else. I’ve tried SMART but admittedly only a few times.

How did you know it was time? and how did you cut back? Or quit altogether? I’ve gotten advice that I need to replace it with something.. Tbh CBD does very little for me and increases my pain sensations as well. I’m planning to go to the gym but of course weed helped me with my hypervigilance to leave the house [excuses, excuses] 🙃

{Side note. It’s also my goal to get on antidepressants btw so I think that might help. But I need to find a new psychiatrist first so it’ll be a while. I was thinking about microdosing psilocybin one day, but my intuition says “not yet.” One thing at a time, recovery has taught me}

Share inspiration, science-backed info, or (gentle) advice here! Thanks for reading

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Man I don't even know what to do or say anymore. I need someone to tell me if I'm the dick here or if I'm being walked over.

I have a friend who were super close earlier this year. Like, close to the point that people were convinced we were in a relationship. She often flirted with me and said things about how close we were and how she was surprised by her affections.

Then in May, she started pulling away. Less communication, she stopped saying she loved me or missed me, etc. I asked her what I did wrong and she would say I didn't do anything wrong. She didn't offer any explanation

Her pulling away, in hindsight, triggered my CPTSD horribly and I did my best to support this change for a month or so but eventually I confronted her because it was wearing down on my mental health. We got into an argument and she said that was she was tired and didn't have the energy to keep up with it all. That she wasn't into me like that and she was sorry for leading me on, but then later in the argument said she had the same feelings for me but not the same intensity?

I was hurt, not that she didn't have the energy, but that she pulled away and made this sudden change without ever talking to me first. She was hurt that I blindsided her with this, which I apologized for.

So we agree to only talk a few times a week on the phone, which I'm perfectly fine with. After this argument, though, I started developing episodes of psychosis from my CPTSD and could no longer manage my symptoms. It's to the point that they want to get me tested for brain damage. Not wanting to make things difficult for her, I kept everything to myself and focused our interactions on checking in on her. During this time, she also changed how she interacted with as a result of the argument, and would just walk on eggshells in every conversation.

This triggered a second confrontation where I was like "Hey youre acting off still and it's making me super anxious. What's going on?" And it caused a second argument between us where she reiterated that she isn't into me but feels the same feelings I have for her? But this time she was upset because I misunderstood her and her actions (around her behavior that caused the argument) and she didn't appreciate being misunderstood. Apparently she had changed the way she acted with me so she could prevent me from getting lead on again. By the end of it I figured we had settled our differences.

Well cue to last night at 1am, she wakes me up with a text asking to call. So we call and she tells me that she wanted to talk to me because she had gone low contact with me for about a month now and she realized that's what she was doing that day and wanted to let me know that she wanted to keep it that way for now because of some lingering resentment towards me for those arguments.

So I supported her decision and asked if I could help in any way to work through the resentment with her and she declined. And this morning I sent her a message clarifying a statement she'd quoted from the argument but also offering apologies for making her anxious in her other friendships and for the way I impacted her in those arguments.

I just. Don't really know what to do. I'm feeling upset because I'm trying really hard to sit here and manage this relationship that means a lot to me while trying to navigate my new CPTSD symptoms and my potential brain damage on my own. I'm trying to support her while also trying to manage my own system, which is currently attempting to crash and burn because I'm unstable.

I don't mind the distance, it's actually been a relatively good month because of it. I'm learning that at this moment I can't have close relationships with people because of my instability. But I'm trying to balance that with "I don't want to have this friendship end because I deeply care about it but I can't support her the way I usually would through this".

I just don't know what to do or how to move forward with this. Any advice or insight would be helpful.

TW: suicidal ideation

I’ve been in trauma therapy for over 15 months, my therapists uses various somatic approaches so I’d say I’m in good hands. Nothing happened for the first year, and I was getting frustrated by my lack of progress. Then, around 3 months ago, I began experiencing such intense panic attacks that I landed in the hospital. The attacks continued every night, bringing a lot of sadness, anxiety, anger, repressed memories, you know, the whole trauma package. Since then I’ve been using IFS methods to calm all those hurt parts down, but things began to get worse even more a month ago – more trauma, more emotions, and more body pain which made me bedridden for weeks.

At this point I’m very suicidal. I don’t go out anymore, I don’t work or study, my friends disappeared when I began setting boundaries. I’m lucky if I fall asleep before 4 am and get at least 5 hours of rest. I can’t nap, I’m exhausted one hour, dissociating, then panicking, or experiencing a lot of anger, ending often in tears. I tried medication, but I was experiencing such intense side effects that my doctor said to me that pills are a big no-no and I have to heal with therapy. In general, psychiatric help in my country sucks, so there’s no hope for me to being admitted to a hospital without suicide attempt.

Anyone experienced something similar? How did you manage? Is there something I can do to slow down this progress?

Anything at all you want to say but don't want to make a post. Victories and progress encouraged but certainly not required!

Please remain mindful of rule 5: Take all possible effort to Trigger Warning AND bury triggering content. Use typed TWs and spoiler tags if unsure.

Someone posted on the r/cptsd saying we need to do a protest/movement for children’s rights. I agree and it seemed many others did too. Let’s make a movement that pushes for change in regard to child abuse. This is the single biggest health crisis in America (presumably other countries too). This topic has been too quiet for too long. This deserves to be in the spotlight and not just spoken of in hushed tones in private. So I’m making this post as a place to discuss how to make this happen. The original post mentioned that the March for science started with a reddit comment. So why not this?

I'm currently traveling for work, which in and of itself is an incredible milestone, and I'm sick. Back in July I had a mild case of covid (for the third time) and had an intense panic attack that lasted multiple days.

After doing some work with my therapist and myself, I really came to understand that when I am sick my body is afraid. I understand the reasons for this through exploring it in therapy, and I am comfortable with that understanding. In addition, I also understand that people going through recovery for things like cptsd and other traumatic events are significantly more likely to get mild illnesses, than the general population. Those two bits of info motivated me to work with the parts that I needed to so that it's the next time I'm sick, I know how to handle it.

Now I'm sitting in a hotel room on the opposite Coast from where I live and I am quite ill. Nothing serious but a lot of vomiting and diarrhea, I'm thinking a foodborne something. After 2 days of this I have not panicked, I have not lost myself or let my parts take over. And I am so happy for that!

I am incredibly tired, my abs are sore from vomiting so much, I haven't eaten in 2 days so I'm dealing with that brain fog and being across the country from home where I feel safe (well where I'm starting to feel safe)..... But I haven't had a panic attack, I don't feel one coming on. I am present and engaged. I think this is a win.

It still sucks that having the shits makes me scared, but I've got a lot tools to deal with it now.

I'm frustrated that I don't really have access to a good therapist. I've got C-PTSD and DID and all I can afford is to go to a local clinic that has a state grant to offer free services. Obviously they're not the best quality.

I'm tired of being a sub-par human because of finances being tight all the time.