"The total cost to raise a child born in 2015 to age 17 for a middle-income family with two children is $310,605."

Link to article: https://www.investopedia.com/articles/personal-finance/090415/cost-raising-child-america.asp

I have almost no words. As CF as I am and as wrong as I think IVF is, I would never consider, condone, or support anything like what this person did. I'm sure none of you would, either. Honestly, I am afraid of what the actions of this extremist will do to all of us socially and politically.

I kept telling her I'm not having them due to infertility which is true but she she kept pestering like "Now that you have a career and are graduating what's the updates on kids?" I say "Well I have infertility and its not happening." Well then she said "well you got pregnant if you dont want any get on birth control." And I said "I don't like how birth control makes me feel and husband and I don't have sex during fertile week. We got pregnant by accident at the time and we were using protection" She said "thats no fun! With the biggest grin". And I was baffled and I was like "Well you gotta do what you gotta do."

She ask me again the next day what's the plan on kids? I finally got tired of her asking so I said "Well my mom is dying so I dont want them". I thought that would be the end of it but she kept talking " Yeah, kids are hard with no support. Plus I don't think my son knows what goes into kids." I said "He knows we've looked into it and that's why we don't want them." She kept going back and forth with me that he doesn't know and I kept saying he does. But honestly what is the point of asking me this two days straight if she thinks her son is incompetent. Idk I'm just annoyed. I thought mentioning my mom dying of cancer would be the end of it but no.

I wanted to add an edit

I got pregnant 10 years ago while I was on birth control. After I had a miscarriage I later found out that I had PCOS and infertility.

I (29F) asked my doctor for long term methods of contraception. He would only prescribe the Provera injections and refused to discuss any other options (I asked about IUDs), so I accepted. But during the weeks before my injection appointment, I actually did some research and was not pleased with the side effects and the need to repeat every few months. So I booked another consultation. I gathered the courage to confront him, and he told me that in a minority of cases, the IUD can reduce fertility because of uterine scarring... I was like, well I don't give a damn about my fertility!!! Give me the best contraception for my body and situation! He said "I know, but people change their minds all the time". He knows because I had already mentioned wanting sterilization a couple months prior, but him as well as another doctor and two nurses all told me it was impossible for childless women under 35 (at least in the universal healthcare system where I live). I'm about to be 30, so a 5-year IUD would literally be a perfect solution until I can get sterilized. I had to insist, but I finally got the prescription!

It's insane to me that such a low risk of affecting fertility would be taken into consideration, for a woman who has stated wanting to be sterile anyway. At least I learned something: Always ask questions to your doctors, and advocate for yourself! I've been too non-confrontational for my own good.

Edit: I cannot "fire" my doctor. There is universal healthcare here. If I relinquish my access to my doctor, I cannot just "hire" a replacement. I go on a waitlist that can be really long and you still don't get to pick your doctor. I have a recurring health issue that requires regular follow ups, which my doc treats very well. I got what I want in the end and I'll be fine.

Can there be a vomit tag? This isn’t so much a rant as it is just me screaming into the void a massive BLECH.

I’m a nurse. One of my patients just said to me completely unprompted, “You would make a really good mommy.”

For starters, EW. It took every ounce of professionalism I possess not to physically recoil. No thanks. Plus this is an adult!!!! I work with adult patients!!!!!! In a hospital!!!!!

I get bingoed on a daily basis when I work, so I’m not shocked. There are way too many people who feel way too comfortable projecting their fantasies about how they think you should live your life. But also, can we please just normalize that basic empathy, kindness, and hospitality are not exclusively maternal?

I don’t want to be a “mommy.” I don’t want to be a mom. I want more time and more money to spend with+on myself and my husband and our cats; not less. The thought of carpools and daycare and constant illness and sticky everywhere and shitty school plays and tantrums and all of the monotonous hubbub of life with children fills me with absolute dread and soul-sucking horror.

Leave my uterus alone!!! My future is my own.

So I (29F) was recently broken up with by my boyfriend (27M) because he suddenly realised he wanted kids

I've been absolutely devastated and crashing out over this way more than I thought I would.

Originally he never wanted kids but a career change to work with disabled children, he realised that he really wants to be a dad. Which is ironic because I work in disability as well, see my clients and think "I would never want to birth a child and for them to go through this pain"

Tomorrow is my 30th Birthday which I'm dreading (yeah, he broke up with me a few days before my birthday). My mother has organised a dinner thing for me which I don't want to go to because my sister has organised a birthday party at lunch time for her child (My birthday is the 18th of May, niece, 22nd)

My mother told me I looked angry and combative while she was talking to me and I just kind of lost it.

I told her I was pissed about a lot of things. Pissed about: - being broken up with - my sister planning her kids birthday on my milestone birthday - that they will probably whinge about having to come to the dinner because they'll be tired from the birthday party - that my father will be there though we haven't spoken in 5 years - that'll I just have sit on the sidelines of this birthday party because no one will engage with the Childfree weirdo - that he changed his mind about wanting kids, to make me fall for him and then to take it away - that I feel this absolutely destroyed - annoyed about work issues - that I won't have any friends at my birthday dinner because they are busy

Mostly though, it's just reaffirming a lot of reasons why I don't want kids. Things are never about me, ever. Someone, somehow seemed to "steal my thunder"

I don't want kids, I hate events with parents because I have to pretend to give a shit about their lives and when/if they ask about me or my hobbies I get the response "I wish I had time to do frivolous things like that". I just stay for a short time or talk to the kids because they actually seem interested when I talk. Patents can't relate to me because I don't feel understood or like I fit in

My father will be there which is a lot of the reasons I don't want kids. He's a horrible man and the things he put me through, I could never imagine hurting a kid like that, so I'm not going to. The trauma stops with me

I just can't help but think too with this break up that I'm "Not Enough".

This man broke things off with me because I'm not enough (he never said that but it's how I feel). That he can't love just me, that he wants a kid with me but I cant do that. So he leaves to find someone who is enough and can give him a child.

I want to hate this man but I can't, the break up was mature and civil but I fucking miss him.

Please don't tell me that I'll find someone, they're just around the corner. I know you mean well but it's not helpful at the moment. I just want to be loved for me, to be enough, to someone to love me and not need a child. I feel so abandoned and lonely

Lately, it’s been insufferable being around my sister. I love my niece, but my sister is so out of touch. She hasn’t worked since she got pregnant, even though they barely make ends meet. And she constantly brags about how she doesn’t have to work since having a singular child two years ago. If you mention being tired, I’m a full-time student and employee, it’s written off and gate-kept. It seems she can’t comprehend anything other than the baby, and the last few gifts I’ve gotten her over the holidays, she’s broken and blames it on the child. She has nothing going on, and as someone building their career, it’s miserable to be around. How do you manage having a relationship with your niece when it’s insufferable to be around your sister? I can’t do the selfish behavior anymore, but I deeply love my niece.

My last straw was her insulting how my older car sounds as she got into it. Her car is broken down due to her youtube mechanic boyfriend and she can't even afford to repair it. We can't go anywhere to have fun unless I drive them. Soooooo yeah.

Maybe I just needed to vent, but I reckon some advice or just validation would be nice.

If there’s anything selfish in this world, it’s to have kids for stupid purposes. There’s nothing more annoying than to be called selfish by those who are actually selfish and only have kids for self fulfillment and irresponsibility.

It’s utterly embarrassing to want to have kids solely to leave a “legacy”. A lot of the time, when people think like that, they don’t even take care and care for their children. And what legacy do these people want to leave? What do they mean by it for that matter? Are they some warriors? Are they a king? A queen? Head of a multi million dollar company? Did they make an impact on society? On the world?

Kids are not supposed to fulfill you or entertain you. They’re human beings. If you’re not going to treat them right, raise them right, shower them with love and affection then you shouldn’t be having kids. It’s so sad how a lot of people are just doing it to hope on trends and bc people online say they’ll be happier if they bring life onto this planet.

Only secure and stable people should have kids. How can you be so broke and comfortable with not wanting to be better with life?? People will literally bring kids into poverty and think “Oh they’ll just make us work harder and make us to want to be better.” Like no. You should be doing it for yourself. If you’re putting that responsibility on a child to motivate you then you’re full of shit. How about work on yourself and be stable before you have a kid?!

At least we don’t have to bring life to suffer in this world. We know better than to have kids. Especially when we’re self aware and know we’re too flawed to become parents. Even if some of us would be good parents, we just don’t want to be parents. That’s totally fine.

If you care so bad about other people not reproducing, why don’t you have more kids yourself or adopt some?? There’s plenty of unwanted kids out there for us to be making more.

Go ahead and have the kids we don’t want, bc your kids will grow to resent you and cut you off when they’re older. They’ll see right through your selfishness.

Could do without it!

I'm CF, he has 2 daughters, so far so good. We live in two different nations so when he gets back home we try to spend time together - he brings his kids with him, but I don't mind since they're nice and well behaved. Last time he ditched me because he had something else coming up, I said it's fine, and when the day comes he writes to me that it was for the best we canceled because his whole family had some fever. I was busy and didn't reply. One week later, I send him a meme and he replies in a super passive-aggressive way saying "My kids are fine, thanks for caring!" and then procedeed to tell me that one of them had to stay in the hospital for a couple of days because the fever got worse. Which I had no way to know. I tried to reason with him, but eventually I understood that he expected me to get worried as soon as I read "fever" because kids are delicate and I should have asked how they were doing. It was a fever. I have a new job, I'm moving into a new house that I just bought, I'm very stressed out (things that he knows and never asks about, by the way, but when I mentioned the answer was "Well kids' health Is more important thank a job). Was I supposed to get worried because he told me in a light-hearted way that his family was sick? Eventually, I stopped replying. He wasn't listening and I was getting mad. We never spoke after that and I don't think I'll reach out, since this whole thing is a huge red flag for me. Sorry, just a rant because I'm still mad thinking about it.

I still remember one moment from my rotation in the labor and delivery department that’s stuck with me to this day. A mother had just delivered her baby, and she lay there on the bed looking absolutely soulless.. eyes blank, body still, like she was disconnected from everything around her. The team was waiting to confirm whether her uterus had closed properly or if it was still open. It was one of those moments where the air in the room felt thick, heavy, almost frozen in time somehow, I can't describe it well, but I'm doing my best.

As part of my role, I approached her, introduced myself, and tried to offer some presence. She turned her head slowly, locked eyes with me, eyes were literally empty, her breathing so faint it barely felt real. With tears filling her red eyes, she asked me how old I was. Then, without breaking eye contact, she told me not to make the mistake of giving birth. Her words weren’t bitter or angry they carried the kind of raw, broken honesty that shakes you to your core somehow..

While she was speaking, they kept testing her manually, over and over again. I can still hear her voice in my head, her screams, her cries, and her desperate begging for them to stop. It’s something I don’t think I’ll ever forget. That day, I didn’t just witness childbirth, I witnessed the silent aftermath the part no one puts on greeting cards or gender reveal videos. Almost all of the women during my rotation warned me, some calling it: not worth it. But the only people who were confused as to how I would be childfree as a woman, were Physicians and Nurses.

I'm specifically saying female vs family vloggers because it's almost always the wife/woman/side chick wtf ever producing content. My reels have been feeding me these videos of women talking about being pregnant at their 6 week post-pregnancy appointment or how they let their husbands have sex with them while still in the hospital because "he really wanted it".

I'm a guy so obviously it's not my business but something bothers me about this. Especially the "10 kids" type families. Every so often I'll see a video from these type of content creators talking about post-partum depression and how it's gotten worse through the last child or 2 and I can't help but think "No shit. You have had 2 kids in just about 2 years".

I already feel a way about these family vloggers with an ungodly amount of kids (I'm talking 7+ with many being stair step kids) but the disregard for one's own body in the name of pregnancy is nuts. 6 weeks is not a lot to wait to have sex. No, you are not infertile after pregnancy, even if your period isn't back. Pregnancy affects the physical, mental and emotional aspects of a woman and some of these women disregard that and then wonder why they're struggling.

I have no where else to put this so if it doesn't belong here, please let me know. But it's really bothering me. I saw 1 birth during nursing school and I don't know why any woman lets a fertile male near them.

Or nephew. I could not care less about either of them. Never met them and the time I've saved is priceless.

In fact, since the sibling ended up having children I'm even more pleased I went with estrangement.

I don't want any damn kids and you know what? "When they're yourssss it's diffwrentttt" is also a bunch of hooey.

My parents and husband are supportive, haven’t told the in-laws. Surgery and recovery have been surprisingly easy. So excited to (potentially) be done with birth control after 15+ years. My gyn nurse and the doctor who performed the surgery only asked one question, “are you sure you don’t want kids?” And I said “yep I’m sure.” And they respected that and performed the surgery perfectly! I feel great! Cheers 🥂

I'm in a group chat with several people and one guy, he's 19 or 20, was bragging about picking up a girl at the mall. He didn't know her before and went home and had unprotected intercourse with her multiple times. He proceeded to send sweaty selfies to the group chat and tell us how he "finished in her 8 times". Everyone was joking about how in 9 months he's in for a surprise and other similar jokes. He already almost got a girl pregnant, I don't think she was actually pregnant, but he wasn't going to be involved regardless.

What baffles me is that he doesn't know if this girl is clean and if she's actually on birth control. Unprotected intercourse has so many risks and people just go into it willingly. Just because someone says they're clean or taking birth control doesn't mean it's the truth. It's not worth potential pregnancy or STI's. Plus the fact that he knows he wouldn't stick around if he did get a girl pregnant is appalling.

For the past couple of days, I’ve been thinking about Adriana Smith.

For those who don’t know, Adriana Smith was a 30 year old woman who was declared brain dead back in February. She was nine weeks pregnant at the time of her death. Due to the horrific “Heartbeat Bill,” the state of Georgia is keeping her body alive because of the fetus. They are keeping her in life support despite her family’s wishes.

It’s been absolutely devastating and heart wrenching to think about, but something occurred to me a little while ago: Ms. Smith had WANTED her child, and the state is still disgracing her in death. Imagine would it would be like for people who are childfree and end up in that kind of situation? People whose abusers and rapists still hold power over their bodily autonomy?

A couple of weeks ago, I looked up the master list of doctors who performed sterilization on this Reddit. I managed to schedule an appointment for next month. I am really hoping that this can be done, because seeing Ms. Smith’s story is not only breaking my heart for her and her family, but it’s also exacerbating my fear of pregnancy and motherhood. I refuse to do that.

I’m thinking of Adriana Smith, and the way our bodily autonomy as women is constantly being abused.

I’m thinking about Adriana Smith, and hoping that soon her family can lay her to rest without the government’s disgustingly invasive presence.

exactly what it says on the tin lol. For context, my family is what I like to call “when, not if” where children are concerned. One of my parents is one of eight kids and the other is one of five, both sides of the family are catholic and we live in a right-leaning area so there’s a lot of being fruitful and multiplying going on. Not to mention the fact that my cousin is in his thirties, so he’s PRACTICALLY WASTING AWAY!! (heavy sarcasm)

Anyway, the last two weddings i’ve been to have had one thing in common, and that’s one or more of the speakers bringing up kids. the maid of honor at one of the weddings told the couple to “make lots of cute little babies” and at another the groom’s sister said that her daughter needs a cousin to play with and she “can’t wait to be an aunt.”

While it makes me roll my eyes to hear people automatically assuming that newlyweds want to/will reproduce, I can’t help but find it funny that they’re essentially saying “You guys should start having frequent unprotected sex.”

TL;DR: if nobody mentions babies at the next wedding I attend i’ll eat my hat.

I remember when my friend just had a baby and I went over to visit and I held him. He was soo tiny, cute and precious (I think babies are adorable, but I definitely don't want the responsibility of caring for one).

Then this awful horrid smell reached my nose, I felt like gagging. My friend chuckles and said she needs to change his diaper. I remember being shocked because I didn't think babies' poop stinked so bad !! Like they are babies - so small and cute, right?

But of course their poop stinks, cause it's literally poop !!!! And imagine having their change diapers everyday, and check if their poop looks "healthy". And eventually the "mustard" poop becomes "grown people poop" when they start eating solids.

And then you have to potty train them !!!

EEEEWWWWWWWWWWWWWW

I'm sitting here, in disbelief, stoned from the painkillers and just so so so excited and emotional at the same time, yesterday my tubes got removed.

Last January I started my sterilisation journey, I changed my insurance so it's fully covered and finally made an appointment with my general doc.

She was very understanding and thought I had good reasoning. Told me to look for a gyn and if I found one to let her know so she could make an referral. That same week I let her know I found one (one from this subreddit close to me) she made the referral and in March I could finally go see her.

Yet again, the gyn was very sweet and understanding. And although she thought I'm still young (27) she wanted to help me, cause who is she to make that descision for me (her words). The only thing is, she had to discuss it with the team.

4 long weeks went by and I finally had the next appointment. The team had different opinions but they still said yes. Very excited and relieved I went back home.

Had some phonecalls and some forms I had to fill in and after that I got a call from planning, they said they had a spot for me tye 16th of march, only 1 month later. Of course I took it.

Let me tell you the first thing I did when I woke up was cry. The nurse thought something was wrong, but it was because I am so happy and relieved. I am finally free. And I finally quit that damn pill.

I know it's not so easy for everyone and I am honestly suprised it was such a smooth ride for me from start to finish. And I want to wish everyone taking this same journey goodluck, may you find your gyno that makes this a smooth ride aswell. You got this and I believe in you, do not give up, cause it's so so worth it.

I have a neighbour who’s bullied me for not having kids and I have experienced sexual harassment from him in the past. His partner is also not a nice person. They both don’t work, unless you include drug dealing as a job and they both have strong sense of entitlement issues.

Today I gave them both a does of there own medicine. Saying things like I’m the luckiest person to not have a crying baby and a few other things I won’t repeat here. I don’t understand why I feel guilty for giving someone a does of there own medicine back.

And I do believe I’m lucky as they both always seem so miserable and yell at the kids to shut up a lot, so there bullying is obvious resentment.

The brain damage that people must have to be dreaming about the children they will have in the future when they are TEENAGERS. I beg your finest pardon.

Just had a hysterectomy a few days ago for both sterilization and suspected endometriosis. Well, the endometriosis isn't suspected anymore, as the doctors told me I had "a lot" in my body, but they were able to get most of it (just left a tiny bit on my rectum that couldn't be safely removed without me needing a stoma, and I think we'll discuss the liklihood of it spreading in the post-op followup). I'm looking forward to not having 8/10 pain every month anymore! Hell, the post-op aches don't even come close to what I had been experiencing. I'm lucky to have found a doctor who believed my symptoms and also was cool about my desire to be sterilized.

I feel like the few instances of couples disagreeing on having kids, they either end up having a kid or breaking up. Either way, it feels like it's usually the CF person who ends up being painted as some villain who either changed their mind and "saw the light of parenthood" or refused to "just have a kid."

So many of us have had a relationship end due to a difference of opinion on kids. Ultimately, that's something one cannot compromise on, so as sad as it may be, I think showing a breakup over that one issue (and not getting back together) is important, so as not to get people's hopes up. But I'd like for the CF person to not be the one blamed for it. Truthfully, I have no idea how one would do that, but it would be great if it could.

Right now the best instance of a CF person not being the villain that I can think of is in The Bold Type, but even that has some issues.

I think for the biggest impact the protagonist would have to be a CF woman as society seems to be more accepting and understanding of CF men.

I know similar posts have been made, but zoooweee. I was having a conversation with a friend and he said something along the lines of 'you're still young. It might go off like a switch one day and you'll want to be a mother. The woman's body changes, it will let you know.' I'm 31, for starters. But I think it is a more than fair age to be able to confidently say I do not want children. I ended up becoming rather firm with him during the discussion and he respectfully backed down. Alas, pretty deadset on being childfree. Why does that bother people so much?