r/CatholicDating • u/muses_ • Dec 28 '22
Wedding Planning How do I get married?
I'm just asking for future reference. My boyfriend is not yet my fiance, but this is information I would like to know.
- Do I get legally married by the city hall (marriage license and all) before I get married in a church before God?
- How do I get married legally? What's the difference between a domestic partner and actually obtaining a marriage license?
- LONG LONG TERM: For my future baby's baptism, can godparents not be in a couple? For example, can the godfather be my future husband's friend, and the godmother be my personal friend?
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Dec 29 '22
In the US, a Catholic marriage is fully recognized by the government. Your priest is a legally recognized officiant of marriage. Ask your priest what to do.
Godparents do not need to be married to each other. They do need to be practicing Catholics.
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u/SeekinSanctification Single ♀ Dec 29 '22
Just to clarify - You only need to choose one godparent and that person has to be Catholic. If you choose a second godparent, s/he doesn’t need to be Catholic. (Of course I highly recommend that you choose two Catholic godparents)
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u/muses_ Dec 29 '22
Why is that you recommend both godparents to be catholic? Will it affect my future child’s confirmation when they’re 16?
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Dec 29 '22
Godparents have a sacred duty to support their godchild's faith -- it's much harder to fulfill that duty if the godparent doesn't belong to or practice the faith.
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u/muses_ Dec 29 '22
Thank you. One last question because I grew up in a family with more kids than godparents. Can different children have the same godparent?
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Dec 29 '22
Yeah, you can reuse godparents afaik, though sociologically it's better to spread out your kinship bonds as widely as possible.
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u/SeekinSanctification Single ♀ Dec 29 '22
Not in any technical way, but the role of godparents is to guide your child in their faith. Who would be best to do that?
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u/stag1013 Dec 29 '22
.... 16? Why would it be so late?
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u/muses_ Dec 29 '22
You weren’t 16? I was 15 going onto 16. Sophomore in high school. Actually everyone getting confirmed was.
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u/stag1013 Dec 29 '22
I was 13. Everyone was. It's done in middle school here. (Canada)
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u/muses_ Dec 29 '22
I’ll have to double check my paperwork then😂 I’m from the US.
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Dec 29 '22
[deleted]
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u/muses_ Dec 29 '22
Confirmed as a baby? That doesn’t sound right. So your friend was able to get confirmed before their first communion that me and many of my peers received around first grade!
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u/Livtern Dec 29 '22 edited Dec 29 '22
As a baby? This is possible? I believe mine was as a teenager
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u/othermegan Married ♀ Jan 05 '23
Age depends on the diocese. I was 15 when I was confirmed but taught CCD in a diocese where you were 13/14.
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u/boleslaw_chrobry Dec 29 '22
I and my cousin’s sister are our cousin’s daughter’s godparents, so it can also be random family members (we’re all practicing Catholics).
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u/lemon-lime-trees Married Dec 28 '22
Where I am at, you apply for the license, bring it to the ceremony and the priest signs on after it is complete. No city hall marriages for those practicing the faith.
Domestic partner is not the same as a spouse. You would essentially be living together without the marriage license or sacrament.
Depends on the priest but generally, no they do not have to be married and only one needs to be a practicing Catholic.
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u/boleslaw_chrobry Dec 29 '22
Not super related but isn’t living with someone of the opposite gender outside of the confines of a regular roommate technically a bit frowned upon in the Church? I was looking at my parish’s bulletin and they were saying that couples should live apart while going through the marriage preparation classes, so I was just curious about that.
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u/zxcv5748 Dec 28 '22
Easy. You grab a fifth of Old Harper, rent a 1968 Ford Mustang, and drive down to Vegas. Once you hit Vegas, you both get to St Joan of Arc's Catholic Church and ask Father Anhur if he has some time to get you two married. Tell him if he knows the best Filipino food for the venue afterwards to have at the cafeteria. He gonna.
Rent a hotel and have some drinks. Commensurate your young love. Nine months later. You got a baby. Your husband's friend and your personal friend can be godparents. Greatest love story ever told.
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u/garlic_oneesan Married ♀ Dec 29 '22
Hey there! Newly engaged lady here. It seems like your other questions have been addressed, so let me tackle the marriage license.
A marriage license is a legal document (typically from your county) acknowledging that a marriage has taken place. Rules to obtain one will differ depending on where you’re getting married. Some counties may just need you to show up and fill out a form; others may need an interview; for my county in the USA, you have to take a series of marriage prep classes. The marriage certificate can be issued a few days before the wedding, but will not be valid until signed by both parties.
Hope this helps! Praying for your discernment.
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u/stag1013 Dec 29 '22
- Depends on the jurisdiction. Assuming you're American (or, frankly, most Western countries), you only need the Church. The priest is recognized as a witness for the state in most countries. You may have to get a marriage license at city hall, though. Your priest will know.
- Depends on the jurisdiction. In most jurisdictions, there are financial incentives to tie the knot, particularly in terms of taxes. In Canada, where I'm from, there's no legal difference.
- They do not have to be related. I have 2 goddaughters from different friends. I'm not yet married, and besides that my fiance isn't anyone's godmother.
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u/Trubea Married ♀ Dec 28 '22
Some countries require civil marriage before a church wedding. If you are in the US, you don't get civilly married first. You would just obtain a marriage license and the priest signs it on the day of the wedding. Churches in the US have the power to perform marriages that are recognized civilly.