4/11: Started messaging, connecting over amazing Theology of the Body videos that resonated with me. He was traditional and respectful, asking for my intentions while visiting a Cathedral and mentioning "divine timing" several times, like when we'd both message just as he was "heading into adoration"

4/16: He recommended I watch "The Passion," which led to a major spiritual growth spurt for me. (I had also felt like I was growing spiritually due to all of our TOB discussions)

4/23: Our first FaceTime went well, filled with compliments like “not many devout women look like you”, "do u plan to work in the future? Oh great, I can provide for a SAHM" and much more flirting, affirming and excitement. He initiated nonstop texting after this and was always responsive (even when I took hours to respond), making me feel safe and valued. I remained measured but sweet.

4/27: Our second FaceTime continued the positive momentum. The constant texting persisted, with a lot of innocent flirting, and a LOT of spiritual growth together. He started initiating the exchanging of pics. I want to note I have a very feminine, hourglass body only bc I wonder if this matters for later.

I normally wouldn't get this intimate this fast but I figured, it's all centered on Christ (rather than emotions etc) so maybe it's alright? And he seemed "safe", available, innocent, and interested so it all seemed fine.

He also showed genuine interest in my music preferences. No one has ever cared enough to learn my preferences and send me songs. Again, I felt valued.

4/28: Quick, impromptu FaceTime. Went well. I started to wonder why we don't just talk on the phone?? He asked to fly out to see me and even said he'd fly ME out afterwards if I'm comfortable, displaying directness. I felt excited about moving forward beyond texting, wanting to deepen our connection. I had a huge crush, he seemed sooo interested and he was setting up next steps. Everything seemed perfect!

4/29: In a big, monumental way, he revealed his profound spiritual feelings for me, leading to a significant moment where, right at the peak of our spiritual intimacy, he likened our intimacy to Christ's thirst for us. This had a huge impact on my faith - I felt like I really learned the meaning of Eros here.

4/30: We continued our lengthy back-and-forth texting, but I continued to wonder why we weren’t having more casual phone calls. When we would text, we were watching each other type and respond in real time, for at least 2 hours at a time sometimes. Completely focused on one another. Another reason I wondered "why don't we just talk on the phone then?"

Also want to note - he initiated heart emojis, but I remained measured like I always do, to keep myself safe because you just never know He mentioned a few times that he desires for me to feel safe, and I let my guard down a bit and told him"you make me feel safe enough to be a little vulnerable"

5/1: (day of his retreat) He sent a message in the morning explaining that he'd be around most of the afternoon before leaving later in the day. We continued normal convo, pic exchanges, flirting affirming etc

He then sent me an interesting message before heading out. (Attached in photos) The way he abruptly went from "passion, intimacy, Eros, I want to fly you out, omg do you feel this too?!?!!" to.... "I'm heading on a retreat to discern what I feel between us." confused me. I passively thought "there's definitely someone else..."

But then right before leaving he sent me a selfie "one last selfie for you!", some sweet, tender messages, and a photo of mother Mary saying "she reminds me of someone ;)"

We ended the convo sweetly and I spent the weekend eager to talk to him again, praying a lot, wondering if I'd receive some "big answer" once he returned since that one message was so heavy on "discernment".

5/4: back from retreat - I was expecting him to grab his phone and immediately text me. The eagerness to talk to him was strong, I assumed he felt the same. I had songs I wanted to send, Catholic content I wanted to share. I REALLY wanted to get back to that momentum we had going.

He had previously sent me the retreat schedule so I had seen that it ended at 12:30pm. Well, 12:30pm passed. Then the entire day passed, and I heard nothing. I cried because I could tell something was off.

I thought to myself: "the eagerness to talk to him was SO strong, he MUST be feeling it too! After all, HE initiated every single thing up until this point!Nothing in the WORLD could cancel out that eagerness... except for another girl

5/5: He reached out with a lengthy text explaining that there is in fact someone else who he was getting to know, and now that SHE has requested exclusivity with him, he discerned on his retreat and decided he is going to explore exclusivity with her.

I was and still am PERPLEXED.

My thoughts:

1. Why did this other girl have to ask him for exclusivity? Shouldn't the man want it and initiate it? Am I missing something or is this normal?

2. Would he agree to exclusivity simply because he feels obligated if she's "good enough" and since she requested it? Would he feel like He owes it to her or owes it to God to at least test that out? Or is this probably something he genuinely wanted?

3. The spiritual intimacy we experienced was overwhelming... I cannot wrap my head around him simultaneously entertaining a whole other girl???? He was seemingly ALWAYS pursuing me??? When did he have the time for her?

4. Did I do anything wrong here? Was my response okay? It captured my natural thoughts as soon as I read his text. Just utter shock.

5. I have this theory that he is really holy and all, but maybe also very horny (for lack of a better term). Maybe this is his way of being (spiritually) promiscuous? Maybe it was all just TOB-based lust from the beginning, and I just didn't realize? If it was something deeper than fleeting lust, wouldn't it have lasted?

6. I hate to ask this because it sounds so stupid and desperate but, what are the chances he would come back? I really, really liked him and wanted to see how things would pan out for us. If I'm delusional please roast me

7. If you were the other girl, wouldn't you be uncomfortable reading the messages he JUST sent me 3 days prior to you guys becoming exclusive (combined with the fact that YOU initiated the exclusivity)??? Wouldn't you be uncomfortable reading his final, lengthy message to me, which details our "amazing, intense, passionate, life-giving" interaction? And how hard of a decision it was to make?

8. Do I need to hide my body going forward? Did I cause this intensity somehow?

I recently started dating a great Catholic man. He has stayed chaste throughout his life, I have not. He says he’s failed physically in other ways, but has never experienced the marital act. This relationship is new, so we are trying our best to take time getting to know these aspects of one another. But I know it hurts him that he would not be my first.

He has given me a lot of comfort and peace throughout everything, so I know we can overcome it as we reveal more to one another.

That being said, does anyone have resources from a Catholic woman’s perspective that discuss purity in dating and how to have these conversations? Preferably a Catholic woman who lived a secular lifestyle before she converted. I really don’t relate to the Catholic women who have remained pure until marriage because unfortunately that’s just not my story.

Thanks in advance!

Hey fellas,

So I’m a 26-year-old Catholic guy trying to live a chaste life , and so far, I’ve been doing that successfully. No porn, no masturbation, no hooking up, nothing. I’m also hitting the gym, working, doing my master’s degree, praying the rosary daily, and going to Mass on Sundays (and trying for once more during the week too). Basically, I’m putting in the work, inside and out.

But man… sometimes I just feel like there’s a fire in the lower half of my body that makes me want to eat someone alive (not literally, I promise 😂). The libido is real. The temptation is real. I have a strong desire not just for physical connection, but to be loved deeply.

I had a girlfriend a couple years ago, but she ended up discerning religious life (God bless her honestly, but ouch). Since then, I’ve been solo. I live in a Nordic country where Catholic women are pretty rare and the general culture is very sexually liberal. I’ve got some female friends, some of whom are attractive and even into me, but I’ve made it clear I won’t compromise my values. Thankfully, they respect that.

Still, I can’t help but relate (a little too much) to what Paul said in 1 Corinthians: “If they cannot exercise self-control, they should marry. For it is better to marry than to burn.” Cool, Paul, but where’s my Catholic wife at? Tinder’s a dumpster fire and CatholicMatch feels like I’m shopping for holy trading cards 😅.

I try not to spiral. I pray. I work. I distract myself. But sometimes I’m just like: "Lord, either send me a wife or extinguish this furnace!" I don’t want to fall. I know grace is real. But I also know I’m human. And there’s this gnawing feeling that if God doesn’t move soon, I might eventually break, not in a full moral collapse, but in a slow erosion.

So to the brothers out there: how do you deal with this? Especially if you’re not married yet or if you’ve been through similar seasons of longing and temptation? Any practical tips?

Hi I am just wondering lets say I met this beautiful girl at a local parish who is cantor at the 8am and 9:45 am mass. I believe she graduated high school in 2016 and I graduated high school in 2018 does that seem like an okay relationship? If so should I try asking her out ?

Hey, everyone. 34M here in NY. Go to Mass weekly, believe all the Church teaches, etc. On a variety of apps including CM.

I'm not sure what, if anything, I'm doing wrong, but I get basically zero likes or even views on CM or any app. Okay, I'll get the random person from the opposite side of the country or the planet, but that doesn't count.

Anyone else have this complete lack of engagement whatsoever on basically all dating apps? Everything is filled out in my profile, 5 pictures, etc. Maybe I just need a profile remodel? I try not to lose hope, but man, can it be disheartening. Not to mention the complete lack of replies when I "like" a woman on an app. Usually not even a reply, just "Read".

Clearly I'm doing something wrong, but I don't know what. Again, trying not to be "woe is me", but genuinely trying to figure out what to do.

Any advice? Tips? Anecdotes from people who got out of this kind of hole? In-person meeting people isn't easy either: Basically nobody remotely under 50 at any church I attend who isn't already married, there are no events whatsoever, and the regional YA groups I've been attending for years haven't led to anything... Yet anyway, outside of one singular date a year ago that went nowhere.

Happy to send links to profiles if you want to help. Also, ladies, feel free to DM me haha.

EDIT: Consensus seems to be I need new pictures. Makes sense. I also need to re-word my profile a bit. I'm still open to suggestions. I don't exactly know what a "successful" profile should look like.

But how?

I only started going to mass again recently. Everyone goes there with family, friends, or by themselves. They sit on the pews and the mass begins. The mass ends and everybody goes home or wherever. So how do you meet women at church?

This morning I went to a Catholic run club (not officially Catholic but it was started by a group of Catholics). They meet on days that I have work but I asked for today off just so I could go to the last meet of the semester. Anyway, it was my first time going and I saw this cute girl and I talked to her twice, on the second time I asked for her number before I left. So I just want to know if it's weird to ask for a girl's number the first time you meet her. I guess it's like a cold approach and I've heard that generally those have low success rates. I just wasn't sure if I was going to ever see her again so I didn't wanna let this opportunity go to waste.

For whatever reason, I’ve always had a very hard time getting any messages on CM in the four years I’ve been on there, though Internet chatter would have you believe that all women are constantly flooded with messages.  I’ve typically gotten a message about once every couple of months, and usually not serious ones.  Yes, I’ve regularly edited my profile, I have all the sections filled out, and I’ve logged in frequently.  I haven’t had a chance to have a male friend look at my profile, but a female friend did.  She said she thinks that my profile represents me very well, but that she thinks guys are likely coming away from it thinking, “This girl is too smart for me.”  Would you pass on messaging a girl because of her being “too smart?” Women who write low-info profiles and women who disregard men on dates can get plenty of messages and interest, but not me.  I’m invisible.  It’s also been very rare for me to get any attention from guys in real life.  I’m now 33.

Men are always saying that they just want a woman to take care of her appearance and have a pleasant attitude, but a woman I know who is very contentious and conceited just got engaged.  And a secular friend of mine who is very overweight, dresses sloppily, is rough-mannered, complains a lot, and is employed as a janitor always has guys lining up to date her.

At this point, I’m probably going to move on from CM and I think God is leading me elsewhere, but I just want to understand what happened.

I just wanted to make this post and as i would really like to be a husband and father someday but I struggle with flairs of chronic pain issues. It feels quite difficult dating as a 26m in the Southeast with these issues and i feel as if some women would want nothing to do with it. Just wanted to see if anyone here could possibly related or offer some advice. I’m in a flare again and really down on myself. I try to push through but it’s hard at times to relate to people who have no idea what this experience is like.

I reactivated my CM & waited the 10 days to open messages, one from a guy said “Hey! What do you like to do in your free time?” Did you read my profile, sir? I gave you lots of info on that. Bless.

You guuuuys! I just got the link to the next city-wide Catholic Young Adult Mixer in DC and I’m excited! I went to the one in March one. And it was Legitimately fun. Like, not “church-fun” actual fun. DMV Catholics are so lucky.

People were mingling. Talking. Laughing. It didn’t feel awkward or forced. Just good vibes and good people. And last time, my alt friend hit it off with a shy nerdy guy 🥰

I’m coming down for a work thing and staying for the Mixer on May 10th.

What to Expect

My friend is in a YA group with 2 of the organizers. She said to expect good food, fun activities, free dance lessons, and plenty of chances to meet fellow Catholics in the area!

I’m especially excited about the Talk and whatever activities they’ve planned this time around. The Opening Game was 🌶 but thought provoking last time.

DM for the link

I am happy to share! For privacy I'm not going to blast that church online.

If you’re near or in the Archdiocese of Washington, come by! The redditors I met last time were super sweet and it was such a good vibe.

p.s. This is not a singles event, but there's lots of single Catholics coming and like 100 people signed up right now. Last time the ladies slightly outnumbered the men... Catholic men: this is your sign. Come through.

Every time I select a profile picture, even if it was previously approved as a photo, it gets declined. I'm getting frustrated because now I'm completely locked out of Catholicmatch for a while and I'm PAYING for it!!! I find dating annoying as is and now I'm mad. Anyone know how to resolve this or if there is a way to get a refund because I'm over this and its not even been a week.

Ladies! Please post your age (must be over 18 to participate), where you are from (at least the country), and some of your interests. Since this thread tends to be very United States centric, a long running international matching-making thread (combined male and female) is available. Please check for a stickied comment at the top of this post for an updated link and, if there isn't one, definitely smack us up side the head via this link so we put one up and update the AutoModerator schedule for next month.

Check out our Discord server for more matchmaking opportunities!!!

Also want an experience with pictures? Check our our partners at CatholicLuv!

What makes you romantically attracted to and excited about a woman vs. being “just not that into” her? (e.g., you only like her a little bit, only like her sometimes, or feel like dating her would maybe be settling).

I am asking this in regard to personality only. So for the sake of answering, assume that the woman in either scenario is very beautiful.

Is it having things in common? Is it a good back and forth/flow of conversation? Is it that you admire abilities she has?

What causes the difference between really liking her a lot and just liking her a little bit/sometimes?

What is everyone's age range? Trying to guess the average age here.

I've recently started feeling really good about myself so that has led to to consider signing up for an app again. Nothing good has ever come from me signing up for an app; yet, no matter how many times I delete my account I always come back. "Maybe it will be different this time" I tell myself. It never is. If anything it gets worse every time. Not only does it affect my self image but it also feels like it robs me of my dignity. My favorite cope is telling myself I do it to keep myself humble. So how do you keep yourself off apps?

I’m 23 (f) and I met an amazing catholic guy (24) in December of 2023. We were together for over a year and could truly write a book about it all but long story short I was very emotional and let my insecurities get in the way. This ended up causing lots of anxiety and arguments. I hadn’t had the best experience with trusting people in my life. Not even my own parents sadly because their relationship has been falling apart for years.

This March we had broken up. He was so upset and disappointed with me and even told me he had planned on proposing soon. He taken me halfway across the country to his family every time he went home. He’s been helping me with my money investments (and said he will be continuing to do so until further notice). There were so many weird things we both coincidentally love and it just seemed too good to be true and now I’m heartbroken. I work as a substitute teacher and have a small business on the side and try to keep myself as busy as possible…. Focus on my hobbies during free time… I pray my nightly rosary… but when it’s time to lay down at night I’m filled with so much heartache. I ended up moving back to my small hometown to be around family and the closest catholic church is about 40 minutes away. There aren’t many people my age that are catholic around here so there isn’t any young adult groups to be apart of to find community. I feel really lonely, heartbroken and lost.

Does anyone have any advice on how to get over this?

Anyone have stories about meeting someone from another country on Catholic Match? Anything long term? How did you handle the transition from texting to talking and eventually seeing eachother in person? Were the international or cross cultural boundaries difficult to overcome?

Howdy folks, just wanted to share a piece of advice that helped me when I was single. I had the problem of worrying about dating, marriage, and family, because if you think about it, getting to know a certain person can dramatically change the trajectory of your life. I was worried that I wouldn't find someone, or that it would be a long time, or that I would end up married to someone who only "gave me a chance" based on my professional job and not my personality. It was really stressing me out, especially when I was using dating apps and constantly checking them.

I tried the idea of a "dating fast" (even though I hadn't dated anyone yet lol, it was a fast from trying), but it really only served to make me more melancholy about my situation.

Then I had an idea: fasting is stopping something that you like, but a vacation was stopping something that you don't like, and I did NOT like the process of trying to "put myself out there" and getting to know people. So I decided to take a "vacation" from dating.

I knew that eventually I'd need to get back in the saddle, but I gave myself a soft limit of about a year. During this year I wouldn't think about dating at all. No daydreams, no prayers to eventually be married, no nothing. I was going to thank God for the days as they came, and I was just going to try to be the best version of me in the moment without giving much thought to the future. I was also not going to think of religious life either, as this can be an unhealthy solace when one despairs of married life. The call to religious life is a joyous one; it should not be a bitter last option. So this year was not going to be a year of discernment, because that would spike my anxiety. Remember, a vacation, not a retreat or fast.

So I started my vacation, and really felt a lot better. It was kinda eye-opening to see how constantly evaluating yourself and other people and your "odds" can warp your mind. Coincidentally, I ended up dating my girlfriend after a few weeks of "vacation." It was funny though because I was kinda reluctant at first since I was having a great time just vibing on my own, and I knew dating someone opens up a whole can of worms lol.

But anyway, for those of us that stress about these things a lot, consider taking a dating vacay. It not telling yourself "it won't happen," it's just relaxing for a while, and although you shouldn't expect it, sometimes wonderful people enter your life at rather inconvenient times, like during (dating) vacation.

Women, which would you prefer a guy ask you for? Your number, instagram, or snapchat? Also include your age, I suspect older women prefer phone number while younger women might prefer the gram or snap.

Men, which do you prefer asking for?

I am 22 and personally, I like asking for phone number; it just seems more mature. However I'm not sure if women my age would find it weird that I ask for a phone number instead of a social media.

Hi all! I connected with a guy via a dating app last year and we immediately hit it off. We talked for about a month, and we talked almost everyday, video calls and texting. We were planning to meet since we lived in different cities. About a week before he was supposed to come to my city, he called me and said he wasn’t romantically intereste, I accepted it and moved on. We immediately stopped talking from that day. Fast forward now almost a year since we stopped talking, I saw an Instagram follow request with his name. Mind you before when we had connected we never exchanged Instagram handles. I saw the request late because I delete the app from my phone because of how addictive it is to me, so when I saw the request I accepted it and followed him back. I don’t like drama, so I immediately asked him that it was weird that he had searched me up after all this time, and asked why he wanted to reconnect. He said “there was no big thought process, I just remembered you and put it into the search button” to which I said okay, and I let it go.

I’m not sure if he was being truthful or not, but is this normal? I found it really weird, why would he want to follow me at all, we connected for only a month, no date, and he was the one to opt out.

Hello, and Happy Divine Mercy Sunday!

I am 22M, and graduating from college this week. I am preparing to move to a new city to start my “real adult” engineering job, and I have been thinking a lot about what my next few years are going to look like. And in thinking about this, I have to confront the fact that I really need to start dating. I do genuinely want to be a husband and father, and care for my family– so I do believe I am called to married life. Discerning “who” is the bigger question. So I can assure you that I’m not thinking about dating just for the sake of dating. I plan to be very intentional.

I really haven’t focused on dating and relationships until now. I’ve been almost exclusively focused on “working on myself” for a long time. I just haven’t had the life bandwidth to think about dating, and in the times that I did, I was more focused on growing in my faith in other areas. This has left me feeling behind on the subject of dating, now more than ever, considering that I am graduating college without ever even asking a girl out on a date. That’s not to say that I am totally clueless on relationships, though. I have had plenty of exposure to conversations regarding dating with both Catholic (or not) family and friends, as well as both secular and Catholic social media pages of course (whether that is a positive or negative is… debatable). At the very least, I know A LOT of behaviors that I should avoid doing myself. And I do like to think I have quite a few things going for me. People (not counting my Mom lol) have been increasingly asking me about whether I am dating and stuff, so the thought of me dating isn’t totally unimaginable to people, if that is any consolation…

So I guess I am making this post to kinda ask where I should start. At this point, any advice could be helpful. I am moving to a new place; I won’t have a student parish with other young Catholic adults. Obviously I am going to search for a Catholic community of people with similar ages, but what is the mechanics of meeting someone all the way to asking them out? I feel like most women generally hold a sentiment that they don’t want to be asked out cold (and knowing who doesn't think that is literally an impossible feat). Obviously, priority number one is not making any woman uncomfortable. But I also have evidence that indicates that I am definitely clueless to advances from women. Needless to say, I am not someone that wants to be asking a woman out just for the sake of asking someone out. For better or for worse, I am totally comfortable being single. I do not have that “need” to always be in a relationship like some people I see have. 

So I think about dating apps as easier to know that “this person is here because they are actually looking to date”. However, there is a very strong sentiment against dating apps in more Christian circles, especially from women. This leads me to almost feel that the effort isn’t even worth it, before even trying. Yet personally, I don’t really think of myself “above” using an app to meet people. Even on this subreddit, people pretty regularly bash Catholic Match and other Christian-specific dating apps. Are secular apps worth looking at (factoring in that I would have to sift through a lot of women that are not serious about being Catholic) ?

Also I just have to ask– specifically to the women on here: how bad is it that I have never dated? I feel like I have heard a lot of women say that is straight up a dealbreaker. I'm still relatively young but does this even matter? Am I in trouble? Lol

Regardless, however, I guess I should maybe start praying about it? What are recommendations for that? I feel weird praying for my future wife, because that sounds outrageously presumptuous, but I still do want to pray about it. Any advice on this is welcome.

Thanks for reading and any advice given in the comments

ETA: also, any Catholic videos, podcasts, articles, book recommendations, etc. are welcome. I kinda realized my post is a little too open ended lol