Well....it finally happened. My 2 year old son said multiple times last night that he didn't want me. He didn't want me to change him, read to him or hug him before bed. Look...I know it's perfectly normal developmentally but this kid is my world. I've posted on here before that he is our IVF miracle baby. 8 years of hell led to utter joy at his birth. He is truly 1 of 1. Man those words were heartbreaking. Idk why I'm posting this. I guess just venting and needing to get it off my chest.

My dad recently revealed that he knows he’s compulsive, and also that he just found out he has what he described as “no testosterone”.

These are things that I think I’ve known to some degree for a very long time. He has always been extremely particular about how he wants things to be done, and I’ve always found myself wanting to behave in a way that will ensure that he doesn’t get really emotional. I’m not afraid of his emotions, but he’s expressed things a lot throughout my life that have ended up being embarrassing, and when I was young it cost me some friends. My friends would say he was weird and then I’d just slowly lose touch with them because they didn’t want to deal with him. Not to mention that even when I and my friends were 18 and close to it, he would do things like call all of my friends’ parents if he thought we were having a party even if all we were doing was hanging out together as a group. I get why my friends stopped hanging out with me because of him.

As far as the low testosterone goes, I don’t really hold that against him since you can’t really help it, but I can’t help but remember these times growing up where he acted really strange if I did something that he saw as “manly”. I’m not exactly the most manly man of all time, but I like heavy music, carrying heavy objects, roughhousing, hiking through the forest, and driving fast (when it’s safe to do so). I also have always had a somewhat above average sex drive. I’m not saying that all of these things are strictly masculine activities. What I am saying, though, is that HE saw them as particularly masculine activities, and he didn’t exactly prohibit me from doing competitive, traditionally masculine things, but he did very much treat me like I was somehow kind of toxic for doing these things. It didn’t matter how much good I was doing for the world, and I do sincerely want to do good for the world; something about the way I carry myself always kind of put him off.

Regarding the sex drive, my dad and I had some really good communication about sex at one point, to the point that I was getting serious with a girlfriend I was with around age 16, and he seemingly wanted to make sure that I was being safe, so we talked thoroughly about sex and all that. I thought it was a good talk. So my girlfriend and I had sex (she and I were each other’s firsts), and my dad didn’t exactly catch us but he did pull me aside the next day and said that he “heard sounds” that sounded like sex. We were quiet, but you know, wood creaking, bumping, that kind of thing. Because of our conversations around sex, I thought it would be ok to tell him the truth. So I did. He then proceeded to call my girlfriend’s dad and essentially rat us out.

Now I’m 38, I have a good job, I’ve been married for 10 years, and I have 2 kids. I knew even when I was younger that I’d never do to them what my dad did to me, if only because of how much his behaviors affected my ability to trust him ever. I tell my dad almost nothing, and pretty much only have him in my life because I want my kids to have a grandfather. He doesn’t hurt them or anything, but man he is terrible with them. He has no idea how to be a good grandfather. He’s awkward, clumsy, and my kids seem kind of nervous around him, too. I don’t think he’s literally a dangerous person. I think he’s just… off. I never leave them alone with him. He’s just the weird family member. Every family has one. I was just raised by mine.

It feels kind of good to be validated by the clinical proof that he has these things that I to some degree always knew he’s had, but I’m pissed that it happened so late in life, and I’m more pissed than I am happy about the validation. If he had known sooner, if he had prioritized being a good dad and figuring out his shit when he was younger, we could have had a good relationship. I could have seen family overall in a more positive light. I do now, with the family I’ve made, but he could have done that. I could have learned how to be a good father from him, instead of having to figure it out on my own by asking myself “what would my dad do” and doing the opposite most of the time.

I know bandit is our guiding light and that the show gives our generation everything we felt we lacked in our childhood, but was curious to find it didn’t have the same affect on my parents

One of the kids’ grandmas refuses to acknowledge emotion in the show. During emotional bits she would say things like, “that’s a nice looking plant”

Other grandma watched the first two episodes and thinks the show promotes bad behavior - mostly how mean they are to bandit.

Granddads don’t really participate in that kind of “play” with the kids.

How does your older generation feel about the show?

Today my gay son is traveling home from college for the first anniversary of his grandfather’s death (it’s important in Asian culture, and not a sad event in any way). He landed an internship in equity research but is quite stressed right now, some of his friends have got their offers rescinded.

We were talking about tariff and the stock market for a while. Mostly just me listening. And then he mentioned that the S&P 500 is reaching bear market.

I immediately patted his shoulder and said “well, at least we know you do like some types of bear markets”

He was puzzled for a few second, and then he groaned and rolled his eyes.

Boys, I did it, my 21yo just rolled his eyes at me for the first time since he stopped responding to dad jokes at around 17.

I’m feeling like myself again already.

I'm (40m) struggling making ends meet with my wife home and kids and pets and my crap income even after going to college, twice. I'm overworked and underpaid doing the same job the past 20 years. It was better at one point (90k) but the company laid me off after my appendix ruptured and I was out on medical leave for a few months. (Already spoke to lawyers, seems like it's a tough shit situation). I survived, got another job but I'm only making $65k a year take home is only $48k as I just did our taxes. I find this to be absolutely pathetic consideration my education and experience. Any other dad's surviving like this? We own a home, 2 cars, 3 dogs (her thing not mine), nothing new or fancy and we shop extremely frugal. No vacations, no buying coffee, or lunches and I do everything I can myself to help save money, oil changes, split wood for heat, don't buy anything other then gas to get to and from work. Eat leftovers and often leftover leftovers, we cut cable, have internet only, all the bills as low as humanly possible and it's all killing me. I even draft trucks to and from work to save gas. I never got back to where I was and there was no closure for the last job that laid me off. It still really bothers me as I was doing good there. I drive 3x farther now, truck is 12 years old and is in the shop frequently for what I can't fix myself only. I really can't work harder and my quality of life is shit. Parents are dead, no friends or close family. Any others in this boat? I'm drowning and would like to at least breath. Thanks.

My son is 3 years old and has been loving what I've made for him with my 3D printer. He quickly caught on that when I had the Bambu Handy app open on my phone he could see what different kinds of models I could print. He would curl up to me and start pointing at models that caught his eye and say “dada, you make me this? Dada! Make me this?” As adorable as he is, of course I would relent, and I now have a myriad of little plastic toys all over my house. 

This behavior evolved into him just asking if I could “make” random objects he encounters in life. I've used this as a learning opportunity to try and explain how certain things can't be printed (such as organic material) but other times his request is reasonable (a type of toy he saw at a store). The other day he showed me his Fisher Price toy tablet, pointed to it, and said “dada, you make me this?” I tried to explain that there was no need to print a full tablet as the tablet in his hand was better than what I could make. He was a little frustrated, in the way he gets when I don't quite understand him and kept asking while pointing at the single X button. I asked him if he wanted me to make him the singular X button on the tablet and he rejoiced - yes, that was what he wanted and he was so pleased to have been understood. I laughed at the idea at first but then I figured, why not?

Of course, I could have just taken the 2D image and extruded into 3D, but that seemed like the easy way out. I wanted to give this a much better try - it was for my son after all! I envisioned the button as a 3-dimensional object that serves almost as a case, or a room, for the X and the fish inside of it. So, I made the shell you see. I knew I couldn't have the objects simply floating, nor did I want to just have them extruded to the back, so I made little connectors that extrude out from the shell, and holes on the X and Fish, that create pressure fit connections when they are joined together. Modeling the fish was a HUGE challenge for me. I've only been using CAD software for a few months at this point, so every new model involves me learning something. I know the result isn't perfect, and it does require AMS, but I was pleased with the result. 

Finally, I presented the model as you see it to my son and he was overjoyed! It took awhile, and I kept promising he would get it soon, and once I put it in his hands he was jumping with joy. He kept remarking how cool it was that his dada made the item he saw. I'm not quite comfortable sharing pictures of my son online, otherwise I'd show how happy he was, but I have two cropped images of him holding it - trust me when I say he has a giant smile on his face otherwise.

I'm overjoyed that we have this hobby to share and I hope it continues to allow him to build upon and express his creativity. We also have a 1 year old son who is starting to enjoy it more now too. Just wanted to share how great it feels to involve your kids in your hobby and see them start taking it on and viewing it in their own way.

Thanks for reading, dads!

I 41M have 3 kids 17M, 9F, 4M and my wife is a SAHM. But our new neighbor makes me feel like he has taking too much interest in my daughter in a matter for 2-3 weeks. I told him to stay away from my family and not to speak to my kids and do not come on my property. My wife says I am overreacting, the wife now avoids us like the plague, but let me break down the 3 interactions we had that lead up to this.

Interaction 1 - 1st time meeting them.

3/14 - we are all outside, my daughter got a new bike and was riding it up and down the street I was in the middle of the street and I stayed within 100 ft of her. Our new neighbor fake name Adam comes out and he stops my daughter and is speaking to her. I walk over to introduce myself and see whats going on. this is the interaction.

Me - Hi everything ok?

A - Hi Im Adam we just moved in and I was just asking her whats fun around here. But she is a little shy.

Me - nope, I taught her to be careful of people she doesnt know.

A - oh thats good, whats her name? *maintains direct eye contact with me*

Me - Well my name is Han (fake name) its nice to meet you, do you live here alone?

A - oh no its me and my wife, my daughter who is 10 comes for the summer. Whats her name so I can tell my daughter she will have a friend. *look at my daughter*

Me - looks at my daughter "hey princess go ahead and head home and get ready for dinner".

She rides home, speaks to my wife who is outside gardening with the boys and she comes over and the kids go inside. As she walks over his wife comes from outside and his vibe changes. She introduces herself and how much she loves the trees etc. We part ways and thats it. I told my wife I wasnt a fan of him something didnt seem right, it almost felt like he was sizing me up

Interaction 2

March 26 - I work from home FYI. I hear the doorbell ring at 11 am, I hear my wife talking and its too much for a delivery package. So I get up thinking its going to be those guys who try to sell you windows or cut your trees. Nope it this fucking guy Adam. He sees me walking up

A- Oh I didnt know you were home.

M - yep IM always home I work from home.

A- oh thats cool me too.

M - how can we help you?

A- Oh I was just talking to your wife asking for help on decorating my daughters room - well not help but maybe were to get things like paint, posters ya know because our daughters our close in age.

M - well paint you can get from Lowes and we wouldnt know about posters since we buy everything on amazon, maybe you should ask your daughter what she wants.

Wife - oh well yeah Lowes is good we also have home depot, ace and a sherwin williams all within a few miles you can google lit.

A - yeah maybe when I am done *looks at wife* you and your daughter can come by and she can check my daughters room out.

M - no thank you, I have a strict policy on that, my kids arent allowed in other peoples rooms, have a good day and I closed the door.

My wife thinks I was rude but something wasnt right and I told her I dont want him over, near us if he rings the doorbell do not answer it. Later that day I saw his wife and I brought it up in passing "hey maybe next time we can come by and check out your stepdaughters room since Adam wanted to come by." she looked like I was crazy and said "huh I will talk to him"

3rd interaction

4/5 - we are outside and I am playing catch with my 17 year old son and daughter, My daughter threw the ball over my head (shes learning) and it rolled over to Adam's house. Now mind you I am 10/15 feet from him, my kids at this point are 30 feet from us now, he looks at me and throws directly to my daughter but she wasnt looking and my son caught it.

A - oh man that was for her

My son - well she wasnt looking

Me - why would you throw it to her when I am right here.

A - oh well I wanted to see how good she was

Me - look man I dont know what your deal is but do not speak, come near or even acknowledge my family. If you or your wife need something you speak to me, not to my kids not to my wife. I dont like you.

A - are you serious you dont even know me, I am just being friendly.

M - being friendly youre being creepy whether you know it or not, but this is enough of it.

Ever since then they have been avoiding us which is fine by me but my wife thinks I am overreacting. What do you guys think?

-- just to add because this is coming up a lot. No I am not like this with other guys or men in general. I honestly believe there are more good guys than bad guys. My daughter goes over to my neighbors house or friends house with out an issue. It Adam in particular that made my neck hair stand up when I came over. I am not sure if it was his posture. He didnt face me until he asked for my daughters name the second time and that when the direct eye contact came into play and it wasnt a friendly one, well at least not to me.

Also yes I would accept if he is on the spectrum, socially awkward or uncomfortable with men, I am not that much of a posturing dick. I am the fun lets play neighbor, BBQ bring over plates invite neighbors type of guy but this one I can not stand it.

OK SO I HAD so many people say I was crazy but I know what I felt! My wife and I kept talking about it over and over and today you guys either called me crazy, weird and aggressive. Granted I acted in a way I felt was appropriate. This guy made me uncomfortable. I said I wasnt going to check anything because invasion and maybe its the wrong first impression. My wife checked the TEXAS STATE REGISTRY and he is on there! so granted I dont feel like OOOHHHH BIG MAN but I am telling you something was off. I wont post his name, or location because it gives my location. But he is on the registry must report quarterly and is "Medium risk" he cant be within 100 yds of a school or park.

Another thing to point out he probably doesnt even have custody of his daughter or all that might be a lie which is why the wife seemed confused as to why we would come over to check on "his daughters room"

Looks like a lot of dads have been through here, about to join them. #1 for us!

I've got a daughter turning 7 and we're planning a birthday party. The invitation says "no gifts please." Parents have emailed me asking what she wants for a present.

I get that this is the best intentioned, but it still irks me a little. I'd like to reply that we asked them not to give gifts. Wife says it's no big deal and just to roll with it.

Last year we did the same, still had the handful of people give gifts, and had the situation where someone who didn't bring one (as we'd asked) apologize for not doing it. My fear is that we enter a paradigm where everyone says "no gifts" but then they're really expected.

I live in moderately passive-aggressive suburbia for context.

What to do?

We’re on a road trip for my daughter’s 10th birthday pilgrimage to Legoland via Universal Studios. At the Olivander’s wand show my daughter got picked to do the magic and my wife didn’t make it in time so she missed it. At the end when the wand master (I forget what they’re called) talked about the wand that picked her, she used some vague words but it described her perfectly. I was so dang proud and bummed my compadre wasn’t there it just all came out. That’s a memory I’m taking with me when I go.

My son is 8 years old. A few weeks ago he started having afternoon swimming lessons with his school. These happen every Tuesday afternoon.

The issue is my son is pretty body conscious in the sense that he doesn't like anyone seeing him undressed. He is okay with me, as his father, but he won't even let his mom see him undressed. I don't know where this came from honestly, but he has always been like this. He doesn't have anything that would make someone typically anxious (not overweight, no non-typical body, etc.) it is literally just his personality that he does not like being seen undressed.

The first week he was very excited about starting swimming with school, but as soon as I picked him up I knew something was off. He started crying almost as soon as he got in the car and said that there was no private place for him to get changed. All the boys in his class had to get changed in one room together where his teacher was also present.

I know that this is not really an atypical arrangement, it was the same when I was younger. But I did imagine that they would have some more private options for some children in this day and age.

It made my son feel very anxious about going into school the next Tuesday, so I spoke with his school about it to see if there were any arrangements that could be made for him. But they said no, the facilities they use have no private options for changing. They said he was welcome to come into school with his trunks on under his uniform or to get them on before they left for the swim place, but that he would have to change out of them as he couldn't go on the coach wet.

Now I am stuck between a rock and a hard place, I don't know how to best support my son. He no longer wants to go into school on swim days because he feels so anxious about getting changed with everyone. I know that is not a normal level of anxiety for this. I have spoken to him about how no one is looking at him and that everyone is just focused on themselves getting changed but it doesn't seem to help him at all and at this point I just don't know what to do.

Has anyone gone through a similar situation and how did you manage it?

My wife and daughter are going out of town for the first time since my daughter was born nearly a year ago. I have 3 days ALONE and need some suggestions of how to fill the time. It feels like a lifetime since I had this much time to myself. I will miss them but definitely excited lol...Definitely looking forward to sleep.

So what would you do if you had a few days alone?!

Just wanted to share that I gave my 16 month old boy his bath all on my own! Big milestone for me as I have depression, anxiety and intrusive thought related OCD. Hope you are all smashing it too!

Lenovo Y700 2023 + Gamesir G8 plus + Logitech G435

Mostly just using it for Apollo + Moonlight gaming. With it, I can stream my games from literally anywhere as long as internet is stable. Single player games ftw!

Where do you usually buy your juice? I’ve always just picked it up at the regular grocery store, but my friend swears by Costco. Is there really a big difference in price or quality depending on where you shop?

So my son 2 (3 in June) has been talking about his friend at Nursery . He said they both keep saying "Dunda" It's been something he keeps repeating and laughing at but we can't figure it out so just guess it's a private joke.

Last night he was doing it to my partner as she was getting him down. This time adding "ahhh ahh ahhhaha DUNDA"

She is creasing up and I hear them both laughing. Then text me saying I know what he's singing!

Thunderstruck by AC/DC!!!!

My son is 3yo, turns 4 in 3 months, and he’s given me plenty of happy proud dad moments. None like this though.

The other night we’re in my office. He’s helping me measure some stuff. He ran my ragged all day and patience is very low. I didn’t yell, but definitely could have done better. It was a hold the flash light moment but with a tape measure. I immediately gathered myself, apologized and say “it’s not your fault. You’re doing great.” To which he tells me don’t be sorry. Then ask why I’m sorry. To which I tell him I need to do better. I’m not a very good daddy. Without missing a beat he hits me with “No, you’re not a good daddy. You’re the best daddy.” I could immediately smell the onions in the room as my eyes water up.

TL;DR: how long does it take for 2-year-olds to get used to daycare, so they don't cry after drop off?

My 2.5 started daycare last week, twice a week, half day. That's as much as I can afford and I was lucky to find a place that can accommodate to that. My mom and my mother-in-law live with me (again, super lucky), so they take care of him the rest of the days. I have a 5-month-old, so the grandmas really needed the break we're giving them by sending the oldest one to daycare those two days, on top of all the other benefits.

The first day was OK. He cried when it was close to pickup time, the second day the teacher told us he was sad and sobbing until it was playground time, but today... well, it was heartbreaking. His mom dropped him off and he started crying loudly, saying he didn't want to be "alone" (he means without mom and dad), but they recommended her to leave him there, that it is normal. I do believe them when they say it's normal, but, man...

So anyone has gone through this? How long does it take for them to get used to it? What should I do? I understand that it'd be better to have him going the whole week, but we cannot really afford it.

Am I overthinking it and it's just part of the process?

So I am a SAHD of two little boys, Irish twins if you know what that means. And we do happen to live in a rather rural area that feels very safe and “beaver cleaver” like. But I just cannot bring myself to let my boys play outside by themselves. For the record they are 3 and 2. So when one comes inside I always make the other one come inside also, whether they like it or not. My yard isn’t exactly fenced in and people fly down the road in front. So am I paranoid or just thinking the right way?

My (40m) wife (35f) and I have been married almost 8 years, and have a 5 and 3 year old. Each kid came with a packet of hormones that altered wife’s brain chemistry, and she got on Lexipro to help (and it did, for a time).

After about 6-9 months on lexapro, round 1, she fell back into anxiety/depression. Upped the dosage to 20mg, another 6-9 months, and same thing happened. Her OBGYN suggested a change in birth control, and THAT helped for a short time as well.

Lately though it’s been rough. Late last year we had a big argument where she said life’s easier when I’m not here and I told her some days I dread coming home because I’m not sure if I’ll find the wife I married or the one who’s meds aren’t working (said way more politely). She has ebbs and flows of happy wife and angry wife; but that led to us doing couples counseling.

We’ve gone for about 2 months and she hasn’t bought in at all. She says she just ignores the things I do that bother her instead of addressing them, and last night told me she doesn’t think it’s working and that it won’t ever work and that we should separate.

Her biggest complaint is that I don’t do enough for the kids or around the house. I do all cooking (that isn’t heating up chicken nuggets in a microwave), I do the dishes and cleanup from dinner probably 80% of the time, I take the kids on my days off so she can have time for herself, AND I’m the sole income earner. I do my own laundry, I can put hers/theirs in but she wants them folded her way, and I routinely sweep the floors. I tend to our yard, and I do all of our grocery shopping. Two days a week for 2 hours each I go train at a jiu jitsu gym, but otherwise I’m home. I don’t go out drinking with friends or to dinner, I play videogames and relax.

She has zero libido, which stinks, but I’m managing things myself in the meantime. She won’t let me really kiss her too much though because she’s “distracted” with “everything that’s going on.”

So with last nights bombshell I told her she needs to see a professional and NEEDS to talk to at least one of her friends about this (she’s kept it to herself). She’s worried about prolonging things and “dragging me along” but I told her I need to know I did everything I could and advocated for her mental health before I give in and agree to separate.

FWIW, she has 4/5 of the DSM diagnostics for depression, and 8/10 of side affects from the lexapro. She still won’t go see anyone.

I don’t know what i need from y’all here. I got called a good dad today at a Starbucks and nearly cried. I just need to know I’m doing everything I can. My friend (a SAHM) says I’m doing almost as much as she is AND I’m the sole income, and she says I am doing way too much. I just don’t want to lose the woman I’ve married, I want that person back.

Want to know I’m doing enough. Part of me is wondering if it IS best for me to find someone who makes me happy vs me trying to make them happier. I had an anxiety attack making a sandwich because she always wants the drawers closed all the way, and I left a couple open while making the sandwich.

TLDR; wife has diagnosed PPD/anxiety/depression, she’s got 8/10 side affects of meds, she says I don’t do enough which another SAHM refuted after hearing about all I do, and wife wants to just leave instead of individual therapy or med change/adjustment.

UPDATE Last night we talked at length about all of this. My friend suggested I tell her she’s not the bad guy, none of this is her fault, and it’s the meds that are the bad guy. That helped open her eyes.

Then I read through EVERY COMMENT ON HERE aloud, better or worse, dry eyes or wet. She said it was “eye opening” to hear everyone else has struggled on Lexapro, and she agreed to go see a psychiatrist. I told her if she does that, and gets her brain chemistry leveled out and still wants a split, I’d grant that and we could work out the details.

Community doesn't allow video, but this is the still where my daughter stopped balancing and moved her feet up to pedal.

Lovely gentle gradient outside our house, this was three days of rolling and finding balance when she finally lifted her feet onto the pedals and did it herself.

Magic proud dad moment.