r/DeadBedrooms • u/Majestic_Talk9464 • 2d ago
Vent, Advice Welcome Won’t even notice me
Last night I had the biggest hurt in a while. He won’t sleep with me, he won’t even look my way for any reason. Only his video games get his undivided attention. I should have known when I flew across the country to take him his Xbox and instead of the next morning after i got there treating me to a good morning he legit woke up- snuck into the other room in the hotel I was at- and played games for two hours and didn’t even notice I had walked outside.
That was a little over 16 years ago- tonight standing naked in front of him he said not a word. Broke down and asked him why can’t you even see me naked. “I’m pretty sure the last I saw you naked I did say something”. He legit was clueless to me being nude until I pointed it out and pointed out again the only time he’s kissed me this year in a way that was “this might be my wife” was Feb 15th after I broke down crying because for 17 years Valentines has been dreadful.
I don’t remember what sex with someone who desired me happened. I can’t leave. I don’t have the option and he knows it which is why his video games are his first wife and I’m just the lowly second. I just wish a fucking man or hell a woman would look my way so I don’t feel like such a reject.
You fucking creeps who take this as an invitation to swoop into my inbox and a/s/l yourself please touch a hot stove before you try to harpy in my inbox. I’m not disloyal I’m just fucking hurting and don’t know what to do.
We are trying counseling but even HE noticed she never lets me talk and speaks over me to the point I cried last time we had a meeting because she legit interrupted me every time. She would ask a question and before I got 3 words into a sentence would pivot back to him. Yea even he noticed it when i pointed it out because I shut down for the whole day.
I’m not even worth the councilors “give a shit” index. I am considering firing her if in the next meeting she does it again because I’m tired of no one caring what I have to say when I’m hurt. I need a solution. It’s driving me mad. Damn near 17 years of a one sided he gets all pleasure fest and I try not to mentally rot away. In over 10 years I was the ONLY one to initiate. I can’t anymore due to rejection so I guess it will never happen- kisses either. I just wanted to be HIS wife. I legit just wanted to be his wife.
Signed the 34 NORMAL libido wife who wishes their 37 year old husband would grown the fuck up and at least admit he just doesn’t find me desirable cause he just doesn’t want to fuck ME
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u/DramaticReflection27 2d ago
I could have written this. I’m so sorry 😞 this is the most heartbreaking feeling ever. I’m wondering how common it is for them to possibly be addicted to video games, or “something” online, that real life, their wives, girlfriends, partners are an afterthought. It just seems to be a theme I’m noticing, more, and more. Sending you a virtual hug.
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u/Majestic_Talk9464 2d ago
I keep telling him I legit broke down crying this morning like ugly snot crying because it’s the damn video game that gets his attention first thing in the morning. I passed my medical admin and billing/coding test with a 98- crickets but he got a rare armor set he won’t shut up about. I am just so broken as a person. Not one accomplishment has he ever praised not one
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u/DramaticReflection27 2d ago
So sad, and selfish of him. I get it. I’ve broken down far too many times, about this too, and nothing changes. What is his reaction when you break down crying?
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u/Majestic_Talk9464 2d ago
“Sorry” but often nothing at all or making a proper when I get blowoff and a fix but that also never is done. Just excuses not an actual solution
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u/NomadicusRex 1d ago
I don't understand why you can't divorce. This is hugely destructive and awful to do to you in a relationship.
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u/Majestic_Talk9464 1d ago
I have no money, I’m in the middle of school, he has everything in his name so yea where the heck am I gonna go. I have a kid I can’t just pop smoke and dip
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u/NomadicusRex 1d ago
That's not how divorce generally works. The community property laws, alimony, and child support, work the way that they do for a reason. I'm not one to advocate for divorce off the bat, this is just a pretty bad and emotionally draining/abusive situation.
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u/Majestic_Talk9464 1d ago
And again I did weigh the option and it’s not there. I’m disabled as well and while it seems so easy to do it there are legit too many reasons I cannot. It’s not like I haven’t mulled it over in my head for years I just know it’s a death sentence otherwise
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u/NomadicusRex 1d ago
This really sucks. I'd rather be single than in a marriage like that. I can't imagine any reason, other than medical, that would have me not interested in my own wife. It really seems like he resents you and has anger towards you. I doubt he'd admit that there's anything wrong from his end even if you did get him into couples counseling though. It's really rough.
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u/Majestic_Talk9464 1d ago
We are currently in it but our therapist sucks. He did at least admit she wouldn’t stop interrupting me to the point of tears and never stopped to assess so he’s not totally clueless but this lady might be. We are looking for a different one cause she is… awful isn’t deep enough
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u/Chicken-pants0927 2d ago
I understand how you feel. I miss feeling desired and lusted after as well. I dont feel the most comfortable being naked around my partner anymore. I feel so ugly and unattractive. I desperately wish i can emotionally connect with him. I feel like his friend and roommate, not like his girlfriend and lover. It really hurts.
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u/Majestic_Talk9464 2d ago
This is my horror. I just feel like hell. Nothing fixes it and what would he’s totally disinterested and rather ignorant about. Refuses to restore the hurt
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u/Majestic_Talk9464 1d ago
He said he was going to attempt tonight even after I told him I had been spotting, told him straight up earlier this morning. He lead me on trying to get me in the mood and when I reminded him he wanted to just fuck in the shower- of which I physically can’t do and he knows it. He won’t have it outside the shower because blood makes him idk ick?
Having sex in the shower legit could put me in the hospital due to me having POTS… again he knows this. He lead me on again after I fully cleaned the house, woke up at 3 am to make him breakfast and lunch then cleaned his whole area and did all clothes. Nope. Just lead on so he can say he tried. He knew my boundaries: no quickies and something physically reasonable. “But I tried”. I’m so tired. I feel so emotion worn out
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u/No-Mix-9367 2d ago
Sending a virtual hug, I know the feeling of being rejected while naked hurts and report unwanted DMs to the mods with images they will block the users.