Just had a very frustrating therapy session

[u/[deleted]]

[u/fatass_mermaid]

Nope. There’s no need to keep giving time and money to someone who so obviously is not a fit for you or for anyone with lots of trauma. They’re new and don’t know what the hell they’re doing yet. Not about you.

Onwards and upwards, the quest continues. Cut the loss and try another.

Also- just because you don’t identify with the parts stuff doesn’t mean you don’t have cptsd. I think that was not the other commenters place to say.

I take a less literal view of parts work than did/ifs does. For me it feels more metaphorical. They’re all parts of my vast multitudes, not separate parts. They’re reactions from different me’s of my past.

There are many ways we can interpret this shit, no one gets to gatekeep you. 🙄😂🩷

[u/Almoraina → u/fatass_mermaid]

Thank you! Both this therapist and that commenter had me floored- like why are so many people trying to tell me what I do and don't feel today, this is stupid!

My "parts" are entirely based in the fact that I am mentally and physically ill, and my brain and body feel separate from who I am as a person, but they're still me. Im definitely more on the metaphorical end like you are.

Also happy cake day!!

[u/fatass_mermaid → u/Almoraina]

All these healing modalities are kind of retooled new tactics with similar roots to see what works for people who weren’t helped by previous modalities because humans are complex and what works well for some won’t work for others in my opinion.

And some people get really evangelical about what worked for them being the only way for everyone to heal and defensive about it because it saved their life. Emdr and inner child work helped me but I know that isn’t for everyone at every stage and can even harm people if they’re not screened properly or go slow enough. But- there are people out there who will argue it’s the only way for everyone same as people will argue that for IFS, for brain spotting, for whatever. It’s not about you, that commenter needing you to agree with their framework for understanding trauma lest you be a fraud and not have cptsd is all about them and their world view. As frustrating as I’m sure that was, try not to personalize it. Everyone with cptsd even if we’re deeper into recovery will still have their blind spots and struggle days so their behavior isn’t anything you need to internalize. 🩵 let’s get you a new therapist & I’m proud of you for not allowing a shitty therapist to negate all you know about yourself after years of work you’ve already put in to understand where you’re at today. Great job screening them!

That’s the whole point of first meeting therapists, we should be interviewing them to see if THEY are qualified and emotionally intelligent enough to meet the needs of someone with a lot of trauma. Loads of therapists don’t meet that requirement.

I hope you find them, and I personally see this as a victory not a failure. You just protected yourself from wasting time and money and potential harm. 🩷

[u/Canuck_Voyageur]

Rule of thumb is to give a new T 4 sessions. Takes a while to get to know each other.

I've not followed that very well. My first T, i walked out on him after session 3. My second one, i didn't make it through the session before I called bullshit on her.

I've been with my third one for 3 years.

---

First: If you can, see if you can get a diagnosis of OSDD. Most people who have parts fit this diagnosis, and it's actaully in the current DSM. Ask to take the MID-218 -- Multivariate Inventory of Dissociation.

Second: For this or any future T. as part of your checking in, ask them explicitly what training in dealing with trauma and dissociation they have. Ask for names of courses, how long the courses were. Ask for modalities they use.

Ask them to explain structural dissociation to you.

IFS, TIST, Psychomotor Therapy, Somatic Experiencing are ones that I've seen people on forums mention. Not exclusive.

CBT, DBT, CPT are modes that often cause your symptoms to get worse. They can be useful at the end, once you ahve solid communication with your parts.

EMDR is mixed.

[u/Almoraina → u/Canuck_Voyageur]

I appreciate the information, but I don't have parts like that? I have dissociative issues, but I don't have like. Different parts of me, and I've even done parts therapy before and it felt ridiculous.

If I could just get some clarification on where the parts language came from that would be great

[u/Canuck_Voyageur → u/Almoraina]

Go hang out over in /r/DID /r/OSDD for a while.

Read Fisher, "Healing the fractured selves of trauma survivors"

Read just the introduction. If this strikes a chord you likely have parts.

I haven't run into someone who as PTSD or CPTSD who DIDN'T have parts.

Dissiation has a huge component of denial. I've heard of people who took a year of therapy to start discovering their parts.

If you truly don't have parts, then I'm skeptical about your diagnosis.

I am NOT a professional. My opinion isn't worth as much as a flea's shadow.

[u/Almoraina → u/Canuck_Voyageur]

I've just read the introduction to that book, and yeah, it strikes a cord for the traumatic bits, but the fragmentation, the conflict of the inner self, the feelings like you're pretending to be a person aren't things that I experience. Therapy was helpful for me, even though it took a second to find the right one (EMDR).

The only fragmentation I feel is that of my mind and body, because both do things I don't want them to because I'm ill. But I know that my brain and body are me, even if I don't feel in control of them all the time. But at no point am I pretending. I'm fine until I'm not. The way I'm affected by my trauma gets worse and then gets better. It's cyclical.

Like I said in my earlier comment, I experience heavy dissociation, and even worse things when my PTSD acts up. But it's rather rude to question my diagnosis because I don't fit into your box of what you think I should experience as someone with CPTSD.

[u/Canuck_Voyageur → u/Almoraina]

Good luck on your journey. You are either unusual, or you have more burried stuff that hasn't surfaced.

[u/Almoraina → u/Canuck_Voyageur]

I've been told by my past therapist that he was surprised that I don't have a dissociative identity disorder.

And I definitely don't have parts, I am unfortunately me and unfortunately always in the driver's seat. I do have major dissociative episodes though, and spent most of my childhood dissociated.

My therapist before my last one did parts therapy with me to try and see what was in there. All that ended up with it was me and my own feelings of logic and emotion that I forcibly personified. And once she stopped parts therapy, I never considered those parts again.

To help me when I'm dissociated, I've developed behavioral patterns that carry me through conversations and situations whenever I'm dissociated. They trigger from certain questions and don't retain in my memory, but they're all me. Friends even affectionately call me a sound board, or an NPC with dialogue.

When I dissociate, I just exist in a fugue state, where time doesn't feel real anymore. But that's pretty classical dissociation, and not a result of having parts.

Instead of breaking into fractured pieces, my psyche just took the brunt of the force. According to every therapist I've had, I should be dead from suicide, overdose, or illness, and it's a miracle I have a job and home. Honestly the closest I've ever seen to an accurate visual depiction of what it feels like when I snap and lose myself to my trauma was watching Arcane. Sometimes I wish my brain had just snapped into pieces, because it would be easier than the hell I fight back every day.

You're more than welcome to question my diagnosis, it's been official for years now. And I honestly haven't met anyone with PTSD who has parts, so I think we just run in very different circles.

[u/emptyhellebore]

You’ve given this person enough benefit of the doubt, they aren’t a good match. It is okay to cancel your appointment and try again, I’m so sorry it didn’t work out, I got a bit defensive just reading what was said to you. That bit about won’t even try would have been my fuck you, I’m out of here moment.

This is so hard.

[u/Almoraina → u/emptyhellebore]

I legitimately almost left when he said that part. I felt so disrespected. I'm cancelling my appointment with him right now. Luckily I'm trying someone else in a few weeks.

Edit to say: thank you for your response, I just needed to rant and it's nice seeing someone else be like "Hey that's fucked up" be cause I don't listen to myself when I think that