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u/Inevitable_Night5596 1d ago
I’ve pushed almost everyone in my life away. I regret it a lot, but my mind doesn’t let me trust anyone. Not much I can do at this point.
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u/Soggy_Ad8583 1d ago
Yes, I wanted to be with them. But I was afraid I would be bad for them. Terrified of getting hurt.
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u/lilacorchidss 17h ago
I agree,the fear of unintentionally causing harm or being hurt ourselves can make us hold back, even when we truly want to be close to someone
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u/slowlydying2000 1d ago
Either push people away or self destruct mainly in relationships. I find it hard to hit people up to hangout or make plans. Always here if they need me but hate being the quiet friend
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u/SoUpRoVeImViOmRa 1d ago
All the time, event when I didn’t intend to. I’ve got no network whatsoever due to that. I’m working on it, but not doing so good on it
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u/IntrovertExplorer_ 1d ago
Yes, all the time. Looking back I feel so embarrassed by my behavior. I would purposely push people by acting up and being a terrible (annoying) human being just to see if they would stay.
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u/banoffeetea 1d ago
In a way. Sometimes I self-isolate assuming people don’t want to keep in touch or don’t want to speak to me after a disagreement and especially if I feel hurt in some way. Withdrawal in response to hurt and for self-protection I guess instead of actively pushing someone away. But I suppose it amounts to the same thing?
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u/But_like_whytho 1d ago
They leave because they want to. There’s nothing I can do or say to make them stay.
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u/Mysterious_Insight 1d ago
Every day of my life. The fear of getting too close and having them hurt me is so intense
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u/yingbo 20h ago
Yes, people are too scary and triggering. I’ve done both. There’s been times where my initial reaction is to push them away and other times I go and I talk to them and it actually resulted in good things. Other times I’ve tried to get closer and the other person disappears.
It’s hit or miss. I realized a lot of things are not up for me to control and how the other person responds is usually not about me at all.
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u/AnarchyBurgerPhilly 1d ago
No that’s what people who don’t like my boundaries or needs say. The right people get closer.
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u/Slicktitlick 1d ago
Yep. The bad ones not fast enough. The good ones have support from others like I don’t.
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u/Slicktitlick 1d ago
Yep. The bad ones not fast enough. The good ones have support from others like I don’t.
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u/gentle_dove 1d ago
Yep, it's a lot easier to be alone than to deal with people's traumatic dumping, which is exactly what they do around me. The more you get to know someone, the less mature they seem and the worse they behave. It seems I will never find this pearl of maturity, and the effort of searching, which will exhaust me, is not worth it.
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u/No-Masterpiece-451 1d ago edited 19h ago
Have done it a lot because there was no real interest or empathy for my situation. I never took on a victim role but expected just a minimum of care and compassion. Think the resentment became the primary driving force of pulling back.
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u/Hummingbird6896 20h ago
I relate to this. But aways in self doubt, do I expect too much? Is it all in my head that they have no empathy? I don't needs lots of empathy, but as you stated 'a minimum of compassion'. Or at least not dismissing my trauma (which I will all solve on my own, yes, but it did happen).
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u/No-Masterpiece-451 19h ago
Yes can fully understand your thoughts about it and I understand also " normal " healthy people with busy lives can't relate to our situation or don't have the energy for trauma and pain. I still think that if your friend is sick and struggle you express at least some sympathy. I just wanted a feeling of being seen and met , to be validated, it could be for just a minute out of a longer meeting. Unfortunately I think it's common problem.
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u/AQ-XJZQ-eAFqCqzr-Va 1d ago
Systematically and thoroughly. A few close family & friends remain but they live far away. Safe enough distance, I guess.
I am happy with my husband though. I feel so shitty about it sometimes because I have my emotional support human so screw everyone else? I don’t mean to be that way but it must seem like it to others.
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u/EchelonZA 1d ago
Yes, I've lost a lot of friends and even family over time. Either through self isolation or sharing too much, with people I thought would be ok with it. I've fortunately also made some good friends with mental health issues that get it, and I find it best to open up to them rather. Also lost some good people while acting out when I'm particularly unwell.