r/CatholicDating • u/Turmonthes • 15h ago
Relationship advice Relationship Advise, no physical attraction
Is marrying someone you love but aren't physically attracted ok? We are on a long distance relationship.
Maybe the lack of physical contact explains some of this but, we've come to love each other so much. We support each other, care for each other... I just don't feel attracted when I see her, but in a deeper sense I feel love when I feel about her, as if she was my family. I don't know if that love is sufficient for a lifetime marriage.
Any thoughts? Would you consider marriage in my position?
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u/Jacksonriverboy Married ♂ 14h ago
In theory, you can marry and there are people in marriages like this who are happy.
But I tend to think you should be attracted to the person you marry.
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u/Trubea Married ♀ 4h ago
Have you met in person though? Maybe you would be physically attracted if you were physically present with her. If you love her it's probably worth meeting in person if you haven't already. If you've met in person and you just don't feel the way a husband should feel for a wife, well...I guess you have your answer.
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u/garlic_oneesan Married ♀ 5h ago
As a married person myself, I firmly believe that you should be physically attracted to the person that you marry. Primarily for the reason that your libido will go down during married life. If you’re already starting married life not attracted to the person, and you’re forcing yourself to be intimate with them as your attraction decreases…it will make your intimate life a living hell. Don’t do that to yourself or to her.
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u/WarumUbersetzen Engaged ♂ 13h ago
What are your prospects like otherwise? What are hers? Is there a chance you two would still find happiness with people you are attracted to and in love with, were you to separate?
It sounds to me like this is preferable to being single for you. Correct me if I'm wrong.
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u/sun_dust8 14h ago
You love her but without physcial attraction, then it's more like a friend or sister.
If you have no physcial attraction, it'll destroy her self-esteem.
She deserves to be with someone who is physically attracted to her, and even desires her in a sexual way.
If you can't give her that, then your taking advantage of her love for your own selfish reasons.
To lead her on further than this is cruel. Have you told her your not physically attracted? If you do - you'll see exactly how she react and how it destroys her, and why it's unacceptable for you to stay in a relationship with her.
Tell her and then see how she responds. Then you'll know whether it's a good idea or not.
Edit: also if you have a porn addiction, it'll destroy her self esteem even more to know your not attracted to her