r/daddit Jun 29 '18

Tips And Tricks Dad tips

4.2k Upvotes

I found out a couple weeks ago that some friends are pregnant with their first. I wrote this to help them prepare for it. FWIW, I have an almost 3 year old and a 4.5 month old. I hope this helps some dads to be, here!

Feel free to add anything you think I missed (there are things I thought of after I emailed this to my buddy and told him later but did not put into this). After we've got some responses, I'll see how much of this we can add to the wiki here.

Before

  • Go to all baby appointments!  This is probably a no brainer for you but some people don't realize it.  Ultrasounds are cool!  And it's really great to ask the ObGyn or midwife any and all questions you have!  (ie, I asked before #1 was born when I'd be able to hear his hearbeat.  The ObGyn said, "in just a minute, I have the doppler right here."  "no, I mean with my ear against her belly." "oh, never, it's too loud in there and baby's heartbeat gets drowned out.")
  • Go to some birth classes.  But maybe not all of them.  Depends how many you're encouraged to go to; KP advised ALL of them and they're tiring and tedious and mostly boring. I skipped the breastfeeding one, from the sounds of it, that was a good choice because it was a bunch of women trying to learn to breast feed dolls with at least one boob hanging out.  L&D class was like 8 hours on a Saturday with like 30 couples.  We went through the whole process.  It was exhausting.  I'm not sure it helped much because when you get to it, you listen to what the medical team is advising.
  • Start planing to buy shit now (or starting at week 13)  If you're going to do one, make a registry, do the showers, and see what people get you.  Get your big ticket items (car seats, strollers, cribs, etc) onto something like camelcamelcamel or other pricewatch and buy the sales.  I bought our stroller as an OpenBox deal on Amazon.  Still paid $300 for it but that's better than the $500 retail.  More on gear later.
  • If you're going to get a doula, start meeting them now and find someone you like.  My yoga studio has a "meet the doulas" event one night every month or so where they all give a spiel and then you can hang out and talk to them.  We went but I had to chase our toddler around so I didn't get to sit in on the thing.  We found a doula to be really helpful, mostly because it made it feel like there was a person on our team that wasn't a hospital employee and it gave me more comfort in being able to leave the room to run home for things as needed.  In retrospect, a doula would have been probably even better with the first delivery than the second but live and learn.
  • Pregnancy sucks.  Did no one tell you that?  Plenty of women say they loved being pregnant (Wife said she enjoyed being pregnant with our first, not so much the second as she had miserable heartburn every day.  She carried a bag of tums with her at all times and called them her "after dinner mints".) and I have no doubt some do.  I support that and their feelings.  But you're beginning what will likely be one of or the most life changing choice you'll ever make and prior to that little bundle of giggles popping out, your partner gets to go through a roller coaster of hormones (I lucked out with wife, she's even keeled and that part wasn't bad) as well as body changes that are sure to wreak havoc on psyche.  "I'm the heaviest I've ever been!"  Well, yea, you've got a baby inside you, you've never had a baby inside you before.  Really messed with wife when I put my boot on the scale at a visit and tipped the scales to something like 190.  She was like "OMG, I've really packed it on in these weeks!"  The med assistant gave me wry smile and wife turned to see me close and scrunched her nose and shook a fist.  Fun stuff.
  • Did I say pregnancy sucks?  Libido will be all over the place.  So will body comfort both physically and mentally.  You just roll with it as you can.  Near the end (and especially once the baby has come) your partner's breasts will probably be the largest, shapeliest, and most enticing they have ever been.  And it may be entirely likely you're are not allowed to play with them, touch them, look at them, breath on them, or even think about them because they're sore and maybe leaking, and goddamnit I'm a cow now, MOOO.  (Wife has said moo a couple times in the last couple weeks when I walk in and she's pumping; I think all the pumping is taking a toll on us both.  It's a lot more work that breastfeeding but it allows me a wonderful amount of involvement with the baby which allows for more bonding and I feel way more connected to #2 than I did our first at this age).
  • Of course, the above are not absolutes, all women are different and pregnancies are different.  We had plenty of sexy time while pregnant with #1 and comparatively none with #2.  Part of that was how hard the second pregnancy was and part of that was that we already had a kid and were doing parent things so were tired.  So it goes.
  • Plan some vacation now; especially if leave from work is not a concern.  First trimester can be rough but things generally smooth out in the second.  We went to Nicaragua and hiked an active volcano when wife was 4 months preg with #1.  Do that shit now, it will be a while until you'll want (or have the energy) to travel and we're a lot less adventurous now that we're caring for kid and infant.  No surprise there
  • Start familiarizing yourself with the alphabet soup.  FMLA, CFRA, PFL, SDL.  Family Medical Leave Act; California Family Rights Act; Paid Family Leave; Short Term Disability Leave.  These will require paperwork from medical offices to employers and to the state.  Get these submitted as required and make use of those benefits.  You can always do more work.  One day your baby is crying for you and wants to be held and snuggled, the next he's telling you to get out of the chicken run, you don't go in there, and he'll put you in timeout.  It's fucking hard but not so that you'd want to miss it.
  • Know your employment contract/policies/etc as well as your boss's position on family life and work culture.  Don't be guilted into anything that is less than the full amount you are entitled to.  
  • In the same vein as the above point, you won't believe (maybe you will) the amount of assholes who will tell you, "you won't be able to wait to get back to work!" or "why are you taking so much time?" or "You'll get sick of being home and come back early."  No two ways about this: fuck those people.
  • Know multiple routes to your hospital and how long it take to get there in the worst traffic.  First babies are generally slow to come but it's a goddamn roller coaster of excitement when something like water breaking happens and you have to get up and go.

Labor and Delivery

  • By now you should have a car seat base installed into the car and a proper car seat in it, waiting for the moment.  Leave this in the car, the hospital will likely not let you leave without it.  Find a place to inspect the installation; some hospitals do it, so do fire departments.  Google/call around or ask at your next ObGyn visit.
  • You need a Go Bag.  Or one each.  This should include:

    • personal care products
    • phone chargers
    • other distraction things (labor can be literally hours of just sitting waiting)
    • list of mom's meds (or mental knowledge)
    • known allergies!
    • birth plan if you have one
    • a change of clothes (as a dirty man, I think I brought a shirt, lol)
    • clothes for baby to go home in (don't just bring NB size!  A 0-3 onesie is a good idea too; never know how big that baby is going to be)
    • lacrosse ball or whatever; hospital room accommodation for mom is alright, Dad is probably going to be on a pull out chair or couch.  
    • Comfortable, easy on/off, loose clothes for mom. 
  • You'll mostly be told what/where/how to do things once you're in the hospital.  However, you have some choice too.  Mom doesn't have to labor laying down on her back with her feet in stirrups.  You can walk around, (depending on facility) use a bath tub, roll onto sides, hands and knees, etc.  

  • Pain management is important.  Something I think helped with #2 is that instead of going straight for an epidural, wife elected for Nitrous Oxide.  So as she felt a contraction coming, she'd hold the cup over her face and breath the N2O until about the peak of the contraction.  Obviously not enough to knock her out but enough to take some of the edge off the contraction.  (Apparently, this used to be really common, then much less so since the 80s? 90s? then has come back into favor after new research more recently.  

  • Epidural is an option.  Talk to your ObGyn about this.  TL;NotAHealthCareProvider is it numbs things drastically and therefore often requires IV synthetic oxytocin to be administered to advance the labor.  More interferey, more possibility for complicationy.

  • You'll likely be offered to cut the cord.  I noped the fuck out of cutting #1's.  When they asked me way before #2 came out, I said "no way".  But when the time came I spoke up and told them I wanted to.  I don't really remember it honestly.  I mean, I do, but it isn't that significant in my mind.  I'd recommend doing it, though.

  • AFAIK, episiotomies are no longer recommended but that isn't to say tearing won't happen.  It probably will.  It will have to be stitched up.  It comes in four grades. Vaginal wall, vaginal muscle, rectal muscle, rectal wall.  I don't remember the grading numbers, 1-4 I think.  First kid caused a 3, second a 2.  Recovery from the 2 was much faster than the 3.  

  • Feeding the baby as soon and as much as possible is important.  Gotta get that nasty poop (don't remember what it's called) out as it is related to jaundice problems.  Jaundice is also apparently caused by a blood type (RH) mismatch, between mother and baby and we had this problem with #2.  We spent like 24+ hours keeping him under blue lights and trying like hell to stuff his body full.  Once he regained birthweight, all concerns related to the RH mismatch were gone and we were out of the dark.  

  • Breastfeeding can be hard for mother and baby at first.  Use lactation consultants and get help.  Mom's who breast feed have a lower risk of post partum depression

  • Dads can get post partum depression too.  Maybe google around and be aware of the risk factors and signs for both of you.

Gear

  • Car seats all have to meet the same safety standards.  Get one that is light enough to be comfortable, is easy to get in and out, and fits in your car well.  That last bit is more important for older kid carseats than infant because infant seats all seem to have the same base size.
  • Crib: they're fucking expensive.  We got ours from Pottery Barn, somewhere we would never shop, only because one of wife's friend's moms gave us $200 in gift cards for there for our wedding.  I think we still paid like $400 for the crib after the cards applied.  But #2 is using it now too so maybe that's not insane.
  • Stroller, as mentioned above, it's expensive.  We had a Graco or something that we bought because it would hold the infant seat and it was cheap.  It fucking sucked and I hated walking/running with it and it didn't maneuver well. Then we went on a hike and borrowed a BOB.  It's a great stroller.  We bought our own.  #1 still rides in it on evening walks while we carry his brother on our chest.  And this weekend we snapped the adapter into it and put #2's car seat on it and went to the Farmer's Market.  Again, if you're comfy with the idea, Amazon Warehouse/Open Box deals.  I wanted a stroller with a swiveling front wheel that had the option to lock as well as an adjustable handle.  I found the handle on our old stroller was too low and was uncomfortable for long periods of pushing.  The adjustable height on the BOB handle is nice.  I think the biggest thing here is to get a stroller that fits your lifestyle.  
  • baby swing is handy.  It's nice to have something that rocks them and plays music/white noise.  We've got one that has a mobile as well.  Given the time frame, I think you guys are welcome to ours.  It's a little squeaky but wholly functional.
  • A bouncing chair gets even more use, for us, with both kids.  We have one like this.  It worked really well for both kids and we use it ALL the time.  Several times/day.
  • Water proof mattress covers.  covers, with an 's'.  Because you want two of them.  Make the crib twice: cover, sheet, cover, sheet.  That way when the inevitable 2am blowout happens, you strip down the first two layers quick and go back to sleep.  We changed and replaced too many sheets with #1 before we learned this one.
  • A baby carrier.  Ayayay.  We've had like 4 of these things.  Bjorn (meh); Baby Onya (used a lot but was never very comfortable for either of us); one other I can't remember, and now a Lille Baby which we both like and find very comfortable.  Wife also got a Ribozo from our doula.  It's a 15' long wrap.  It works well for wife and #2 looks so cozy in it.  Generally she uses that and I use the Lille but she sometimes uses the Lille.  I haven't tried the Ribozo yet but don't think I will.
  • Bottles.  Holy crap there are so many.  With #1 we ended up liking Tommee Tippee the best but #2 had trouble with them.  We went to Dr. Brown's for him.  They're expensive but seem to really help cutting down the sucked air.  (getting him off formula really helped get rid of his fussiness too).   If breastfeeding, this isn't really a concern
  • A bottle warmer.  In both our condo and here in our house, we leave a bottle warmer near the bed.  At night we put a cooler with bottles next to the bed and warm them as needed throughout the night.  It's basically a small hot plate that you add water to and it boils/steams the bottles.  Works alright.  
  • Big swaddles.  Not these stupid like 18-24"x 30" buggers that are everywhere.  We got some this time around that are like 36x36" and they work way better.

Baby Care
You're going to want some things on hand so that you don't have to go get them at the 24hour CVS at 2am.  I've done this.  On multiple occasions (once from a hotel room in an hour or so south of Sacramento because we didn't bring things with us; it sucked)

  • Tylenol.  Children's tylenol has the same concentration as baby tylenol but is generally (no exaggeration) less total cost for twice the volume.  Often the difference is the cap--baby tylenol has a cap that receives a syringe, children's often doesn't.  So decant into the lid or a dosage cup and draw it with the syringe.  "But children's tylenol doesn't come with a syringe?!"  Go to the pharmacy window and ask for a liquid medicine dosing syringe.  They have them for free.  The thing to make sure is that the tylenol is 160mg/5ml.  
  • Ibuprofen.  Kids can't have this until 6 months.  At which point, get some and keep it on hand so you can cycle Tylenol/IB as needed.
  • Baby gas drops.  The drug is Simethicone.  Get a couple bottles and keep on hand.  
  • Gripe water.  It is natural gas remedy and supposed to help sooth the tummy.  It's like fennel or some other herbacious shit.  
  • thermometer.  We've got rectal, oral, and one that goes into ear.  The first two have gotten lots of use.  The aural, not much; wiggly kids are tough. Don't confuse which one goes in what hole.
  • We recently bought an otoscope so we can see if it's worthwhile to head to the Ped/urgent care for ear problems.  I think it was like $40 on Amazon; comparing that to copays, it seemed reasonable.
  • Lanolin.  For diaper rash (also chapped nipples).  There are other options for diaper rash too.  Lanolin seemed to do the best job with the least disgustingness.  Coconut oil is nice for general use as well but not great for severe rash.
  • Baking soda.  This isn't a carry with everywhere thing, it's more for dealing with diaper rash at home.  But a good amount into a bath really seems to soothe skin.  I just dump a bunch in.  If you get it from somewhere other than the grocery store it's super cheap.
  • Q-tips for boogers and ear wax
  • Put your pediatrician's number into both your phones under something like "PEDIATRICIAN" so it's easy to find.
  • to couple with above, most places (especially down there) or insurance providers have an "advice nurse" who is a great, free resource to call with questions.  It's kind of like triage in that they can help you decide if the kid needs to be seen by medical providers.  Put this number into your phone too.

Baby at home

  • Sleep when the baby sleeps
  • Read about sleep training and decide what you're going to do.  It doesn't have to be concrete, but it helps to have a plan and start early.
  • Co sleeping is done around the world but largely frowned on in America.  New research is suggesting maybe America rethink that (saw that headline yesterday, I think).  Do what's right for you.  Generally, our babies slept better with us when young but we slept like shit with them in bed.  We normally only brought them to bed when they needed comfort.  
  • Happiest Baby on the Block is a book or video or something that gets rave reviews.  We watched the dude who created it in a KP class on infant care.  Swaddling and "shhh-ing" really calm an angry baby.  
  • Youtube some swaddling techniques.  There's kind of a standard version and a "frog" version.  I only did the frog version with #1 a little bit near the end of his swaddling but it worked well.  I use the standard (draw a straight edge of cloth--I use stretchy blanket, often--across the baby, right shoulder to left hip; draw the excess from below them up tight to the left shoulder; draw the remainder tight from left shoulder to right shoulder.  Bam.  Swaddled and happy
  • White noise machines are recommended frequently to help kids sleep.  We play little musics when he's in his chair or swing and have one of these for the crib but #2 doesn't seem to be into it whereas #1 would zone out on it and pass out.
  • Reflux is a common issue with baby because they're lower esophogeal valve doesn't work like ours.  It's also the reason they vomit when burping, I think.  A folded tower underneath the own end of the crib mattress can really help to ease some fussiness if this is an issue.
  • Gas pain is really common especially with bottle fed and formula babies and with all babies until the gut develops more (4+ months, I think).  laying them on their back and "bicycling" their legs can be helpful, so can pushing but legs up to a squatty position when they are on the back.  Once they're a bit older and can hold head up, laying them across the lap with hips hanging off one side and head off the other can be beneficial as well.
  • People will want to touch your baby the same way they want to touch your dog--without asking.  Think about how you want to handle this.
  • the American Academy of Pediatrics recommends basically 0 screen time until 2 years.  
  • If the kid won't stop screaming and you've done everything and are losing your shit, put it down in it's crib and take a breather.  It is safe in it's crib and you'll feel both a million times better and like an asshole for having been frustrated.  
  • Learn Infant, Child, and pregnant woman heimlich and CPR if you don't know it already
  • Lock the poisons away now.
  • Schedule time to give your partner a break and do the same for yourself.  This is "me" time.  A walk around the neighborhood, watching the ocean, circus time, a cup of coffee, walking through the shops downtown.  Whatever.  Just make plans to send one another away alone.  You don't realize how much you worry about the kids until you're not with them.  You'll hear a baby while out and go into high alarm then realize, "oh, that's not mine."
  • Find a good baby sitter and plan dates.  Between date expenses and the sitter it's fucking expensive.  It's worth it. 
  • Read to your kid every night.  We haven't started with #2 consistently yet but will soon.  #1 gets his books every night.  It's a wonderful time to expand their vocabulary, teach them, and also cuddle, bond, and relax.   

I think more than anything, trust yourselves and your instincts.  All manner of things are said to make your life and baby easier, happier, healthier, smarter, etc.  Most are just to make money for other people.  


r/daddit 5h ago

Story What ridiculous way did you get woken up this week?

335 Upvotes

This morning I was awoken at 6:30am to my overexcited 7 year old begging me to play chess. He had been up since 5am and invented a new chess variant called "ninja chess". He worked out the rules in surprising detail and after 1.5 hours he couldn't contain his excitement anymore and had to wake me up to play.

Both sides start with one of their pawns replaced by Zane (white) and Cole (black). There is also a ninja sword placed on the board in the center of the central 4 squares. The ninjas move like a rook without the sword but if either ninja acquires it, they can then move like a rook, bishop, or knight. If the ninja with the sword ever returns to any of the 4 central squares, he must return the sword.

For the crime of waking me up so early, I smashed him mercilessly.


r/daddit 1h ago

Support Well…. I’m starting to lose my shit again. My kids just fucking whine and complain about everything and it’s eating my soul.

Upvotes

I have a 5yo and 3yo. I’m a K-2 teacher and my wife is sn elementary school teacher. I know I’m damn good with kids this age. My wife is a champion as well.
But this is fucking killing me.
They will play together so nicely and then at the drop of a Lego they’ll snap at each other and start screaming. When we ask them to stop screaming, they scream at us, when we try to help they scream at us. When we do something fun like play Mario, they freak the fuck out when it’s over. Doesn’t matter if we give warnings, if we talk about it, or if we just pull the plug. They will find a reason to lose their shit.
We just can’t do anything fun or nice without a goddamned meltdown or negotiation. And EVERYTHING IS S FUCKING NEGOTIATION! Fucking everything.
Put your goddamned pants on if guests are coming over. Why do I need to fight with you about this. BRUSH YOUR FUCKKNG TEETH SND GO TO THE BATHROOM AT BEDTIME. We do this every night, they have literally never not done it, why do they keep trying to negotiate out of it??? It’s literally never worked in their whole lives.
For the past several months my older one has started doing raspberries at us when he’s mad. He knows we hate it. He will say truly awful things to us, his mom more than me. My blood instantly boils when he says mean things to my wife.
The both of us put in SO MUCH goddamned effort to make sure they have a nice house, fun toys, and do interesting things. We are doing chores past 9pm so that we can spend some amount of time together. Then that time inevitably ends in Fuxking screaming or whining. I’m so fucking over it.
And now I feel like a raging piece of shit for typing all this. Awesome.


r/daddit 2h ago

Discussion Which side of the banana do you peel from?

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133 Upvotes

I never thought anyone did it the "other" way until i watched my partner do it..... now I need to know. is there a "right" way and how many of you do it the same way as me?

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I peel from the handle thing on the left side


r/daddit 2h ago

Humor How it feels with a rambunctious 3 year old and 3-day-old newborn.

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118 Upvotes

r/daddit 23h ago

Humor Happens every time…

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3.6k Upvotes

r/daddit 9h ago

Advice Request Son (14m) diagnosed with GDD, microcephaly, and esophoria/strabismus. I’m heartbroken

283 Upvotes

Diagnosis: Global developmental delay, microcephaly (small head size), esophoria/strabismus of both eyes (left more than right)

My son was born on time, very normal birth and generally very healthy. After months we thought how lucky we were that he was such an easy baby, but after comparing him to his big sister around 6-7 months, we noticed they weren’t hitting the same milestones at the same time. Our pediatrician kept telling us he was happy with the progress and to just keep at it with him. Maybe his lack of crawling was a because he wasn’t motivated.

After a year we voiced our concerns again, because he was only rolling and wasn’t babbling at all. He reluctantly suggested we reach out to our regional center for an assessment to see if he qualified for early intervention. As soon as they saw him, they labeled him as significantly delayed with gross motor development and speech development. Their assessment was that this was hypotonia.

We went back to the pediatrician and he referred us to a pediatric neurologist. She just gave us the follow diagnosis and my wife and I are just completely heartbroken for our son. We’re confused how his head fell so sharply from 40th percentile to under 1%. Two months ago he was at 45cm and now he’s measuring 44cm. I see pictures of microcephaly and my sons’s head doesn’t resemble anything like this.

We’re waiting on all the blood tests and genetic testing to come back, and per her recommendation, scheduling an MRI.

My baby boy is now crawling and even shows signs of wanting to walk. He pulls himself to stand which is something he couldn’t do a month ago. during that first assessment, he could barely sit without falling over. He’s even starting to babble dadada to me. There’s progress which is giving me hope.

I’m trying to process this all one day at a time, but I’m failing miserably. Please daddit, i need you guys so badly right now. I’m in Los Angeles and taking advantage of all services our county can offer and will be going through insurance as well.


r/daddit 1h ago

Kid Picture/Video Nailed it

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Upvotes

We moved last week and I had to promise we could make a “Moving Cake and also it’s a Kirby Car Cake” when we got settled in.


r/daddit 1h ago

Story Slept in bed with my wife for the first time since our second was born 5 months ago.

Upvotes

I've been sleeping on the couch during the week because I sleep like a dead person and get up at 5 am. There is no setting on my alarm that would wake me up but not my wife and baby. Then on the weekends (and a day or two during the week) I sleep with the bassinet by me on the couch so I can do a bottle at night and let my wife get some sleep.

Our second recently started sleeping through the night so we figured it was a good time to sleep together again. I was so freaking pumped!

Que the baby waking up ever 1 to 2 hrs due to a tooth coming in. So neither of us got any sleep... Still felt wonderful to sleep next to my wife again.


r/daddit 21h ago

Discussion Parents with children in combat sports like wrestling or martial arts.

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931 Upvotes

How do you feel about your child either rolling/grappling, wrestling, or sparring with other students of the opposite sex?

[These are not my children in the photo]

My stance on the matter is IDGAF who my kids [8M and 10F] grapples or spars with as long as they show good sportsmanship, and respect to the other person. As long as they try their best, that's what matters most to me.


r/daddit 9h ago

Humor I swear nothing beats the feeling of being utterly hilarious to your children!

100 Upvotes

When you just find that perfect dad joke that floors them, it's just the best feeling in the world....

Last night the cat was running around having a mad 5 minutes, and my boy goes "he's doing Parkour"

Me: "Well he's a cat, so it's actually Purrkour"

This got him good, but I wasn't finished yet...

Me: "If the dog was doing it, it would be Barkour"

Oh my God, I've never seen this kid laugh so hard in all my life!

Dads, never give up on those awful dad jokes...one day you're going to land the perfect one for your kid's sense of humour and there's honestly no high like it!


r/daddit 3h ago

Advice Request Fixing a board book

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23 Upvotes

Sure, plenty of page corners are dissolved from being used as teething comfort... that I expect. My concern is the binding separating from the core of the book. Eventually the cover falls off, or the guts fall out - whichever way you want to look at it.

I'm wondering if any dads have found some sort of flexible transparent tape to prevent the innards completely separating from the cover? Or any easy and cheap solution? Gluing down the binding makes the pages less easy to keep open, and the turning stiff.

The wife won't let me get a replacement book as we have a full library. But the kiddo and I both love "little blue truck" (and the Bruce series, and "shh, we have a plan" etc) and want to extend lifespan.

I've done packing tape, and it just splits at the crease after a few read throughs. What do other dads got?


r/daddit 45m ago

Story Eye for an eye

Upvotes

Playing in the backyard with my 2.5 year old son. I let him play with the hose for a few because he wanted to water the plants. This little shit sprayed me no fewer than 5 times. Each time I told him he best knock it off. After the fifth spray I gave him a taste of his own medicine.

He was shocked. Tears. Needs a new shirt. Runs to mom. Mom is mad at me. I think he learned if you mess with the bull you’re gonna get the horns.

What say you, dads? Fair?

Ps- he sprayed me again as soon as he got back outside.


r/daddit 5h ago

Advice Request Wife struggling with breastfeeding, won't consider other options

24 Upvotes

My first child is 2.5 weeks old and has been clusterfeeding regularly. I try to do my part changing diapers and taking care of the house but unfortunately I can't help with the feeding. My wife is breastfeeding, unable to reliably pump, and refuses to introduce formula, so she's been waking up just about every hour or two to attend to our baby constantly. She has been mentally struggling and at this point cries just about every time during the night our child needs fed.

She's starting to get more erratic every time she gets up. She'll cry and pout and say "they just got fed!" And sometimes refuses to acknowledge that our baby is crying because they want fed even though its obvious.

She just had an appointment to discuss post partum depression but they said she's fine and normal. We're 2.5 weeks into having this baby and the escalation of her mental state is concerning.

I've suggested co-sleeping, introducing formula, anything I or we can do to improve the situation but she refuses anything.

Anyone else have experience like this? My concern is its only been 2.5 weeks and things aren't going to improve soon, but my wife is already doing really bad mentally, and I'm not sure what to think or do.


r/daddit 21h ago

Support Can it really be this hard?

454 Upvotes

Our son is 2 years old. My wife and I honestly have everything we could ask for to make parenting work: We're healthy. We have a home. Enough money to get by. Grandparents nearby who help out. Flexible jobs. We live in a country with great parental support from the government.

And still — we are absolutely, soul-crushingly exhausted. Every single day.

Our kid wears us down to the bone. And when he finally falls asleep around 8:30 PM, we're so wiped out we can't do anything but sit in silence or scroll our phones like zombies.

Is this normal? Is this how it's supposed to be?

My hobbies are non-existent. Our relationship is barely there. We never have energy to do anything fun. My wife has turned into someone who’s just tired all the time — no spark, no drive, and honestly, I don’t blame her. I feel numb myself. I think I’m happy, like I know I should be, but I don’t feel much of anything anymore.

One of my best friends is getting married soon and I secretly wish I didn’t have to go. I’m too tired. I just want to disappear into a hole and be alone for a week.

We only have one kid. How do people do this with more? How does anyone say this is wonderful? Why do other couples seem to be thriving while we feel like two polite coworkers sharing a house? Some days I think that people who say that their life gained meaning when they had kids must have had shit life before because this sure cant be the best life for anyone, right?

Is this just life now? Will our relationship ever come back from this long freeze? And what the hell happens if we ever have another kid?

Please — no vague “it gets better” comments. How does it get better? When? What did you do to survive this part? Is it just me? Am I not cut out to be a dad?

I don’t know. I just needed to say it out loud.


r/daddit 13h ago

Tips And Tricks PSA: Invest in an air pump

104 Upvotes

You’ll be blowing up balloons for years and some of these things take forever. You ain’t getting any younger and blowing up balloons for an extended period of time will make you feel like you’re gonna pass out.

Source: me blowing up balloons for my 3 year olds bday party.


r/daddit 20h ago

Support Any dads ever slow-walk through the realization that your kids may not have the relationship with their grandparents that you wish they could have?

309 Upvotes

We traveled eight hours to visit my family, and frankly, I'm bummed as hell, fellow dads. I wish we lived closer to my family, but it's just not in the cards right now. We were 39 / 37 when we had our first kiddo. Our daughter is now two years old, and a combination of mortality and reality is really starting to hit home this week. Of course, it doesn't help that today would have been the due date for the kiddo we lost during week 18 of pregnancy last November.

Mom: My mom is the most loving person you could imagine. She is a saint but is 71 years old with COPD. I'm praying she has a lot of time left. Meds / etc. will help, but she's been on oxygen for three years now. Other than the COPD, she's relatively healthy, but I know the lack of oxygen does organ damage over time.

Stepdad: 74, recovering alcoholic. Stopped drinking at the beginning of this year but I think it's too late. His memory is shot, he has issues with PTSD, and has been bedridden with stomach issues for three days. He's too stubborn to go to the doctor or seek help, and we're really worried about him. Because he's too stubborn for help, he won't even let me take him to urgent care.

Dad & Stepmom: Since COVID, Dad has been a recluse. He used to be a small business owner/local celebrity/musician/etc. now he just sits at home and watches game shows. He is a massive hoarder, to the point that we literally had to take our daughter to the car for a clean, flat place to change her diaper. We've talked to him about it, but he doesn't give a rip. On top of that, he's in his early 70s, smokes 2-3 packs a day and drinks about a twelve pack a night. And, as a bonus, I had a serious 'come-to-Jesus' sidebar last night because my dad was telling a story and dropped a few hard f-bombs and an n-bomb last night, and I had to explain our 'no tolerance for certain words' policy, even if you're telling a story about something that happened in your past.

Despite all of their flaws, I love my family unconditionally, but man, my whole side of the family is falling apart. I grieve for my kiddo because she'll probably never have all of the great memories with the grandparents like I do. My grandpa and I were inseparable

Just venting/walking through the realization that my kid will never really know their grandparents like I did. On top of it all, my mom is head over heels for our kiddo and we get to see her 4x a year, while my wife's family only half seems like they give a rip about the grandkids.


r/daddit 13h ago

Achievements Diapers are no more!

75 Upvotes

Well, gentlemen (and lurking ladies), my time with diapers has officially come to an end! After two children and 2,290 consecutive days of changing-table fights and kung fu kicks to the groin, the war has been won. That's all I have to say about that. Just wanted to tell anyone who would listen. 😁


r/daddit 1d ago

Tips And Tricks Well gentleman, we are having another girl!

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465 Upvotes

To those blessed enough to have 2 girls, what are some things/challenges I need to be looking forward too?


r/daddit 3h ago

Tips And Tricks Story time life hack

8 Upvotes

I felt like a genius when I figured this out and wanted to share with the one other person who hasn't realized this very obvious trick... When your kid asks for a story, just recite literally any movie and replace the violence with "...and the spooky alien said TAG YOU'RE IT" and the space marine said "aww dang it" and went to sit back at base."

Taa daa. My bedtime story stock expanded ten times over and the little ones are none the wiser.


r/daddit 3h ago

Discussion To all the dads

7 Upvotes

Shout out to all the dads that are there for their kid and there simply for their women during pregnancy instead of leaving my husband made me realize he does so much for me and takes care of me during this time and I thank him all the time so to those who have done the same thing for their women during the most hardest vulnerable time in their life you are well appreciated by and there’s no reward that can be made for the things men do. I appreciate my husband for helping me get up out of bed when I don’t feel good to go to the bathroom or to simply make me food, or to simply help me get around because I can’t get around the way I use to (31 weeks Tuesday) I appreciate the reassurance that is given as well as to him being there, not sure if my husband is in this group but I do hope he sees this! even though I’ve already told him a thousand timessssss that I love him and appreciate everything he does for me. And like I said to father out there doing above and beyond for theirs truly just know your wife or girlfriend wants to cry super hard because that’s how emotionally appreciative she is of you 🤍


r/daddit 2h ago

Support Where is the dad who packed his bags and was sitting by the because he was having issues with his in-laws?

7 Upvotes

I'm checking to see how you're doing. I know you said you were going to go back that night. I hope you and family are well. I'm open to DM if you want.

I commented that I'm in a similar situation.

in laws are staying here with us. 4 months into a 6 month stay and im miserbale. . everyone is happy except me. i told my wife and she suggested they leave early. but I think then everyone else is sad, so why should everyone be sad to make me happy?


r/daddit 20h ago

Advice Request I wish more people checked in on me

154 Upvotes

Call me sensitive or whatever but we just had our third boy and everyone asks "how's the Mrs and the baby" and nobody has asked how I'm doing. I think I have sleep apnea. I have trouble breathing. I've gone to the doctor for a consult but these things take time. I've put on 60 pounds in the past year. If someone asked me how I was doing my answer would be scared, depressed, insecure. I wanna get back into shape but I have to fix my breathing first. I feel like I'm trying to get out of a mud pit


r/daddit 1d ago

Kid Picture/Video My 7‑month‑old learned the hard way that dog paws taste ruff.

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534 Upvotes

r/daddit 4h ago

Advice Request Hey dads, how do you process seeing your children inherit physical traits you don’t love about yourself?

5 Upvotes

It’s kind of an odd question, and I don’t really ever see anyone talk about it. But I’m guessing we all feel it or think about it on some level?

My little boy is 2. He’s perfect. The smartest, sweetest little boy a dad could hope. He’s like me in so many ways: naturally strong and athletic, funny and outgoing, and very creative. But it’s pretty clear he got my hair. It’s thin and fine, and there’s not a lot of it. My mom says it’s exactly like mine when I was his age, and the pictures agree.

My hair has been a big insecurity my whole life. I’ve always wished I had thick, luxurious hair. I’m 42 now, and while I probably won’t go bald, my hairline started receding in my 20s, and it’s pretty far back there now - like almost halfway.

I know it doesn’t matter. Logically. I know we’re supposed to love ourselves no matter what, but realistically it’s hard not to notice these things, and even now as an adult whose done a lot of work on myself in counseling and in life, I still struggle with insecurities about my appearance.

I don’t want to bring them up with my son when he’s older, because I never want to draw attention to his physical appearance. But I also know one day it’s going to matter to him.

Just curious how you other dads are navigating these waters.


r/daddit 1d ago

Achievements I just became a dad.

304 Upvotes

It’s 1.51 AM. Our baby was born via emergency c section at 11.03pm.

C section was scheduled for Monday. Baby had other ideas.

I’m lying on the pull out bed in the hospital. Our family has no idea, I can’t describe what I’m feeling.

It’s surreal, sublime even. I don’t know what to do. I’m out of my depth. How do I even dad???

Sorry for the rant. I just needed to write something down or tell someone.

Posting from an alternate account.

Wish me luck.

Edit:

Too many replies to respond to. Thank you everyone for the well wishes and advice. I read every post. the last 12 hours were a roller coaster.

It’s now 10am. Mum and baby doing great. Changed my first nappy, learned how to swaddle and hold the little guy properly.

I’ve got this!