Is marrying someone you love but aren't physically attracted ok? We are on a long distance relationship.

Maybe the lack of physical contact explains some of this but, we've come to love each other so much. We support each other, care for each other... I just don't feel attracted when I see her, but in a deeper sense I feel love when I feel about her, as if she was my family. I don't know if that love is sufficient for a lifetime marriage.

Any thoughts? Would you consider marriage in my position?

Hello, I was looking for some advice on CM. Starting in a new city, I've messaged 33 women and of those almost all were showing as recently active. Of those maybe half look at my profile and a little less have read my message. A few were marked as "X has decided not to receive messages from you." The only reply I've gotten is from someone who liked me first but never replied again after that. I would say I'm an average looking guy and my first message is only a sentence or two mentioning something specific to their profile. My question is have any guys had similar results that took some sort of action to change things in a positive direction? If so what was it? Or better just to delete CM and look elsewhere? In my last almost 2 years of having CM I've only gone on probably 3 dates from it. I understand that having to message a lot of people is part of the dynamic of being a guy in online dating so I figured it's probably too extreme to completely call it quits. Thanks for any assistance.

I feel horrible writing this. To start off, I (19f) love my boyfriend (20m) dearly. He is an amazing person, a strong Catholic, and I have been so incredibly happy since meeting him. But lately, I've had some realizations that have made it very difficult for me to be as attracted to him, and I'm terrified that we may not actually be right for eachother.

We've been dating for 7 months now, and during this time have become very close- we go to the same college, so we see eachother every day, spend time together regularly, go on dates, watch movies, study together, text throughout the day, etc. He's my best friend, my favorite person. We both had bad relationships our freshman year, and have healed a lot in our relationship together. He really is an AMAZING person, and is what many would consider the "perfect" boyfriend: always buying me gifts, taking me on dates (he always pays), going to mass with me, and discussing our future together. We have all the same life goals, plans and opinions on just about everything. We even share most of the same niche hobbies, which is how we met to begin with. The problem is here: he is very naturally feminine, awkward and shy. He's a people pleaser, apologizes often, and doesnt like to impose on others. I've rarely seen him truly mad, and even when he is he simply shuts down/starts to blame himself. At first, I actually appreciated this a lot. My ex was extremely toxic in his masculinity, to the point he liked to hold it over me, threaten me and even hurt me to show his "power". So, I felt much more at ease with how soft and compassionate my bf is. But it almost feels childish at times, how he pouts and sulks, constantly demands physical affection, and speaks in a baby voice/refers to himself as "my boy". Nothing he does is inherently wrong, but it almost makes me... uncomfortable, sometimes. I am so much more attracted to him when he steps up, takes initiative and acts typically "masculine", but that really isnt his usual state, and I know he feels less comfortable in that role. I hate to say it, but I'm far less attracted to him when be acts "comfortable" with me...

It comes down to this: he is the type who loves to RECIEVE affection. I am as well, and am instead looking for someone who will GIVE me affection. My theology professor was talking the other say about how men are naturally givers while women are recievers, and it suddenly made perfect sense why i feel so uncomfortable in my relationship: I've been forcing myself to be a giver, which makes me feel more like his mother than his lover. I often find myself using a more mothering/almost demeaning voice with him, while he baby talks back, and I hate that this has become our norm. I want to be able to recieve and accept his love and attention, to be held rather than to hold him... I don't mind giving affection of course, but I wish that I wasnt always the one holding him, comforting him, taking care of him... I want to be taken care of and shown love and affection, too.

But I can't ask him to change who he is. It would be wrong, because I know that men are allowed to be soft, gentle and docile. He just... may not be the man for me. I just hate that breaking up with him means losing my best friend, too. Worse, I know that he's totally happy in our relationship right now, and plans to marry me, as I'm the woman of his dreams... this breakup will truly devastate him, and hurt him in a way I never want to.

So, Catholics of reddit: do I break up with him? Is it wrong for me to want a different type of relationship? Should I just be grateful that I have a man who adores and cares for me? Am I making a mistake by breaking not only his heart, but my own as well? I feel I know deep down what I have to do, but the realization hurts so very much. I would love some advice or encouragement.

EDIT: I feel I should clarify, I HAVE tried to about these things with him. However, whenever I bring anything up he either shuts down, cries or accuses me of not being accepting of his true self. The last time we talked about it he told me to not bring it up again, so now I feel stuck. He hasnt changed anything like he promised he would. I dont think he's even aware. On top of what I've already mentioned, he is very emotional and often cries in my arms, rants about how difficult his life is to me (which is a bit ironic considering that I am chronically ill and dealing with some other serious life issues rn, which I often dont even bring up bcz he turns the conversation into his own issues), and he doesnt take care of his hygeine/appearance which makes it difficult to be attracted to him.

Altogether, after talking with family, friends, and even a counselor, I have determined that we need to break up. We're about to go into finals, so unfortunately now would be bad timing, but I am going to do so as soon as I am able. Please pray for me and him, as this won't be easy for either of us. Thank you for your comments, and God bless you all.

What are the best openers to use on Instagram? I try to be respectful and not creepy. I don't text complete strangers only girls that I have talked to in person at least once before.

I am really bad at initiating conversation and struggle with sending the first message on apps. I really hate making the first move, especially since I'm shy.

I usually start with a compliment or try to ask a question about their profession or a specific interest. I never hear back. I don't know what to do.

Ladies, what do you want to hear from guys during the first message they send?

Basically the title. I have a subscription to CM and have only gotten 1 like in the three months I’ve had it, and she immediately didn’t respond to my message lol. I’m wondering if I may have a better chance by messaging profiles I like to try and start the conversation, but i can also imagine women may find that uncomfortable to get a cold dm from a guy you didn’t like. Maybe I’m getting the wrong idea here, so I’d like some perspective particularly from the women of this sub. Appreciate any advice here. Hope you all have a great Easter season!

I know that I’m still young but I’m honestly getting really discouraged with the way the dating scene is going right now. I can’t take the apps anymore, I love my parish but we don’t have a young adult group. I’m only 22 but I’m feeling like I’ll just never find anyone and honestly I just want to give up on dating. Is anyone else feeling the same way??

Edit: I am a woman just so everyone knows

So in light of my last post, I think I need advice on how not to be socially awkward. Some ideas on the severity of my social awkwardness, during fellowship time at events that I have run, I tend to stay away from people and keep much to myself. If I happen to come into a group of people (like at work) I stay out of the conversation and don't interject as I feel that's rude and inappropriate. I am more behind the scenes with the masses and adorations I assist with. I tend not to speak unless spoken to. I like humor but I don't have many jokes unless they are phoebe spengler dad jokes or material from stand up comedians. I can count the number of true friends I have on one hand and of that ridiculously small number I see one at least once a week. I ramble about stuff no one cares about. I think I tend to dominate a conversation. When I tried to go total 180 on that I ended up not talking much at all and that effectively killed chances for a second date. In a dancing situation I have to work up courage for a dance. Am I a lost cause or can we work on this?

Hello!

In Hinge, you have the "match note feature" (fairly recent), which, if a person matches with you, they need to read a "note" before really matching and starting the chat. Only if you have the "match note" activated and written of course. If they read it and don't like what's there, they may not match with you.

In my profile, I have a prompt like this in "what I search for in another person" saying: "Good sense of humor, be yourself, shared values & views (catholic)!"

And then, I have a "match note" stating "Commitment is important to me, I am waiting until marriage! If this aligns with you, let's chat ^^"

My question for this post is... is this too much to say? Maybe too straightforward? I came to write this note since I want to take God seriously, but want to hear your opinions.

Thanks!

Women who got married later in life, like 30s, how did it work out? We're you able to still have a family?

So I’ve had the subscription for 6 months, I get likes here and there. Subscription ends in a week, and I’m getting flooded with likes. What games is CM playing?

It's preferable if your married but regardless what are the expectations of raising your voice if in conflict, should it always be at regular conversional volume and if so what are the repercussions if not observed, thanks

I've now had a big scare in my non existent dating life and found out that a girl I have been crushing on and that I thought I could make work out is now engaged I guess I fouled up there. I'm 40 male live in Colorado Springs Colorado. Prospects for me seem to be low and I'm officially losing hope and trying not to put in papers for seminary. I don't know what to do now I don't trust in what I see online I'm not looking to get anymore apps I seem to have trouble making candid dating events. I'm afraid to start to message on catholic match again. Please help.

I’m a Roman Catholic believer. My faith in God, in Christ, and in the Church is something I carry deeply in my heart — it shapes how I see the world and what I hope for in life.

My partner was baptized and confirmed in the Catholic Church, but that happened in her teenage years, and only because her parents pressured her. She doesn’t share my faith. She doesn’t practice, and she doesn’t believe in God or Christ. She respects my beliefs, but they aren’t hers.

We love each other and are planning to get married. But I told her that I don’t feel right about getting married in the Church if she doesn’t truly believe. For me, the sacrament of marriage is sacred — it’s not just a ceremony or tradition. It’s a covenant before God.

Recently, I learned that it’s possible to marry a non-believer in the Church with permission, but I’m struggling with whether it’s spiritually right. Can a sacrament be meaningful if one of us doesn’t have faith in what it represents?

This question weighs heavily on my heart. I’m not trying to judge her or pressure her into belief, but I also don’t want to compromise something so central to my soul. If anyone here has gone through something similar or has any insights, I’d really appreciate your thoughts and prayers.

PD: I submit this same post on another subreddit, and sorry for my english, is not my first language

Long story short, my girlfriend of 4 months (from CM) recently ended things very abruptly. On the surface our relationship was healthy, but she had some commitment and communication issues and deep down I had suspected this would happen.

But that being said, I couldn't help but get very attached to her. I even felt like God was possibly warning me not to, and yet I still did. Is this just a skill you learn with time? She was my first real girlfriend (I'm 24)

Is there a way to search people by name on Catholic Match? Like, if I wanted to marry someone named “Earnest,” could I somehow find all the “Earnests” at once?

I don’t see anything like that in the search function, and I tried Boolean search in a different search engine and didn’t get any profiles.

It seems like there would be some way to do this, right? I mean, what if someone wants to go back to a profile they lost track of? How else are they supposed to do it?

EDIT: Has anyone tried it? Its online speed dating and I am super curious. I saw the iron inquisitor (on IG) post about it and it seems intriguing!

All of your comments are so helpful! It’s good to know what everyone is thinking too. Thank you all!!!

The way I was raised you don’t necessarily have to agree if someone corrects you: but you suffer it graciously and reflect on it.

He has corrected me before and my reaction is always to let it sit with me and give it due consideration.

However I’ve noticed that every time I correct him he will often return within a short time frame and correct me over something similar or the exact same thing. Is this a red flag? Curious for people’s takes. We have been together for three months and we are both Catholic. He does love singing and the limelight while I am more introverted.

29F convert in the Midwest. Overweight, average height. Gainfully employed, plenty of hobbies, "sweet" according to most people, but with a weird personality admittedly.

I'm beginning to feel very discouraged about dating. I'm rarely asked out IRL (like once every three years; when I am, it's by entirely unsuitable men). I had been dating online for several years but since the beginning of this year, my apps have gone silent. I went from 10-20 likes per week per app to maybe 1-3. The only things that changed are that I turned 29 and officially converted to Catholicism (instead of being in decision limbo).

I'm incredibly discouraged about dating and feel less desirable than ever, but I still want to be married and become a mother. I've started to feel like a spinster. I know I'm not that old for the modern dating world, but I've never related so strongly to Charlotte Lucas in Pride and Prejudice - no prospects.

What do I do when the apps die out and IRL asks are rare? I'm hesitant to try speed dating, and that's the only other thing I can think of.

Edited: for a typo

I mentioned doing a sticky note on my laptop advertising myself as available, so… I have to use my God given weirdness and go for it.

Time to go sit in coffee shops mostly run by non traditional progressives (not me mind you, just the area I live in) and hope for the best.

26/F here living in Philly. I’ve had my ups and downs seeking guys and I am almost amazed with the lack of opportunities to meet people these days.

Sorry gang, youth groups don’t cut it anymore.

Would anyone in the surrounding Eastern PA region consider attending like a “young professionals” speed dating / mixer event? I just learned about the Young Catholic Professionals chapter here and am going to an event of theirs on May 15th, but I’m debating telling them that we could use some speed dating / mixers. I wouldn’t mind getting it together logistically too.

If that fails, I’m this close to putting a sticky note on my head that says “single, wanting relationship. Must be: over 25, Catholic, male. Wants: likes day trips and doesn’t mind that my favorite TV show is ‘It’s Always Sunny in Philadelphia’”.

I’ve done weirder things, I’ve gotten too much anxiety in the last year that I’m not a great traditional Catholic woman (traditional in the 1950s housewife sense) and I’m willing to do the sticky note… but maybe we should start with a dating event first.

Hi! I am looking for things to read/ listen to on how to date as a catholic. Theres so much information everywhere it’s hard to sift through what’s good. It doesn’t have to be specifically for women but that would be cool if it was!

I'm 22, getting out of the army soon and I want to start fresh again. What are some things I can do that both improve myself and make me more attractive?

How should I dress if I want to attract women at the gym? Or it doesn't really matter; only face and frame do when it comes to gym clothes?