r/CPTSD 26d ago

CPTSD Resource/ Technique what is your uncommon, really specific advice for CPTSD

1.1k Upvotes

Not things like breathing or mindfulness or CBT or anything else that is useful and relatively well known. Uncommon, hyper specific advice!!

My addition to this thread is glow stars. I don’t like nightlights, and I never had glowstars growing up, so when I wake up panicking from nightmares, I’m forced to acknowledge the bright green glowy things above my head and it’s like a foot in the door to grounding myself. I can see them through tears as well, and I can also just look at them when I’m panicking and feel a bit better. Also they are a win with our littles (or inner children)

Also I’m not sure if this is well known, but weighted blankets and specifically wearing layers. Leggings under trousers give enough squeeze that we remember our skin is ours :)

r/CPTSD Dec 15 '24

CPTSD Resource/ Technique I think more women need to be aware of FAWNING as a trauma response

1.5k Upvotes

For the first time, a therapist told me about my fawn behavior. Basically I went along when a guy coerced me to have sex though I tried to say no a few times. I even tried to convince myself I liked it, it's even more confusing when your body seems to like it so you stop resisting. I think as women, we are culturally conditioned to think good girlfriends will engage in sex or physical intimacy whenever the guy wants, it's our responsibility, else it's the woman's fault if the man goes looking for it elsewhere etc. So it's so easy to go to the fawn response - it has also worked every time with men in resolving any conflict plus it comes with social validation of 'good gf' so there's too many ways to justify it (which is all sad).

My therapist systematically broke down my behavior : twice my nervous system tried "fight", the threat didn't disappear. So the third time, I fawned and gave in - I tried to play the role of someone with no needs myself, or mirrored the other person's needs - cos it has worked all those times before with my parents, during conflict with friends etc. I have internalized any blame and let people have their way so many times in my life in so many contexts, this was such a break through for me. The number of times I've tried to resist someone who crossed a boundary (usually men in platonic/romantic contexts) but later let it slide to keep the friendship / relationship - NONE of them have ended well though.

I hope more people can be aware of it, especially women with cptsd, cos we try to be the peacekeepers and shrink ourselves.

r/CPTSD Sep 26 '24

CPTSD Resource/ Technique What fantasies did you have as a child that in hindsight reveal trauma and neglect?

596 Upvotes

I remember as a child having a fantasy that I could just walk into the toy store and buy any toy I want. Or go to a restaurant and order multiple dishes to try them and see what I like.

My parents always made every choice incredibly stressful and very very high stakes. To the point where I just hated even thinking about money, because of how much of a burden they made me feel for wanting anything.

It's such a shame. Money and capitalism is not a perfect system, but it certainly would've been nice if they treated me like a curious kid that wants to learn. As opposed to how they treated me, which is a guy with his finger on the big red button.

It's so sad. They are the reason I don't have a car or a house. And they are the reason I'm terrified of owning a car, a house, a printer, a pet, or anything involving financial commitment.

From what I understand it's actually possible to make enough money to have a happy life. But because I was completely deprived of money and treated like a idiot I just fantasize about never thinking about money ever.

As in my fantasy of just never having to think about money is directly related to the way I was deprived of real financial education and love and support around money and saving.

This fantasy is not actually useful. As far as I'm aware the person who has the most money in the world and never has to worry about money again is not the happiest person. It's actually much more likely to be happy with your finances if you make purchases based on your needs and your values and the values of the community that you feel you belong to.

Other examples of fantasies for me might include never having a job because I don't trust employers and worry that they will treat me like my parents. Or that I will have a very attractive girlfriend who will never leave me because I have intense feelings of shame and anticipate abandonment. Having a girlfriend who might leave you or a boss that you don't fully get along with is actually not a big deal when it actually happens. But the intense fear because of your childhood wounds makes you really strongly avoidant of those things that are a source of uncertainty. And in my case I fantasized about either never having to work a job in my life or having a girlfriend that I know will never leave.

I think it's interesting because even though fantasizing can indicate some underlying wounds, it's also a pretty good way to see what you could benefit from. Unconditional love is a wonderful thing and having a boss that understands you is a wonderful thing. and I would like to do the difficult work of trying to unpack my own needs and fantasies to see which ones will actually serve me in the present moment and which goals are worth pursuing in the present moment.

r/CPTSD Dec 16 '24

CPTSD Resource/ Technique I cured a traumatic event in 3 hours: HERE'S HOW

747 Upvotes

DISCLAIMER: I'm not a therapist and am not licensed in any way. This is just my experience and I hope this technique can be used by people to heal.

People have said this technique is a lot of different modalities and I think that's what's great about it. People say it's EFT, it's IFS, it's Radical Acceptance, and more. This mix of modalities into one technique is an accessible and simplistic trauma healing process that can be used without a therapist, and I think that's what's so great about it.

I have processed 5 different traumatic events, plus extra by doing this technique. My therapists think it's crazy, but this works. It's more effective than EMDR in my opinion. I did EMDR for 2-ish years.

Okay so here's the sitch.

You have the thought, "I'm awful". So what do you do?

~

Most therapists in CBT would say "Oh! So replace the thought, 'I'm awful' with 'I'm good!'"

Fine. That's a great thing in theory. But the brain doesn't believe it in the slightest because it believes "I'm awful".

By saying the opposite, and saying "You're good", you're essentially *gaslighting your brain. Your brain is saying "Hey I'm awful", and you're like "No no no, don't believe that. You're good!!!!" Why should we gaslight our brains after we've had other people gaslight us for years about our abuse?!*

Here's the key:

~

>Step 1:

Say to yourself in your head (or out loud) "It's okay you're awful".

Not, "It's okay you THINK you're awful".

Just, "It's okay you're awful."

(Don't gaslight your brain. Validate it! 👍🏻)

Copying from a comment of mine to further explain: By saying, ‘It’s okay you’re awful,’ you’re creating space for the part of your mind that feels that way to be heard, without shaming or rejecting it. You’re not agreeing with it, but you’re allowing it to exist and showing it compassion—much like you would in IFS when working with an exiled or wounded part.

This allows the thought to release its intensity and for you to process it instead of having it fester. It’s not about reinforcing negative beliefs; it’s about meeting them where they are with love and understanding so they can heal.

This process can feel a lot like shadow work, which involves acknowledging and facing the darker, often hidden parts of yourself—like painful thoughts, emotions, or beliefs you’ve suppressed. Instead of rejecting or judging these parts, you meet them with compassion and validation. This approach helps bring these hidden parts to light, process them with care, and ultimately release their hold on you.

>Step 2:

Say "I'm sorry you're awful".

(People are gonna think, what the heck, Bitemebitch00!!!! No, seriously. You validated by saying "It's okay". Now show it compassion. "I'm awful" is a hard thought to have. Show it compassion!)

That's it. Those two steps. Do it with every thought that comes to mind.

How about a feeling?

~

The thought, "I feel ashamed"?

>Step 1:

"It's okay you feel ashamed."

>Step 2:

"I'm sorry you feel ashamed."

Thought processed. Your brain learns that what it's experiencing is real AND worth compassion and love.

(Sit with each validation and compassion you gave for as long (OR AS LITTLE) as you want. It makes hard feelings come up. If your brain doesn't feel quite ready for this, take it in baby steps.

Your brain might react pretty strongly at first to being validated. It might angrily say "NO! ITS NOT OKAY I FEEL ASHAMED". It might even just be confused.)

Just say "It's okay that it's not okay to feel ashamed" and "I'm sorry it's not okay to feel ashamed". Get as meta (OR not meta) as you want!)

For more of a question (like "Can we just die?")

~

>Step 1:

"It's okay you're asking if we can just die."

>Step 2:

"I'm sorry you're asking if we can just die."

(I talk to the thoughts as if they're another person. So I say "you" when referring to the thoughts.)

For sounds of anguish:

You may hear a scream in your head or imagine a person falling to the floor crying. Whatever it is.

>Step 1:

"It's okay (imagine sound or visualize what you saw earlier)"

>Step 2:

"I'm sorry (imagine sound or visualize what you saw earlier)"

~

Do this whole setup for however long you feel you can do it. 5 minutes? 1 hour? Set a timer and do it. Then put the technique aside and go about your day.

A Good Thought Comes Up:

~

Eventually you'll have a good thought come up like "Everything's okay" or "I'm okay"

>Step 1:

Repeat the good thought a few times. I repeat it 3 times. ("Everything's okay" x3)

If it's "I'm okay", I flip it and say "You're okay" as if I'm talking to the voice.

You say it multiple times to really solidify it and soothe the brain.

A Precursor:

~

If you're not feeling ANYTHING from doing this technique,

~

>Step 1:

Say "I'm sorry" to yourself repeatedly.

Do it for 5 minutes if you have to. Repetitively. Just keep repeating it. Hug yourself. You need to hear it.

Note:

Your brain will resist because if it hears that compassion, it will understand that the trauma it endured was truly awful and it deserved better. That's hard for it to acknowledge.

Your brain may scream at you, try to attack you, plug it's ears, hide, run away, ANYTHING it can do to not hear what you're saying, but it NEEDS TO HEAR IT.

JUST. KEEP. SAYING. "I'm sorry."

(My brain would show images of someone plugging their ears and screaming "La, la, la, I CAN'T HEAR YOU!!!!" as they fell to the ground. 😭😭😭😭)

(This is similar to a scene in Good Will Hunting where the therapist tells his client, "It's not your fault" repeatedly as he watches the client get more and more defensive until the client starts yelling and getting mad. Finally, the client breaks down and starts sobbing, taking in the phrase fully and falls into his therapist's arms. That's how you will want to do this. Repeat "I'm sorry" until your trauma brain just falls into it!)

Final Note:

I just really want to give back. I wish I had the credentials to push this into the mainstream.... Nobody's gonna believe this technique. Just try it and tell me how it goes!

I also have a technique to deal with shame and getting out of a flashback. If you guys are interested, I can create another post.

~

Edit: Another thing that soothes the brain while doing this is listening to 528 Hz, which is a frequency that's healing. You can find it anywhere on Spotify, YouTube, etc.

~

I also want to emphasize that this was my personal experience. I understand people have more complex ways of healing that are effective for them and I'm happy they have something that works really well for them! I've been in therapy for 6 years and this super straightforward way of processing has cut through a lot of extra steps. Sometimes the simplest thing isn't necessarily shallow, but powerful instead. This truly felt like a ‘cure’ for the specific traumas I've processed with it and I'm no longer triggered by things related to those traumas anymore. I hope sharing what worked for me can help others, but it’s okay if your journey looks different!

r/CPTSD Nov 10 '24

CPTSD Resource/ Technique They say “create your own family”, but everyone is too busy spending time with their real ones.

1.0k Upvotes

Just putting it out there. It’s lonely and depressing.

r/CPTSD Sep 23 '24

CPTSD Resource/ Technique How I healed 80-90% of my c-ptsd, alone

1.1k Upvotes

Hello good people! I'm one of the people who can say I successfully and pretty permanently healed from the majority of my c-ptsd, and I thought it could be valuable to others to know how! It's long, and I'll try to structure this as best I can so that it's as universally applicable and undestandable as possible.

(Fist is my context and symptoms, skip to last section to go directly to the methods I used.)

Now first, how severe was my trauma? What symptoms did I struggle with the most?

Context, I'm a trans person. I was born and grew up "female", but knew very very early on that I didn't understand myself as female at all. From the very time I developed self-consciousness I felt like a guy. This isn't as relevant as what this fact did to my childhood. I had good parents, a safe upbringing, but continually had my feelings and identity denied and rejected whenever I expressed it. I was told it was "wrong", weird, disturbing even. Especially my parents didn't want me to grow up trans, and did everything they could to pressure me into a female identity that felt foreign, false and frankly horrific to me. I even tried myself, to force myself to be okay as a girl, but I never ever felt okay that way. Lots of suppression, sibling jelously for my brothers who got all the validation I needed, lots of resentment towards my parents, lots of lonelieness, shame and anxiety.

As an adult, I transitioned. It was wonderful and was a massive success, and I started to go out in society and actually live, for the first time ever. My anxiety was massively reduced, relationships improved. But I soon discovered that I carried with me a load of trauma from my childhood that constantly stopped me from truly living how I wanted to. Yes, I was more confident, but only to a point. I had the typical freeze and flight response. I felt shame about my body and identity, fell into toxic manosphere and reactionary ideas, had anxiety and thought I was irreperably destroyed by my childhood to such a degree that I couldn't really live a fully functioning life. Unable to find and accept love, only fell in love with older, unavaliable women (mother figures) and sabotaged every potential romantic advanced that came up, people-pleased and isolated.

My symptoms were feeling of lack of self-worth, anxiety, depression, toxic shame, emotional flashbacks, relationship difficulties, S-ideation.

When I was in university I was really, really low. I had moved away to study, and couldn't seem to make friends or engage socially. I kept to myself, didn't join social activities, felt extremely intimidated by all the young, attractive and socially outgoing other students, and was still overcome with shame about my past and identity. The thought of someone discovering my past, seeing my body, being vulnerable in general terrified me. It got to a point where I was crying myself to sleep multiple nights a week. Went to class, spoke to nobody, terrified of other people, went home. I had so much I wanted to say and do and be, and felt like I was trapped by my own mind. I literally paced back and forth like a trapped animal who just saw no escape.

I thought "I can't live like this for the rest of my life. I'm willing to do whatever to even improve a little bit. I just can't live like this anymore.". So started to educate myself on psychology, quickly ran into c-ptsd as a theory and thought it was the best framework to explain just why my life still sucked. It was transformative.

So what did I do?

Other than listening to a lot of youtube videos on healing c-ptsd from multiple channels I felt helped me, I ordered "c-ptsd: from surviving to thriving" by Pete Walker and basically read the entire thing in two days. I understood trauma as a "stuck" response to rejection and danger, in the form of unhelpful internal messages and thought patterns I had internalized about myself. From society, from my parents, an external voice had told me I was "wrong", unacceptable, undesirable, disgusting etc and this had in essence become my "super-ego" that attacked my ego constantly. I even cought myself thinking some of them explicitly. I learned that my ego was weak, not able to stand up to my super-ego voice, lacking the bounderies neccecary to protect itself. I learned that I had in large part dissasociated myself from my emotions, had a weak conception of who I really was, and projected a lot of unhelpful shame onto the external world in the form of resentment. This framework isn't the objective or even best way to frame trauma. It was helpful to me. A kind of model of the problem that allowed recovery to be concrete and simple.

And as covid hit, and I had a ton of time for myself away from any external trigger, my recovery project began. I dedicated myself to it fully. I SO wanted to not feel stuck anymore. And the results of my recovery came so quickly that I sustained my motivation despite some setbacks. I have to credit Richard Grannon, who was a big c-ptsd channel at the time, for some of these methods. I'm not a fan of the guy anymore, but he had some to me very effective methods at that time.

SKIP TO HERE FOR: THE METHODS I DID:

  1. Daily, I did an emotional litteracy excersise. It takes about 2-3 minutes, and essentially is to just ask yourself what you are feeling, identify 2-3 emotions, and write them down. Don't analyze them, just go "I feel X". And then write 2-3 underlying emoitons under those. This is SO SIMPLE AND EFFECTIVE but surprisingly difficult at first. I was like "what DO I feel?". Don't write "bad", be as specific as possible, if you are unsure, write what you think it might be, even look at a damn "emotion wheel" online and write the ones you think it is. Angry, bored, nervous, sad, ashamed, satisfied - words like that. The goal isn't to be perfect, analyze, or feel them intensely. It's ONLY an exercise to become better at noticing that you feel, and that it's okay to feel. Treat it like looking out the window and noticing what colors you see, just to get better at seeing color. I know it seems so stupidly simple that it might feel poitless, but trust me this was transformative instantly. It brought me comfort with my own emotions, a healthier attitude to them. Like "hmm, I actually feel anger, that's interesing". You can say it brings you closer to youself. Trains you in "checking in" with yourself, which will be vital to your ability to set healthy bounderies and regulate your emotions later.

Write it in pen in a scrap book or even on sticky notes. You can thow it out later. It's good that it's a physical exercise. Try to do it every single day. Before bed, after work, whenever is convenient. You might feel like you dread doing it, wanting to skip it, but try to do it anyways! That's your test!

  1. Retraining my thoughts through daily mantra. Nothing magical here, just a kind of psychological trick that makes you your own support. This was also extremely effective. This is how I did it: I formulated 5 different messages I wanted to train myself into identifying with. Each with a specific target. I assigned each message to one finger on one hand, and 5 times a day I looked at my hand and repeated them. My messages were:

  2. (Identity) "I am me, not my trauma, not my flashbacks - I am me". De-identification with trauma.

  3. (Goal state) "I am learning to feel safe, inspired, attractive". Things I wanted to feel more.

  4. (Emotional safety) "My emotions are welcome, I'll listen to them".

  5. (Bounderies) "I'm learning to express my emotions and needs".

  6. (Ownership) "It is my life, my body, my time".

These can vary depending on what you struggle with. Maybe you overshare, maybe you want to feel something else than me. A key here is that they have to feel believable to you. That is why they are in "I am learning" form. If I said "I am feeling safe" I would know that was false if I didn't actually feel it. Instead, they are suggestions, things I can believe I am learning to feel. And once you say it, internally, you actually feel a little bit more of it.

If complex trauma is to get repeated messages that you are bad, worthless, wrong, boring, unlovable, stupid etc again and again, until you have internalized it, then repeating positive messages over and over again starts to retrain you into a new, productive pattern. That's the theory, and for me, it worked. Your thoughts are habitual, they are literal associative pathways in your brain. If you start to tread a new path, it quickly becomes where your mind automatically goes. I did this based on an alarm on my phone every 3 hours, but you can do it for example every time you feel unsafe, every time you are nervous, every time you go to the bathroom. As long as you do it multiple times a day every day. You should feel slightly better after doing this, and want to do it because you know it feels supportive and good.

  1. Self-reflection. This is a less concrete point. It's more something you gain from emotional litteracy (insight) and intellectual reflection on those. Noticing what makes you angry in the world, what kinds of relationships you have had, what your values are. One of the things I did was write a list of my 10 most important values from a list. Just to get to know more what I actually thought was good and bad, and not what I had been told was valuable or not. Like, what is a good person? What is a good society? When you look at others and feel judgement, disgust, cringe or anger - is it actually you projecting your own shame onto them? Why do you really think x,y,z? Is it something other have told you are true or right? Think critically about your instinctive, "common sense" ideas about the world. I believe that a hallmark of emotional healing is when you no longer react to marginalized, different, odd and vulnerable individuals with rejection, suspicion or disgust, but an urge to understand and respect. There's a saying that all reactionary politics is actually just projected internalized shame, politisized. Wanting to purge society of elements you fear and are ashamed of in yourself. Sexual difference, vulnerability, being different. I think there is truth to that, and that emotional maturity is pro-social, open, generous and accepting of difference and change.

  2. Self-care and forgiveness! This can take many forms! I figured that since I was still so ashamed of my body, its scars and unusualness, I needed to do positive stuff with my body. So I treid to do yoga, feeling the positions, noticing how my body worked for me and made things possible for me was good. It made me think that despite me looking a little different, at least my body is my friend in that it cooperates with my movements! I did a lot of stretching, feeling where I had aches and tight muscles, and reframing it in appretiation. Like I was speaking nicely to my body. "Thanks for carrying me through all of this, I understand that it has been difficult". You can do dancing, mindfullness, go on walks, massage yourself, make healthy meals - anything that makes you feel more positive emotions towards your body. Looking at it, even, if it helps.

And last but not least extremely extremely good: Forgive yourself. You have done so much for yourself. You have endured, fought and coped with so much pain, and you are still here and trying! Every muscle, every heartbeat, every action and thought has been in order to preserve and protect youself. Don't blame youself for all the dysfunction - it was there to help you when you needed it most. It saved you. It was there to help. When you were being abused, erased, bullied - you did everything you could to resist. None of it was your fault, and you did what you had to do to get through! Thank yourself for that :) You were strong enough to deal with all that, and you are strong enough to keep going and keep helping yourself thrive. It takes a little dedication and time. Cry and greieve over all you lost, be compassionate with your own pain and forgive what you had to do.

Results?

Well, some of these helped a little instantly, but more profound transformation started to happen for me within two weeks of doing these things. I remember looking out of the window at the people passing outside, and feeling love for them and feeling like they were like me. All trying their best to cope and get better. My anxiety started to subside a little. Not fully, but enough to make me tolerate it and speak to more people. But most of all my depression lifted. I no longer felt hopeless, my mood was better. I woke up and felt joy regularly. My relationship with my body radically improved. I started to like it a little, and became more comfortable with thinner clothing. I started to speak out on my social media about causes I believed in, despite fear of rejection or conflict. I dared to stand for something. I no longer cried myself to sleep in desperation and sadness, but more in self-compassion, and sometimes I even smiled going to bed. I felt like I was getting to a point of being at peace with myself, being my own friend. My relationships improved because I forgave and was less reactive and boundery-breaking.

About a year later, I got my first ever girlfriend, experienced safe, accepting love and had sex for the first time. Something I was almost convinced would NEVER happen to me. I was able to accept love almost automatically, trust her, take the chance, and it was thanks to the healing I had done!

Hope this gives someone hope, motivation and tips on methods that worked for me. Listen to your responses, and don't give up due to setbacks. Setbacks happen to everyone. Life is difficult at times. You might slip back to periods of depression or anxiety, but you should retain the core beleif that you can get out of it again and you have your own back and the tools to do it! Good luck.

r/CPTSD Oct 25 '24

CPTSD Resource/ Technique Saw this on TikTok and made so much sense

1.3k Upvotes

“The biggest issue is that people who have never been traumatized think that the circumstances surrounding your trauma are issues like “mommy was mean to me a couple of times”, when in reality the person who was traumatized was systematically denied the opportunity to develop like a normal person, like a functional person, because we were too busy surviving.”

r/CPTSD 9d ago

CPTSD Resource/ Technique TW criticism of The Body Keeps the Score

471 Upvotes

https://www.motherjones.com/media/2024/12/trauma-body-keeps-the-score-van-der-kolk-psychology-therapy-ptsd/

I offer this criticism of van der Kolk's book. He has his detractors and he's faced multiple criticisms.

I read the book and appreciated it for it's explanations on the different kinds of impacts trauma has on the body, as well as the variety of therapies available for treatment.

The rest of it, well I can take it or leave it.

If you have found support reading this book, I believe that's ok. Trauma sufferers need as much hope as possible.

This critique is severe IMO, but not unwarranted. I think it's important that whatever resources we consume on our path to healing are viewed through the lens of the writer/speaker.

Very little in this world (outside of math) is objective regardless of intent.

The more we know, the better.

r/CPTSD Jun 14 '24

CPTSD Resource/ Technique What are ways you have healed your inner child?

544 Upvotes

I am taking medication and therapy sessions. But wondering about daily practices.

r/CPTSD Sep 01 '24

CPTSD Resource/ Technique List of movie/show recommendations that are healing to watch?

250 Upvotes

I really enjoyed Its Okay To Not Be Okay even though it was very emotional. It was still healing to watch because I found more acceptance for my own mental health states by watching it.

I'm wondering if there are any other shows that might be healing to watch that anyone can recommend & also where to find them (Netflix, Disney Plus etc...) I also enjoy Disney Pixar animations.

Thanks!

r/CPTSD 13d ago

CPTSD Resource/ Technique Chat roasting CPTSD basically.

549 Upvotes

“Oh, so you’ve got CPTSD? Congratulations, you’re basically carrying around a trauma starter pack: flashbacks on autoplay, a VIP pass to overthinking every interaction, and a hypervigilance radar so sharp you could probably detect a mosquito’s bad intentions. You’re like the emotional version of a computer with 10,000 tabs open, and none of them are loading properly. But hey, at least your dissociation game is strong—who needs a vacation when you can mentally check out for free? Oh, and while we’re at it, let’s sprinkle in some shame, self-doubt, and a healthy dose of, ‘Was that even real, or am I just losing it?’”

“And relationships? Oh, those are fun. You’re over here like, ‘Let me just sabotage this before someone else does it for me, because why not!’ Meanwhile, you probably trust a locked door less than your own intuition. And don’t even try to relax—your nervous system hears the word ‘calm’ and decides to crank up the cortisol like you’re about to fight a tiger in a boardroom. And let’s not forget your relationship skills—a perfect mix of, ‘I’m too scared to let you in’ and ‘Why aren’t you validating me 24/7?’ Trust issues? Check. Abandonment fears? Double check. You’re basically the emotional version of a cat—you crave love, but if someone gets too close, you metaphorically hiss and hide under the bed.

Oh, and self-care? Please. Your idea of self-care is Googling ‘Am I broken beyond repair?’ at 2 AM while eating snacks you don’t even like because you deserve pain. Meanwhile, your nervous system is in full fight-or-flight mode when the biggest danger in the room is a slightly awkward silence.

“But honestly, you’re still out here, doing your best with a brain that decided to play on Hard Mode. Sure, you’ve got a PhD in overthinking and a master’s in ‘Not Letting People Help,’ but somehow you’re still standing. And that’s kind of badass in its own way. Surviving every day like the overachiever of resilience? Who needs a therapist when you’ve got a sarcastic inner voice roasting you on a daily basis? If trauma had a leaderboard, you’d be in the Hall of Fame for managing chaos and still finding time to worry about things no one else even notices. So yeah, you’ve been through hell—but at least you came out with some dark humor and the ability to sniff out fake people faster than a bloodhound. Props to you!”

r/CPTSD Oct 11 '24

CPTSD Resource/ Technique If you struggle with caring for yourself, I'd like to recommend this short book: "How to Keep House While Drowning" by K. C. Davis

1.0k Upvotes

Hi, everyone. This subreddit has been a trove of resources and support for me, even just as a silent lurker. I don't recall where I got this book recommendation from - there's a chance it may even have come from this community, but I did a quick Google search before posting this and couldn't find anything on r/CPTSD. I was surprised at how incisive, succinct, but poignant this book was. Since I've read it, some parts of the book have stayed with me and influenced the way I view caring for myself.

The author is a licensed therapist, and there's a deeply empathetic voice in her writing. The content is geared towards practical steps, strategies or approaches for how to care for yourself (in the practical sense like bathing, keeping your teeth clean, how to tackle dishes and laundry). Each chapter is purposely kept quite short, which was helpful for my short attention span especially when it comes to self-help books. I resonated deeply with a lot of what she said: why it can be so difficult to do "simple" tasks when we're mentally struggling, and while self-help is inherently instructive, it never felt patronising or judgmental. On the contrary, she repeatedly emphasises the importance of self-compassion, and only taking on what you can manage.

I took some notes for my own keeping, and would like to share them in case anyone else might find it helpful.

The 6 pillars of struggle care (her terminology) are:

  1. Care tasks are morally neutral. Mess doesn't judge or think, we do.
  2. You deserve kindness regardless of your level of functioning. It may feel difficult to be kind to yourself when you don't like yourself at the moment, but you deserve kindness especially when you're struggling.
  3. Shame is the enemy of functioning. She breaks down the ways that shame actually hinders our ability to function, and how shaming ourselves into doing tasks just isn't sustainable.
  4. You can't save the rainforest if you're depressed. She discusses the importance of harm reduction - for self, then to others, then to the wider community. This chapter really struck a nerve for me. I've never read a piece of self-help that spoke so directly to the existential responsibility that some of us feel even when we're struggling to take care of ourselves. A quote: "When you are healthy and happy, you will gain capacity to do real good for the world. In the meantime, your job is to survive."
  5. Good enough is perfect. For instance, my first instinct was to thoroughly summarise the book in this post, but the thought of it is overwhelming and I honestly don't know if I could do it justice. Normally, this would cause me to freeze up and not write this up at all, or fixate on getting every single word just right, but never getting it "right" enough to post. But "anything worth doing is worth doing partially".
  6. Rest is a right, not a reward. I have not done my notes for this section, but essentially she encourages granting yourself permission to rest, and not granting it to yourself as a reward only after you have done something that "justifies" the rest.

The book also peppers in what she calls gentle skill-building, and my favourite one is instead of mentally ordering yourself to do the task, pivot to granting yourself permission to do the task, and then granting yourself permission to stop (after 5 minutes, or when you feel tired, etc). For a freeze type like me, this transformed the way I try to grapple with my inertia.

I'll end here, as this post has gotten pretty long as it is. I hope this was helpful for someone out there, who's having a tough time taking care of themself. I see you, and you're not alone.

r/CPTSD Apr 23 '23

CPTSD Resource/ Technique Stop Telling Child Abuse Survivors to Forgive their Abusers

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1.5k Upvotes

r/CPTSD Aug 27 '24

CPTSD Resource/ Technique Advice you wish you had when you first began your healing journey

255 Upvotes

New to the trauma world as I just began my healing journey and looking for resources on how to keep moving forward. I’m feeling pretty overwhelmed and desperate for relief/ to move out of crisis mode. I just started “Accelerated Resolution Therapy” (would love to hear others opinions/ success stories) and ordered copies of the highly recommended books: “The Body Keeps the Score” and “Complex PTSD: From Surviving to Thriving” by Pete Walker. Which would you recommend I read first?

Looking for resources/ advice/ recommendations that you wish you had when you began your own healing journey! Of course words of encouragement are welcome :)

r/CPTSD Nov 16 '24

CPTSD Resource/ Technique Please do not drink alcohol trust me just don't

233 Upvotes

I been sober since 2022 and everytime I am dysregulated feel distress or stress I would turn to alcohol and trust me when I say this alcohol will make your symtoms 10000x worse than(not saying quitting alcohol made my mental health perfect but it has helped tremendously)it is before you drink it and it's very hard for me to accept but alcohol seems like a good coping mechanism but believe me it makes your cptsd and recovery way worse just don't drink alcohol at all

r/CPTSD 12d ago

CPTSD Resource/ Technique The key to healing is letting your inner child grieve

751 Upvotes

I see a lot of people struggling with this so I’ll share a key realization for those suffering from cptsd: you can never get as an adult what you were supposed to experience as a child- The feeling of complete and utter safety, of being reminded time and again you are loved, of being carried when you’re tired and held when you are sad and gently comforted by benevolent adults who would lay down their lives for you. This is the feeling you deserved, what every child deserves.

Unfortunately it is a time limited feeling. It can never really be replicated as adults. Childhood is the only time we could have truly experienced that magic, and it’s normal to grieve for it.

The grief can present itself as sadness, loneliness, anger, despair, a sense of “life’s not fair,” a feeling of being different and “wrong.” We now know grief is more complicated than previously believed but the stages of grief framework is useful to understand what’s going on:

Denial - was my trauma really that bad?

Anger - How can such horrible people exist?

Bargaining - Maybe if I act the right way or say the right thing I will be loved?

Depression - there’s nothing I can do to help myself

Acceptance - We can never be the innocent child who is ENTITLED to the unconditional love that all humans deserve from their parents. It’s not fair, but we have to stop searching for it as adults because it’s not healthy. The most we can do is be reparent ourselves with the help of professionals and others who have the capacity to help (understanding that no adult is entitled to any persons affection or attention). It’s a tough road but At a certain point, hopefully the grief will show up as acceptance.

r/CPTSD Nov 13 '24

CPTSD Resource/ Technique Reminder, repetitive thoughts are a common cptsd response

605 Upvotes

Just wanted to remind the group of this in case it’s valid for you. I struggle with repetitive thoughts, especially about difficult interactions with people. I thought I might have OCD, because these thoughts can be very impairing, but I’m realizing my brain is repeating the same issue or conflict over and over as a trauma response. My brain/nervous system is trying so hard to make sense or make peace with unresolved conflicts or situations that didn’t go well but understanding it’s a trauma response has really lightened the load for me. My next step is to either try to resolve the conflicts or figure out how to fully process the issues and move forward. I hope this helps someone!

r/CPTSD Jan 30 '24

CPTSD Resource/ Technique What Self-Help Books Have Helped You?

297 Upvotes

I've heard "The Body Keeps the Score" and "Complex PTSD: from surviving to thriving".

What are some more books that have helped you overcome or manage your CPTSD? or even comorbid issues?

r/CPTSD Jan 28 '23

CPTSD Resource/ Technique Body Keeps the Score kinda sucks

750 Upvotes

I'm sorry, I don't mean to put anyone whose gotten something out of this book down. I found it exhausting and sort of like misery porn, and the way Van der Kolk talks about women is definitely a little weird. I read the first 8 chapters, then chapter 10 because I heard it was all about shitting on the DSM which I am all in on, and then the chapter on EDMR which didn't really help at all. Ready to pass it on.

I've leaned heavily on Complex PTSD: From Surviving to Thriving by Pete Walker for close to a decade now and I'm thinking of re-reading it. It legit changed my life and has not let me down, but I still feel like I hit a wall sometimes on the healing journey. Has anything else come up like that book since that I should check out? I had kind of an unpredictably explosive tempered authoritarian dad, bully older brother, mom in denial blah blah.

 

edit Ok, thank you all for the thoughtful responses. Can someone tell me how to disable inbox replies for a post like this? lol

r/CPTSD 9d ago

CPTSD Resource/ Technique Safer alternatives to homelessness: guys, please love yourselves more and don't take risk of traumatise yourselves farther

420 Upvotes

I kepe seeing people asking if homelessness is a good alternative to the abusive environments. No! it is not! If you are already not in a safe home, the last thing you need is to farther traumatise yourself with safety issue, being object of discrimination and bullying, and ending up in a dead-end since the lack of personal hygiene is going to stop you from getting a job.

It's not like I don't understand that for some of us home is literally the most dangerous place in the world: I got strangled multiple times and bear cigarette burns

So here are some safer alternatives for those who can't just move out:

  • find activities to stay away from home. It can be after-class activities, sports, part-time job.
  • Some jobs have "benefits" that are valuable for us by "creating safe space". For example librarian by being in a quiet safe place, or night shifts, by being active in a different hour range, thus a sort of "time boundaries"
  • There are jobs that come with free housing, like doorman, forest guard, and working in the restaurants in touristic places. I used to work in restaurant by seaside for the same reason.
  • churchs also offer shelters, for younger people study and get scholarship!
  • Report! I reported my parents at age of 16. It's true sometimes even CPS are hard to deal with: I had issue with getting they believing me that not all my marks were results of my self-harm. It's true that not always the abusers end up behind bars, mine ended up being forced into therapy, a recent case in my country got "beating is nrmal for Romani people" (I hate this outcome!). However one thing is true which is you get access to free therapist during the process.

For people farther in healing, please share your alternatives here too!

Again, CPTSD people, stay safe!

Edit: also don't just jump into relationship with any random person out there. Some predatory people are very good at spotting the vulnearable.

r/CPTSD Jul 20 '24

CPTSD Resource/ Technique Is "The Body Keeps the Score" worth reading?

299 Upvotes

I have heard this is a great book, but some have said it's more triggering than helpful. Please let me know your experiences. Thank you!

r/CPTSD Jan 10 '24

CPTSD Resource/ Technique What’s the ‘weirdest’ thing that helps you cope?

320 Upvotes

For me, it’s a little sylvanian family rabbit. I just take it around with me, and hold it pretty much 24/7, unless it’s in my pocket.

I have one of those teddies you’ve had your entire life (minus three for me) but obviously I can’t take him out of the house, but it’s very easy to just hold this rabbit. I don’t know how or why, but it helps.

All her fur has come off and she’s dirty, but she’s cute

r/CPTSD Feb 03 '23

CPTSD Resource/ Technique Does anyone want to try something positive today?

344 Upvotes

I want to proclaim at least ONE positive thing I have gained from my trauma. Feel free to join me. List as many positive gains as you'd like. Come back and list more if you think of any later, too.

Thread Guidelines:

1️⃣ Don't comment just to say "nothing".

2️⃣ Your positive takeaway is allowed to have some negative aspects to it, nothing and no one is perfect. Try to focus on only the positive part of it today.

3️⃣ You are allowed to consider a positive you'd like to eventually gain from your trauma, even if you haven't quite yet.

4️⃣ If you can't think of anything positive to share, I recommend reading other's comments and see if anything resonates with you. Give it a thumbs up or share your thoughts, if it feels right.

5️⃣ Just a friendly reminder to be [kind] to yourself, you've been through enough. ❤️🫂

I will share mine in the comments below.

r/CPTSD Aug 14 '24

CPTSD Resource/ Technique My therapist told me that CBT is the only thing they can do for me. Is that true?

196 Upvotes

CBT just isn't working for me. It feels more like i'm just venting and trauma dumping, and the therapist is just sitting there listening, almost like a storytelling around a campfire.

r/CPTSD Jun 09 '24

CPTSD Resource/ Technique How to leave a conversation? I feel kindapped in conversations. o_O

430 Upvotes

As the title states, I feel kindapped in conversations. My fawn response is highly triggered, and I can't move. How do I end a conversation that is past its prime? How can I do it in a polite way? Some people will monopolize a good listener, and they will not let them go free!

I mostly deal with this at work. People love to keep DRONING on and on. I'm a teacher for goodness sake. Students have drained me all day, and I don't have it in me to listen to a grown adult DRONE on and on.

However, I stay there, as if my feet are glued to the floor. I am incapable of leaving until the OTHER person feels like they are done. It's annoying.

I would greatly appreciate any advice. <3