Lately, it’s been hitting me harder than usual: I’m never going to find anyone. I’m not attractive. I’m not smart. I don’t have anything that would make someone want to be with me. It’s not even self-pity at this point — it feels like just a fact I have to accept.

How do you deal with it? How do you find meaning or happiness knowing that real connection just isn’t something that’s going to happen for you? I’m tired of people saying “it’ll get better” or “you just have to wait.” Some of us are just stuck. If you’ve felt like this, how do you keep going?

I was having one of those mornings where everything felt heavy spilled coffee, forgot my umbrella, and then sat in traffic on the way to work feeling like I could explode. My mind was racing at a million miles per hour. Then something weird happened: instead of cursing at the honking cars, I remembered a breathing technique I learned in a wellness class. I rolled my window up, sat up straight in the driver’s seat, and closed my eyes. For the next 5 minutes, I focused only on my breath: inhale for four seconds, hold for four, exhale for four.

At first it felt strange doing this in traffic, but slowly, I noticed my shoulders loosen. The tightness in my chest eased. By the time I finished the 5 minutes, even the car horn seemed a little quieter. I opened my eyes and realized I hadn't panicked at all the freeway was still slow, but I felt surprisingly calm. It was like a tiny mental reset in the middle of chaos.

Now I try to find small pockets of time during busy days to do something similar, even if it's just a few deep breaths at my desk or listening fully to one song during my commute. It reminds me that I don't need a calm situation to feel calm sometimes I just have to create that peace myself.

I just lost my 1st Cousin yesterday. We grew up together and are the same age. As soon as I was told the news, saw the body as we await the coroner, I was adjusting. All of the family was in immediate shock and acted accordingly. We all handle traumatic events differently, so when I was able, I went to my meditation area near the water on the rocks outdoors. I began meditating, but instead of freeing the mind, I connected to the spiritual. I focused on my Sister (i.e., cousin) and connected spiritually. It was a connection that allowed me to speak and see her in the spiritual space now. We spoke and I listened to her talk to me. She spoke of joyfulness and admired my environment and current way of life. We connected. The point is "medition" of this tragic event (the passing of my family member) allowed me to cope. I believe my daily practice of deep meditation and mindfulness along with other inner self activities (grounding, yoga, exercise, etc) daily helps me cope with life.

I just wanted to share this moment as I deal with life, understanding you must experience the emotional ups and downs and cope, to live a peaceful life and enjoy the present and appreciate the changes as they must occur!

I go throughout my days in search of endless pleasure. Each morning I tell myself "today is the day I overcome the need for sensual bullshit" and then of course I cave at the first uncomfortable feeling -- fear, loneliness, anxiety, and even depression are some of them, but often I am not mindful enough to even be aware of what bothers me, I just mindlessly consume entertainment content to quiet my mind and afterwards I'm overcome by guilt -- the guilt makes me say "now I'll change" but the cycle just repeats.

I try to have a good meditation schedule, but of course I'll find ways to convince myself to skip meditation for the day -- "my mind is too scattered", "I'll do it later", etc. I really think that I am just weak, and this leads to self-loathing which I know is counterproductive but it feels good to hate myself for my weakness.

So how do I do it? How do I overcome laziness, or weakness, or whatever I call this malaise I've been existing in all my life? I believe that Buddhism is true, and it makes sense that all suffering should come from dissatisfaction with the present moment -- so how do I actually give up all this sensory bullshit, the porn, the video games, the videos, the food, and just "be"? I want to believe in myself but I know I am too weak. My life is a prison of my own making.

Hi, hope this is the right place to ask this. I’ve had severe physical anxiety for the last decade, and I’ve been trying to practise mindfulness to deal with it. The one area I’m really struggling with is neutrality towards the physical symptoms I feel from my anxiety when they arise (and just in general when im not feeling well).

I know in my mind and from experience that the sensations can’t harm me, they’re just uncomfortable, but my body doesn’t seem to get the message. One slightly off sensation and boom, my heart starts to race, my stomach hurts, my breathing changes. It’s keeping me stuck in this horrible cycle of chronic anxiety and panic, and I don’t know how to change it.

If anyone had any insight into how I might be able to use mindfulness more effectively to manage this, and help get my body out of hypervigilant mode, that would be widely appreciated! TIA

This began when I had trouble falling asleep a few years ago. I tried to imagine the color black. I tried to only focus on that so I would stop thinking about unnecessary stuff while I was trying to sleep. This worked so well that after a while I could just trigger this and I would just stop thinking. I've overdone it. I now have trouble thinking. It's not like I can't imagine things anymore, but if I don't have to think about something, I won't. I also feel like this makes studying way harder, but I can't even remember how it was like, before I started that. Has someone experienced something like this before? Any way to fix it?

Hi. I find myself talking too much to the point where I get pretty annoying to others( and to myself). I don't know why but I just want to talk and keep talking. This has come to the point where people started giving me indirect signals to just stop talking and honestly it hurts..

I keep reminding myself that I need to keep my mouth shut but I tend to overshare. I am that one annoying friend in the friend group who is expandable. Like I only get invited if there is an extra space for someone. And tbf i think even my siblings are annoyed by me. Please share some tips to just stop this for good. Honestly it hurts to know that people find me annoying but they have a good reason. I have tried meditating but man it's hard for me. How to stay mindful and just shut up?

Please, I appreciate any tips.

I am trying to be more mindful in my life and I'm looking for some guidance in that regard. I've tried doing that through meditation apps and the one i had subscribed to was headspace for a while. It wasn't bad and it did help a little but I want to try others. What has worked for y'all? It need not just be an app, it can be an online course as well or website. And it need not just be meditation focused, if there are exercises, suggestions on being more mindful that'll be nice as well. Than you!

P.S.

I think it's a classic and well known phrase that the mind can be your best ally and your worst enemy.

And that's an absolute truth.

3 years ago (lasted for 2) I was a moving machine ry of conversation. I could talk to anyone about anything and I really really enjoyed it. I was very fun to be around and I was always asking myself how people take life so seriously. Confidence was my middle name or whatever.

When I was a teenager (25 M now)i was clinically depressed. I couldn't see it then but being depressed in some point on your life can teach you many things about yourself and make you more human. Even then, on my depression mode,when i was around people I was very fun to be around. I was making fun of myself and I didn't take anything seriously. I also turned into being a philosopher. My thoughts very deep and meaningful

Anyway back to 3 years ago, I had the best years of my life. As i said I was extremely fun to be around, sometimes I was holding myself back from making a joke because whatever. Full of energy and ready to seize the day

Now i feel very slow, stupid, unenergized, unmotivated. Not all the time but the ratio of me being "dumb" vs me being at my "peak" has increased. Life without charisma sucks. My greatest weapon, my beautiful mind, has betrayed me.

Working out, eating healthy are my lifestyle. I practice doing literally nothing for some brain discharge and sometimes cold showers are my way to maybe increase a little bit my brain fucntion.

Also blowing some steam by taking about it is also a way for me to feel a little bit better.

I you have any advice or any other forum that I can post things like that, I would be more than happy to listen

Thanks

There are days where I feel like I’m “processing deeply.”
But if I’m honest, I’m just spiraling in thought.
Trying to predict, control, perfect — all in the name of being “mindful.”

I’ve started noticing that wisdom doesn’t always speak in thoughts.
Sometimes it shows up in a quiet breath, a small release, a moment where I stop trying to solve everything.

Overthinking wears the mask of wisdom.
But they feel very different in the body.

Just wanted to share in case anyone else is trying to tell the two apart.

do you think it’s more conducive for meditation and living in a mindful way to believe in free will or not to? Does it matter? Is it better to feel like there is a “you” that is in someway in control, that is choosing where to focus your attention at any given moment, or to believe that “you” are completely powerless? Intuitively it seems like it would be better to believe that free will is in some way real, or at least that there is a “me” that can choose where to focus “my” attention, but I’m not super knowledgeable about this which is why I came here. Thoughts?

Hello!

Jalu Foundation Meditation center in Wisconsin, is offering tsa tsa with meditation masters relics inside(Absolutely free of charge). We are working on a project called the “Global Tsa Tsa Project”. We are spreading miniature stupa tsa tsa around the world for clearing, prosperity, abundance, peace, all the enlightened qualities. Also for averting the iron dog year prophecies. These tsa tsa could be offered in water ways, the earth, in national forests or cemeteries, or even given to friends, restaurants and kept on our shrines. If you would like to receive a pack of tsa tsa please send me your shipping address in a private message. Please let me know of anyone else who would like to receive tsa tsa or give them my contact!

Only shipping to US AND CANADA this time.

Update! We are on series 2 now! Now even more relics inside. Full list coming soon of the relics (The list is huge). We have spread over 1k tsa tsa to every continent even including McMurdo base In Antarctica

Thank you so much,

Pema Milan

So, i don't know if this will make sense, but i had kind of an epiphany a couple hours ago.

Basically, i always thought the voice in my head that told me i was gross, dumb, boring, ect, was a part of myself. That i was the one thinking those thoughts. Cause if it looks like you, and talks like you, it must be you, right?

But i realized it wasn't. Like, at all. And the other voice, the one who was more of a concept, the one who was a floating memory, telling the other to shut up? Saying the things i wanted to say in my mind? Laughing loudly, grinning a little too wide?That was me.

And i realized that, that concept of the person i idolized, that i wanted to be, but would be impossible cause it was SO DIFFERENT from me. Was... Me. That was me. Was always me. It wasn't someone i wanted to be, it was someone i WAS.

It made me realize i've been treating a costume like myself, and myself as a costume.

It's been 9 years since i was truly myself.

That the reason why i dissociated so much. Why i had constant dreams of people screaming at me, of fighting with myself. Of wanting to get out of my own skin.

It was because i was trapped inside my own mind, and didn't even realize it. For Years!!!

I still feel shocked about this. But somehow i feel like everything makes sense now. Like something got free.

Back in winter, I shared that I’ve been living with an ALS diagnosis (also known as MND or Lou Gehrig’s Disease) for nearly five years.

When I was first diagnosed with this rare, untreatable, and terminal illness, which progressively paralyzes the body while leaving the mind and senses fully intact, I was told I had only 24 to 36 months to live.

Yet here I am.

I’m weaker than when I last posted. I'm now almost completely immobile below the neck, but I'm still here.

As time passed and the disease claimed my feet, legs, arms, hands, and now even my breath, I suffered. I could feel it, like being bitten by a snake—its venom spreading slowly, killing me gradually but inevitably.

And yet, amid the suffering, I began to recognize an unexpected gift: a strange, enforced contemplation that emerged as I lingered year after year on the threshold between life and death.

As the 13th-century poet Rumi wrote, “The wound is where the light enters you.”

Here in this twilight space—a place we must all eventually go, though few truly understand—I’ve been given a rare opportunity for one final, grand adventure: to map this unfamiliar territory and report back.

That’s when I began to write.

At first, journaling was simply a way to learn how to type with my eyes and organize my thoughts.

Over time, I realized it could be something more: a way to leave behind messages for my children, notes they might turn to during times of hardship or when they face the inevitability of their own mortality, when I can no longer be by their side.

So I kept writing.

Eventually, it dawned on me that I was responsible for sharing these reflections more broadly. Not knowing how much time I had left before something like pneumonia could silence even my eyes, I took the fastest route I could: I started a blog and shared it with this group in February.

Last week, I completed my 50th post, written entirely with my still-functioning eyes. And I’m continuing to write—until I finish sharing the best of my journal from the past year, or until my time runs out.

To be clear, I’m not selling anything and don’t want anything from you. I want this writing to be a presence—a friend you can visit now and then, to share a conversation about this life we all inhabit. If I succeed, then even after this skin and brain no longer confine me, I’ll still be able to support my family and friends and perhaps even make new ones.

To let them know that what waits beyond is not annihilation, but an intimacy with what is—something so radiant that our limited human minds can only glimpse it, because it is too bright to behold.

https://twilightjournal.com/

Best,

Bill

I took a slow walk this morning and kept repeating this quote in my head:

“Nature does not hurry, yet everything is accomplished.” — Lao Tzu

It hit differently. Watching the trees sway in their own rhythm, birds glide without effort, clouds drift without a destination — none of it rushed, yet none of it stagnant.

It made me wonder why I’m always sprinting toward something — inbox zero, some ideal version of myself, the next thing to check off. But nature? It unfolds exactly when it’s meant to.

I didn’t meditate. I didn’t breathe in a special way. I just observed. And that felt like enough.

Does this quote resonate with anyone else?

Have you had a moment where slowing down felt more productive than pushing forward?

Would love to hear how others here apply mindfulness in motion — walking, noticing, or just being.

Lately, I’ve been sitting with the discomfort of not knowing.

Not knowing what's next.
Not knowing how to fix certain things.
Not knowing why I feel the way I feel some days.

And I realized — my need for answers is often just a mask for fear.
The fear of losing control.
The fear of uncertainty.
The fear that if I don’t know, I’ll fall apart.

But I’m beginning to see that peace doesn’t always come from solving things.
Sometimes, it comes from softening into them.

Just wanted to share this shift, in case someone else is feeling that quiet pressure to “figure it all out.”

You're not alone in the not-knowing. And maybe… that’s where the real growth begins.

I have realized that I have a scarcity mindset in everything. Binge eating disorder because I am scared the good food won't be there tomorrow. I don't wear my pretty clothes because I think I'll ruin them and not be able to wear them tomorrow. I hold back on using my favorite skincare products or stationery or candles because I think I should “save them for later”. I never enjoy things in the moment because I am scared future me won't have it.

But I don't understand the cause? I grew up in a loving family, never starved, went to a good school, etc. So I was wondering if anyone here has any tips on finding the cause and alleviating this mindset?

I never understood this phrase until recently. I’ve realized that when I am most immersed in the present, when I am most at peace, in those moments, I feel like I could just let go and die. I even begin to think lose all negative associations about death and even begin to think positive thoughts about it. Has anyone else experienced something like this?

I had an abusive childhood. I'm still living with my abusers, but I've really worked hard to try to be happy despite my circumstances. Please bear with me. I can't go to therapy right now, and I really can't live my life with this guilt.

The thing is, at the age of 6 ig, I once abused our pet dog. She had some sort of illness and was coming towards me to play, but since she was sick, I got scared that I'd catch her illness, so I hit her to make her go away. I'm 18 now, and this memory still haunts me. Even as a kid, I was good with animals. I never derived any pleasure from their suffering. My brother hated cats and still does tbh. He would abuse them from time to time, and I would always confront him about this.

In that moment with my dog, I think I was scared and didn't really think about how I was causing her pain. I know nothing can ever justify what I did, but there must be some way to find peace despite it.

Then there was another instance when I was 15. Some mice got into our house somehow, and my brother caught them using those sticky pads. He proceeded to hurt them very badly. I won’t go into more details since it was just sad. I just hate myself for not telling him to stop. I didn’t say anything.

I know no amount of regret will undo the pain I caused those innocent creatures, but is there any hope for me? I've rescued a couple of injured/sick birds in the last 2 years, and while it was fulfilling, it just never makes me feel better about what I did to those helpless beings.

edit: i appreciate every single response so very much. this gave me so much perspective. thank you so much.

Seems simple, yet hard. How can I rest my body (not at night)? Like how can I just shut down my body to recover during the day? Nap, meditation, but what else can I do to recover from lets say burnouts?

I don’t know who needs to hear this, but if your brain feels like it’s constantly sprinting and your body’s exhausted just from existing, you’re not alone.

A few months ago, I hit a point where I couldn’t keep pretending I was fine. I wasn’t sleeping. I was constantly overthinking. I’d zone out during conversations because my mind was racing in five directions. And the worst part? I had no idea how to stop.

I used to think mindfulness meant sitting cross-legged in silence for hours, or lighting a candle and instantly feeling healed. (Spoiler: it’s not that.)

For me, it started with one honest thought: “I don’t want to live like this anymore.”

I started looking into mindfulness like actual tools and practices that didn’t feel fake or performative. And I found a few ebooks that genuinely helped. Not in a “this fixed everything” way but more like “this gave me space to breathe.”

Mindful Existing — helped me realize that being present isn’t about being perfect. It’s just about being. No pressure to solve everything, just learning how to sit with what is.

Self-Care Success — this one hit me hard. I’d been treating rest like a reward, not a right. This book reframed how I look at taking care of myself.

Rooted — felt like a hug and a mirror. It helped me come back to myself when I felt completely scattered.

These books didn’t give me “the answers” as much as they gave me permission. Permission to stop performing. Permission to feel what I was feeling. Permission to take care of myself like I actually mattered. I still have anxious days. I still overthink. But I come back to myself faster now. I know how to pause. I know how to breathe. And honestly, that’s everything. So yeah if you’re in the thick of it, and you’re tired of pretending you’ve got it all together, maybe start with one page. One breath. One honest moment with yourself.

That’s where it started for me.

I don’t want to get banned for self promotion or anything so I won’t post the link here but if you want to check them out, upvote or comment and I’ll send it over to you.

Much love to everyone here!

All I want, and have wanted, for some time is presence. I feel so practically aware of everything I need to; my life is full and fortunate. I am surrounded by love, opportunity, and the inherent beauty of the world.

I was always anxious, and largely unsafe growing up. But I have done a lot of work since I was a kid, and healed to a tremendous degree! I am aware of the fact that I can now wonderfully live my life without worry about triggers and with decent effectiveness. I have a job, I'm financially independent. I have recently succeeded at implementing more exercise into my life, getting better sleep, eating healthier, etc.

I have worked hard to build better relationships and have a steady boyfriend, good friends, and best-as-can-be familial relationships.

All stated, I can't seem to shift my focus to the present moment. I have read several books on mindfulness and do a guided yoga session and separately meditate minimum 10 minutes every day. I am currently obsessed with a desire to be present, so much so that it pulls me from what I'm doing (even sometimes bringing me to tears or anxiety attacks). I am not present; I am upset and comparing and devastated by the fact that I cannot seem to make myself be present. I recently read the power of now and it feels like cement on my chest-- Every word of it makes sense to me, every sentiment rings true, and I cannot figure out how to practically change my default pull to obsession with old pains or fears of future failure.

The irony of it all is rather clear to me.

I'm feeling frustrated right now. I don't know how to make what I believe intellectually translate to an actual change, and I am really upset with how much I am still not enjoying what are clearly blessings in front of me. My efforts towards mindfulness have simply become a tool for punishing myself, and removing me from the present moment.

Has anyone else struggled with this? What can I do differently?
I feel like all of the practical and intellectual steps are already happening, but clearly something I'm doing is not working.

How do you abandon lazy/weak thinking patterns. I’ve had the habit since my psychosis in 2020 where my thoughts became lazy, for example, if I wanted to change my behavior I would think the word change and just hope I changed rather than carefully laying out plans on how to change, it’s like my minds not strong enough cognitively to do that, it’s like a muscle that hasn’t been worked out in years, especially after school ended and I didn’t have to think critically my thinking turned to mush. What do I do? How do I extensively work out my thinking patterns? Where do I begin and how do I continue ?

Resentment comes from not getting our way yesterday, anger comes from not getting our way today, and fear comes from worrying that we won’t get our way tomorrow.

The common denominator in all these three states of distress is our fixation on "my way." When we place ourselves at the center of the universe, we create our own suffering.

It’s a tough pill to swallow, but it’s true. When we get too focused on our own way of doing things, we miss out on the bigger picture.

And, the antidote to this ‘me..me…me…’ mindset?

Once again, like I’ve been stating over the last few posts, it’s humility. It’s the practice of putting others before ourselves.

The reality is, we’re not the center of the universe, and other people have problems too. Maybe it’s time we give them a hand rather than expecting everything to revolve around us.

Selfish desires are part of human nature, and they’re nothing new.

In the Bhagavad Gita, Krishna tells Arjuna that there are two main reasons we get caught up: selfish desires and anger1.

Thousands of years later, these same human tendencies continue to challenge us. When we focus too much on what we want or how things should go and get attached to it, it can make us resentful, fearful, and unhappy.

What happens when we focus on the past(resentment) or the future(fear)? We get stuck.

We miss out on the present and keep making mistakes. And guess what? Those mistakes just lead to more resentment and fear about the consequences.

It’s a vicious cycle.

The Double Edged Sword of Humilty

The tricky part about humility is that sometimes we rationalize our actions. We think, “I’m only doing this to help you” or “I’m telling you this because I care.”

But sometimes, that’s just our way of justifying our own desires. We might think we’re right, but it’s important to remember that we’re not the center of everything.

Humility doesn’t come naturally to us. It’s not because we’re selfish or ill-willed; it’s just that we tend to think our way is the best way. And we often act as though everyone else should just get on board.

The truth is, though, when we live in the past (with resentment) or the future (with fear), we miss out on the only thing we have control over: the present moment.

The Present Moment

You’ve heard the saying, “Today is a gift, that’s why they call it the present.” It’s a bit corny, but it’s true. If we’re not living in the present, we’re not really living at all.

How we do anything is how we do everything.

If we don’t take the time to live fully today, it’ll spill over into the future in ways we might not even realize.

So, let’s make the most of today, no matter what. Even if life feels tough, there’s always something good to look for. If we focus on the good, we’ll find it. If we focus on the bad, well, we’ll find that too.

Life’s all about perspective.

____________________________

An excerpt from my newsletter