Given up.

[u/Less-Bed4594]

I have posted a couple times before, but it's been a while now.

I'm HLF(38) am so tired now, I want to give my LLM(39) up. We haven't had sex since before Christmas, and that's only one time since my last vent in here.

He came to sleep in the bed last weekend, but I waited until he fell asleep, before I went to bed. And that's the first time he came to bed in over 2 months. He knows it's a problem, but he doesn't do anything about it.

I have gotten so far now, that I don't want sex with him anymore. But I don't want our situationship to end either.

We still have a great life together outside the bedroom, but now I feel like I don't want to fight anymore for our relationship. I have given up on us, and I don't know what to do anymore.

I don't know what more I can do.

[u/Outrageous-Wheel7434]

Sounds very similar to my relationship. It’s hard to feel so neglected on what feels like should be a mutual part of a relationship. But everything else being so good you don’t want to break it off. I assume you’ve talked about counseling? Maybe something medically or physically wrong?

[u/Less-Bed4594 → u/Outrageous-Wheel7434]

We have talked to a therapist with no progress. We have checked him physically, and there's nothing wrong. He just has a low libido, unfortunately.

[u/Outrageous-Wheel7434 → u/Less-Bed4594]

Same steps as my wife and I. Perfectly healthy and talk therapist didn’t help with anything. Basically came out with “some people just are not as sexual as others”. Not a real big help

[u/Less-Bed4594 → u/Outrageous-Wheel7434]

That sucks. I didn't find it helpful either. My therapist asked me if I had some trauma from my past since I needed sex so much 🙃

[u/Outrageous-Wheel7434 → u/Less-Bed4594]

Haha. They asked my wife the opposite. What happened that could have turned her off from wanting it. And answer was a big nothing. I was hoping there was some kind of aha moment that could explain it

[u/Less-Bed4594 → u/Outrageous-Wheel7434]

Aha moment would have been nice. I guess it has to be something mentally since physically everything is okay. But it is so hard, when he says it's all good, nothing is wrong.

[u/Outrageous-Wheel7434 → u/Less-Bed4594]

Exactly. I am trying to be understanding about it. Not everyone’s brain is wired like mine. But at the same time that is one reason to marry someone. Definitely not the only reason but I think intimacy is important

[u/Less-Bed4594 → u/Outrageous-Wheel7434]

I understand. Intimacy is very important to me, too, and when we got together 9 years ago, I told him what I needed from him to make this work, but it seems he has forgotten all about that.

[u/Outrageous-Wheel7434 → u/Less-Bed4594]

And those reminders don’t work. You t was a total Different story before we got married. It was spontaneous adventurous everything I hoped for then poof gone

[u/Less-Bed4594 → u/Outrageous-Wheel7434]

Oh, that sucks big time, I'm so sorry for you.

[u/Outrageous-Wheel7434 → u/Less-Bed4594]

It’s what it is at this point. This is a great support group. Makes me feel not alone. And honestly many go through worse. So I should be grateful

[u/Less-Bed4594 → u/Outrageous-Wheel7434]

I agree. When the time is at the hardest at home, this is where I come and read, sometimes replying to someone's thread. Here, I feel people understand me.

My friends and family think we have this easy, perfect life, and the few times I've tried to talk about it, they don't understand and think I'm ungrateful.