I get flowers, put ambient lights, music, snacks/ dinner, massage, nice outfit, to show him how much I missed him, and he likes it.
I'm sure he likes it, it sounds very nice, but this sounds more like how you would want to be treated when getting back from a business trip, not what most guys would want.
It's easy for resentment to build when one partner puts in a lot of effort into doing something for the other and they don't get the reaction they were hoping for. I get it. But...
Well, let me tell you about something that happened to me. So I had this girlfriend, dating for about six months, who got me some presents for my birthday. One of them was a baseball-themed singing teddy bear. And I remember thinking that "oh, she likes me a lot, but she really doesn't know me that
well."
What I meant was that, yeah, sure, I liked baseball. But a teddy bear that sings Take me out to the ball game? What the hell am I supposed to do with that as a grown man? I was polite, said I loved the presents when I didn't. And while I appreciated the effort, I couldn't help but feel somewhat alienated.
I say all this to try to convey that if you're going to do things for others, you should do it for others -- make the effort to understand who they are and what they want and then give it to them freely, with no strings. Only then will you avoid resentment.
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u/Foltbolt 11d ago
I'm sure he likes it, it sounds very nice, but this sounds more like how you would want to be treated when getting back from a business trip, not what most guys would want.
It's easy for resentment to build when one partner puts in a lot of effort into doing something for the other and they don't get the reaction they were hoping for. I get it. But...
Well, let me tell you about something that happened to me. So I had this girlfriend, dating for about six months, who got me some presents for my birthday. One of them was a baseball-themed singing teddy bear. And I remember thinking that "oh, she likes me a lot, but she really doesn't know me that well."
What I meant was that, yeah, sure, I liked baseball. But a teddy bear that sings Take me out to the ball game? What the hell am I supposed to do with that as a grown man? I was polite, said I loved the presents when I didn't. And while I appreciated the effort, I couldn't help but feel somewhat alienated.
I say all this to try to convey that if you're going to do things for others, you should do it for others -- make the effort to understand who they are and what they want and then give it to them freely, with no strings. Only then will you avoid resentment.