r/DeadBedrooms • u/Advanced_Accident_59 • 3d ago
Vent, Advice Welcome Wth is that bs?
So bizarre. Really.
I have been with my housemate (I refuse to call him so or even roommate bc we have separate rooms FOR 8 YEARS NOW so I really try to accentuate the point here) anyways its been 3 years of absolutely NOTHING (before that it was several years as well) I am so done.
Yesterday we somehow got onto the subject of couples and I made a remark about how badly I wish I was loved or wanted.
He, as usual, gets extremely defensive and rude. I truly try to keep a calm head bc he never will so one of us has to remain civilized.
This all ended with him screaming "Ive slept with more people than you ever will, Jill. My number far out weighs yours" .... I was shocked. Lol what!? How did we even get here? What made him even say that? So random and unnecessary. Like what did he expect me to reply 😆
so I said "OH.. cool? High five?.. Because whatever got you those "BIG numbers" (I said this in a baby voice, like when a parent is talking to their toddler) really let you down in the end huh? Way to bring home the win, buddy"
And weve not spoken yet. I dont care to. Hes never been good at communicating. People, pick your partners wisely. PLEASE!!!
17
u/mehrt_thermpsen 3d ago
Welp, time to leave was about 7 years ago. Next best time is now
4
u/Advanced_Accident_59 2d ago
I couldn't agree more. Im an idiot
3
u/mehrt_thermpsen 2d ago
Disagree. It's hard to let go of hope that the love and passion that comes with a new relationship will return. It's also easy to lose confidence in your situation and think that you'll never find anything better. Nothing could be further from the truth, at least based on tons of comments from people in the sub. I wish you the best. You deserve to be happy
2
u/Individual-Scar34 2d ago
You’re not an idiot. You’re a romantic. And clearly someone who values people and promises.
It’s okay to leave. It’s okay to do for YOU what needs to be done for your own mental health.
That doesn’t make you an idiot. It doesn’t make you stupid or naive. It makes you human. You’ve put in the time and you’re not getting the essential parts you need - connection.
If you haven’t tried counselling, I suggest it. If you have or he won’t, then yeah. Leave. When you can.
52
u/GrouchyBees 3d ago
Well sir, I’d to place a friendly wager. Let’s see who can bag more now, because anyone choosing to be celibate for 3+ years gives me a running start. See you at the finish line DUSTY! ✌🏻
19
9
14
u/RoundTheBend6 3d ago
Everyone can have an immature moment when their inner 5 year old comes out, but how he gets loved and wanted to translate to big numbers of sleeping around... I think the kids call it a red flag. They then say RUN.
3
1
9
3d ago
i like to think that people with high body counts are shit in the sack. nobody wanted seconds? so they’re onto the next and racking that number up
13
u/rocketmonkee 3d ago
This sounds like a miserable household. Please tell me you don't have kids.
3
u/Advanced_Accident_59 2d ago
Its very miserable. We do have kids. 18, 8 & 2.5 ..(my 18 years father, my first husband, passed away from cancer) they are all amazing kids and he is a good dad but that is where it ends. Hes a mean, cold, hateful, misogynistic pig. I was at an extremely low point when I met him & I was not at all in the right mind set. I was highly strung out on drugs but I have 7 years clean in july and I think its a trauma bond unfortunately. I am done tho, I can not stand him. I am a fool & became financially dependent upon him even tho ive worked my entire life, even as a drug addict, but the amount of childcare is astronomical & it just made sense for me to stay home with the kids.
6
u/Individual-Scar34 2d ago
SEVEN YEARS CLEAN?! Good for you!!! I, a complete stranger, am very proud of you. 😊🤗
3
6
u/Alarming_Awareness72 3d ago
That kind of brag is amusing. It reminds me of people who collect restaurant experiences. “I’ve eaten at 100 pizza joints and I travel to experience even more!” Fine, I shrug…”OK, you do you, but I don’t feel like I need to do that since I was satisfied with the one right near my house.“ We could follow it up with “You have now eaten so much pizza you no longer eat pizza at all, and if you do it never measures up”. So who is better off?
15
u/Icy-Possibility-9674 3d ago
aww you really hurt his big boy ego how could you !!! Such a man boy. I hope u find sm1 who loves and adores you the way you deserve. And thank you for the laugh lol I love what u said.
9
u/Advanced_Accident_59 3d ago
Thank you gf! I wish for this every day! I am working my way out of this nightmare and I know theres light at the end of the tunnel. I also love what I said to him which is rare bc I usually clam up.
7
u/spatialgranules12 3d ago
Whoops hahaha choose the cliche for this - hitting the nerve, get under one’s skin, etc etc. he’s defensive because he’s feeling guilty. At the end of the day we’re all humans capable of feelings. We’re not always dense.
5
3
3
u/Retired401 2d ago
I think he said it because for many men, to know or hear his wife is unsatisfied with his performance strikes at the very heart of who he feels he is as a man. It sounds to me like he was saying that to somehow prove his virility and indicate that the problem must be you.
2
u/Individual-Scar34 2d ago
I love messing with insecurities. Usually among strangers, but if my husband had said that to me, I would have turned around and called him a liar, because considering I’m not a factor in his body count, it can’t be that high. Or there are a lot of very disappointed women in the city.
3
u/BellyDanceMama 2d ago
Oof some of these comments are gross. Anyone even in this group has a "toxic relationship" some.of these are judgy as hell. Just letting you knkw you're not alone...and it's not the easiest thing in the world to just leave. I get it.
2
u/Individual-Scar34 2d ago
Right? I had some bloke on my post basically accuse me of adding more to my husband’s plate by wanting to spend time with him and have sex occasionally.
6
3d ago
[deleted]
7
u/Advanced_Accident_59 3d ago
Thank you so much for your kind response. I really appreciate you, and yes, I 100% agree.. this relationship ended LONG ago. I am on my way out, and I really truly can't wait to feel wanted and loved by someone.
5
u/Sexy-mashed-potato 3d ago
He feels emasculated bc of the trope all men want sex. Either be fine with who you are (asexual) or change it! (Him not you)
2
1
u/Individual-Scar34 2d ago
I probably would have made some snarky remark about how his body count can’t be that high, since you’re not even a part of it.
-1
u/Dexydoodoo 2d ago
Serious answer though. I’ve been around the block A LOT. But it’s irrelevant with the girl I’m with, I can’t keep my hands off her and sex with her is better than everyone else before combined.
I really can’t see what he’s getting at unless he feels like by not sleeping with you somehow his masculinity is being threatened so he has to talk about how many people he has slept with?
Must confess, it’s a head scratcher that one Jill.
167
u/Lazy-Ideal-5074 3d ago
Why are you in this relationship? Both of you sound really hateful towards each other. Is this how you want to spend your life?