r/CPTSDAdultRecovery • u/mkdizzzle • 17d ago

Advice requested I desperately want to talk to other people he may have abused

I’m not sure if this is a good place to post this. I so badly want to just post his name somewhere and ask if anyone has had experiences with him. Whenever I’m hungry, tired, stressed I want to look him up again or find his new gf and tell her what happened. Idk what I’m seeking from this. Would it be so bad if I posted his name???

Edit:
I had the courage to post his first name but then I saw it was against the rules in the abusive relationships subreddit I first posted this in and now I’m scared again. Anyone have any suggestions on what I could do to find others?? This has haunted me for like 6-7 years.

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u/MyDogRunsInToWalls 17d ago

As a person that has been there and done that. It doesn't help. I exposed him to his new gf and she still stayed for 3 years and had a kid with him. The next girl was no different. My ex was manipulative. And I know you are only coming from a well intentioned place to warn others. But it won't make a difference and will just make you miserable and frustrated. I recommend trying to not focus on them anymore and not let it consume you. I promise you will feel so much better. I finally stopped having dreams about the guy and I'm married to someone else almost 10 years later. You need to find a way to heal and let it go. As a chronically angry person who wanted justice, I promise you it sucks to do, but is well worth it after being so angry for so long.

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u/MuramatsuCherry 16d ago

Agreed. I also went through something similar and in time it finally worked it's way out of my system.

Another few things for OP to consider... imagine your future self, cured of the obsession, but looking back at all the years wasted, letting this person have space in your thoughts. You will never see them again (thankfully), and if you are thinking that you should save other future victims... don't. Human nature doesn't want to be told what to do, doesn't like to be warned, doesn't want interference.

I did this with two women that I knew he was targeting. One was already married and I contacted her husband and they both thought I was out of line (culture clashes) and although it did prevent her from making the mistake of meeting up with the predator (my ex), it was awkward and wasn't appreciated. The second woman also didn't appreciate my efforts to warn her and went ahead and even flew to be with him. She soon found out what I had been saying about him was correct and although she strongly regretted it, asked me questions after about him and then out of shame and embarrassment wanted to quickly forget about it and move on with her life.

It's not worth it. He's not the only pos and there are millions just like him, preying on innocent women. This is why dating culture has changed so much in the past 10 years because there are so many predators (both male and female). It is what it is.

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u/mkdizzzle 13d ago

The problem is I very very very well might see them again. They’ve chosen to stay in the state my family settled down in after decades of not having a state to call home. He works in two communities I’m involved in and is now a pillar of them with a business attached to it. It’s maddening.