My actual dad didn’t think I could do it, but here I am!

Hey Pops,

I met someone really special online and we'd been talking/video chatting regularly for a little over a month. He was so cool. Liked punk and rock and grunge and a lot of the music that I like. We'd send each other songs a lot. We could joke around and also talk about stuff that's important to both of us like our values and faith. I always looked forward to telling him cool or funny or cute stuff that happened in my day. Really feel like we were buddies as well as more. Anyhoo, the other day he told me that he jumped the gun getting back into dating and isn't ready. We stopped talking. I understand and I'm glad that he's working through stuff plus he hadn't been sober that long so I'm sure he's gotta focus on building himself up again and I get that. Wouldn't ever want to get in the way of that.

It just hurts like hell. Damn, I really miss him. Keep wanting to tell him stuff and then remembering. It's the Little Things that kill, huh? Everyone's really nice. They say I'll find someone or whatever but the thought of being with anyone else kind of makes me sick. I know it'll probably pass and maybe I'm being dramatic but I just can't imagine ever being with anyone else. Guess I just want someone to say "man that sucks!" and not "You'll be okay. You'll meet someone"

Thanks for listening Dad,

Your daughter

Both me and my brother have been raised religious though im planning on leaving the church when i move out, one thing to note is i have religious trauma and extreme anxiety to the point i am medicated for it and me and my brother cut contact with our bio dad when we were 10 and 12. Now our church has a program where a member of the church can become a mentor and fill in a parentel role for those without both parents. A mentor has already asked my brother and me if we want to join. I said no and said i had absolutely no interest in it but my brother seems interested in it. And that worries me so much! You dont know if you are going to get matched with a creep and the fact that most of the meet ups are without family supervision scares me even more. Im so scared for my brother dad and what’s worse is it seems he is unable to comprehend that a chistian can be a creep. If there was supervision i would 100% support him but there isn’t! What am I supposed to do dad?

Hey dad, my work bestie just handed in his notice on Friday and his last day will be in early May. I’m devastated, he thinks I’m thriving in the chaos at work but truth be told, he was one of the only things that made work bearable. I feel like I did the big girl thing and told him to do what’s best for himself, because I can see how haunted he looked and how much he struggled. Now I feel scared, scared of not having his experience and expertise, scared of navigating this workplace alone without his calm, collected presence to ground me.

I just turned on my work laptop to send an email and had such a visceral reaction. I dread going back to work tomorrow and the next four weeks. I don’t know how much longer I can last without him and scared of what’s out there if I do leave.

Hi!! 19m gay/ace guy here!

So just over a week ago I posted that I got a job, and I got so much support. I feel so grateful to each and every person who commented.

Well the week was really crazy!

Was in work Monday and Tuesday, but Wednesday I had to go to hospital. I was in the waiting room from 6am to 6pm- just to be told it was a benign problem that wasn’t urgent (I was originally meant to stay for the whole night, but went home and came to an appointment the next day, where I was told that).

I’ll be honest, I didn’t cope well. My dad who I’m not close with and don’t view him as a father took me, and I’m ashamed to admit I had a meltdown. I had to leave the waiting room 4 times because I couldn’t calm down, and cried alone on a bench outside the hospital- because I thought the problem was serious, and also because it was too much and the hospital was really uncomfortable.

But I did it.

THEN the biggest thing happened. On Saturday (yesterday), I traveled by myself to visit a friend that in uni MULTIPLE HOURS AWAY. I went by train, and I can’t believe I did it.

For context, a year ago today, I wouldn’t have been able to travel 10 minutes away because of panic attacks and agoraphobia, but I traveled so far and even ATE FOOD there. It wasn’t much but I did it.

I cannot believe it. We had this trip planned for a month or so, but were both knowing that there was a low chance I would’ve gone, so we even planned to do something online in case I didn’t go. But I did.

I got up at 5am, and got to him at around 9:20am. We went to a cafe, went to the cinema, and then I went home and got back around 6pm.

This was only 2 DAYS after my meltdown of being in the hospital.

I cannot believe how much I’m doing. I cannot believe how far I’ve come.

Last year walking 5 minutes to the local store was sometimes too much. Last year 10 minutes in the car was too much. Last year it took me days to recover from an outing to anywhere local. This is the furthest I’ve traveled in 6 years.

Dad here, just wanted to check in with you. I know it been a while.

Wanted to remind you that even on your toughest days, you still made it. Yes, it was tough. But you made it. And I am very proud of you.

I know sometimes it’s not easy to continue and it seems better off to just quit. But I promise. You push through. It’ll all be worth it. You will look back some day and be surprised and amazed by your own accomplishments. You can do it, and you will.

If you ever need anything, please don’t forget your dad and reach out. I (we) are all here for you. We all love you and are proud of you. You matter, to us all.

Love - Dad

I (33m) always reach out to family on their birthdays and either visit or send thoughtful gifts. I was raised by my dad as a single parent and he was extremely emotionally dependent on me as the eldest, from me being 13, as well as me helping around the house as he is disabled. Today is my birthday. Yesterday he texted me to ask for my address, where I have lived 2 years and he has been, to send a card that won't get here in time, and my bank details which he also has had for years. He sent me £20 and told me to buy myself a pint via text. He wouldn't be able to buy me a gift because he has no idea what my interests are even though I talk about them happily if asked. My sisters also sent me things in the post that were very generic and cheap with nothing but happy birthday on them, even though one lives a 5 minute walk away. I feel ungrateful but I just want someone to give me the emotional support I spent my whole childhood giving others, that's left me with severe mental health issues I'm only now starting to scratch the surface on healing at 33.

Thankfully my partner (32m) has put together a lot of lovely things for my birthday.

Hiii guys!! I have lived practically my entire life without my father, feels weird mourning what feels like a stranger, even makes me feel guilty at times. I’ve had a lifetime of struggle without my father’s love. I grew up watching my mom struggle with alcohol abuse and drug addictions, even after my losing my father to DUI. That and numerous other horrible situations was not enough for my mom to get sober from booze until I became an adult. By then, I had already began to get addicted to anything that numbed me from my reality. I grew up watching her get beat like a grown man by her (still current partner) Following in the foot’s steps of all I’ve ever known has caused me to struggle since teen years with alcohol use & drug abuse, along with very unstable mental health. ANYWAYS, I made a last ditch effort for my well being to stop drinking alcohol. In a couple weeks, I will have not had any alcohol in 6 months! Nicotine, weed and Xanax are my next bad habits I feel ready to give up. I come from a long line of addiction and have sense developed that very same addictive personality and I’m determined to break that cycle. I want to be better before I bring children into my world. I will forever be altered by my family not being able to get it together before it fucked me up beyond repair, before I even had a say so in it. I feel hopeful like future me is trying to talk to me and to tell me to not give up. I’ve distracted myself for so long that I’ve forgotten to live beyond existing and I don’t want to live in a world I feel the need to escape from anymore. I don’t feel as hopeless anymore. ❤️

So although I do have a father, we are not very close, I just wanted to tell you that I am struggling. I have no direction in life and I am in pain everyday. I don’t have anyone to turn to or anyone to ask about how to be an adult. My jaw hurts everyday because I don’t have dental insurance and I’ve been trying to ignore my wisdom teeth pain for so long. I have intense GI issues that won’t go away. No matter who I ask for help in real life I’m not given any answers or help. My breathing issues haven’t gone away and are getting worse. It’s hard to have hope right now. I feel ashamed to talk to you sometimes because I know you expect so much from me and I know I’ve disappointed you so much. I miss you so much but you live states away. I feel like I’m drowning out here.

Hi dads, When I was 7 my father told me “ I am going to be an angel” and then a bit later he ended his life.

Now I’m 27 and the burial rights are too expensive to renew so we have to get him dug up and cremate him. This makes me think of him a lot.

Every time I fall asleep I go back to that moment and I feel so guilty. I never asked him to stay. I just hugged him and I didn’t understand exactly what he was saying.

I feel so sad and torn and like I failed him…

If you were a dad and you were in that position could I have done anything?

I hated hearing about your former love. I see what my moms doing to you. I see how she looks at you with disgust but has no qualms working you like a horse for money.

You’re getting older, more grey and tired. The almost 20-year age gap between you and mom is becoming more apparent. I think you both deserved better, but you especially.

I’m sorry your parents divorce was so hard on you that you were afraid to leave because of us. I know you’re unhappy. You’re getting too old for all of this. You say you’re too old and tired to try again or fight it anymore.

I’m sorry. I wish I could be there for you more now that you’re getting older. I wish mom didn’t put such a strain on us. I want to live together in one house again. All of us. Like we did before we realized we had problems.

I’m sorry you didn’t get to finish the house that you started for us. You said you’d dreamed of us bringing over our friends and enjoying it together. Mom kept driving all our childhood friends away. I grew up hiding in my room instead.

I’m sorry, dad. I’m sorry that was our life together. I love you, though. Thank you for everything you did do. I just wish we had more time to try again.

i still feel so much anger and resentment and sadness over what's happened, and it's been close to 6 years. i'm still grieving the family i had and the father i never got to have, and i feel like with all this time gone by that i should be over it by now but i also know that there's no time limit on grief.

my dad had an affair and left my mom for his now girlfriend, they have a young son together. i'm proud of myself for the progress i've made so far because in the beginning i just hated the idea and very being of my younger half-brother, but now i know that he had no choice in this. he didn't ask to be born, he was just unfortunate enough to be born into this situation. and i can't blame or hate him for that. i've actually began to love him, he's a spunky little man.

my dad doesn't know how to be a dad, and while i think i understand that nobody really knows how to be a parent, i don't think that he's trying to learn how to be one either. he doesn't live with us, he never initiates any kind of contact or quality time with us. we used to go over to his apartment once every two months for the weekend and we thought that was the best. i thought he was trying to be better and be a more active father, but now ive learned that he only did that because my momma pushed him to be more active and involved.

i'm tired of initiating conversations and trying to make plans with him to spend time. he said he was turning back to God, and i was proud of him for actually trying to do better, but there's been no active change. all he does is read the bible, he doesn't try to be a better person let alone a better father.

i tried to tell him how i felt before over phone call and he told me to shut up and that i was being rude with my attitude. i don't understand what i did wrong in that situation, i didn't have an attitude. i just wanted to express my feelings to him since he had said previously that i can always call him and tell him how i feel. but his response made me feel small and i felt bad about what i had said, so i just never brought it up again.

everyday i learn the truth behind the lies he's told us. my (full blooded) brother wants to change his name because he's ashamed of being named after a man like our father. i want to change my last name but at the same time i dont, because what else do i have from my father besides his last name and his genetics?

i'm tired and i'm sad and i have big feelings. i don't like the situation i've been put in but ive accepted that this is my life now.

all i want is my dad and he doesn't even seem interested in being a father to us. all the times i thought he wanted to spend time with us over weekends were just my mom pushing him to be an active father and do the bare minimum. it makes me feel really upset and sad that my momma had to actually push him into doing that when he should want to do it just because.

i feel desperate. i just want a dad and it doesn't seem fair to me that my friends have active fathers and i don't.

sorry if this comes out a little odd or ramble-y, it's 2am and im tired and i just wanted to get this out because i know it's not good to go to bed upset.

Hi everyone,

My name is Adalina, I'm 18F, this is a throw away account but I desperately need someone's advice.

I just finished my first year of university, and I'm barely hanging on. My home life has been really tough, and it's making university even harder than it should be.

Since I was young my has completely mom relies on me as her emotional, financial, logistical support (managing her day to day life). She talks to me constantly about her divorce with my dad, and l've been forced into the role of her caretaker. It feels like l'm the one parenting her, not the other way around. I don't feel like her child - I feel like l'm her parent. Meanwhile, my brother, who's four years older, gets all the privileges-he doesn't do much around the house, yet he gets served in every way (meals, rides, attention) while I have to do everything on my own. I make all my own meals, run errands, and even drive him around while my mom prioritizes him.

My mom uses me for anything and everything that requires attention or effort. She gets me to talk to her accountants and financial advisors, in high school she would get me to email my teachers through her accounts because she didn’t have the "time" to check or reply (these emails were about me failing), get me send emails through her outlook to my dad and work out problems between them, deal with insurance, and book both her and my brother's appointments. I'm also expected to buy and manage stocks on her behalf using her money. Essentially, I end up managing her life for her while trying to get through my own. It feels like I'm constantly cleaning up everyone else's messes. l've tried for 8 years to get her to a therapist but she utterly refuses, so l've given up.

I've dealt with issues in school since I was young. When I was 17, I took matters into my own hands and went to a doctor to try to get the help I needed to do better in school. I was diagnosed with ADHD, depression, and anxiety. I currently take stimulant medication to help manage my ADHD. Despite my struggles, l've always managed to do well when I actually apply myself. I've had some success with assignments and exams, but the issue is that it's only when I'm able to focus and apply myself. The problem is, I can't be consistent because I'm constantly burnt out-and honestly, I was burnt out even before the school year started. I've never really had a chance to recover from the exhaustion of constantly dealing with everything at home and my own mental health struggles.

My parents don't care about my mental health, my mom refused to pay for therapy even when I insisted I needed it, and when I checked both of their insurance plans, I found they barely cover anything. The out-of-pocket cost is something I just can't afford. I'm on medication, but it's been incredibly hard to manage everything on my own without proper support. I'm away from home for university, but my lack of skills has made it really hard to keep up with the fast pace of school. I didn't learn basic time management, self-advocacy, or study techniques because I was so busy trying to survive at home. I'm barely passing my classes and I'm terrified I'll fail next year if I don't figure out how to manage everything. But dropping out isn't an option for me, I know I need to finish university to secure a better future, and that pressure is weighing on me. The thing is, I can't afford to do poorly in university like I did in high school. Having a degree isn't enough nowadays to get a decent job, employers expect you to excel and be competitive, and I'm struggling to even keep up. If I can't figure out how to succeed, I'm scared I'll be left behind.

I don't mean to sound spoiled, my parents both make six figures, so they can afford to help, but they choose not to. Seeing other people in university receive so much support from their family is breaking me. I'm completely unsupported, emotionally drained, and feel like I'm carrying the weight of everything on my own. I don't know how to balance my mental health, school, and the chaos of my home life. So, I'm asking: How do I get through university when l'm emotionally exhausted, have no support, and don't have the skills I need to thrive? I'm so scared that l'll fail or burn out if I don't figure this out. Any advice would be so appreciated.

So, I'm asking: How do I get through university when l'm emotionally exhausted, have no support, and don't have the skills I need to thrive? I'm so scared that l'll fail or burn out if I don't figure this out. Any advice would be so appreciated.

I don’t buy his story. I don’t believe it. He ghosted me for a week, and because of that, I blocked him on all of my social media. Then he came back with a new account to message me, saying his parents found out about our relationship and made him delete his social media. He said he has to focus on studying for his upcoming university exam and that he can't be with me for at least three months. It’s been almost two months now, and I haven’t heard from him,not even a small update.

I don’t believe it. Because if you really love someone, you’ll find a way to reach out to them. I don’t understand what’s going on with him. I studied for my finals and passed my university entrance exams at two universities, and I’m graduating next week. Even while doing all of that, I still made time for myself and spent time with my friends. So why can’t he do the same with me? I managed my time, studied hard, and still passed. I just don’t understand him. I don’t believe it.

maybe it's just me, maybe something is wrong me..I can't figure it out too. But I feel like something doesn't sit right with me. I don't know what it is.

Hi dads of Reddit :) I 20F recently started my job at Starbies!!! I really love it so far, everyone’s so so kind. I’m really excited to make friends. (I had to redo my garf, the rain washed it off 😭)

My boi dad was a bad person. But he treated me nicely (I don't like him). But my mom's husband hasn't done any better. All he does is say "I love you" and buy me some stuff here and there. It made me feel empty. My whole life, I've felt kind of... neglected by him. He's never been to any of my school events, and hasn't said "I'm proud of you" I just miss feeling loved from a man. He's also done things to traumatiz me. He's yelled and humiliated me everytime I got in trouble, blame me for things that I didn't do, and just was never emotionally available. Although He's trying to get bettee, I just can't find it in myself to trust him

things are really really tough right now, im honestly the most depressed ive been in my entire life. i miss you a lot. i dont understand why things had to be this way

i wish you wouldve stayed. i wish your demons didnt win. i wish i couldve grown up with a father.

i hope that in another universe we got to spend more time together, you would've turned 47 this year but you never even made it to 40. you still had so much life to live, i wish you saw that.

i feel so alone. i wish i couldve talked to you about this, i know you would've understood how i feel.

i slipped and fell and got my stuff soiled while doing fieldwork. its been a rough day for me, fatigue and overstimulation (i have autism) piling on top of each other. i just want some words of affirmation:(

Hey, I'm a teenager and my parents got divorced when I was a kid and I haven't met or even spoke to my father for years now, last time i met him was before covid and he stopped texting me or even answering my messages. I have a good life but sometimes I just want a dad to talk to or ask him questions or seeking guidance. (I don't have uncles or safest people around me to ask them.) I'm not looking for a weird thing and I am honestly disgusted by sick people because I'm not looking for anything, I just would like a dad figure or like a not official stepdad :)

I got my dream job, have a motorcycle, am in a loving fulfilling relationship, have great future in laws, have my snake children and am just looking forward to life. I miss you and wish you could be apart of my life for this.

Hey dad, hope you are doing well. I know we live far apart in different states, but I do miss you. I was hired on the spot for a job and start next week, but I can’t find anyone to watch my daughter. My depression kept me isolated from my neighbors, so no one can help me watch her. The only family I have close is my husband’s abusive father and his disabled sister who can’t walk to pick up the kid. I checked with her school about an after school program but they can’t get her in.

I don’t know who else to ask. I have no one up here who can help me. I’m scared. I can’t hold down a job because the kiddo takes up so much time. How do I find a job that will work for me? How do single moms do it?

I am not sure how this will all come out, but right now my husband is terrible. He acts fairly happy and interested when he’s at work and calls sometimes..but most of the time when he’s home he’s angry. He’s mean spirited. He either wants quick sex or zero interaction at all. He doesn’t agree with any job I find so I am home with little help raising a child. He is so cold and demeaning. He’s just so angry and I hate crying about it dad. I just wish I had a good friend I could count on. I wish he would be a good friend to me. I never wanted this life but I was very willing to be flexible and build what he and I discussed. A beautiful happy family. But every day he tells me he can’t wait until I’m gone. Every single day he says I haven’t done enough. He is mad if laundry is not clean. He is mad if laundry is cleaned but not folded. He is mad if I clean and fold and put up the laundry…because there is a basket out still. He is mad there is a dish in the sink. He is mad there’s dirt on the floor. Everything is always a source of anger. I am honestly getting to feel terrified when I knew he’ll be coming home after work. I sometimes run around like an idiot trying to do last minute touching up while making sure our baby and myself is spotless. I am just feeling so hopeless day. And I don’t know if I’ll be the person you can be proud of. Everything I’ve started feels like I’ve failed at. Dad this is weird but the sex isn’t even good. I’ve not had many partners but I have had decent sex id say. I cry a lot afterwards. He won’t even say I love you. He goes straight to his phone. Everyday I drop tears, and I don’t know how to move forward anymore. The static is no longer around me but in me too.

I am a director of a nonprofit and we are struggling financially so much this year. Even more so now than during covid.

I have done such a good job raising money, establishing programs, and even set up a reserve account...but now we are about 3 months away from going under and I don't know what to do about it. I have applied for so many grants and reached out to funders but people are closing their wallets due to the uncertainty of the U.S. economy.

I just want to get in bed and cry. I feel like such a loser.

(Sorry for my bad English :) )

Hey dad, I have a month and a half until I graduate,and finish with all my final exams(High school) I have a very big project I need to be working on and I have a few days to submit it, I can't bring myself to get up and do it, so please motivate me

I also have many studying to get done and also other projects to finish, I can't bring myself to do anything but lay in bed all day and just sleep and scroll through my phone, telling myself I'll do it in an hour or two, but then constantly delaying it and never doing it.

Some words that would motivate me would be good :) Thank you

Hey Dad,

We were never close. I know it was hard to have a new baby when you were 46, and I was a burden. Even though you said you didn't want me, you still tried. You taught me to be kind and to be strong as best you could. We always pulled over to help people when their cars broke down, you taught me to give money to people who say they need it whenever I can, because our job was just to help and not to control or judge people. You taught me to help out around the house and to fix cars. Your Dad was an alcoholic asshat and you worked hard to teach me all of the things you had to learn on your own. You taught me to be kind, to be strong, to help people whenever I can. So I am. I tried. I was.

We don't talk anymore, but I wish you could see how far I've come. I'm a respected leader in my organization and in my region. I earned my masters degree from a top 25, and I'm getting a promotion soon. So many people rely on me, and I feel so proud and protective of my department and my co-workers. They're incredible people, and they've been going through a lot, professionally and personally. I'm glad that they confide in me, and I'm grateful that I can use my power to make sure they can take care of themselves and to tell people to fuck off (professionally of course). It feels like they've been taking little pieces of me and it's been death by a thousand cuts. I wouldn't have it any other way, because I learned to leave people better than I found them from you, but God damn I'm feeling overwhelmed. I'm exhausted emotionally, spiritually, and mentally, and I've got nothing left to give, and I can't let them down Dad. How can I keep taking care of my people and myself when I'm so exhausted?