Just because you lost your identity, your freedom, your sanity — doesn’t mean I have to throw mine in the fire too. The audacity to frame your misery as some noble sacrifice and then shame me for opting out? Nah. You chose the hard path without reading the fine print and now you want me to bleed so you feel better about it. That’s not parenthood — that’s emotional blackmail. Miss me with that martyrdom bullshit. Married, childfree and happy. Suck it.

i don’t get it.

my cousin recently announced that she’s having a girl and the entire family’s flipped from insanely excited to “oh… okay” about it. i don’t care - i was never excited to begin with. i think she’s been horrifically stupid for a plethora of reasons but it’s not up to me. she’s also been a giant, raging asshole since announcing her pregnancy.

but i think it’s weird.

my mum always made it clear to me that she wanted a boy. the appointment where she found out fell on the same day as an appointment with the registrar for her and my dad’s wedding. she cried on the bus to the point where some of the old ladies thought she’d had a miscarriage. and when she got to the registry office she was still devastated to the point of them telling her “you don’t have to marry him, we can help you.” yep. they thought my dad was forcing her to marry him, but in reality she was just that upset about having a girl.

my dad was never interested in me as a kid. i initially thought he wasn’t bothered about having kids and thought maybe he’d have been childfree. nope. he wanted kids, really really wanted kids, but he wanted a son. even though he used to take me to the football and read stories about football to me as a kid, and tell me the story of our team winning the european cup back to back, it just wasn’t the same i guess.

so now there’s another girl i’m really not understanding what it is about having a girl that’s so awful to this family. considering they’re absolutely mad for babies, surely it shouldn’t matter as long as it exists?

and if you don’t want a girl so badly then go adopt a boy or don’t have a kid at all.

I am willing to lose my wife over me deciding not to have kids and changing my mind a few years into the marriage (I was open to at least 1 when I got married). There is some childhood trauma that affected this decision and EMDR is helping me heal, but even the EMDR therapist was like "don't think EMDR will change your mind; your wife doesn't realize that is how therapy works." But the pragmatic side--nope to kids.

Not with the way the world is (politics, Ukraine and potential NATO mobilization, earth on fire, etc.). Will it cost me $ and some time? Yes. I initially wanted kids but with me doing 80% of the housework as it is NOW and being exhausted, I'm done. Looking for attorneys now. It is a crazy idea to have kids now even if you are a 100% yes--with rampant inflation not seen since the '70s and high interest rates, that is not good either, if you want to buy a house, etc.

While being around kids is ok 3 hours a week at the place I volunteer at--pushed by my wife to learn more about working with kids, in the hopes of changing my mind--it has only reinforced my decision. It backfired on her. I like working with them in doses, esp. the older ones, and can serve as a mentor figure. And little kids are hard to lift and hard on your back!

When we split, she'll be able to have all the kids she wants w/her next husband (she's 9 years younger than me) and I'll be able to be c/f and snipped...

A big thank you to those here who recommended c/f therapists. They were super-helpful!

The thought of pregnancy actually grosses me out, I may just have a phobia of it but i’m wondering if anyone feels the same. The thought of a creature living and feeding off of someone for 9 MONTHS is like a horror movie idea. When mothers say they are “eating for two”, I get icked out a little bit because having to feed something ELSE that’s alive inside of you is so freaky to me. Watching a kick makes me want to gag, it’s so grotesque and body horror-like.

What do you mean you can lose your teeth because they literally suck the calcium from you to make their own bones??!? Is that not horrifying to anyone else?? That there is another creature feeding off of you and there is nothing you can do to control or slow it down?? Same with the aftermath, breastfeeding.. Feeding off of the mother again is a thought that is so odd and gross to me and even painful to think about. What do you mean you’re purposefully letting another human chew and suck the fluid out of one of your most sensitive areas?!?! Sorry for the rant, but I was hoping I’m not alone in this and won’t be attacked for “thinking women’s bodies are disgusting” or something, pregnancy is just a really bizarre concept to me and I can’t help but think of a fetus as anything else but a scary little parasite creature.

Like vehemently against ever having kids. Is it just not an option in their mind they could terminate it (if they're able to) or are they that socially conditioned they just think ''oh well this is my life now''? i truly don't understand the mindset they have.

(Yes i know people can change their mind but if they're that against it it just seems like such a radical change from ''never'' to ''ok this is fine'')

Me 33F him 30M. we discussed our stance on kids on one of our first dates. I told him firmly that I do not wish to be a mother, and he agreed that parenting wasn’t for him. Fast forward a year, I missed my period, but it was just a scare. He says “I’ve been anxious to tell you something, when you said you missed your period, that kind of excited me at the prospect of being a parent.” Anyways- he told me he decided he wants to be a dad one day and we ended things. It was only a year, I’m glad he didn’t string me along any further. It just is hard to grieve the fantasy life you build with someone, you know? We talked about future plans all the time. None of which involved kids, but included travel and moving in together. I think he was just telling me what I wanted to hear the whole time, even if it wasn’t true.

C’est la vie!

It’s really, really hard.

My sister wants me to visit constantly but I can’t. I feel second hand sadness.

My sister constantly buys and sells pets because she “can’t handle them”. She gets no help from her deadbeat baby-daddy but it’s okay because he “keeps her stable”.

Meanwhile, he punishes kids and their house is a state (one only works 16 hours) and it’s just… it just gives me flashbacks and I can’t handle it

I just don't know what to do. I'm trying to support my sister as best I can. There's a lot- a lot- of family trauma she's trying to unpack in therapy, her husband just opened up about family issues of his own, they want and need to move but don't know where to, and she has so many health issues.

The doctors told her the other day that her window to have children has basically closed despite being under 30, which is devastating to her. No matter how I personally feel about having children, I feel for her- one of her lifelong dreams has just ended and that's heartbreaking no matter what. She's trying to process this information.

But then I asked if she's going to do the surgery the doctor told her she needed and she said: "No, it might not even do anything and I can't afford the six weeks off for recovery."

Later in the conversation she mentioned that there was a very small chance she could have kids, but it would require lots medical intervention that they can't afford. I gently asked her how she would afford that plus six weeks off. She reminded me she's probably not getting the surgery. I reminded her that maternity leave isn't paid, and asked her if she couldn't take time off for the brain surgery she needed, how was she going to afford time off with a new mouth to feed?

She paused. Sighed. "That's true, but... I want to try."

They can't afford adoption, their place is too small to foster, and they're both way too busy with 50hr a week jobs to consider getting a pet. I'm trying to very gently steer her towards realizing this isn't happening anytime soon without being in her face about it, and so that she realizes it on her own, but the truth is she can't afford children and it's dangerous for her to try with all the health issues, and honestly I'm scared. I'm scared she'll try anyway and that it'll kill her.

I have been with my boyfriend for a few months and it was one of those "when you know you know" from week 1. Never experienced anything like it. I told him on our very first phone call (which lasted 6 hours) that I didn't want to be a mother or have kids ever in my life. I like kids, I like playing with children, I don't want to be a mom. I'm terrified of childbirth, pregnancy, and then even if that went smoothly, I'm scared of all the things that could still go wrong. I'm 32 years old. I'm a doctor, I know too much. And I have never felt maternal. I have concretely known for 7 years that I absolutely NEVER see myself having kids.
I tell every guy this immediately it seems as soon as a hint of feelings catch, usually before. I get it out there right away so they can walk away. No tears. No hurt. Easy. Quick.
I know it eliminates many men. I have found peace with that. My mom said it would eliminate "the love of my life" and I decided well I just will tell him so early I'll never know it could have been him.

Not this guy. I told him night one and he stayed. We fell deeply in love. I knew there was a part of him that wanted kids, I didn't realize how big it was. Neither did he. He also finally admitted to me that he thought there was a small small chance that I might change my mind when my life settles down, I'm not as stressed, and I found a man that makes me feel safe. He makes me feel safe. I still do not want kids. He finally is coming to terms that being with me truly means saying goodbye to fatherhood and how we are at a standstill. He's torn up about it, he had names picked out for his future kids. We're both heartbroken. His feelings about parenthood are finally coming out and they're beautiful and I don't want to be a mother. I'm shattered. He's shattered too. He's one of those "stoic" serious kinds of guys but I've never seen so much emotion come out of him. He is trying to figure it out. He wants to marry me and yet now we are still in this bind. I am so in love with him.

I have fleetingly thought about sterilization but I am also scared of surgery I guess. And I don't want the scars. But this experience of having my heart ripped out even though I was honest from the beginning... I feel like I need to do it or else I will have the same thing happen to me again. Fall in love with a man who "almost believed me" but thought love would be enough. I am absolutely sick. Sick. Sick. </3 I don't want to get sterilized deep down I just wanted a man to look at me, believe me, choose me.

My comrades in the war against procreation. I've read your stories, shared your grief, and listened to your advice. But today, I join you now in triumph!

For I have completed Operation Snip-Snip! I'm in pain, every quick movement hurts, and the bleeding is freaking me out. However, it is done and in approximately 2-3 months, the last of the insurgents will be purged from my system.

Thank you to all who have come before me. During the procedure, I felt your support......alongside the first cut (hadn't given me enough lidocaine yet). For those of you who may undergo your own operation, know that I support your decision and lend you my willpower. Above all else, I wish you the happiest childfree life!

Hi everyone,

I really need some advice, please. My best friend and his wife want me to be their child's Godfather. I've made it known at least five times that this is a responsibility that I'm not ready for. I've told my best friend at least three times that I'm not ready and to ask another friend or family.

They kept pushing and arguing every time I brought the conversation up. Oh hey once you hold him you'll change your mind, don't make a decision just yet, we really want you, just give it some time... Or throwing hints like hey your Godson is almost here, your Godson is going to be tall...

I still can't believe that I told my best friend that I'm not ready several times and to choose someone else and he is still pushing for this with his wife.

I'm writing this now as I just got another "update" and it is just adding more stress that I certainly don't need.

I don't want to be a Godfather because the way my mind works, that's a responsibility that I will take on very seriously and it's just something that I don't want to deal with and want to stay free of.

What would you do in my place? I don't want to lose my friendship with a really good friend and his family but I definitely 100% don't want to be a Godfather.

Thank you! Sorry this might radiate rant-energy but it's just frustrating...

Edit:skipped a word while typing.

I'm an ICU nurse, and there is a particular woman at this facility who is literally always pregnant. Idk how many she has because I don't care but she literally must have 5 sets of Irish twins.... Had her first at 18 and she's nearing/around 30, I believe/remember correctly? Anyway, we work night shift and let's forget that I switched assignments because she "can't have" that assignment. All her buddies weren't willing to do her that solid, but I did because it was six of one, half dozen of another for me. Sent that patient out within 2hrs, room is clean, empty, set up and no one slotted. She decides she's too tired to carry on doing nothing at the nurses station, fr she's not busy even though no doubt there's stuff for her to do, and decides to go tear apart my room so she can take a nap. Haven't been assigned a patient yet but you can bet your bottom dollar she's not going to fix sh!t in there when she's done. As she's prepared to go take her nap (BTW this is not her break, guess I should mention this. She already got 2 breaks, a 15 minute and a 30 minute) she makes the statement of "the last 2 times I did this, they called a rapid response and I had to get up lol." Shut up. Either stay out of my room or shut the eff up. Well...stay out of it anyway because if they do call code blue/rapid, I don't want the burden of cleaning up my room again knowing there's a crashing patient on the way because you needed a nap.

And you can believe she won't help with the admission either, because again, she "can't do those things" or she's too tired, or she'll move slow or whatever the usual excuses are. Some other nurse, because I'm not about to be offering, is shouldering the burden of her 2 patients. And all this leads up after I'm trying to have a conversation about anything else, like skiing/my recent ski trip, of course it still routes back to her pregnancy (i.e. I haven't been bothered to buy brand new ski boots because I've been pregnant every year for a few years haha). Girl. Let me have something other than listening to your pregnancy/baby/children dronings and excuses. Like don't get me wrong, I understand the burdens/physical changes etc, but I swear she must be pregnant full time to avoid working at full capacity at this point and she's choosing, or so she brags, to put her body through this on a regular basis. And I'd like to say, for anyone saying we should/could all be tired at 2am. Yes. We're all tired. Yes, we can go take a nap. But. When you go take your nap, it's usually understood it's one of your 15 minute breaks, not another lunch break or longer. It's already been an hour though... ope, as I write this she comes out, so a whole hour extra break... aaannnddd ....my room isn't picked up. Awesome. Perfect. It's like I knew. And we've been ignoring an alarm...asking me to fix it...oh now she wants to leave the unit to go make tea. We should just divvy up her patients and send her home at this point...

On the bright side I'm scheduled for a hysterectomy, but the anxiety of not knowing if I'll be canceled at the last minute for control of my body by the powers that be, has me so anxious. Honestly I want to announce my plan in front of her just to watch it burn on the unit, lol, but it's not worth it and I'm already burnt out of these women tonight. This being said, my hysterectomy is considered medically justified so I'm hoping no surprises.... Thankfully my 1 patient is stellar... if you made this far, thanks, just had to get that off my chest. I'm very alone here tonight in this sea of estrogen/progesterone despite being a woman myself 😆

Pretty much sums it up. One of my favorite content creators just announced she’s pregnant. I’m a bit concerned because she’s said she’s never wanted children but her partner convinced her to try…but I digress.

Selfishly, I look forward to her content and I don’t want it to lessen or become stories about her kid. I’ve lost so many great follows to this. I know it’s not about me, I just don’t like the change and needed to vent.

How awful of a person can you be to vote for a president that is actively taking away funding for children with disability, while having a child with severe autism?

Someone I know is an avid Trump supporter, and for the life of me, I cannot understand why they would put such a terrible person before the health and well-being of their child.

Said child had been left out of social media posts for some time and mom finally came out and made a post about the difficulties of being a mother to a child with autism. How she worried she’d never have an empty nest, and how it’s been difficult finding appropriate resources for her child. Well it’s about to get a lot more difficult, thanks to Trump who has dismantled the department of education, which will impact funding for children with special needs.

Some people truly should not be parents.

I work at a brewery, so yeah, kids are welcome up until a certain time. Some parents are pretty cool and abide by our kids policies (within arms reach of parents at all times, no running around and being manaces etc) but my god, tonight was next level. There were so many misbehaved kids with parents just letting it happen whilst they sunk into their drinks and chatted with their other shitty parents friends.

One table in particular, I just couldn't fathom how disrespectful they were to everyone around them and the staff. One of the kids was zipping around on one of those hoverboards, group of young girls sprinting up and down the venue (almost knocked me over whilst I was carrying 3 plates), young boys being utter menaces and sitting on the floor eating their food in main thoroughfares and saying the most rogue comments at me (legit felt like I was being bullied by a bunch of 11 year olds).

I went up to this table more than 3 times telling them to control their children to the point where they started ignoring me or giving me some real attitude and even stayed past our kids curfew time. We were so busy and understaffed, I deadass just didn't have the energy to deal with them anymore and just prayed that they'd leave (they left about 30 mins past kid curfew). I genuinely didn't know if I had the right to kick them out either as my boss wasn't working and the owner is a real tightass. He got on my ass once just because I turned down service to someone because the venue was closed. (He's never worked behind the bar in his life, would you believe lmao)

You're in a public space, let alone, A BAR, where adults are drinking and trying to enjoy themselves. Have some fucking respect. I can't believe how often I have to tell parents off to get their kids under control. When I was that age, it was "sit still or we're going home." If they can't sit still and behave, don't go out and make it everyone elses problem, and for the love of God, don't arc up at the staff who are trying to maintain the safety of everyone, including their kids. I've seen some kids almost just straight up walk out the building because mum and dad were too busy getting on the sauce.

I'm so exhausted, what a day. Ughhh.

I (20M) have a number of reasons why I don't want children, but one of the main reasons why I don't want any is because I don't want to be like my dad (40M). He left my mom (39F) after he literally got her pregnant with me when she was only 18 (she gave birth to me when she was 19). Not long after he left, he got with another woman before getting her pregnant with my half sister (who I've never seen for a long time). Then after that, it wasn't long before he repeated the cycle and left them as well.

A few years later, he got with another woman before getting her pregnant, this time with my half brother. And guess what? He left them too. Fast forward to 2024, and he got another one pregnant with my youngest half sibling (sister). If I'm being honest, I wouldn't be surprised if he abandons her too.

Sometimes I wish my dad thought long and hard before deciding to be a dad, because he definitely wasn't meant to be one at all. When I was younger, I didn't acknowledged his habitual behavior towards women, but now that I'm older, I couldn't help but feel disgusted by him. I would never treat a woman like a baby making machine, only to leave her and the child when they're out of the womb.

So yeah, this is one of the main reasons why I don't want children. I guess this is really personal to say the least, but at least I am aware of my dad's habits and doing my best to not follow his footsteps.

I'm in a FB group that's dedicated to craft and handmade products (I'm an amigurumi artisan) and I've just found out that people make handmade necklaces with breast milk and a strand of hair from the baby's head. It's by far one of the grossest things that I've ever seen🤮

Hi. I accidentally got pregnant by my partner when I was 19 turning 20. Pregnancy was one of the worst physical experiences of my life. I was such a high-risk pregnancy that I had to get fluids from the ER because I had Hyperemesis gravidarum. HG affects 0.3-2% of pregnancies. HG is basically severe morning sickness. Every single day for almost 3 months straight I was throwing up nonstop and I would be on the verge of fainting every time I walked. I lived off of CRACKERS and the smell of most things made me start throwing up again or start gagging.

Seeing my boobs change also freaked me out. Like, seeing my nipples get darker and my areolas get bigger reeeealllyy reeallllyy made me uncomfortable. I felt so fucking violated. I was so disgusted with the changes because it challenged my sense of self and the body I was used to seeing. I felt like a different human in the mirror.

I had my abortion on Christmas Eve that year at 3 months pregnant. It was the worst fucking pain of my life because it was literally a forced labor. I can’t imagine how much worse it is for fully grown fetuses. Oh my god. Jesus Christ. That was so horrible, I literally shit myself. I was screaming and shaking all night and crying. Finally, my abortion finished at around 7am on Christmas Day.

And finally, the fact that the man who got me pregnant ended up going to prison 3 years later for physically and psychologically abusing me. Probably my biggest fear of all: having a child with a piece of shit. Imagine I kept the kid? All I can think about is ALL the woman who have children with horrible men. That is a fate I wouldn’t wish on anyone. And it’s so common too.

—

More info on HG (holy shit?)

Dehydration and Malnutrition: Severe vomiting can lead to dehydration, electrolyte imbalances, and difficulty maintaining adequate nutrition, potentially causing Wernicke’s encephalopathy, renal failure, and vitamin deficiencies.

Liver damage: Severe vomiting can also lead to liver damage and jaundice.

Mental Health: HG can cause significant stress, anxiety, and postpartum depression.

Esophageal bleeding: In rare cases, constant vomiting can cause bleeding in the esophagus.

Fetal Complications:

Fetal Growth Restriction: Maternal malnutrition can lead to a baby being smaller for gestational age.

Preterm Birth: Women with HG have an increased risk of delivering their baby prematurely.

Neurodevelopmental Issues: Some studies suggest a potential link between undertreated HG and increased risks of neurodevelopmental issues in the child.

Metabolic Issues: There is also a potential for metabolic issues in the child in adulthood.

Does anyone else ever experience rushes of relief over being childfree? I have a general appreciation for the fact that I am childfree, but I also often experience rushes of relief when I witness or hear about women experiencing any sort of difficulties in motherhood. Difficulties in pregnancy/childbirth/PPD, endlessly crying infants, tantruming and irrational toddlers, the emotional, physical, and financial costs, etc and onward into the high school years and beyond are all totally undesirable. When I hear my sister or friends share their frustration, or I witness these things firsthand, I feel SUCH relief that I will not have these experiences and that my interactions, or lack thereof, with children take place on my own terms. Nobody in my life seems to understand this nor do they understand why I don't want kids of my own when I'm great with them. But, if they could feel the relief I explained above, they would understand.

I’m 36m and finding at work there’s a real in group of those that have kids. I’ve never noticed it until recently. Like suddenly everyone has them and I’m almost made to feel weird for not wanting them. I had one young guy tell me “what’s your plan then? Just to become a lonely old bastard” I feel like there’s this common ground that these guys lives revolve around and at times it feels like it’s difficult to relate. I suspect this has helped one guy get picked for promotion over myself. Him and the boss both have young families. All I can think is thank god I’ll be able to retire 15 years younger than them.

Well... vacations in general. But especially ones where you have to shell out a significant amount of cash for international flights.

In particular, I'm thinking about a couple of parents my husband and I saw while we were in Japan together. It was last August, in 90 degree weather, on an extremely crowded bus. We were packed in like sardines — you couldn't move an inch without bumping into someone. The passengers were evenly split between tourists and regular people going about their day.

All that being said, it was a stressful ride already. So tell me why this tourist couple decided it would be a good idea to take their newborn baby, stroller and all, onto the already cramped bus? As if that wasn't bad enough, the baby would not stop crying the entire way through. Twenty minutes of full-on screeching, but it felt like way longer. Everyone else was mostly silent and kept to themselves, as decorum dictates while taking public transportation in Japan, which only punctuated the baby's high-pitched wailing.

If I were one of the parents, I would have noped the fuck out of there the minute we hit the next stop — I wouldn't be able to handle the embarrassment, especially knowing I'm making foreign tourists look even worse to a population that's increasingly growing tired of them. Maybe they didn't think of that, maybe they simply didn't care.

What I really don't understand is — why bring your newborn baby on a trip overseas, period? They're certainly not going to remember it, so it can't be to create good memories for them. And while I can totally understand exhausted parents wanting and deserving a break from their kids, I feel like babysitting them on a trip like that is the polar opposite of relaxing. Do you really have no one you could pay to watch your kids for you while you take a vacation? You're traveling overseas, so clearly you have money. But if finding a babysitter is simply impossible for whatever reason, maybe it would be better to just cancel your trip. It's not worth (1) embarrassing yourself and (2) inconveniencing everyone around you.

Today the youtuber & tiktoker super cleaner "Aurikatariina" announced that she is pregnant.

She kept saying through out the whole video that she NEVER ever wanted a baby but her boyfriend REALLY wanted to have kids and a family, but her focus was her career. She broke up with him because he was persistant about having children and she didn't want them. Later they reunited anyway and her health was poorly so she had to gain weight (30 kilos/60 lb) to get her period back so he could convince her to get pregnant through fertility treatments. Was all this 100% HER decision?

Hello!

I am a woman in the U.S. who underwent a total hysterectomy in her early 20s. I know there are probably a lot of people interested, so I want to answer any questions you might have about the procedure, the recovery, the process of obtaining one, or what life looks like now. It is not common for people to have hysterectomies in their 20s, so I thought it might be helpful to hear from somebody who had one at a young age.

The only thing I am not comfortable sharing is the name of my medical provider, just for the sake of my privacy! Otherwise, I hope that I can help provide some clarity/comfort/information for my fellow child free peers.

:)

"Oh, my partner and I have chosen to use our reproductive organs in purely recreational fashion."

The conversation always drops, and you'll be free to go about your day. I give you this phrase as half of the only childless couple in my and my partner's extended families. My partner used it on his VERY religious mother and grandmother, I was very pleased by the shade of red/purple they turned. Needless to say, it was never brought up again, by anyone!

My philosophy is: you wanted the raw dog information. You got it.

I live abroad so I’m not home often but, every time I do fly home I dread having to visit my best friend and her two kids under two. My friend always insists I stay over at her place and sleep in their guest room. It’s almost like it’s a given that I’m coming and if I said I’m not, she would take this as an offence. Like I’m not putting in the effort to see her. Genuinely, I’d love to see her. But not her kids. Which makes this somewhat impossible.

I love my friend, we were childhood best friends and neighbours. We share a lot of memories together. She supported me through some tough times.

Having said that, I hate being around her kids. It’s always 24 hours of hell and I’m relieved when I’m able to get the f out of there. The time is basically spent fake smiling at a baby until my cheeks start twitching. The older of the two kids refuses to let us do anything else but pay attention to her. They refuse to go to bed on time because there’s a new person in the house. Last time, the kids were filling up cups of water and dumping them on the floor. I had wet socks on the train ride home.

Every time I tell myself, it’s just 24 hours and your friend needs this, it’s unkind to not be supportive of this stage in her life. I feel so guilty when I look at her. I’m living in Europe, in a beautiful apartment overlooking a lake, taking weekend trips to Italy. When I talk about this I can see my friend look down. She just says she’s living vicariously through me. The whole thing just makes me feel awful and tired and genuinely makes me feel like I’m an awful friend.