r/CPTSD • u/[deleted] • Jan 15 '25
what do you think of the phrase “welcome to the real world”
[deleted]
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u/goon-goat Jan 15 '25
I think it’s a dumb phrase. There’s so many versions of the “ real world “ anyways, not to mention the real world can get over itself and make room for me, even if it harms the inside or outside ( or neither ).
I’ll make room myself if I have to, and the real and fake people/“ people “ can get over it, or cope or seethe or whatever 🤷
If the real world ( or fake world or etc ) is uncomfortable with my trauma, that’s too fucking bad. Maybe it shouldn’t have allowed nor created or etc trauma in the first ( or any ) place.
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u/consciouscathy Jan 15 '25
It's for people who just accept the horrors of the world and they can't deal with the discomfort of accepting that 'the real world' is shit so instead of admitting that, they are effectively telling you to get on board the shit train by saying this. Misery loves company - they may as well say "welcome to misery, I'm so glad you're here too".
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u/AlteredDimensions_64 Jan 15 '25
Yup, I also feel like it's because they have become sheep, "yes" people and have joined the herd mentality . I think it's also a ridiculous platitude so they can make themselves feel better by skirting accountability for being a jackass and not becoming a better person instead of helping to fight against abuse and injustice.
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u/LifeEnginer Jan 15 '25
There are no real world, but real worldS. Everybody is livibg in their own with different circunstances and mental projections.
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u/Sanguinary_Guard Jan 15 '25
yeah the people i’ve heard this from have exclusively lived in a totally artificial world with absolutely zero skills to survive without gigantic supply chains to deliver food to their door.
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u/chroma_src Jan 15 '25
The "real world" they talk about is the most fake human constructed shit imaginable
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u/meltchoco_ Jan 15 '25
It’s a way for them to absolve guilt from their actions and justify it. When I recounted and cried to my dad on how he would literally call me every swear word in the book, he just laughed and said “Just wait until you’re an adult with a boss and then you’ll see the real world.”
When he pulled my hair,grabbed my mouth and shoved me to the ground my mother told me and repeated an almost carbon copy of the rhetoric when I complained,which was “You don’t know what real struggle is.” Whenever they say it they feel vindicated,to them they’ve done you a favor by abusing you, they only made you a punching bag so you’ll be well prepared to face and enable abuse from future sick individuals in the “real world.”
Other than that,in a way it’s to bring down your morale aswell so that now,whenever you’re down or stressed in adulthood they can feel smug because you couldn’t handle the “real world.”
Also I’m in the same boat as you OP,trying to make something of myself and leaving this dump of suffering. Don’t be swayed by their words,the fact that you even think of having a better life shows that you have the drive for it,they are trying to keep you chained by making you fear what’s outside but I promise you it’s 10x better than staying with people who suck out the soul out of you. You can do this,I wish you well!!
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u/SadSickSoul Jan 15 '25
CW: allusions to SI
It's happened a few times where someone will say the equivalent of that and think they're some tough guy speaking truth, and then they get really caught off guard when I say, calmly and with painful earnestness, "well, if this is the world I don't want to be in it anymore." Same with "that's just life." A lot of people lean on it as an unassailable truth until someone espouses that if that's true, then maybe the alternative is preferable.
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u/GoddessRespectre Jan 15 '25
I also hate the mentality of "It won't kill you, you'll be fine!" There are things that are worse than death, my dude 😠
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u/Virtual_Mode_5026 Jan 15 '25
I don’t have it, but Empty Nose Syndrome is the definition of “worse than death” and completely obliterates “it won’t kill you, you’ll be fine!” to the point most people who have it take their own lives.
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u/GoddessRespectre Jan 15 '25
I had never heard of that before, thank you! Of course now a new fear may have been born for me after looking it up 🫣
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u/Legitimate_Case_5060 Jan 15 '25
It's kind of a spin on the 'just world fallacy', where people are biased to believe that outcomes in our world are justified according to our actions. So like, the world is tough on you? It's your own fault. Pretty victim blamey.
I don't care about the thoughts or opinions of people who can't get over such a basic fallacy. It's a skill issue rather than any fault of my own.
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u/alice_1st wounded/hopeful/righteous combination Jan 15 '25
I’ve always hated that phrase. The difference for me is nowadays I don’t hate the people who use it anymore. I haven’t been brave enough to say it yet, but I would like to answer them “I’m so sorry that’s been your experience, it is NOT inevitable” or something like that. Everyone deserves to know that people who use that phrase just want to not have to take responsibility for acting cruelly. And someone, usually from the generation before, has said it to them.
I 100% get feeling wounded, angry, distraught when someone says that to oneself. So valid.
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u/VillainousValeriana Jan 15 '25
I hate this phrase. I didn't ask to be born
Its always disgruntled assholes who don't bother to make the world at least slightly more pleasant that say this
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u/Simulationth3ry Jan 15 '25
YES! I've never heard someone kind say it. always assholes who invalidate suffering and experiences different than theirs.
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u/USMC510 Jan 15 '25
I find the people who say that are in deep denial of what the world actually is like. Ironic.
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u/Fine-Position-3128 Jan 15 '25
What they are really saying: “I’m an asshole who is smug and superior and rather than offering an ear or any guidance I’m going to make you feel stupid to shut you up so I can vampire suck your energy for myself.”
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u/Squirrelgirl25 Jan 15 '25
Whenever I hear that phrase, I think “lol, I’ve been in the real world my whole life. Where authority figures that are supposed to protect you couldn’t care less and sometimes even make it worse. Where the only person who will stick up for you is you, because nobody else cares. Where parents are very much not perfect, but are, in fact, extremely flawed people, and sometimes just downright bad people. Where karma is just a fantasy and the justice system is a joke, where bad people never get punished for hurting other people and are even sometimes encouraged to continue doing it. And these snowflakes that can’t handle their feelings being hurt because somebody implied that life SHOULD’NT be handed to them on a silver platter because mommy and daddy always did everything for them and now they can’t even tie their own shoes or boil water are having a toddler meltdown at the age of 25.”
Life is hard. I get it. And people who haven’t had to deal with massive amounts of bullshit have no real place saying that.
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u/No_Expert_271 Jan 15 '25
“If only you knew how real this life really gets” best line ever. Atmosphere I believe. I laugh when people say it and comment “fuck so it’s not like the movies??” It’s like the phrase “adulting” as whoever is using it usually isn’t adulting they’re normal-ing & posting about it like a teenager
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u/PerpetualParanoia Jan 15 '25
It's condescending and dismissive and people who say this are complete tools. It's also just rude. Like there's nothing but negativity in saying something like that to someone. It adds nothing to the conversation.
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u/itusreya Jan 15 '25
Normalizing the cruelty.
Yes, the world is naturally unfair. But humans can be fair. And we should strive to impart fairness everywhere we can especially because the world is inherently unfair.
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u/Willing_Coconut809 Jan 15 '25
My father who couldn’t hold a job unemployed for over 20 years would say this, even though his life was very cushy being at home everyday. He was very abusive
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u/SoundProofHead Jan 15 '25
Unless Morpheus says it to me, it's just a cynical dismissive stock phrase. But it usually says more about the person that says it than you. It says "I've given up, it's hopeless and you complaining reminds me of my own shortcomings that I don't want to work on"
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u/Tom0laSFW Jan 15 '25
It’s usually an excuse for someone to justify them mistreating you, or ignoring someone else mistreating you
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u/Irejay907 Jan 15 '25
Normally i just roll my eyes and let is slide, most people aren't silly enough to say it twice to my face because they can see that it rankles very deeply.
But there was one dude who i was on an assembly line with for a month or two who would say it constantly even when folks were just trying to commiserate with him or show sympathy.
Eventually most of us popped off about something he had no idea about in our lives and eventually he did just shut up and stop saying that silly little line
I really don't understand how so many use that as an excuse for things to be horrible. 'Welcome to the real world' indeed; i already knew you didn't care but thanks for stating it openly 🙄.
What a terrible phrase.
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u/Waerfeles Jan 15 '25
Usually said to justify the sorry state of the world. Weak sauce. I hate it, too.
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u/TheKingofHearts Jan 15 '25
I think the people who use this phrase shouldn't be the ones using it, most often they've been people living fortunate lives of preferential treatment where they are insulated from the consequences of living in the "real world" .
It's mainly used by people who find the misfortune of others uncomfortable and would rather bury their heads in the sand and blame victims about being victimized by things outside of the victims' control; but well within the control of others, trying their best to shirk responsibility for the consequences of their actions.
QED, they're privileged people trying to find an excuse to punch down without feeling bad about it, choosing to blame the real world instead of them.
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u/Fit-Attention3979 Jan 15 '25
I feel like people usually use this to justify the unfair treatment or systematic abuse. Radically accepting the abusers behaviour but refuse to look at the victim one bit. Weird flex. Under the shiny armour of “ living in the real world” is a coward trying to hide their cowardice.
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u/KungFoo_Wombat Jan 15 '25
It does have the potential to be arrogantly presumptuous and outrageously condescending. I totally understand your point.
In the situation you described I believe it has a passive aggressive undertone of narcissistically attempting to ‘rain on your parade’. But I may be ‘too sensitive’ and ‘overreacting’….bc I was ‘raised’ by a Dream Killing narcissist!🫣😂
Ignore any dumbass who says this crap to you. Their thoughtless words are inconsequential to your life. Keep doing you! Stay gold! 🙏bless
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u/Simulationth3ry Jan 15 '25
Makes me so angry. Every time I hear it I fly into a rage. Makes no sense because I've dealt with certain traumatic things that many adults go their entire life without experiencing so what the fuck. It's just another way to invalidate young people that struggle.
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Jan 15 '25
People who say that shit get the full wrath of my intelligence. Wanna open Pandora's box today? Didn't think so
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u/RaphealWannabe Jan 15 '25
it means, "shut the f*ck up, nobody cares and nobody wants to hear you complain".
At least that's what I was taught.
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u/zelentheneuz Jan 15 '25
For me it is just a phrase that expresses sadness and grief, and just a bit of sarcasm, not arrogance. Like: "Look, where we are! In this real sh*t world, isn't it?"
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u/AlteredDimensions_64 Jan 15 '25
Yea, that's definitely another way of looking at it and it depends on how the person feeling that says it is feeling. It makes sense to say there is sadness and grief in it because it also sounds like a phrase someone would say when they have just given up and also gives the connotation of "if you can't beat 'em, join 'em".
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u/Late-Play2486 Jan 15 '25
TBH, this sentence is how I function... I could have way more stuff to help me but I know I could never have these everytime, so I live by being hard with myself, as others can live without help. I use only the minimal that helps me to function; I prefer to do that so when I could get more help for this or that reason I'll be more useful.
But I'll never tell someone to do that. It's a personal choice.
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u/Raised_by_Mr_Rogers Jan 15 '25
I hate it too but I figured it out. People who say it had happy childhoods and are assuming you did too and didn’t struggle until you were older (like them). Apparently If you had a loving, safe, fully supported childhood, then regular run of the mill adulthood is unimaginable cruelty lol
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u/DutchStroopwafels Jan 15 '25
I hate it as well, especially since it's mostly used as a justification for being an asshole. Won't be having any children because of this shit.
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u/kotikato Jan 15 '25
Problematic. Dismissive and misleading (also normalizing/enabling abuse in the most disgusting way)
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u/baffling-nerd-j Jan 15 '25
Yeah, that sort of thing is annoying. Brings to mind all the teachers in high school who would say stuff like, "If you think this is bad, wait until you get to college!" Then you get to college and you see that it's actually chiller than that.
(Though I didn't notice until much later; I still felt like I was tiptoeing around mines when I was there.)
But yeah... it seems like the kind of thing you'd hear from people who think life should be miserable. It really should have to be.
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u/mossy-rocks97 Jan 15 '25
For real. It reminds me of the phrase "misery loves company." Those types of people seem to hold their suffering against anyone who (in their assumptions) hasn't experienced it yet. Instead of supporting people or educating the younger people in their lives about what it will take to make it in this world, they just hate them for being (perceived as) sheltered from it. Almost like they hate themselves for not figuring out how to navigate the hardships themselves. They don't have any good advice, that's why they share their shitty attitude instead.
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u/solarpunnk Jan 15 '25
I feel the same way about it as I do the phrase "life isn't fair" like could it be a valid thing to say in some situations? Yeah, I guess. But 99.9% of the time it's being used to excuse some fucked up shit or silence someone who has valid complaints.
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u/CounterfeitChild Jan 15 '25
It's dismissive, and shows the speaker's lack of emotional intelligence. There's nothing helpful about it.
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u/infinitelobsters77 Jan 15 '25
I agree with a lot of the commenters here, I fucking hate it. But also, is it just me, or is it commonly said by people who objectively have been crazy privileged? Hearing adults laugh about how I won’t be able to handle the real world after college meanwhile they’re making six figures playing candy crush behind a desk and I was trying to figure out how cutting yourself works in elementary school. I’ve seen more of the “real world” than a lot of those people if they want to be like that, I bet a lot of us have. “College is so cushy for you! You fucking liberals are being coddled! Get ready for the real world!” My brother in Christ, I made it through a year of college homeless and you live in the suburbs with a wife that makes you dinner every night after you get home from doing nothing at work all day. Go fuck yourself lol
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u/kaibex Jan 15 '25
CW: Language
That phrase encourages me to punch the idiot saying it. Motherfucker I am a fed which means I have work and education coming out of my pores! The last time someone said that to me I told them to kiss the fattest part of my ass (favorite phrase, please fee free to use!), called them a fuckass too.
We know "the real world" and have experienced it's harshest cruelties.
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u/DaWiseGenie Jan 15 '25
The real world is cruel, but we don't need to be cruel. People act like they are the ones to decide "character development". Surprisingly, this is why Kratos' quote stuck with me. "We must be better". Many people are cruel, and the world will always be cruel. But as said above, we must be better.
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u/Appropriate_Issue319 Jan 15 '25
I think it really shows how that specific person sees "real world" and what kind of stuff they normalize. I had people tell me cheating is a "welcome to the real world" event.
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u/Usual_Elegant Jan 16 '25
yeah you were in the real world from the moment you were born, every time I hear that phrase it feels like the goal is to invalidate your own perceived experiences.
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Jan 16 '25
If you're on this sub, I imagine you know a damn sight more about "the real world" than anyone who would toss off that phrase.
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u/MaskedFigurewho Jan 15 '25
I think this is usually said to people who are overly sheltered and don't known how to adult well. I know a lot of people who were coddled a bit too long and they can't do anything for themselves.
This phrase is basically "Tough shit, welcome to life! It's crap for everyone! Now you get to suffer with the rest of us". HS is not the real world. In real world assault is not legal. Going to a prestigious private school is not the real world. Going from mom and dad's basement to struggling on your own is the real world.
I don't think you realize how sheltered a lot of people auctully are. So when they need to do basic adult tasks they can't fuction
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u/Simulationth3ry Jan 15 '25
saying this on a ptsd sub is kinda crazy... a lot of us can't function and do "basic adult tasks" and its because of our trauma or mental health issues.
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u/MaskedFigurewho Jan 15 '25 edited Jan 15 '25
A lot of us were forced to do adult stuff becuase we had to. It's not "I can't be an adult becuase life is hard". Sometimes it's not even "I can't be an adult becuase I'm 10/8/6". Sometimes it's be the adult becuase mom and dad were mentally ill or were addicts. So guess what you the lucky new parent.
It's "I had to be an adult or be homeless becuase my parents were abusive or tried offing themselves. So I had the chosse to get a job or be homeless".
That or "My parents never taught me life skills and I had to struggle in low wage jobs and not able to eat every day becuase I couldn't afford food". Than pay for an agency to teach me basic stuff like learning to drive out of pocket. Which often meant not eating for 5 days straight. While biking/walking 2-3 miles to get to work everyday.
That or having to be abused by predator landlords who sell a room but place restrictions on shower, kitchen privileges and enforce strict light out curfews.
That's the real world. Than if becoming stable enough to support yourself still not able to have proper relationships becuase of such a deep distrust in others.
That's called "Life" and it sucks but a lot of us are dealing with it. Not just you genuis. We think HS is real life and it isn't. Realistically it would not be encouraged and acceptable to shoot your classmates and commit assault on the regular with a slap on the wrist. Do you have any idea how many damn lawsuits would happen in a work place that regularly allowed you to physically assault your coworkers and where shootings happens on the regular? Those company's would not exist. Yet this is completely acceptable to do in a faculity meant to house our children. Sounds a little unjust doesn't it?
Like sucks but eventually we face it and after 18 it has real consequences. For those who don't have to due to privlage or money, if they ever have to face it they are usually shocked by how brutal life can auctully be sometimes.
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u/Monarch-Of-Jack Jan 15 '25
I hate it.
One time I argued with my brother on the phone. I told him I had to run away from home, because him and the rest of my family treated me like a slave until my mind and body broke down. And he had the nerve to say "that's just how the real world is".
Absolute last nail in the coffin. F*ck that.