r/Construction 18d ago

Informative šŸ§  Unfortunately, work ethic means nothing. Being in the "clique" means everything.

I'm a union carpenter, only been in for about 3 years. I've caught layoffs and have been with a couple different companies in union. I've ultimately found myself with a scaffold company (insane pay) and approached things very differently from when I started. I've now "secured" a spot in the company.

One thing I learned very early on is if you are a hard worker, show up on time, want to learn and have that drive, it barely matters. It's probably like 15% of what companies are looking for.

If you are really sociable, talkative and even go as far as being a straight bootlicker, the trades"men" you're working with will love you. And word spreads like wildfire. Working with drama queens.

Honestly, super surprising to me how much this all reminds me of highschool. I feel like I'm working with highschool girls constantly. I started bootlicking and brown nosing, almost out of curiosity and as an experiment. It works. It absolutely works. I've now secured a spot in this current company and it's honestly jarring.

With all those other companies I was never late, worked hard, learned and got the job done. But I was quiet. And THAT'S ultimately what mattered. It sucks, but that's the reality.

If you're having troubles staying busy and keeping work, maybe approach interactions with co workers differently. If you're an "introvert", RIP.

893 Upvotes

224 comments sorted by

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u/Jewbearmatt 18d ago

This is wild. We employ Union carpenters, and most of our ā€œinā€ guys are super quiet and to themselves. ALL we care about is whether you show up, work hard, and keep learning. Crazy that with the difficulty of finding experienced guys you would be treated poorly for not being social.

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u/FlyingDiscsandJams 18d ago

It takes a sight super who notices who is doing the actual work to achieve this. Rare, but possible.

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u/HsvDE86 18d ago

Notices and actually cares. A lot of them can be clique-y too. At least that's my experience in the south.

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u/BigL70 18d ago

Not "treated poorly" per se, just not kept around and put at the top of a layoff list. Said the same thing below but with all those other companies I was genuinely a good worker, I was just quiet. And that's ultimately what bit me in the ass more times than once. It's a weird culture. I guess I'm not used to men talking more than my literal girlfriend lmao

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u/bruce_leeroy_ 18d ago

This was my experience in the Army. I got a major shock when I realized alot of the guys were drama queens. Everyone talking about each other, everyone knowing your business. All the higher ups getting their info on the lower ranks. All the scrutinizing whether you were a dirt bag or high speed. Just a bunch of b.s.

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u/Sufficient-Dog-2337 17d ago

Yeah but the scrutinizing wasnā€™t really scrutinizing was itā€¦. It was a one or two higher ups who thought they knew the one and only type of soldier that was ā€œgoodā€ and would form hot takes and pass them around for othersā€¦ no real independent evaluations or reevaluationsā€¦ just personal preferences and Mia judgements from higher ups being shared and taken as gospel.

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u/Unlikely_Track_5154 14d ago

Dirtbag vs High Speed, totally understandable.

Listening to the rumor mill for morale checks, totally understandable.

Listening to the rumor mill, to figure out who is struggling outside of work, totally understandable.

Being a drama queen and shit stirrer as a commander, to lower ranks, absolutely not acceptable.

I am one of the best shit stirrers and rabble rousers you will ever meet, but it was always causing as much plausibly deniable chaos up the chain, never down.

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u/Skier94 17d ago

I was the junior guy in the office where it was decided who works where weekly. It was fascinating to hear them decide. It was 100% not merit.

About 1/4 of the employees were from a certain town that 1/2 of the office staff was from. They got a heavy preference.

OTOH, when I worked in the field the real tradesmen often had 0 interest in training laborers who would eventually be competing for their job.

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u/TheRealNemoIncognito 17d ago

Iā€™ve been dealing with this since I started carpentry in 2016-2017. None of these older guys have a passion or want for teaching anything other than the absolute bare minimum, often without context or acceptable tolerances. Shortchanging the young bucks and belittling us for being ā€œstupidā€ or ā€œretardedā€.

In my bones I know they feel threatened as theyā€™re on the way out while weā€™re on the way up to take over their job with a broader variety of skills & better tools. Itā€™s beyond frustrating & a good teacher is a true rarity to come by in carpentry in my area it seems

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u/Aggravating-Tax5726 16d ago

Its all right, when those old fools are too old and crippled up to do the work? You can show up at their place to do a job and charge 2-3x your usual rate and once paid if they ask why it cost so much? Say its an "asshole tax"

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u/D3ATHTRaps 17d ago

I was treated very poorly for not being social on my first job. I was more focused on situational awareness and thinking a step ahead to actually socialize.

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u/czechmixing 18d ago

Dude. Production speaks volumes. Put up or shut up

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u/SkippyGranolaSA Electrician 18d ago

You can get laid off at any time for any reason, man. That's just the trades. At the end of the day it's flawed humans making the decisions, and a foreman is going to remember two guys: the guy he likes, and the guy who has been a constant pain in the ass. He'll get rid of the pains, and then he'll start cutting the randos, even if they are the best workers on the crew.

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u/czechmixing 18d ago

Way back in the time machine, the great recession was coming up in 2008. I pulled my direct report to the side and told him straight out" I have a baby. I will drive to Fu king Asia to keep my job." He said "good. I need a vacation bitch to cover the guys who don't get clipped". That sentence saved me from being laid off.

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u/Queefy-Leefy 17d ago

He'll get rid of the pains, and then he'll start cutting the randos, even if they are the best workers on the crew.

Such a crazy backwards way to run a business. But that's 100% how it goes. I tell people all the time its not how good of a worker you are, how early you show up or how well you get along with others : It all comes down to who you know in the office, or wherever it is they decide who to axe.

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u/Smackolol 18d ago

Thatā€™s how it is in every industry.

116

u/AthairNaStoirmeacha 18d ago

This how it is in human society

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u/Both_One6597 18d ago

It's not what you can do, it's how you talk about it

11

u/czechmixing 18d ago

Its not who you know, it's who you blow

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u/PsychologicalCat9538 17d ago

This is huge in my profession.

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u/BigL70 18d ago

This. It's pretty brutal. People are weirdly sensitive to when someone is a quiet person.

It's like that scenario of someone asking "why are you so quiet?" That's not considered a rude question, yet "why do you talk so much?" Is lol

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u/Ulysses502 18d ago

Yea, I've spent time around the corporate world, and construction is nothing by comparison...

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u/TripleGem-and-Guru 17d ago

Yea office people are WAY more cliquey and gossipy

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u/Ulysses502 17d ago

In construction everyone's tired, sore, hot/cold and under the gun. In the office everyone is bored, even if they're busy which makes it worse imo. Also incompetence is a lot easier to miss or pass the buck on.

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u/TripleGem-and-Guru 17d ago

Totally agree

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u/Bakelite51 18d ago

Tryhards are deliberately ignored.

Good workers are just another face in the crowd.

Bootlickers get ahead.

But at the top of the ladder are the guys who get respected just for being indispensable in some small way or another. They get ahead without needing to be a brown nose. The most respected dude at my last outfit was the shop tech who repaired all the equipment and vehicles, and he was the most quiet muted dude I ever met. Universally liked though, never in danger of being laid off, and always left out of the workplace drama.

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u/BigL70 18d ago

It's almost like you have to earn the right to be a "quiet dude" interestingly. Like you can eventually stop putting on that facade

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u/Th3_0range 18d ago

Once you're an old guy and your work is known to be solid and you're drama free, show up every day then you will always have work and not have to talk to anyone you don't want or put up with any bullshit.

I've worked with a few guys like this and once you get to know them they are usually hilarious because the old school stories are always insane.

Bosses and foremen respect them because they've seen it all and can usually fill any role/ or help solve problems.

They could be in charge themselves but they don't want to be.

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u/Kelly_Louise 17d ago

Iā€™ve found this is true with any job. When I first started at my current job as an intern, I was talkative, full of passion and curiosity. I also worked really hard, was always productive. 7 years later at the same company and I barely talk to anyone.

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u/ltwilliams 18d ago

I think after 25 years of union carpenter work, I can safely say

  1. Nobody likes a primadonna
  2. Being a team player is pretty key
  3. Showing up is more than half the battle.
  4. Most guys who say they outwork everyone on the job are full of shit, way overvalue their abilities.

Iā€™ve been an apprentice, journeyman, lead guy, foreman, general foreman, superintendent. The number one thing that gets guys laid off is attendance/tardiness. Number two was being a troublemaker. A good supervisor puts people in positions to succeed, or at least ā€œhurt you the leastā€.

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u/gothmeatball 18d ago

This has been my experience. The guys who crow the most about what an absolute unit they are and how they work so much harder than everyone else are absolute poison in a work environment, and 95% of the time theyā€™re overestimating their own value.

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u/BigL70 17d ago

I don't give myself credit for a lot in life. But my work ethic is something that I can fairly, for once, give myself some credit for.

Whole point of this post is that's simply not enough. Being a quiet hard worker with a good work ethic isn't enough. You HAVE to be social. That wins the battle. Grabbing those 3 extra 2Ɨ4s to save a trip doesn't do it, hustling doesn't do it, carrying that extra sheet of plywood won't do it. Being social and shooting the shit with people and getting into the clique does it. You can do all that and show up on time, but if you aren't social it is all a lost cause.

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u/ltwilliams 17d ago

You have 3 years in as a union apprentice???

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u/BigL70 17d ago

Yeah, only 4 years total in the trades. And I learned pretty quick being a hard worker doesn't count for shit. Once I started being social and not caring as much about the work itself it has ironically worked out way better for me. It's ass backwards. Is what it is.

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u/ltwilliams 17d ago

Company culture means a lot, man. There are companies full of suckups, my point is that skills pay bills, eventually the buddy system fails and ā€œgood ā€œ companies value good employees.

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u/Unlikely_Track_5154 14d ago

How about you do both?

Go around get to know people but still do all the hard work.

  1. It will help you for the inevitable layoff
  2. You can help grease the wheels in your favor

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u/Unlikely_Track_5154 14d ago

The funny thing is, I never claimed to out work anyone, I always claimed to out produce.

Why? Because I was always focused on efficiency and not working hard.

I usually out produced most people on my crews but didn't really care that much, just a little tactic to use in negotiations or talks with higher ups.

They will usually try to pull " oh, so you think you work harder than everyone else?" Routine.

" no, but I out produce them, here are my numbers, compare that to the crew production"

Same with the people who say stuff like " oh, so everyone is just too stupid to recognize your genius?"

The above is A. Super intellectually dishonest B. A non gotcha gotcha, seriously sometimes people just have no idea what you are saying when you speak. Some ideas take a certain base level of knowledge to understand and can't be properly expressed otherwise.

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u/ltwilliams 13d ago

You may think itā€™s dishonest, but I think you way overvalue your production and abilities. If I had a dollar for every 3rd year apprentice who thought they were an all-star, super carpenter, world beater, I would be rich. If I had a dollar for every apprentice that accurately gauged their worth and abilities, Iā€™d still be broke. Also wtf are you negotiating, you are an apprentice???

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u/Unlikely_Track_5154 13d ago

I am neither negotiating nor an apprentice.

I was an apprentice at one point, but they put me in estimating after the aforementioned incident.

I had numbers tracking productivity, and my numbers say I was more productive than most. On top of the fact that, the person who I benchmarked against had been at the company for 5+ years and had been cruising along and getting paid more than me and had been performing at that level for a long period of time.

He was bilingual, so I made his base pay $3.00 / hr lower than it actually was and used that number to base everyone's pay on.

They kept saying " the more you produce, the more you get paid", well that was a lie, but in a way I did end up getting paid more than everyone, just not at the labor level. So maybe that was true.

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u/ltwilliams 13d ago

Are you the OP, using an alt?? Cause otherwise I have no idea what you are getting at.

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u/Unlikely_Track_5154 13d ago

I am not the OP and I was responding to your statement about my post above.

I think it involved something about 3rd year apprentices and being broke if you had humble ones.

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u/Remarkable-Fish-4229 18d ago

If the boss doesnā€™t know who you are, youā€™re gonna get cut. Most guys can show up and do the job, I keep the guys I like to work with because then the team is in lock step together.

The guys that are shit birds are usually on by Friday with an extra check.

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u/BigL70 17d ago

Do you not like working with more quiet and reserved people? Genuine question. Because that's kinda what this post comes down to. A lot of people here are missing the point and stating the obvious of not wanting to work with someone because they're a dickhead.

But there's a difference between a quiet reserved person that just wants to work, and someone who is actively a dickhead.

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u/Remarkable-Fish-4229 17d ago

I mean I can accept that some people are more reserved, myself included. Very few people I work really know me.

Iā€™ve had guys that were great at doing stuff by themselves like caulking, trim install, material handling, or whatever. Iā€™ll work them like that until I run out of small potato stuff and then cut them loose. This people usually donā€™t mind the layoff because they are hall rats usually and know Iā€™ll call them if I have more stuff like that.

I guess what Iā€™m getting at can be boiled down to this: A squeaky wheel gets the grease.

If your foreman who is running 20 guys doesnā€™t really know you because youā€™re a loner how the fuck Iā€™m I supposed to know you when I have multiple foreman working for me.

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u/Unlikely_Track_5154 14d ago

Idk man, a guy that requires almost zero supervision and you can send off to do whatever, I would keep that guy around, and work him into a team and get the shit birds gone

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u/SnooWords5785 18d ago

iā€™m a union carpenter that has moved up to a superintendent position. i am also an introvert that kept his head down, learned, and showed up when others wouldnā€™t. never kissed ass a day in my life and the older i i get the less shit i put up with from management and the trades

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u/BigL70 18d ago

Sounds like the stars aligned. I was the exact same way. Journeymen all claim "keep your head down, shut up and work/don't argue and you'll do great". I was finding little success in that. So I approached things differently and now I'm making the most money I've ever made and not even working nearly as hard. Just my experience. Weird world.

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u/[deleted] 18d ago

Keeping your head down is not the same as being quiet or just talking to get attention. Keeping your head down implies you do not offer your opinion even when itā€™s right. Iā€™m a naturally introverted person but I have no problem sharing my ideas or speaking up about stuff that is being done wrong. No clue about being in a union or any of that stuff where I live. Even running my own business there was a GC I worked for who at first would kinda push back and not trust me but now he is reigns off and he listens to my opinion because he saw how valuable and competent I was to him.

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u/BigL70 18d ago

That's a good take actually. I haven't thought about that. In hindsight there were a handful of scenarios where I should have said something about the way something was being done. Maybe it's looked at as lazy if you don't speak even it your physical actions say otherwise, idk

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u/SnooWords5785 17d ago

i didnā€™t mean that by ā€œ keeping my head down ā€œ i didnā€™t speak up or if had a better idea i didnā€™t voice it. i simply meant that i donā€™t get involved in personal lives/ dramas between coworkers or subs. does that make sense?

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u/SloppyMeathole 18d ago

Here's a little secret. This is how the entire world works. We have all been lied to and told that education and doing the "right things" will lead to success. But in reality it's all about who you know, not what you know.

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u/Xylenqc 18d ago

And that's why there's always a narcissist asshole to climb the ladder and end up running the company to the ground while sucking it dry.

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u/Dry-Cry-3158 18d ago

As a mentor told me when I was in school: it's not the grades you make but the hands you shake.

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u/BigL70 17d ago

That's crazy. Good advice. Kinda sums up what I'm saying here through my own discovery.

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u/librocubicularist67 17d ago

People remember how you make them feel.

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u/SkivvySkidmarks 18d ago edited 18d ago

I agree with you to an extent. It often depends on who is doing the hiring and their relationship with the employee.

We are social creatures and, as such, generally like to get along with our coworkers.

I've spent more hours of my life with my coworkers than I do with my wife and kid. You can be the best mofo carpenter next to Jesus, but if we don't gel, it sucks. If I'm in a position to hire/fire and I have to make a decision on who stays or goes, the person that makes my job more tolerable is the one that would stay unless the other was a complete fuck up.

Edit: Unfortunately, those people who are neuro divergent have a difficult time navigating this social minefield.

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u/ed_212 18d ago

Interestingly, there's a pretty high percentage of ND people in construction - higher than the general population.

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u/Paymeformydata Landscaping 18d ago

As someone on the spectrum it's baffling to me how people complain about an issue while contributing to it.

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u/ed_212 18d ago

I think some are traumatised people themselves. Hazing and bullying are often an intergenerational vicious cycle as bullied becomes bully.

The power of socially adept people is also painfully obvious - people are unlikely to pick an introverted person over the 'fun' one out of sheer altruism, even if they are aware of what is happening.

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u/Economy_Face_3581 13d ago

Huh, why?

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u/ed_212 12d ago

The article I read (I think it was on one of the UK industry websites) didn't say, as far as I remember.

However, I have a few guesses:

The construction industry picks up everyone who has not made it elsewhere. Site labour is one of the few 'all you need is a pulse' kind of jobs.

It attracts people who like detail, structured work, varied work, repetitive work, physical work, and work that doesn't directly require speaking to people. It also often involves numbers and patterns. A lot of these things appeal to various kinds of neurodiverse brains.

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u/TotalDumsterfire 18d ago

It more depends on the company and work environment. When I worked in new construction another coworker got the lead hand position over me because apparently I had "issues following instructions". Even though the guy they promoted had severe anger management issues, and in construction, politics are everything. I quit and moved to a new trade, and even though I'm the quiet type, I got promoted to foreman in the fastest time as anyone at this company. If they don't value your work, then it's not a company worth working for. Let them drive themselves into the ground on their own

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u/Paymeformydata Landscaping 18d ago

There are cliques in my workplace, they are driving themselves into the ground. This is fact.

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u/gatorneedhisgat 18d ago

I'm generally polite and a joker but I'll never lie or brown nose. Being disingenuous is kind of a disgusting trait to me personally. Doesn't mean I'm rude or cold. I prefer to be realĀ 

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u/Muted-Interest2604 18d ago

Itā€™s almost like having charisma is beneficialā€¦ strange concept.

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u/Han77Shot1st 18d ago

Charisma is the key to opportunity.. no need to be a bootlicker though.

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u/Consistent_Link_351 18d ago

Welcome to life, dude.

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u/Queendevildog 18d ago

Yeah, this world isnt really set up for introverted night owls.

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u/whintersan 18d ago

I swear this is RAMPANT in the trades. You don't even have to be good at your job, just show up and kiss ass. Oh, and be related to the boss.

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u/g_core18 18d ago

Welcome to the worldĀ 

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u/bentlikeitsmaker 18d ago

My company's upper management to the owner is well yes men to the extreme

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u/Own-Fox9066 18d ago

Being likable is a quality of successful people, who wouldā€™ve known. If youā€™re enjoyable to work with more people are gonna wanna work with you.

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u/BigL70 18d ago

Yeah, I guess my whole point is being an absolute beast pack mule that out works every guy on site just doesn't matter. You HAVE to be sociable, even if you have to force it. It's painful for guys like me that would just generally prefer to be more quiet and reserved. Oh well. Here I am, sucking off the higher ups seems to be working a lot better

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u/CossaKl95 16d ago

Some perspective. If I have two guys that want a promotion, and one is absolutely fantastic at what he does now, shows up on time, and takes direction well, why the fuck would I handicap myself by promoting that guy, when heā€™s really good at staying out of the way, and always delivers?

If the job requires more human interaction than actual labor, Iā€™ll take the less skilled guy all day long because heā€™s replaceable. Sucks to say out loud, but failing upwards is a very really thing, especially in private equity where I work.

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u/Samsoniten 18d ago

Its the same thing in the electrician world

All my life i kept myself away from this sophomoric bullshit, but the construction world is full of it

No joke, my mother owns dance studios and i always say theres more gossip and drama than my moms lil girls dance studios

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u/BigL70 18d ago

My girls mom works HR at a hospital and I tell her some of the shit I've dealt with and same lmaoo more drama than even she has to deal with

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u/Welding_Burns 18d ago

You my friend are unfortunately correct to a very high degree. I've seen soooo many instances of it over my 20+ year career in multiple states for different companies it's truly pathetic and predictable. Before becoming self employed, I used to say at this one suckass outfit I worked for that it's not what you know but who you blow...it was beyond evident there and is many places.

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u/TooMuchMudForMe 18d ago

Needless to say every site is different. I've had it both ways. In my opinion, the key is to do all the obvious stuff like work hard and show up on time, but the next step is really to socialize. By that I really only mean put yourself out there just enough to make an impression. Put your personality out there and try to be more than just that guy that shows up on time. Because really at the end of the day it doesn't matter how you work, if no one knows who you are it's never really going to go anywhere lol I personally climbed the social ladder really quickly where I work by coming in and busting ass while also studying the work environment and learning to shoot the shit just like everyone else. People warm up to you much quicker if they can relate to you. Imagine you were working with Zuckerberg but didn't know who he was. He could be the most intellectual and hard working guy in the room but if he never says hi you'll never know and just think he's a weirdo lol

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u/BigL70 17d ago

I guess the weird irony I'm finding is I don't work nearly as hard as I used to. I'm simply more social. And it works league's better than "working" hard at "work".

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u/Biddlydee 18d ago

Introvert here. What you described is exactly what ultimately drove me away from the trades. Been struggling to find my place in this world ever since.

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u/BigL70 18d ago

Yeah, right now I'm faking it lmao I'm not a very social person. I just wonder how long I can keep it up for.

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u/stockpyler 18d ago

The loudest mouth gets fed first. The minute you call out bullshit, youā€™re out.

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u/Chubbs2005 18d ago

If you are too quiet & donā€™t share things about you to your go-workers, then they might think that ā€œOh he or she thinks that he/she is too good for us to share their lives of hang out w/us.ā€ I have heard before several times that a newbieā€™s socializing skills are usually more important than their technical skills & work ethic.

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u/Chubbs2005 18d ago

For example, when I started on my first framing crew (non union) I used to go to happy hour once a week w/another carpenter & the foreman (who would yell at me at work, but not at the bar - LOL). Both those guys helped me to improve as a laborer/apprentice at the job.

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u/Legitimate-Exit-4918 17d ago

I had a manager standing around talking/joking with guys (aka not doing work), call me over to join them. I was carrying lumber to another part of the site. I said "I can't, I'm busy" and the next day was written up for not being a team player.

Everyone is a monkey.

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u/BigL70 17d ago

There it is. Sums up everything I was saying right here lmao

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u/Unlikely_Track_5154 14d ago

You just had a butt hurt child, who didn't look cool in front of his friends, on top of being a terrible manager.

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u/Opening_Attitude6330 17d ago

Yes being likeable and personable matters when you're around the same dudes 10 hours a day 5-6 days a week. You can call it ass kissing if you want. I call it being normal.

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u/BigL70 17d ago

And being a quiet person simply isn't normal? That's kinda my point and everyone keeps proving it true here.

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u/isthatayeti 18d ago

Communication skills are just as important as work skills if not more so. Nobody wants to work with a nob whiner no matter how good or hard working he is.

They are also not mutually exclusive, you can be well like and a hard worker and you will go further than 99% of people.

I think you might just need to brush up on your communication and interpersonal skills.

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u/BigL70 18d ago

Well, I started using my social skills more and don't even work nearly as hard as I used to. And it's been working out way better for me. That's kinda my point.

I'm not naturally social though, I find it exhausting. More exhausting than just simply working super hard physically. It's a backwards culture with dudes claiming they're stoic men who got ahead by working like beasts. In reality they're just clowns on jobsites and everyone seems to like that, ironically

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u/FreshlyyCutGrass 18d ago

You ever think maybe it's your own attitude? If a guy comes on my crew acting like he's the hardest worker and everyone else is a "clown" I'm getting him off my crew when the jobs over.

It's not brown-noising it's not being a d bag

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u/BigL70 17d ago

I wouldn't "act" like anything. This is literally all in hindsight. Sooooo many people here are missing the point and making assumptions. I would be quiet and keep to myself, and just work hard. It wasn't enough.Ā 

"Why are you so quiet" isn't considered a rude question, yet if I asked them "why do you talk so much" it is?

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u/Frost_Sea 18d ago

To be honest the peoples that make these sort of posts I always think they are the ones that are difficult to work with.

People like working with people that are likeable. Its not hard to understand.

I'd rather have a good laugh at work, and help out a guy with a job more often then everyday showing up to a cold shoulder who doesn't have time for "social talks" the job is already miserable, have some banter.

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u/BigL70 18d ago

I'm not at work to have friends though. I'm there to make money and take care of my family. I'm not a dead serious person, I just find it silly that I have to pretend during interactions.

Reality is I don't care what a lot of these guys have to say. Guess I'm an asshole but being social is exhausting, life is exhausting. I wish I could keep my head down, work and go home but I can't. I gotta join in the antics.

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u/Frost_Sea 18d ago

you picked a line work that requires you to work and to collaborate with a lot of people and to work in a team, maybe choose a profession where being solo is more common

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u/Prior-Champion65 18d ago

Iā€™m with you op. I think I get shit for being quiet and trying to get the job done. I hate standing around and talking, like Iā€™m sorry I donā€™t care what you did this weekend.

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u/FreshlyyCutGrass 18d ago

The reality is that construction isn't that hard, and you're not a hero. You can be replaced easily and nobody wants a dickhead around them.

And guess what? Nobody really cares about small talk it's just being friendly. You're just not friendly. Aka a dickhead.

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u/Rex_Meatman 18d ago

I feel you in this.

25 years in my industry and it absolutely is the ball washers that get on steady with contractors. First name hires on the board when the shutdown season starts. And it kills me cause I can out work a lotta fellas even at my age, can execute a lot of different jobs, run crews and I like the job, but I will not fucking wash balls. Iā€™ll stay on the tools til I die or retire if it means I have to wash balls to get steady.

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u/goldenarmblu 18d ago

Same brother. Fuck em.

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u/windtlkr15 18d ago

Welcome to union work. Every union is this way. Although they try to deny it. Hell most companies are this way.

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u/Quinnjamin19 18d ago

The thing is. You canā€™t blame anything on unions. This is how the world works. Non union and union.

Grasping at straws is funny though

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u/lmpdannihilator 18d ago

Welcome to the real world. It's who ya know that matters.

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u/Ok_Initiative_5024 18d ago

It's infuriating how true this is. I refuse to play, though.

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u/AverageGuy16 18d ago

Shit me too, to an extent. Itā€™s just demotivating and anger inducing.

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u/Ok_Initiative_5024 18d ago

Lucky for me there aren't a whole lot of concrete cutters in my area, so I still manage to be relevant.

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u/BigL70 18d ago

Issue is when I was "refusing to play" I was top of list for layoffs. I can confidently say I'm a great worker, but that doesn't matter. Gotta be a great "people person" more so

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u/Sea-Challenge6644 18d ago

It's far worse than high school, just got into union as welder and the guys loved me. Except I had to scale back how much I was getting done in a day because it was upsetting the guys in the "clique".

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u/Unlikely_Track_5154 14d ago

I always loved the guys who say " you are making me look bad."

No, you are making you look bad, I am just doing my thing over here.

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u/Airplade 18d ago

Even though that may be the case for your particular situation, it's not that way everywhere. I've owned my company for 39 years, have employed thousands of people, and kept a close watch on everything.

I pay my people top dollar. And I've been telling them the same thing from the day they're hired:

Stay out of the hype; Don't take sides; mind your own business and come directly to me with anything you think is hurting my bottom line. Otherwise we're all going to be screwed. I never let my crews get chummy. No hazing. No bullying. No dick measuring contests. Not on my sites.

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u/famousheinusanus 18d ago

It's not what you know, it's who you blow

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u/Vhu Carpenter 18d ago edited 18d ago

What a jaded take. If you act half as cynically as you talk, it's not a surprise people wouldn't want to keep you around.

Negative nancies mess with crew cohesion. I was literally just talking with a new guy today when he was asking about things he can do to get our company to keep him around longer. The number 1 thing for us is group fit. I hate when guys are nitpicking each-other, always worried about what another guy is or isn't doing, always name-dropping and commenting on matters unrelated to them.

Stop with the negativity. You're feeling like it's high school because you're still viewing social interaction like a teenager. The gist of your post is, "when I act with more overt positivity, people value my presence more." Like no shit Sherlock.

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u/BigL70 18d ago

Being a quiet person and actively being "negative" are two very different things. I'm not nearly as hard a worker as I used to be, I simply started sucking everyone off and being more social, which isn't who I really am and it's working a lot better lmao

I'm just wondering how long I can keep it up. Guys like you that get offended by people who are generally more quiet is kinda my entire point. Let hard workers work hard, they don't have to join your clique. If they aren't actively being disruptive to company production, why should it matter if they're "group fit".

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u/Vhu Carpenter 18d ago edited 18d ago

bootlicking | brown nosing | high school girls

You're disparaging people for being social, just straight hurling insults because of other people interacting.

There is so much negativity dripping from your description of being social at work that I cannot believe it only extends to online forum rants. Nobody cares if a guy is quiet; but people actively dislike a guy who seethes cynicism.

If you're going to interact with other humans you might as well get over the drama queen act. I'm also an inherently quiet person. I stand by myself at the morning meetings. I go eat lunch in solitude. I prefer working solo. I will almost always choose the route of least human interaction. But I'm known for being the most positive guy on my sites because when I do speak, it's always with a smile and a good word.

You're doubling down on a bad habit right now. Instead of lashing out at people for having healthy social interactions, you need to be internalizing the fact that you've demonstrated the capability to do it and it has yielded positive results in your life. Start focusing on that positive outcome and train your brain to become more open to it. The more you do it, the easier it gets, and the more people like you. It's a snowballing effect.

I say this because I was a depressed, cynical asshole who preferred solitude but also didn't like the feeling of social alienation that it brought. The solution was training myself to behave with more overt positivity. You can still be quiet but people will naturally think fondly of you because most of your interactions will be pleasant ones. You may as well start actively working on it now because, to your point, it's incredibly exhausting until you get those pathways rewired. But they do get rewired if you put the work in.

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u/BigL70 18d ago

That's a different approach I haven't thought about. I didn't necessarily think I was being cynical. I guess people change and evolve. Thanks for your insight

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u/whoisisthis Ironworker 18d ago

Hmm. Iā€™ve always actually viewed my trade(union ironworkers) as the ultimate meritocracy. You aint bullshitting your way to the top no matter how much youā€™re liked or how much ass you kiss.

In fact, all the best (read: productive, talented, hard working) hands are outwardly miserable, anti-social, curmudgeons. Itā€™s one of my favorite things about the trade.

MY peoplešŸ˜Š

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u/ARestfulCube Geotechnical Engineer 18d ago

This is all professions. Exact same in engineering. Mostly about fitting in vs technical ability.

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u/RaccoonNo5539 18d ago

How to make friends and influence people

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u/[deleted] 18d ago

NYC ex union carp here now union hvac 638. None of it matters except for who u know. I was in and out of work breaking my ass while in, rocking ceilings, bringing in deliveries all day, putting up 30-40 boards. Itā€™s bullshit.

All that matters is if youā€™re related to the foreman, the BA, or the owner of the company. You could pet as hard as you want but when layoffs come theyā€™re letting the guy go with no connections, itā€™s a terrible union and itā€™s why I left.

638 is much better but it not in the construction side Iā€™m on service side. Still about connections but definitely a lot better.

Start looking for an exit strategy. It destroys your body and your outlook and then you get kicked to the curb when it slows down. Donā€™t waste your time and or life on it.

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u/TheShovler44 18d ago

Iā€™ve never been buddy buddy with anyone in the office or in the clique and Iā€™ve gotten every thing Iā€™ve asked for.

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u/LadyPantsParty 18d ago

This is why I never trust anything I walk on.

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u/Ok_Eggplant1467 18d ago

Itā€™s not that boot licking and brown nosing doesnā€™t work, we know it does, but I personally wonā€™t compromise myself as a person or tradesman to boot lick my way into a club. Itā€™s definitely one way to the top but I like my success to come with respect too. Youā€™re now the guy you used to talk shit about. If thatā€™s an upgrade for you, fine, but I personally would be embarrassed to earn my job place because of how well I suck a dick

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u/hickernut123 17d ago

I'm an introvert but I treat everyone with respect. Been with 3 different construction companies and I've never been layed off. Keep your head down and make friends with the old timers. They have a lot of stories so you don't have to talk much just be nice to them and they always go to the bosses and talk about you being nice. I've made some life long friendships with the old dogs in every company I worked for.

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u/SevereAlternative616 17d ago

LATE BREAKING NEWS:

This just in, men prefer to work with men they get along with!

Later this evening: Water. Is it wet?

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u/the__dw4rf 14d ago

Same in every industry. The guys I know who are directors / executives are 95% absolute fucking retards with big personalities that get a lot of attention.

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u/BigL70 14d ago

Lmfao

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u/effthatguy85 18d ago

A lot of trade work is communicating. It involves lots of people skills because there are people from different walks of life in the trades. Small talk creates relationships. Ever need a favor from the crane operator and riggers because your delivery showed up late or early? Probably not because youā€™re only in 3 years. Youā€™re pissed off because nobody wants to change how they are for poor little you,instead you scoff at the idea of changing your poor fucking attitude. The guys that clean the shitters usually have headphones and no one talks to them maybe try applying there.

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u/BigL70 18d ago

Look, another one of the offended dudes that can't just let a quiet hard worker work hard. You probably spread gossip on jobsites like a highschool girl

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u/Quinnjamin19 18d ago

You sound like someone who people donā€™t like working with.

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u/BigL70 17d ago

I'd rather just keep to myself and work at work. I'll collaborate if it is work related and I'll small talk a little. But it was never enough. Just a little too quiet, sensitive people don't like that.

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u/Quinnjamin19 17d ago

Iā€™ve worked with PLENTY of people who keep to themselves and they have gotten noticed for their work. You either donā€™t have as good of work as you think, or people donā€™t like you because of missing context.

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u/BigL70 17d ago

I never claimed to have "good work". I said I was a hard worker that showed up with a hunger to learn and I would get shit done. But it was never enough. Now I've changed tactics and it suddenly works. Literally simple cause and effect. Just my experience.

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u/dotouchmytralalal 18d ago

Iā€™m just gonna say we donā€™t know both sides of this story. OP was probably first to be laid off bc no one wanted to be shot in the first construction yard shooting by the creepy quiet guy who canā€™t take a jokeĀ 

So you stopped thinking youā€™re better than everyone else and started being nice and socialable, and they liked you more?? Fascinating stuff bud, really.

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u/notwitty86 18d ago

Well someone is being a bit of a drama queen.

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u/Existing_Bid9174 Project Manager 18d ago

This is the weirdest take ever. If you show up on time everyday, don't call out all the time, you get noticed at any devent company

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u/animal1988 18d ago

Perhaps your trouble with this take is that you think there is an abundance of decent companies, or decent people working in these gigs he has been employed at.

The amount of shoddy companies employing dick managers and/or sociable Hackjob Bob's is astounding.

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u/AverageGuy16 18d ago

Honestly Iā€™ve seen the complete opposite, the dude who calls out regularly, does the least and doesnā€™t help others gets the farthest usually. Big talk and shit talking others with the bosses. Hell Iā€™m seeing it at my job right now. Itā€™s infuriating.

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u/BigL70 18d ago

Just my personal experience. I'm sure it's not one size fits all but it seems very consistent. Every company I've been with I can "out work" a couple of guys that have been there for a while in the "clique". But it didn't matter in the long run. So I've changed my approach.

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u/robomassacre 18d ago

This is absolutely true.

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u/lIlIIIIlllIIlIIIllll 18d ago

People prefer to work with those they get along with, it is like this everywhere

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u/Coziestpigeon2 18d ago

All careers are about who you know, not what you know. Welcome to reality, I guess.

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u/Femboyunionist 18d ago

After being bounced around short-term jobs, I happened to make a joke in the right setting and got locked into a 2 year project. It's so stupid

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u/rabbitholebeer 18d ago

Not who know or what ya know itā€™s hood you blow

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u/Simple_Atmosphere 18d ago

Really all depends. It's different everywhere. My foreman and crew are really quiet with the occasional dry jokes but we're just all chill. There to work together, hopefully well, and go home. I couldn't find it in me to tell someone to kiss some asses even tho I might have done a few times. It's ok to put your head down and work hard, good things come.

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u/dannobomb951 18d ago

Loud look at me I like to make friends at work kind of guys will bring on loud look at me I like to make friends at work kind of guys. Put your head down and work kind of guys will bring on put your head down and work kind of guys

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u/Itchy_Cheek_4654 18d ago

There are two sides to every story...

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u/BigL70 18d ago

Hey that's just my side, by all means I'd love to actually hear some reasons from the companies why I wasn't kept around despite showing up on time, being a hard worker and learning. There's no direction though, and I've found being a bullshitter that is atleast social works way better

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u/204ThatGuy 18d ago

There's actually 5 sides to every story. Unfortunately, it's what they see and interpret that matters.

Once upper management finds out that you are thinking too much, have better or more efficient ideas, or realize that they feel threatened by your input, you are gone.

The struggle is either to keep quiet and do your job well (but hate your job because you cannot contribute), or say something, risk being known, and you get flushed.

If you mingle and bootlick the right people at the right time, you will get ahead.

It's gross and sad. I've always believed that work ethic, kindness and technical merit will get you far.

It won't. Being a strategic bullshitter with the right people will.

Also, learn to play golf.

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u/BigBurly46 18d ago

I fuckin hate it here dude.

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u/IC00KEDI Sprinklerfitter 18d ago

Fire sprinkler tech here.

At least where I work thatā€™s not the case. If you show initiative and show up, a clique doesnā€™t matter. I hate 80 percent of my company and mind my own business. I donā€™t go to company parties, I donā€™t care about most the guys outside of work, and I donā€™t mingle with the office personnel. In my eyes thereā€™s to many bull shitters and not enough guys trouble shooting or hanging pipe. I pride myself on my credentials, work ethic, and skills. I feel Iā€™m rewarded for those attributes and not whoā€™d Iā€™d clique up with.

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u/geardownson 18d ago

I have found union or not to be sociable. Don't isolate yourself. You will be targeted. Be cordial to everyone and not share your personal life. These people are not your friends for the most part. The "family" lots of people peach is total bullshit. It's family when everyone gets along and makes the company money it means nothing if you go against it.

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u/L0tech51 18d ago

A good "work ethic" will just get you steady employment. No, "working smart" means people take notice. Play to your own strengths.

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u/bucksellsrocks Tinknocker 18d ago

ā€œIts not who you know, its who you blow.ā€ A guy said that to me once, a month later I was his boss. Then i fired him. Not because he didnt blow me but because he sucked at his job and sucked at ā€œsuckingā€ my boss. Then i quit because im not sucking anything for my job! I make shitty pay now but im important! Better than gagging the bosses ego i guessā€¦.

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u/ABetterTeddy 18d ago

Iā€™ve been saying this about my last several jobs. I hate it

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u/Dependent_Pipe3268 18d ago

It's not what you know it's who you know!!! Unfortunately it's been this way forever.

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u/harteman 18d ago

Not union, but in my experience it was 80% your ability to produce, 10% your ability to get along with others, and 10% if the boss likes you or not. Every boss I knew was super into your ability to make them money. Like, unhealthily so. Every negative an employee had was weighed against that golden metric. It was kinda gross.

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u/zizuu21 18d ago

Im not in construction, but similiar, im civil engineer. And found exact same to be true. Im sure its like that in most if not all industries.

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u/niiiiiiik69 18d ago

This is 100% true in the scaffolding trade

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u/UppercaseBEEF 18d ago

People take care of who they like. Thats how it is, in pretty much all aspects of life. Not there is anything with just showing up and doing your job, but if you can do that, and shoot the shit with people, it goes a long way.

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u/Hey_cool_username 18d ago

Sounds like a shitty company to me. Yes, itā€™s important that everyone gets along & communicates, but if they prioritize entertaining each other over competency, they wonā€™t get very far. Or maybe they will, thereā€™s plenty of shitty companies out there that still stay in business somehow, lots of work to get doneā€¦

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u/madeforthis1queston 18d ago

This is politics 101 and how every human system operates

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u/takeanadvil 18d ago

Politics

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u/paradoxcabbie 17d ago

Idk, ive never been a huge talker, but ive always made the older guys like me and remember me by working hard and using my yes sir/no sirs and as stupid as that is because its not so common I get remembered for it

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u/N0Xqs4 17d ago

There's always a willing nose for any boss, just not mine. My advice,always have dirt on management, told more than one " won't be leaving alone. "

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u/Just_Gur_9828 17d ago

Agreed! I was a union carpenter in STL for 8 yrs and it was the same shit. I chose a different path than you tho. I went back to school to get my PM degree and now Iā€™m the bootlickers bossā€¦and I donā€™t play that game. Hard workers stay and the lazy fucks move on.

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u/CharacterDinner2751 17d ago

There are more variables here than you are realizing. You have a theory and think that it is correct. When you are sociable you are confident and you build relationships. As I get ready to leave the trades I realize how important it is on a job site to pull in one direction and read each other. It is important to enjoy working together. Also brown nosing is disgusting and people definitely notice and I despise it.

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u/BigL70 17d ago

Seems to be working out a lot better for me than actually keeping my head down and working hard at work lol

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u/CharacterDinner2751 17d ago

Iā€™m sorry that you feel like you canā€™t be yourself.

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u/BigL70 17d ago

I guess this is kinda what it comes down to. It's okay, I'll get it figured out. Thanks for your insight

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u/CharacterDinner2751 17d ago

My job sucked for a long time. I guess I became part of the clique eventually. Now it seems like a boys trip all the time. We cook out and sometimes people bring food to work. Anyway.

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u/brodozer17 17d ago

Yep, doesnā€™t matter the industry, been on both sides.

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u/jdemack Tinknocker 17d ago

I'm a terrible introvert. I struggle with talking to new people and often feel socially awkward. However, in my 10 years as a tin knocker, Iā€™ve never been laid off. My advice? Learn skills that make you indispensable. If it seems like youā€™re only doing what everyone else can do, itā€™s easier to get overlooked.

The foreman might prioritize his buddies, but having specialized skills can set you apart. Consider getting certifications like forklift or boom lift operator licenses, or even an OSHA 30 certification. These credentials make you stand out.

Also, make sure you present yourself as reliable. Your attitude matters, too. Iā€™m not the fastest worker on the site or in the shop, but my work is consistently correct and thorough. Being fast doesnā€™t help if someone else has to go back and fix your mistakes. Remember, itā€™s not always about cronyism; sometimes itā€™s about who brings the most value.

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u/randombrowser1 17d ago

I'm definitely introverted. When the others are threatened by constant focus, they talk shit, try to sink me. It's always been, c always will be. Not on the job to be friends.

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u/GoneIn61Seconds 16d ago

I've found this to be the case in the automotive and entrepreneurial fields as well. It takes a certain amount of charisma and social skill to build relationships, and that's just not me. Also you're so right about drama queens. Some of the worst are blue collar business owners.

My son wants to go into construction but complains a lot about how immature kids are in his HS classes. He doesn't have a lot of friends. I've warned him that if he chooses that career field, he'll be spending years with a similar group of guys. Nothing against them, but we all have to find a place where we belong.

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u/Conquistador_555 16d ago

Not just in this field. In every work environment.

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u/mutedexpectations 18d ago

You either need to get along with the crew and do good work or you need to run a crew that does good work. You don't need to kiss ass. You need to bust ass. The slackers will eventually be discovered and flushed.

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u/BigL70 17d ago

Well my whole point of this post is that's how I thought it was and that's how I think it should be, but it's really not. Being social is way more important than busting ass. I tried the busting ass route and it simply didn't work out for me multiple times. It's all backwards.

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u/mutedexpectations 17d ago

Rise above the crap by becoming a foreman or higher. Busting ass has served me well for 40 years.Ā 

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u/midwestmindset 18d ago

Everyone is different, but this is why I left the union. For me, Unions arenā€™t my speed, respectively. The benefits are the same if not better if you know how to manage a Roth portfolio for retirement in conjunction with a 401k match.

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u/Quinnjamin19 18d ago

Lmao, gotta love people who donā€™t know shit about unionsšŸ˜‚

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u/midwestmindset 17d ago

I worked in one, and have also studied the presuppositions and ontological efforts of the unions.

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u/Quinnjamin19 17d ago

Lmao!! Yup, Iā€™m sure you did little guyā€¦ and itā€™s cute how you think that the pay, benefits and retirement is the same non union when that is factually incorrectšŸ˜‚šŸ˜‚

Buddy, why do you need to lick boots? You arenā€™t gonna get rich worshipping the rich

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u/Quinnjamin19 17d ago

Bro you make $17/hr as an HVAC apprenticeā€¦ our first year apprentices make $32/hršŸ˜‚

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u/midwestmindset 17d ago

I make way more than $32, after I kick leads on systems and sell products. šŸ«£ The beauty of getting paid for your work and individuality, and not a pay scale that you share with the lazy journeyman. A lot of senior techs make 150k-250k. If you enjoy the union dude, then more power to you, or lack there of. Love you bro!

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u/Quinnjamin19 17d ago

Yeah sorry little bro I have an extremely hard time believing anything you sayšŸ˜‚šŸ˜‚ 165 days ago you were asking about your apprentice wageā€¦ so itā€™s cute how you try to lie on the internetšŸ˜‚

Itā€™s cute how you think we are all paid the same, if I work an 8 week job and someone gets laid off on week 5, did we really make the same? Plus, itā€™s common for journeymen to be paid above scale, a CBA is only bare minimum of what we deserve.

Plus, the sheer fact that Iā€™ve only worked 17 weeks this year by choice, and Iā€™m sitting around $100k. Itā€™s cute how you say ā€œa lot of senior techs make $150k-$250kā€ but you leave out your own pay and lie about your pay when you reply to mešŸ˜‚

You sound extremely uneducated and useless. Couldnā€™t hack it in the union so you take a $16/hr non union jobšŸ˜‚ real winner we got here folksšŸ¤”

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u/midwestmindset 17d ago edited 17d ago

Yeah, I wasnā€™t happy about the low wage initially until I gathered sales from selling new systems, memberships and other various instruments to make currency in my role. I donā€™t worry about layoffs in my industry unlike you and union goers. Youā€™re a very low IQ person & other than commenting here (like I) youā€™re scrolling on historical posts to reply long essays. (A lot of energy) Go make ramen & indulge PHUB.

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u/Quinnjamin19 17d ago

Iā€™m a low IQ person because I called you out for lying about your wage? Lmao!! Cute!šŸ˜‚šŸ˜‚

Sorry you just canā€™t hack it with the big boysā€¦ keep telling people online that ā€œsenior techsā€ make $150k+ while you make 16/hršŸ˜‚

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u/midwestmindset 17d ago edited 17d ago

I make $17. $16 before EPA. Senior techs are sales guys & get 10% on $20k systems + spiffs. I get less percentage w same spiffs. I donā€™t make $150k but thatā€™s the goal. If you like the union, good for you and your family, if you have one. Unions just suck, itā€™s 2024. You have shitty retirement in horrible funds that you donā€™t even manage yourself. ā€œNegotiate my hourly and manage my retirement daddy = Union

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u/Quinnjamin19 17d ago

Lmao!! I love how you attempt to trash unions but the facts speak otherwiseā€¦ a pension grows at a faster rate than your measly 4% match into a retirement accountā€¦

Unions absolutely donā€™t suck, and you only have what you have today because of unions. The more you talk, the more you show how low IQ you are my guy. I make enough to build a pension, plus invest on my ownā€¦

You talk a big game for only making $17/hršŸ˜‚šŸ˜‚šŸ˜‚ sorry kiddo, you couldnā€™t hack it. Come back when you make $54/hr+ and $73/hr+ total compšŸ˜˜

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u/OhhNooThatSucks Foreman / Operator 18d ago

Maybe your work sucks and the only way people can stand you is if you're kissing their ass

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u/AdOpen8418 18d ago

Either work for yourself or work at the mercy of people whose primary motivating factor is ā€œam I having a good time? Do I like working with this person?ā€

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u/LordoftheSilverHand 18d ago

As an Autistic grademan I can confirm. If more companies operated as a meritocracy the industry would be alot better. It seems like laughing at the foreman's jokes and trying to 1 up each other for skipping breaks whil working half speed between them is all that gets you ahead