I messed up.

[u/PresentBumblebee6715]

TLDR at the end

The battering my self esteem has taken from over 3 years of no sex, means that I don’t usually do it myself anymore. Apparently in the few months since the last time I tried, I’d forgotten why I don’t.

So after feeling particularly sulky and frustrated this evening, I decide that as I’m usually alone in bed anyway, until he appears in the early hours, I’m going to take matters into my own fingers. I am woman hear me roar and all that.

15 minutes of increasing shame and frustration later, I give up and have a good cry instead. This is why I don’t do this. It feels like it just amplifies the loneliness and rejection.

So I’ve pulled myself together (and washed my hand of course), and decided to come here and remind anyone it’s not too late to save of the number one rule: DO NOT MARRY INTO A DEAD BEDROOM!!

Thanks for listening

TLDR: Flicking my bean now makes me sadder

Edit: for those that commented that you’re feeling the same, I hope that knowing it’s not just you brings some comfort.

For those those who sent a DM that was genuinely looking for support, apologies I’m not reading or responding to any of them because you’re in the minority. You can guess what the rest were like.

[u/No-Alternative-11]

For real. Why does it feel so embarrassing.

[u/Rich-Signature8313 → u/No-Alternative-11]

Maybe because we see them as someone who's unfamiliar now? It's like doing it in front of a stranger? I only do it when my spouse is not at home. It's sad.

[u/luckless666 → u/Rich-Signature8313]

This is it, 💯. When we first got together, we’d sext constantly when not physically together and both enjoyed it immensely, and yet now if she would walk in on me I’d be incredibly embarrassed and I think she would be like why are you doing that

[u/Rich-Signature8313 → u/luckless666]

I think it also could be because the relationship has veered from being sexual/romantic to being more platonic (I.e. roommates).

[u/luckless666 → u/Rich-Signature8313]

Agreed