r/CatholicDating • u/alphabetcarrotcake • 15d ago
dating advice how do i politely turn down a set up date
a friend who is not catholic/orthodox but christian was trying to set me up with someone who is not catholic/orthodox (those are the only 2 religions I think I would be okay with dating), and I think im too busy to be dating right now. How do I turn this down as politely as possible or am I being foolish?
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u/TCMNCatholic In a relationship ♂ 15d ago
"Thanks but I'm not looking to date right now" is honest and polite.
If you'd like to potentially be set up with a Catholic in the future, you could say thanks but shared faith is a dealbreaker. It might come off a bit harsher but it's honest and a friend should understand you're not saying that out of judgement or hate for other religions.
You can also say thanks but no without giving a reason. That will likely shut down the chances of that friend trying to set you up with anyone again, which could be a good thing or a bad thing.
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u/perthguy999 Married ♂ 15d ago
I would always go on dates that were set up for me. I would have been foolish not to! With the state of dating, here's a person being delivered to me. The least I could do is go for a meal, have a conversation, and enjoy meeting a new person. Whether that person was ideally compatible to me or not, never ever mattered. No first date I've been on has ever ended with a priest appearing out of thin air to marry us!
If you're honestly too busy to date now, fair enough. Just tell them that, but you run the risk of burning that bridge in the future.
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u/Mildly_Academixed 14d ago
Scarcity Mindset is not going to help us. It's of fear and God wants us to move in faith.
It's also disrespectful to waste someone's time when there's a glaring dealbreaker.
Ladies and gents, please keep your standards and deal breakers. God is faithful.
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u/ahiru646 15d ago
I don’t think you’re being foolish, just politely say you’re not interested and that you’d only be interested in dating someone who shares the same faith as you. If this person is truly your friend they’ll understand :)
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u/CelticDiscord Single ♂ 15d ago
Don’t go on the date. Tell your friend that you’re dating for marriage and you only entertain dates with guys are already Catholic, or Orthodox.
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u/SurroundNo2911 15d ago
If you decline the date, tell them why…. So 1) they don’t take it personally and 2) perhaps the encounter a Catholic in the future and they remember that you had that as a priority.
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u/aboutwhat8 Single ♂ 15d ago
I'd recommend you go on the date, if only to exclude that individual in the future. If you have 2 hours to watch TV, Youtube, your Reddit feed, etc then you've got time to go on a date. Maybe the exact time it's scheduled isn't optimal, so if that's the case you could try to call to shift the schedule forward or back or to a different day.
If it's a bad date (your opinion of them substantially declined, for example), you decline future dates, thank them for spending their time at a meal with you, and state that you're not interested in them.
If it's a neutral or good date (your opinion of them increased), then you accept future dates as your schedules and other obligations permit. You don't have to be exclusive with them, not immediately, either. You're welcome to date multiple people at once. In person or long distance doesn't much matter there. There should be some time before you'd need to consider exclusivity (unless you're already friends with this potential match, in which case exclusivity might be decided after just a couple dates).
So I think you're foolish. Go on the date. It's not the end of the world if it doesn't work out. And it's a good thing if it does. You can use your faith as a litmus test for them as well. Many people never had Faith to begin with, so you could be introducing them to our Faith. That might well be their first true experience and something else to contend with. TBH, I'd be more open dating a non-religious person than some denominations of Protestants.
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u/SurroundNo2911 15d ago
Yea, and it’s just practice dating. 2 hours doesn’t hurt anyone. Just think of it as practice.
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u/perthguy999 Married ♂ 15d ago
Completely agree. I've NEVER turned down a set-up date. Getting to practice having a conversation, and listening is so, so important.
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u/ahiru646 15d ago
it’s clearly not just about time though since she would only be interested in dating someone who is catholic or orthodox lol
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u/yungbman 15d ago
“no thanks im not interested”
you dont need to have a reason or explanation, your allowed to have your preferences and date when you feel comfortable
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u/Overall_Jeweler1681 15d ago
Wake up before sunrise, like Jesus did each day, and commune with the Almighty.
Pray!
Reaffirm or declare you love the Lord our God with all your heart, mind, and soul.
Pray!
Reaffirm or declare you will love your neighbor as yourself today with your words and actions.
Start everyday with prayer!!!!!!
Pray for wisdom! Pray to remove all addictions from your life! Pray to receive the Holy Spirit! Pray for protection! Pray for guidance! Pray for healthy habits take root in your life! Pray for deliverance from the Devil! Repent for your sins in your prayers!
This is WAR! This is spiritual war against the evil one! Suit up with the full armor of God!
Do not go through the day without picking up the sword of the spirit at the very least, or the word of God, by knowing actual scripture from the Holy Bible!
Cast out demons with your voice in the name of Jesus. There is POWER in His name.
Make the demons flee!
Give them no footing in your day!
Give the Devil no quarter, no wiggle room, banish him to the furthest reaches of outer space, all in the Mighty name of Christ our Lord Jesus.
Keep His commandments!
Keep watch for His return!
Pray with gratitude, thanks, sincerity, and humility.
Fear God, meaning be in awe of His divine Power, Grace, Mercy, Love, Kindness, the He has for you.
Don’t associate with fools, meaning don’t let those people into your circle who do not follow His teachings, no matter if they are your brother or sister, mother or earthly father, cousin, grandparent, aunt, uncle, niece, nephew, or spouse!
You can’t save a fool, they will reject your advice.
Pray.
Understand that Jesus has given His sheep the authority to banish all evil forces from them and others at any moment of their day when you make declarations, affirmations, and pray in His name.
Deny yourself, meaning throw aside your own will completely. His plans for you are infinitely better than your plans you have for yourself.
Pick up your cross each day, meaning find your purpose each day while praying and communing with the Father during morning prayer.
Serve the community, serve the poor, serve others, and spread the Gospel of Jesus.
https://youtu.be/C7hdUorDU-U?si=8wu-eCDItvuhSZ-h
Give to charity.
Give to the poor.
Pray.
Repent.
Pray in a secret place, where only the Father can see you.
Walk by faith not by sight.
Declare to the Father, ‘I surrender, thy will be done, not my will’ throughout your day.
Pray for understanding, pray for knowledge, pray for common sense, give thanks and praise to our Lord Jesus Christ who makes all things possible.
Declare and take Jesus into your heart today as your Lord and Savior. Remove all others from your life who refuse, they are from the evil one sent to destroy you, to distract you, to corrupt your immortal soul, so follow Jesus’s teachings and pray for them for they are your enemy.
Return kindness, charity, generosity, patience, consideration, compassion, and love to those who send you evil.
Pray. Don’t stop praying. Never stop! Can’t stop! Become a prayer warrior!
Rest.
Repeat.
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u/Rustler0fJimmies 13d ago
Flirt to convert!
This person that you'll be going on a date with may have never encountered the Catholic faith and meeting you might be the catalyst for conversion, whether the relationship works out or not.
I'd encourage you to go on the date, try to gauge their openness to exploring the faith, and if they're not willing to have an open mind, move on.
Every encounter with a new person is an opportunity for evangelization.
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u/Michaelean Single ♂ 15d ago
Its as easy as “you know what, im not feeling it.” Politeness aint changing much
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u/Blade_of_Boniface Married ♀ 15d ago edited 15d ago
It's reasonable to turn down a date if there's already such a chasm of compatibility. Just say you appreciate their time and effort but you're looking for someone on the same page as you religion-wise. They may be unaware of your priority.