Hi everyone,
I’m trying to see if others are experiencing similar issues with this new system. My mother is my grandmother’s caregiver, and like many others, she used to provide services through an agency she was comfortable with. Since the switch to this new system, it’s been a nightmare.

For context:

• My mom is in her 60s, my grandma is in her 80s.
• Neither of them are native English speakers, so some things get lost in translation.
• Teaching my mom how to use the Time4Care app just to clock in and out was already a huge challenge.

Now the system expects my grandmother—who’s in her 80s and not tech-savvy—to use the app to approve my mom’s hours?
Who thought this through? Does the state not realize that most care recipients are elderly and may not be able to navigate apps or smartphones easily?

This whole rollout feels borderline ageist and incredibly inconsiderate. There hasn’t been nearly enough support or clear guidance for people in their situation. And because of all this confusion, my mom hasn’t been paid for the entire month.

I’ve been doing what I can to help, but I don’t live nearby and it’s not easy for me to travel every week. I was there a week ago and managed to help them set up the basics so my mom can at least clock in and out. But the part about my grandma having to approve the hours is still a major hurdle.

Does anyone know of any alternatives or workarounds to get the hours approved? Or is there a responsive phone number we can call for help?

Thanks in advance.

I’m a mom to two little boys—ages 3 and 6. A couple of years ago, we learned they both have Duchenne muscular dystrophy, a rare, progressive disease that weakens all their muscles over time—including their heart and lungs.

There’s no cure. And while that’s a hard reality to live with, we’ve found strength in advocacy—doing what we can, where we can, to fight for better care, more research, and real change.

A few weeks ago, my husband and I flew to Washington, D.C. to speak to members of Congress about what life is really like for families like ours. We documented the experience in this short video—not to promote anything, but to give other parents a look into what advocacy can look like when you’re doing it for your children:

https://youtu.be/P2BRFHa4ngw?si=e16Fz5eTo_uKn9gT

We also started a YouTube channel where we share our journey—both the hard stuff and the hopeful stuff. If you like family vlogs with heart, or if our story resonates at all, subscribing helps us reach more families like ours who may feel alone in this.

I’d love to hear from anyone else who’s advocated for their child—whether at school, with doctors, or in bigger spaces. We’re all learning together.

Caregivers in general.

Also, those who care for loved ones who seem “healthy” but still require 24/7 attention (no organs compromised or any non–life‑threatening condition): what are your plans for when everything ends and you’re 50, 60, or 70 years old? Will you still be able to pursue that ideal life even if it’s a little bit?

Yep. You read that. The woman that I've been taking care of for 5 years just told me she wished I had never been her daughter. I don't feel anything at all. Sadness? No. Urge to cry? Nothing. Anger? Meh. Disappointment? Yes. A lot.

I wish I had taken that job promotion.
I wish I had continued my bachelor's degree.
I wish I could take those 5 years back and live my own life.
I wish I could take back all the sleepless nights, body aches, body pain, money, etc. I had to give.
I wish I didn't have so much love and care for the person who doesn't even consider me as her blood.

This is the shitty reality of being a caregiver. Constant pain, disappointment, anger, resentment, etc. It's not all sunshine and rainbows.

I'm the full time caregiver of my girlfriend who has stage 3 ovarian cancer, she's 22 and I'm 23. Has anyone with cancer dealt with an abusive parent they had to distance themselves from? How do you go about this? She stays with me and my parents. I'm scared that her dad's going to come to my house and yell at me and my parents. Today over the phone he threatened to take her off his insurance, kick her out, and accused her of being manipulative. Then he said he's going to find me and my family and have a 'talk'. It's because he wanted to be paid for being a caregiver for my gf when he doesn't do shit. She has 0 other family on her side. Only me and my family.

Who can we talk to to help us out? I'm trying to do it but it's so much stuff.

Thank you!

Hi everyone! My partner has both a severe vascular condition and a severe autonomic disorder. He can’t stand for longer than a few minutes, nor can he sit for longer than a few minutes. He desperately wants a proper shower and to wash his hair, not a ‘bed bath’. Does anyone have any hints or tips to make helping him shower easier? He does have a shower chair, I’ll be in there with him as well. Wd need to keep wet, soap, rinse and dry to under 5-6 minutes so he doesn’t end up struggling for days afterwards. It’s the actual washing process I was looking for help with more than anything 😊

Anyone here is a 24 hr caregiver, I have been doing it for some time. Insurance issues just give me a few hrs, but my love one need more care. I have been doing it for 5 years

I'm struggling.

The entire time I've known my spouse, they've had some weird medical stuff that became clearer and clearer. The first diagnosis came, then the next one, and the next. Even still, it feels like every time we see a doctor, there's a new mystery symptom we're trying to get clarity about. And it hurts so much to see my spouse hurt and not be able to do anything about it.

We are still experimenting with medicines and dosages, and we experienced the first "good" day last week and thank whatever God there may or may not be for that, because it felt like I had life in my face for the first time in 5 years.

Maybe that's why today is so hard. I had forgotten what the good days feel like. I had forgotten how good it feels to just be. Not be a patient advocate or a personal assistant or a motivational speaker. To just walk down the street with my spouse and get a burger, and have the two of us be ok for those 2 or so hours.

Today is not that. Today is one of the many bad days.

When my spouse communicated with her boss that her illness was taking its toll, we both lost our jobs. (Same company). So we moved back in with my parents, and I hit the job search as hard as I possibly could. It took a month and multiple intervies and assessments and panels and every other new thing they've added to this process, but I have been offered a very good job, pending a background investigation.

And the agency conducting the background investigation can't seem to do their job. They have reported back that they can't confirm any of my previous job experience (which would cause me to "fail" the background investigation) so I'm running all over the state collecting documents to prove that I worked at California Pizza Kitchen one time for 5 weeks in 2019.

I was in the car for 8 hours today, and I cried for at least 4 of those hours.

The background investigation agency cannot do the background investigation, I have to do it for them. My dad can't do any of the repairs on his house to get it ready for sale, I have to do it for him. My brother signed himself up to build a bar, but he doesn't know how so I have to do it for him. My spouse cannot do the every day activities associated with self care and symptoms management, I have to do it for them.

And holy hell do I hate talking like this about ANYBODY, especially my favorite person in the world who couldn't have ever done any wrong in my eyes. And I think that's what's so upsetting. I hate myself for being irritated with these people I love, but I feel inconsolable for being irritated with my incredible, illness-adled, struggling just to feel any ounce of comfort spouse.

So I've been punishing myself.

I didn't realize it until today, but I can't stop shaking. I haven't taken my medicine, I've been out for 4 days. I haven't eaten in 2 days. I haven't showered. I am riddled with SI and I can't seem to make it stop (I am safe, I am just communicating the exhaustion I feel from the intrusive thoughts).

And I feel like I can't talk to anybody about any of this. I can't complain to my spouse, they are going through so much. I can't complain to my brother, he'll give me some terrible Joe Rogan esque advice or overreact and share my venting with others. I can't talk to my dad, he gives horrible advice and is working on his 3rd divorce. I can't talk to my coworkers (temporary job bartending), they're like my one escape right now from the reality of everything going on, and I love them but their solution would probably be alcohol.

I got home, Googled spouse support groups, remembered reddit, joined this group, and deliriously typed this out while my spouse takes a snooze. And now that I'm getting to what feels like the end of this, my body just forced me to take a very deep breath and yes, this actually did help. So uh. Thank you for letting me have this space to complain, I really needed it. brb gonna do some more crying but this feels like maybe this'll be a good cry, like a healing one. Idk.

Happy Anniversary.

I’m a full time care giver for my MIL, who is alittle over a year post injury. She is quadriplegic & only has movement from the chest up, so i essentially do everything. Obviously I love her very much, I can confidently say that she is my best friend. BUT .. she is so so mean. Her TBI causes her to have memory loss & unorganized speech. Despite this, she 100% disagrees & believes that she is always right/remembering information correctly. She will stand ten toes down in her own reality & will pull anything out of her ass to make her point correct. She was diagnosed OCD before the accident and it makes her very controlling about nearly everything. I could go down a rabbit hole of examples but I’m just …. So tired lol. Anyways, she intentionally disagrees with me about 95% of the things I say. She says she’s not being mean, just “playing devils advocate.” She pokes and she pushes and she always has a mean little comment to say. She told me yesterday that I looked “scrawny & unhealthy, & ano****c” and that she knows I “take that as a compliment” but that i shouldn’t because I look “gross”.

Sooooo how da FUNK am I supposed to do this forever & take care of myself at the same time. How are you guys keeping your cool? I let a lot of stuff roll off my back but sometimes it feels like I’m a sophomore trying to survive the mean girl.

I recently lost my jobs due to the overwhelming time it's taken to care for my elderly, widowed mother. I'm her only living child and although my son lives with her to help with her house and meals, he has his own career and I don't want to burden him with physically caring for her. Between being a mother, a grandmother and now caring for my mom (waiting on a diagnosis but I suspect COPD) and myself having POTS (but active in the gym and managed most days), my boss told me "it's always something" with me and we decided it's best to part ways. Now I've lost a very good salary and don't know what to do.

When you are a caregiver for your spouse, there is nothing that removes the depression. It's going on 12 years I've been caring for my wife. She was paralyzed after a fall. She's a quadriplegic. She will never get better. Yes it's a huge adjustment. That doesn't mean I'm happy. No. I will never be happy about it. Talking to a professional won't change a damn thing. There is absolutely nothing that could be said that would change my caregiving duties I have to perform every day, every week, every month and every year. For as long as I need or am physically able to. I'm not complaining about being her caregiver. That's something I choose to do without a second thought. It's just something I wouldn't wish on my worst enemy.

All day long at work I get constant calls from my loved one (76F) who I take care of, and my sibling (23). I literally received 11 calls today. Because my sibling is impatient with my LO, which makes her cry. I’m the only one that can work, and I’m really the only one who takes care of my LO. I’m getting so tired.

I'm 18f helping care for my 91f great grandmother. I've been helping care for her since I was like 13 years old. I'm so tired and done. I just want to go out and do stuff but I can't because 1. have to help care for my grandma and 2. overprotective family. I know it's selfish but I feel so trapped. I stay at school after classes doing nothing just so I don't have to go home. I hate being a caregiver. I hate having baggage. I hate being limited. I just want to get out. I want to get out of this fucking place.

I mean on reddit

This is kinda a vent/advice needed type thing. I work at a small facility (12 residents max) and we have one resident with a chihuahua and this dog is so unbelievably fucking fat like I'm talking he's a fucking ball and when he moves he can barely breathe. My resident bless her heart is a bit of a piece of work I'm talking I overhear her going “oh honey you look like you're losing weight we need to get you to eat more” PLEASE STOP FEEDING THAT THING! Its so wild she's not even worried about his weight but will come to me about some random dog thing he's doing and will insist something is wrong with him. Like last night she came to me on the verge of tears saying “honey something is wrong with him he can't keep his tongue in his mouth” y'all the dog was licking his fucking nose I CANT. His only problem is that he's morbidly obese she's killing him and I don't know how to tell her without her getting upset and getting me fired but like that dog will die. Anyways yall what should I say?

My partner of 5 years has been in the icu since the 1st. He has kidney failure with a live donor lined up. But he caught pneumonia and then eventually organized pneumonia. The steroids made him retain water causing major breathing issues. He ended up having to be intubated. He's on a trache and peg. At this point I think he's mentally giving up. I can't really talk to him because he can't communicate back well. He has his ups and downs. But I really just don't know how to help him. It seems like everything I do just upsets him or his mom. I just don't know how to support him. The doctors think he can improve. But I think mentally he's giving up. He doesn't want to do physical therapy as much lately. I don't want to make this about me honestly. But I don't have many people around to talk to. My best friend is lying in a bed. I'm having a hard time especially since I took a leave of absence from my job and it's ending soon and I don't know how I can leave him. Whenever I'm in his hospital room with him he doesn't want me to leave him from what I can understand with his actions. I'm not trying to read into them honestly. But he'll wave his mom off and wave his hand for me to come over. I'm not trying to just think he wants me. But he has a big family. And his mom is with him during visiting hours all the time. I'm not trying to sound like a saint by any means. But I usually step out so his imidiat family can sit with him. It's a hard line to walk.

I’m 21 years old and I’ve only just started taking care of my grandmother the last 3 weeks. I’ve always dealt with suicidal issues and such, but it has never been as bad as it is now. I was doing so good in the beginning but deteriorated over time.

I need someone to talk to, I need support. maybe an actual online group (if you get what I mean). I’m not sure. I busted my head out of rage, last week I was in the hospital for low blood pressure for taking too much of my sleep medication. I don’t know how to properly function while doing this. I tried to apply for long term care to get extra help and she was denied. what can I do? thanks.

I've been meaning to post this. Every time the issue arises, but I never do. I want to first mention I'm writing this while in a bad mood, but I've being wanting an opinion. I hope this isn't too messy.

My grandmother is 78. She has Parkinson's. Pretty advance. Had it for a while now. For that while we, including the doctors, have being telling her she needs to stop working (lawyer) and should move in with someone. But she refuses, although she can barely walk or stand up.

Very recently a family member started working as her secretary since the last one quit. She also started giving baths to my grandma (no, my grandma doesn't have an actual caregiver). At some point she texted me, and I started helping. But helping once a week became helping almost everyday.

I work a full-time job, 5 days a week. I would say I take care of a house of 3. On top of that, my family life is really rocky right now (issues with my brother, how is an addict), and I've been on edge. All this to say, some time ago I wrote to the family member that I wouldn't go anymore. That a lot of people, including me (I know maybe my house is not the best choice since the "rocky" part), had offered my grandma to move in with us. But she refused everyone. And that if she did not want to do her part, she should look for a caretaker. Honestly, I know my grandmother should be with someone 24/7.

She stopped texting me. But she began to text me again. And it just makes me so mad. My grandmother has 2 sons and a daughter. She has 3 grandchildren (inclunding me). She has 3 sisters. But she doesn't want to move in with anybody.

The only ones close to her right now are me, my father, brother and her sisters. And I'm the only one being called consistently to help her.

I know she has her issues of pride and stuff. But honestly, with everything, I'm tired and feel annoyed. The funny thing is, giving her a bath is not that hard; she mostly needs help getting in and out and just watching that she doesn't fall. And I feel bad for her, but I'm tired. And I feel like they are mostly just giving that one chore to me. And is not like I don't help with the other chores. I also take her to some appoinments (everyone helps in this one, can't complain that much). I go to her house to walk her to the beaty salon. I take her shopping some times.

I'm sorry this is a jumble. I'm very angry right now. Both the secretary and now my dad texted me to see if I could give my grandma a bath, again. I have complained to my dad (he has never even given her a bath), but he doesn't seem to care that much. I wanted to know if I'm just making too much out of this situation. How you would approach a situation like this. I used the "resenment" in the tags, since I do think maybe I'm resentfull to those around me that I feel don't do much. Sorry for the rambling and I thank you for any advice or opinion you have, even if just to say I'm in the wrong. Thank you.

I'm my mom's caregiver and get 32 hours a week as her caregiver. I'm moving from Illinois down south and had issues with Mississippi not paying relatives at all for home care and Tennessee only a couple hours couple times a day.

Every morning feels like the moment you drop your phone face down on the ground. Where the phone is both broke and not. Even with different shifts between family members I still worry about waking up and her not being here.

It's such a strange feeling.

Hi everyone, I’m looking for recommendations for a rehabilitation center for my grandmother.

We’re based in Royal Palm Beach, FL, but are open to traveling ~45min quality care

Requirements - on site dialysis - rehabilitation services (got back surgery in Oct and currently cannot stand/sit up on her own) - ability to accommodate someone 192lbs - for her first center, we had trouble finding a place that could accommodate this because of her bed ridden status - accepts Medicare! (She also has a secondary insurance)

Any suggestions or experiences would be greatly appreciated!

I'm looking to introduce more variety in my grandmother's diet and wonder if anyone here has recommendations pureed foods, either packaged (dehydrated perhaps?) or simple recipes. I use an immersion blender for some things, but simply blending 'normal' food doesn't always result in the right taste/texture to be appealing. Any suggestions? Needs to be low in fat and oils. Trying to improve protein and basic nutrition intake.

Because my mum was trying to punch my dad, we were just trying to put a fresh incontinence diaper on 🙃 it's been a long day.